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Author Topic: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Kaýrrhem/Inn owner  (Read 19164 times)
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Valan Nonesuch
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« Reply #15 on: February 25, 2010, 10:49:01 AM »

Hunting dogs traditionally serve two purposes as far as I know. They can retrieve smaller downed game (hares, birds and similar) and they flush game out of hiding for the hunter to get at. The dog does the legwork so the hunter doesn't have to. Sheepdogs on the other hand, keep herds together and under control and are supposed to chase off dangers, meaning that you'd need fewer actual shepherds and they do less legwork as well. Dogs do have their uses.
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Do not act incautiously when confronting little bald wrinkly smiling men!
Valan Nonesuch
Valan Nonesuch
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« Reply #16 on: February 25, 2010, 11:22:14 PM »

Quote
The Eophyrim equivalent to a peasant is a hunter.
There is no equivalency needed. Your character gets compared to a human peasant, we figure out how it goes. You said hunting dog I assumed you meant one of these:Eyophrhim Hunting Hounds

You might want to try taking a look at the approved character archives for better references.
Drea is a more recently approved character that can fight, as is Eyimon but I encourage you to take a look through other approved characters though you may wish to say within about two years since the "standards" on the board change from time to time, so others might be a wee bit outdated
« Last Edit: February 25, 2010, 11:22:52 PM by Valan Nonesuch » Logged

Do not act incautiously when confronting little bald wrinkly smiling men!
Valan Nonesuch
Azalahn
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« Reply #17 on: February 26, 2010, 06:08:23 AM »

Just in case I need to go all the way back to the drawing board...

Educated and bright man with an intuition for business.
He is a well educated and experienced military leader. He can draw upon some of those skills and connections he made to help him run his business. His natural intelligence and intuition almost make up for his lack of experience.


Testing fonts

Test 2

Testing font 3

Testing fonts 4
« Last Edit: April 03, 2010, 02:56:06 AM by Azalahn » Logged

Deklitch Hardin
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« Reply #18 on: February 26, 2010, 07:25:57 AM »

Ok,

Welcome to Santharia.

Stop and listen, please. ALL characters, whether they are orcs, hobbits, elves, dwarves, gnomes etc etc etc are compared to a human peasant. We assume that such an individual does not have magic or weapon skills, is lucky to spell their name, and might be able to count to ten (assuming they have all their fingers and thumbs). If they are able to do things more than these things, they are considered to be strengths.

It doesn't matter if you play a character from a race/tribe who has a more advanced starting point than this, we still consider your character from this starting point. Telling us that 'the common Joe amongst the Eophyrim is a hunter' really doesn't mean anything. Your character is being compared to an individual with the characteristics I described above.

If you want your character to be able to hunt, it needs to be included as a strength, regardless of his racial background. If you want him to be able to fight with a sword, that is another strength.

If you want him to be hunted by a deadly enemy that would kill him in an instant, that needs to be a weakness. If he dislikes the cold, is frightened of spiders, doesn't like horses, gets sea sick at the drop of a hat etc they could all be considered weaknesses. If he is a stranger in a strange land, that too could be considered a weakness.

So, in summary, you are going to be considered against the characteristics of a peasant, not an average joe of a particular race/tribe.

Thank you,

Deklitch
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Azalahn
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« Reply #19 on: February 26, 2010, 08:19:38 AM »

Ok

Thanks for the clarification, think I got it now.

The human peasant is the standard regardless of race/tribe.

Going to delete some of the old stuff and use the last post as a drawing board
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Azalahn
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« Reply #20 on: February 28, 2010, 04:15:07 AM »

Just in case ...


http://www.santharia.com/people/order_white_knights.htm Test

white knights

Test test
« Last Edit: April 03, 2010, 02:29:01 AM by Azalahn » Logged

Deklitch Hardin
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« Reply #21 on: February 28, 2010, 04:22:46 AM »

Is there a reason why you are putting these into later posts rather than putting them into your CD? Doing that only makes things more complicated for everyone involved. Please just put any strengths/weaknesses into your CD and make sure you colour them for us. Thank you.
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Azalahn
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« Reply #22 on: February 28, 2010, 04:35:54 AM »

They are not ready yet, so they contain a coment or two to make things easier for myself and while I am still working I plan to keep measures  in kg, and meters to make things easier for myself as well.
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Valan Nonesuch
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« Reply #23 on: March 03, 2010, 01:58:38 PM »

Normally you'd have a CD mod that would go through the entire CD, but it turns out I'm rubbish with history (as a rule) so I'll leave that to the qualified and patient people.
Name:
Azalahn Dél’Raguierá

Gender:
Male

Age:
45  

Race:
Elf
 
Tribe:
Eophyrim/Injerin So, we get to blows here first. Injerin live in Northern Sarvonia as I'm sure you're well aware (you've looked at the maps after all). The Eophyrim live in Santharia, in the Paeleon (I'm sure you're also aware of this, you look like you've done your research). What you might have missed is the fact that they're different kinds of elves. As a rule, Dark Elves don't get along with other sorts of elves. The Injerin outright hate their Dark Elves, the Diorye'oleal and they're downright peaceful for the most part. So, without having looked at your history I'll assume you've explained how your parents manged to meet and not kill each other with good reasons (meaning without resorting to "because they did").

Occupation:
Owns an Iinn that he runs with some members of his former mercenary Pplatoon.
 
Title.
Dance of sorrow. It is a nickname he got from his mercenary companions. His eyes always seemed to hide some very painful secret and he was always doing this sword form that seemed much like a dance.Don't really need the explanation up here.

Portrait
None yet.You can leave this out if you haven't found one

Overview
He is a complete failure as a mage and his father is ashamed of his very existence. He was always compared to his extremely intelligent and magically gifted sister. As a result he has low self-esteem, is rather quiet and not good in social situations. He has a passion for swordplay and got the basics at a friend's house. His unusually close relationship with his sister evolved into a romantic relationship and he had to leave home.  He left home with equipment fitting a nobleman, but he doesn't have the continual income of the nobility.This seems mostly personality section and not really an overview. I'm no expert on them, but the overview is supposed to cover the character as a whole, and you haven't done that here. Remember it is an optional section so if you run into too much trouble you can always avoid writing it.

Appearance.
Height: 2 Peds, 1 Fore, 2 Palmspans.This is unusually tall for either of your tribes. For reference you're topping out at more than 8 feet tall. You'll want to cut down on that a little I think.

Weight 4 Pygges plus/minus 2 ods.You weigh over 400 pounds. This is also a little on the heavy side, even taking your prodigious size into account. At this point you should be buried six feet underground, given your size and weight. The spine, human or elven is not designed to support much weight and would eventually break. Giants die young.

Hair Color: Jet Black

Eye Colour: Amber with light sparkles

Physical appearance:
Azalahn is a giant of an elf. He is broad shouldered and very fit, with sinuous muscle rippling under a thin layer of skin like the Eophyrim, but his skin is fair like the Injerin. High and defined cheekbones like the Injerin. His face is beautifull with fine features, almost but not entirely to the point of being femenine. When he looks at you it is with a painfull and tortured expression. His long hair is usually tied up in a pony tail with a silver ring holding it in place.

Clothing:
When not adventuring or expecting any kind of situation that could eventually be trouble he is almost always wearing a black tunic made of the finest silk. On the rare occation he wears something else it is usually Eophyrim style.This means nothing to someone who might be looking at it. Assume the person knows nothing about the style of your tribes. Odds are they won't. I don't claim to know much about the dark elves except that they wear a lot of leather and prefer silver. However, glances at your tribes clothing section tell me that it's not really consistent in what they wear so you'll want to either remove this or do a better job at describing. Remember, assume the person reading this knows nothing about your tribe. Odds are they won't.

If you look closer at the tunic and have some knowledge about cloths and fabrics then you will discover that it is made of the finest silk that money can buy but the tailor is at best an amateur, and not a very skilled one. However it is also the very best that someone of that level can produce, to the trained eye it is clear that a considerable amount of time has been spent on it.Here is the thing. The way you've written some of the sections you're narrating another person's actions which isn't a good way to go about things. The second issue, and I've told many, many people this. I'll assume these are day to day clothes and possibly traveling clothes as well. Silk is made of cocoons. Because of that, it degrades naturally if exposed to too much sunlight. Just breaks down, because that's what happens to the cocoons in nature. Likewise if it is not properly cared for it attracts insects and they just eat it right up.

His sister made it for him when he talked about living in their mothers homeland.This is an addendum that would be better served integrated into the actual paragraph above. Right now it's an orphan. I have no idea what exactly you're talking about because it has no context to fit into.

Personality:
Azalahn is a quiet man. He doesn't speak unless he has something important to say. He knows his father is ashamed of him and doesn't use his family name, and he considers Lord ó'chón'cár’raín to be the closest thing he ever had to a father.

Except for the quiet moments when memories about his sister come to his mind he never smiles.

He is still loyal enough to his father that he will try to study magic from time to time, he still has some of the old textbooks.

He is very loyal to the few friends he has. He claims to hate people with obsessions, but it seems like he is obsessed himself, he uses almost every spare moment he has to practice weapons or doing some work in the tavern.

He is a workaholic, not so much because he feels he always has something he must do, but more because he is at peace when doing something. The memory of his sister seems to haunt him whenever he doesn't do something. This makes him very lonely and sad.

He appears to be cold and aloof so some call him arrogant, but he has a warm heart and tries to help those less fortunate than himself.

He envies Ellysia who moves from one romance to another like courier that moves from one horse to another. He admires Aria whom he considers to be one of the most noble and talented knights that he has ever met.

He has a tendency to handle every buisness opertunity like an officer handeling a combat situation, sometimes the tools he learned by the Ó'chón'cár’raín weapon master just don't apply to the situation at hand and he would have made costly mistakes, but Aria has always been there to correct him so far.

He likes to sing and play the violin on the rare occation when he has some quiet moments and doesn't sink into sadness and melancoly. He is ok with the violin and there are even a few songs that he is quite good with, but his singing is absolutely horrible.

When he is singing Ellysia and Aria frequently bet on how many tones he actually hits. Personally he doesn't think he is that bad, but he knows that his sister was the only person that ever liked him singing, and he is starting to suspect that she only pretended to like it.  You're listing here. Writing lists is one of the things we do try to warn people against since it makes the CD a little boring to read. You're going "trait, explanation, hard return" and then rinse and repeat. That's really not the best way to go about it.

Strengths:

Half Eophyrim
He learned a lot about he Eophyrmim way of life and their custums from his mother when he was a child. He lived in the Palelon forest for a while and made a few acquaintances and a friend or two there while he stayd there. He left on good terms so he is welcome there and he knows his way around.  

Weapon Skills
He is exceptionally tallented with his chosen weapons and style. He has talent with the double bladed axe as well but can't use it since he never got any training with it.Okay, let me get this part straight. You've got talent but since you've never used it.. that makes no sense. I realize we ask you to be all-knowing, but this is ridiculous. Patently ridiculous.  He has been trained by comon soldiers and their kids for roughly the equivalent of 3-4 human years and by a true master for the equivalent of 6 human years. When considering his short ammount of training his skills can indeed be said to be a very exceptional sight.  

Azalahn is leading with a bastard sword in his left hand and scimitar in the right.I've told you about bastard swords. If you're going to use one, just use the one. Otherwise you can't take advantage of it's design. His fighting style is fast furious and aggressive. A whirlwind of fast thrusts slashes and blows from various angles combined with a heavy blow or kick every now and then,Hold on. Now, go find yourself two broomsticks. Swing them around at a tree or something. As fast as you can. See if you don't get tired out. You've supposedly been trained by soldiers instead of swordmasters so you should know that it's not about speed or force with a weapon like a broadsword. You keep your head and you don't put your guard down. The way you're describing you really should have taken a pointy piece of metal to something vital a very long time ago. The other thing is that if someone blocks you when you're doing your little maelstrom of steel routine you are going to feel it. I can't expect you have an exceptionally good grip on either of those weapons if you're swinging them around like that. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. So, if you hit something and it doesn't move, the energy has to travel the other direction (opposite to the direction it was going) which is to say back at you. If you stop the momentum it will tire you out faster. Stick to one sword and none of this super fast attacking stuff. It really doesn't work. really and they keep coming. His extreme strenght enables him to vield the heavy bastard sword with far greater speed than this weapon is normally seen with, this has been a nasty suprise for more than one opponent. He is not above using dirty tricks like kicking dirt and small stones at his opponent to gain the upper hand by removing their focus for half a second or using poison on his weapons. He relies on his armor to absorb most strikes made against him with light weapons and concentrates on his own deadly rain of blows, and his spiked ironclad boots can easily break a man’s shin or knee cap. His combat style is a difficult and time consuming combination to master, and there are few true masters who teach it. Some lesser fighters might consider it flashy, but there is nothing flashy about it, every technique and combination has it's purpuse.

What makes this style so difficult to master and the true masters quite rare is that the bastard sword is not vielded like a bastard sword normally is, but more like a something inbetween the bastard and longsword, not as fast as the longsword, but faster than the bastard and with the same reach and weight. This requires an enormous strenght and vastly reduces the number of people who can ever achieve mastery with this style even if they train for hundreds of years. So most of the masters who teach this style are exceptonal masters who have somehow been able to learn all the principles and usages of a weapon style they can't use themself.I've already told you that your size and by extension your strength, will have killed you already so this is going to need work. What you need to know is that it won't matter how hard or fast you swing the sword if you can't aim. It's not a style so much as a brute application of strength as far as I can tell. What you're describing here is some really big guy with what might as well be a lead pipe swinging it at someone until they fall over. You don't need a sword for that.

To the trained eye it is clear both that he has talent, considerable training and that he has not been trained by just anyone, but by one of the true masters. However it is also clear that he is young inexperienced and would be well advised to go back and spend another decade or two with his master. He will only use the most advanced combinations and moves against clearly inferior opponents, where he has the time to pause and think for a second or two every now and then. The reason is that he knows he is still a young man and there are some techniques that still require him to focus on the execution of the technique itself rather than on the opponent, so trying to use them against a highly skilled opponent would be a waste at best and suicide at worst. He had a friend that was a lord's son and he got his training from the weaponmaster at his friend's house.
The elves don't have lords, Injerin or Eyophirim. Nor do they associate or live close enough to those who do.
Tavern
He has purchased a building that he has turned into a tavern. The building also has cellar and a second floor. The cellar is used for storage and the 2'nd floor is used as living quarters for Azalahn and his staff, especially the cook and waiter.
I thought he ran an inn (see the overview). The difference being that one has lodgings for patrons and a tavern does not. Clearing that up would be a good idea.

I've stopped here, simply because this is going to require more than breaking down the problems with each individual strength, to say nothing of balance.
Weapons and armor:

A full suit of chainmail with a breastplate and pair of gauntlets.
The chainmail if of very high quality and made by a mastersmith. It once offered the absolute best protection that a steel chainmail could, but a few rings have been broken and replaced over the time. It is still of very high quality but if carefully inspected one can find a relative weak spot on outside of the right theigh and upper left arm. There is nothing wrong with it on these areas but the reapairs have not been made with the same superior craft as the mail was originally made with.

A Kurakim forged breastplate. This breastplate is the pinacle of modern armortechnology, in order for any armor to provide better protection one of 2 things would be required, Magic or Mitril. Simply put this steel breastplate is as good as they come. It has a poem engraved in ancient Styrash covering the whole left side of the front plate and the face of a very beautyfull elfmad covering the hearth.  

My one and only
My first and my last
My eternal love  

Avá has dreamed our bodies apart.
Our soul and spirit to be shredded in two.
But two parts of the one whole.

To suffer.
To bleed and weaken.
To look into the abyss

One can not exist without the other
Together we triumph
Or together we sink into the abyss
 
Separated by thousands of miles
By hundreds of years
Our souls will always be one

Be it in life or be it in death
One day we will reunite
We will be one again

Even in separation.
Your hearth will be with me.
And my hearth will be with you .

Our hearths will guide us together again
They will heal our wounds
And sooth our pain.

My one and only
My first and my last
My eternal love  

A pair of gauntlets. These gauntlets are rather mundane and the craftmanship is clearly inferrior to that of the breastplate and chainmail, but they are kept in perfect condition and they offer the protection they are supposed to.

Bastard sword and scimitar.
The bastard sword is custom made for him and his style. Due to his hight it is considerably longer than a normal bastard sword. It is single edged and slightly curved, but still straight enough not to hinder it's effectiveness as a thrusting weapon. The curved single edge saves some metal and makes it lighter, and faster. Just like the chain mail it is made by a mastersmith. This is perfect for his fighting style and makes him able to vield it with suprising speed. The pomel and guard have been ingraved with beautifull works of art.

The scimitar is also custum made for his size and just like the bastardsword it is made by a mastersmith. It is perfectly curved and ballanced, the edge is razorsharp. The pomel and guard have been ingraved with beautifull works of art just like the bastard sword.

A ring that identifies him as a lieutenant of house Ó'chón'cár’raín. This ring gives him all the benefits a minor nobleman is entitled to by the power of his noble birth alone. In a foreign land this is not much, but he will not be conscripted into the army and has the right to a somewhat fair trial etc. The ring was given to him from his friend's father when he left thier homeland.

Eophyrim hunting dog: When traveling the dog can hunt for him. This enables him to live of the land while traveling light and fast, also the dogs mentality requirering constant attention helps distract his othervise tortured soul a bit.

Big strong man.
Extremely strong. He easily lifts a box that 2 average men would have a hard time lifing together. Where 2 men would normally be required to lift one barrel from a wagon Azalahn just takes one under each arm and caries them.

Partial education
The only two classes that he actually passed at the mage academy back home were literacy and basic aritmic. Being able to read and count has been a help for him when he was taken in by house Ó'chón'cár’raín where he got his education. Much of the theory that indeed covered everything he needed to lead a small unit into battle, and some aspects of larger units, like a thing or two about logistics, that would help in the transition from lieutenant to captain was writen in books his master made him read. However he never learned the rest of the stuff a young nobleman would be expected to know. Knowing how to use the terrain and pick the battlefield or guessing where an enemy would pick his has been a great help for him when he was a mercenary lieutenant working as a caravan guard. Today all the strictly combat related theory is of little use for him, but he will pick up his notebook every now and then to refresh the "academic and scholarly" education he got, to permanently forget about it would be to dishonor both his master and the lord.

He is a bright young man with an intuitive sense for good or bad deals.
When looking at a contract it might be good or bad, but sometimes he gets this feeling that it is quite the opposite of what it looks like at the moment. It is by no means any guarantee and has been wrong more than once so it would indeed be stupid to follow it blindly but it is usually a good hint, which has been right more often than wrong. He is also bright enough to utilize the logistic part of his education to the fullest and if born into a different family then he would have the brains to advance high in the military ranks with time. Restocking the cellar in a more efficient way simply saves an hour of work or two and knowing what job to assign to whom and what job should not be messed with by whom helps cut losses/expences and generate more profit.  

Half Injerin
He grew up in the shaded forest and Styrash is his mother tongue, he spent many years at the magic academy and in the end he was taken in by a lord who provided him with his military tutoring. He knows the Injerin lands and culture just as well as a native Injerin. He is perfectly fluent in the Styrash language, knows the slang, accent and slight variations and can distinguish between 3 groups based on the language alone: Injerin, Eophyrim and everyone else. He can even be said to be an educated man. His command of the Styrash language is like that of someone who has both spent years in a magic academy in Elin’dor and been tutored in the arts of war by one of the elven masters.

Poison and a few othe tricks.
During his stay in the Palelon forest he was apprenticed as a hunter. During the 6 years he lived there it became evident that he was not destined to become a hunter. One of the few things he learned was to mix the poison they put on their weapons. Another thing he learned was how to set up a snare to catch hares and other animals of similar size.

Weaknesses
Low self esteem, except as a military officer.
In many situations when he gets a good idea then he will hesitate to act upon it. He has a tendency to follow the suggestions that others make even if their ideas are inferrior to what he has in mind. As an officer he has proved himself again and again and has won the respect as a leader from people he considers to be smart and he also knows he has been tutored by one of the best, so this is an exception.

Low Stamina.
Most of his strength is dynamic and explosive in fact his stamina is rather low. He can't track an animal or work in the field for a whole day. In the end the animal would get away and in the field he would would get considerably less work done than the average man.

Big and heavy:
He is big and heavy so stealth is not one of his strong sides, he will crush something under his feet that a lighter man won’t, so every now and then he will make noise in a forest and other places even when following the exact footsteps of a guide and that’s enough to alert a potential enemy/diner to his presence.
A horse will tire easily when carrying this giant of an elf. If the average rider is 1 Pygge, 6 Hebs. then we are talking about 2 Pygges, 4 Hebs extra load for the horse. He will not fit anything that is not custom made for his size. A standard human weapon just looks like it lacks a good part of it's size when he wields it so even weapons should be custom made if they are to be used to their full effect. He eats and drinks 3 times as much as a normal man (and pays accordingly)

Powerful enemies
He has enemies among the elven nobles that want him dead, this is somewhat offset by having some friends there as well, but their ability/will to assist/protect him does not really match his enemies ability to hurt him. He has to stay out of sight, if he should draw too much attention to himself and someone back home would learn his whereabouts then a poisoned dagger would soon find its way into his back.

Poor Tharian and a stranger.
He has only been here for a short amount of time so his comprehension of the language is vague at best He can bark orders at soldiers, order a room and food, and tell a customer the price of a beer and say a few other simple things. But that's about it. Any kind of deeper conversation like explaining why a seemingly good deal is really a bad one would be too complex. His understanding of humans and the cullture here in Carmalad or any other human town is also very limited.

He is a lonely and miserable man
He has lost his soul mate, he constantly worries about her and he misses her more than words can describe, He has fealt the sting of a poisoned arrow breaking the rings of his mail and piercing itself deep into his arm and scraping his bone and the extreme agony when physician cleans the wound, he has felt the agony of an axe cuting trough his mail and leaving a deep wound in his leg. He has not wellcomed the pain but nothing has ever come close to the emotional agony he constantly caries around with him. Several times he has thought about taking his chances and go back to her. If he goes back then at least he will be able to see her one last time and death would be better than 400 years without her. So far his companions have always managed to talk some sense back into him, or so they think. You will not find a single day where she is not in his mind. His only true goal in life is finding a way to be reunited with her and he spends a lot of time thinking about it.
This leaves him both emotionally and mentally drained, he is frequently tired and just doesn’t seem to have the energy a young man should have but more like what one would expect of an elderly gentleman preparing to hand the farm, business whatever over to his oldest son within a few years.

Physically exhausted much of the time
This emotional and mental drain drives him into always seeking something to do either work or training, because physical exercise and hard labor is the only way he can find peace although only for a limited amount of time then physical exhaustion will force him back to reality, the longest escape he gets is if he passes out during his training, many times he will knowingly seek to reach this point and sometimes he succeeds. It is not that rare for the staff to find Azalahn lying on the floor in full armor still holding his swords and snoring loudly when they come to work in the morning. This causes him to be physically exhausted much of the time. But at least he gets a good night’s sleep and has a clear head when he wakes up after passing out. He passes out roughly 2-3 times a month.

Pays no attention to his suroundings.
Being haunted by memories and images it is safe to say that his attention to his surroundings is low, and it is entirely nonexistent during a particularly clear image or memory, so he is not the man you would put to keep any eye on anything.

Alcohol Problem.
He is a miserable and unhappy man, so he drowns his sorrows in a bottle every now and then when life becomes too much to bear. This leaves him vulnerable to all kinds of mistakes that drunken people do, ranging from being rude towards a customer, to stopping a well dressed elven woman on the streets who just looked like his sister. So far this hasn't resulted in any word getting back home, but he has most likely tried spending a night or two in jail. At the very least he won't get much work done the day after, and his taste for the drow wine can make things quite expensive.

Perceived arrogance:
He is constantly tired, he is physically exhausted and his social skills were already very limited so his interaction with people is kept at a minimum. He doesn’t have the time/energy to sit down and have a drink with people, stay and chat for a while. But he has time to dress up and dance with his swords alone for hours and he drinks a whole lot just not with the people in the neighborhood (he drinks alone) People don't know the real story and he would never ever tell them, so they just think that he believes he is better than they are and they are not really worth his time. He is always wearing this expensive but old silk tunic and if someone spills something on it his eyes almost explode in anger, it is a controlled anger but it is clearly there. Does he think that old tunic is some kind of a sacred garment or something? To Azalahn it probably is. He also still keeps that old warhorse. It is like he is trying to flaunt some nobility/wealth that really isn't there.

Code of Honor
He has been heavily influenced by house Ó'chón'cár’raín and has taken their code of honor to himself. He is not a military officer anymore. He has been in many battles, involving platoon sized and smaller units, but the only time he has seen anything that can be compared to actual war was when he lived as a mercenary, but he still lives by this code. These days the military unit means his staff.

The unit is a family and the officer is the father.
We never ever leave a man behind. We don’t take any chances with the life of any man unless there is absolutely no other choice; any potential gain by a sucessfull gamble with a family members life is not a limit on our choices. The wellbeing of the conscripted footman is just as important as that of the officer. This extends to even sparing the life and giving a last chance, (but only one) to traitors that originally truly belonged to the unit.

We are the mirror immage of honor.
In our dealings with others, including war and combat we shall bestow honor upon those that show it and we shall treat those with the outmost lack of honor worse than the animals who are indeed their superiors. Any prisoner shall be treated according to the honor of his commanding officer unless we know the prisoners personal honor. We shall sing about about the heroic deeds of the foe who lived and died with honor, but we shall never associate with an honorless traitor.

We are the Ránn‘s sword and armor
It is the duty of a military officer to uphold the law by assisting the authorities in any way needed or to intervene on their behalf in the case of their absence and the situation requires immediate action. We may never break the law, ignore or assist any kind of crime even against a hated enemy.

The Ránn‘s sword must be razor sharp and his armor unbreakable for all eternity.
The officer and his unit must be constantly ready for battle, their weapons and armor must be polished and sharpened. Both officer and every single man in his unit may spare no effort in developing their skills to the absolutely highest level they can possibly achieve. All equipment must be kept in perfect condition.

The Ránn’s sword is the herald of justice
The law provides limits for what is acceptable and what is not, but injustice may very well be performed within the confines of the law. An officer my never perform an action that is unjust or help anyone avoid their just punishment for vile deeds.  Before turning his back on anyone an officer must be sure or at the very least have good reason to suspect they deserve their current fate.  

When in foreign lands we are guests.
Their ways will be different from ours. What we consider justice they might consider injustice or the other way around. A guest does not tell the master how to run his house. They respect the way we run our land or stay out of it and thus we should respect the way they run theirs or stay out. What they consider justice is justice and what they consider injustice is injustice in their lands.

Over all, I can't tell whether or not you are balanced for two reasons. You go into too much depth with some things but you've left off that level of detail with others. Secondly, the sheer number of strengths and weaknesses is obscene. Cut back. I think I mentioned earlier not to go over seven. We don't ask you to count every little thing and remember the number of strengths or weaknesses does not matter to balance. Mods decide that.

History

In short:
He is the youngest son of an Eophyrim AvaDark Elves are called dark elves in part because they worship Ava's opposite, the Yin to her Yang so to speak, Coor the god of destruction. priestess and an elf lord; his grandfather had ambitions about the arch mage position. He is forced to spend all his childhood at a mage academy with no hope of any future. He makes friends with a high-ranking military officer's kids and gets his weapon training at their house. Has a romantic relationship with his twin sister and is forced to leave the city. He travels to his mother's homeland, stays there for a while, but leaves again. He spends some time as a mercenary and finally he settles down as a tavern owner in a big human city.

Important persons in his life:
Mother who he didn't see much after being sent away to the mage academy
Oldest brother who cared for him but was too afraid of the father to actually be there for him.
Twin sister who he had a romantic relationship with.
Father of his childhood friends and high ranking military officer who secretly would like to make Azalahn his son in law.  

How his Parents met.
The priestess of Ava and her friend were in trouble. They had ventured out of the forest; they had gotten into a confrontation with a human knight and his men. The confrontation had ended in violence and the death of the knight and one of his men. The 2 others had fled, they had killed one of them, but the last one had escaped. It had been self defense, but who would believe a pair of Eophyrims? And the death of the fleeing man had definitely not been self-defense in human eyes. Even if they got lucky with the story about the first two deaths then the last one would surely be considered cold blooded murder.

The military encampment was between them and the forest and there was nowhere to hide. There was only one solution, they had to flee north. The priestess thought that perhaps this was a sign from the goddess that it was time to leave her people and openly worship the goddess.

The traveled to many places but didn't find any place where they felt truly welcome. One night they heard the sound of battle and magical explosions, they went to investigate. They saw a trio of elves battling several orcs. It was clear that the elves were fighting a brave but hopeless battle, the elves were good and able to hold against 7 orcs, but they were on the defensive and eventually they would tire and then the orcs would finish them off. They joined the battle and saved the day.

The elven leader was the son of a nobleman and they were on their way to the human capital in the south of the continent, he offered to hire them as bodyguards for the journey. They were nervous about going back south, but agreed to it, these elves were the first persons they had encountered without any obvious prejudice.

They traveled south stayed there for a month and then they had to go to another island so the journey became quite long. During this time the relationship started to evolve into a romance. He was a younger son so he was free to do pretty much what he wanted and to marry whoever he wanted.

Eventually they returned to his homeland and after some time they got married, had kids and lived happily for some years. At first the father objected to the marriage, but the older brother talked the father into accepting it.
They lived happily for some years. After some time people got used to the lord's son being married to a dark elf and there could be no doubt that her magic was from Ava so at last she could say that she had found a new home.

The father's change in personality
The older brother was killed in battle with the orcs. Her husband was devastated; he had not lonely lost his brother, but also his best friend and greatest idol. He was now the heir to the family holdings and could no longer live the happy carefree life he was used to.

The old lord ordered his father to quit the adventuring life and resume the magical study that was the family tradition. During the first years there wasn't much change, he was just a bit more tired. But as the years passed the priestess watched the soul of her husband wither and die, he was no longer the loving and carefree man she had fallen in love with.

The old arch mage died and the lord's name didn't even show up on the list of potential successors. This turned things much worse he was determined that if he was not destined to become the arch mage then his son would become one. From now on there was only study from early morning to late evening.

As more time passed the priestess spent more and more time in the temple. In her hearth she was a widow, the man she loved had been consumed by the family ambition. she was now married to an empty shell that was just a memory of her husband. She became pregnant again and gave birth to twins.

Early Childhood.
The old lord died shortly after the birth, but her husband's soul had withered beyond any hope of restoration. The kids brought some measurement of happiness to her, but she worried about the daughter who showed an extreme talent for magic, but was always following the brother around.

The father wasn't happy with the youngest son at all. He used to say: "That you don't show any talent for magic is because you always waste your time in the barracks with the brutes and their equally brutish offspring" The were harsh and hurt, but they were not entirely wrong. Azalahn was like the son of a soldier, he spent his days hanging out around the baracs playing with weapons. Every now and then some of the soldiers would teach the kids a move or two. With weapons Azalahn was a fast learner so he had the basics at an early age, but spending all his time around the baracs didn't help him develop any kind of magical aptitude.

The two older sons tended to side with the father and called Azalahn stupid, however only the second brother truly meant it. When they were alone the oldest brother was quite different, he encouraged Azalahn to become the best swordfighter he possibly could and told him stories about his early and happier childhood when their father was a totally different man.

The twins were inseparable already from early childhood and the girl had a calming effect on the boy who was wild and always making trouble. In her presence he could focus somewhat on the magic studies the father insisted that they had to study already at an early age.

The Magic Academy
The time came when the twins were ready to be sent away to the magic academy at the age of 19. The days at the academy were slow and painful for Azalahn. He tried his best but it was obvious that he had no talent for magic.

The instructors beat him and the other kids called him stupid, but at least against the other kids his sister was always there defending him and as the best student in the class she was more than capable of turning the insults back. The exams came and Azalahn failed every single one of them except for one or two that were general education but had nothing to do with magic. He had to take the classes again, but failed and the third time he failed again.

The headmaster contacted his father and talked about having the kid removed from school and transferred to the military academy since he had the physique that would greatly benefit a soldier and judging from the kid always playing around with a wooden sword in his free time one could only conclude that swordplay was his true calling. His father was furious, there was nothing left of the carefree young man that had married a dark elf. Azalahn was to be in the magic academy until the day he mastered at least the 2’nd level of magic, preferably the 3’rd. If the instructors were right that the boy wasn't exactly stupid then he had to be lazy.

His father got his will and Azalahn stayed at the academy during all his childhood. It was a lonely place but his sister was always there with him. They continued to be just as inseparable as they had been during their early childhood. Indeed one could suspect that he would have committed suicide if it wasn't for her.

The years passed and Azalahn started to sneak out of the dorm, eventually he sneaked out of the school's dorm every night he could. He spent his time in the worst places of the city, picking one fight after another at least fighting was something he was good at but eventually his sister got him to stop.

After years at the academy he was still taking the introductionary classes and indeed he had only one friend Azuria Ó'chón'cár’raín, actually she had been one of the worst to pick on him during the first year when they started but with time she and his sister had become best friends and she had come to see Azalahn in a different way. Azalahn was wild and had a passion for swords just like her brother. She was the daughter of a high ranking military officer and had a brother who was both one of the best students and also one of the worst troublemakers in the military academy. Azalahn had met him often and they got very well along.

House Ó'chón'cár’raín
One day when Azalahn and his sister were over at Azuria's place she took him down to the basement of the mansion. She had a little chat with her brother who always was said to be there. He agreed to teach Azalahn some fighting tricks. This was when Azalahn was about 22 years old. Naroon was quite impressed with Azalahn and would love to have him as a sparring partner. “You can be the big and stupid ogre for now and perhaps in time we can turn you into a real fighter” he joked.

Turning Azalahn into a real fighter turned out to be easy. The weapon master came in one day they were fooling around, he stood and watched silently for a while then he intervened and said:”Young lord you are not turning him into a fighter, an extremely dangerous street thug yes, but still a street thug, he seems to have enough talent to pick up crude imitations of some advanced tricks and his great strength makes him dangerous even with a club, but he lacks the basics They had a little chat and the next week Naroon’s father told Azalahn to come up to his office. He told Azalahn that one of his instructors would teach him how to use a sword properly.

The instructors and guards at the school took pity upon the young man that was forced to be at the academy not only against his own will but more importantly with no future there so they looked the other way when he sneaked out almost every night. These were the happy years in Azalahn’s life.

His sister turned out to be exceptionally beautiful and soon became the target of many young men's romantic affection and the envy of many girls. However she wasn't interested in anyone, Azalahn was actually one of the very few people she cared to spend her free time with and he sure was the only male.

Rumors about Azalahn and his sister Illyrana being more than siblings started to circle. One day Azuria came down the basement with Illyrana and called him aside. “Everyone knows about the rumors, at first I didn't believe in them but guess what I am a woman too and I can see the love and affection in your eyes every time you look at him, what's going on?” she said looking at Illyrana. They couldn't lie to her so they had to admit that they loved each other not only as siblings but also as man and woman. “HaHaHa the coming arch mage HaHaHa is gona marry HaHaHa the ogre HaHaHa. Dad is going to get a heart attack when he hears about this HaHaHa I sure am getting one right now HaHaHa HaHaHa HaHaHa…” Naroon was lying on the floor holding his stomach and laughing out loudly. His father was indeed everything but amused when he heard about it.

Hiding
A week later he called Azalahn over. “Both you and your sister are very dear friends of my children, and I do sympathize with you, your life has been hard indeed, but there is no way that our society will accept this and although it will not be from anyone in this house then eventually the truth will be known and you will both be outcasts. I have thought things over, you will run away from school, just hang out with some foreigners for a while then leave with your belongings and nobody will look for you, those that care for you will let you leave that place of torment and those that don’t will be glad you are gone" He said

"Stay away for a few months then come here and officially you will be a stranger hired into my personal army. Unofficially you will be given the best training I can provide in secrecy and hopefully that will be enough so that you can handle yourself when the time comes that you have to leave again. You will have to stay inside most of the time and you can't really show yourself much because your size is impossible to hide unless using magic and there is a limit to the available magic especially when we talk about a mage who is sure to be silent about it and who doesn't have duties elsewhere. That's the best I can do your kid" he continued.

Azalahn did as he was told. Time passed and in the five years he spent there he became fully proficient with his chosen weapon and style. He even got the tools to eventually become a master. But the lord was right eventually people started asking questions it was time to prepare for departure.

By some strange reason Illyrana suddenly became very buisy. Azalahn knew that in terms of allowance she was probably the most spoiled student in the academy, but he also knew that she spent almost nothing. She said that she needed to get some money for a project.

Azalahn got the house smith to teach him how to make and repair mail rings, at the first few tries they broke easily, but after a week with failure he eventually got it right, however things took way too much time and it became evident that he didn't have the time to make a full armor.

In desperation he started to sew pieces of iron into a jacket. It wouldn't protect against piercing weapons, but according to his master it would protect against slashing weapons that didn't make a clean hit. Naroon laughed when he saw it and called it the ugliest armor he had ever seen and indeed worthy of an ogre. However one day a full suite of chain mail arrived for him from a temple of Ava together with a pair of beautiful swords. Azalahn was grateful. He knew it was from his mother.

Departure
On the day he had to depart Illyrana gave him a breastplate and a pair of gauntlets. “It is all I could afford and I have a feeling you will end up heading to the human lands. This is made in the same style that humans use” she said with tears streaming down her chin. Azalahn felt bad, he knew this was a lot more than she could afford and that she had to own money to probably everyone that she knew and would be indebted for years.

Naroon and Azuria came over to him with very nice warhorse. “We convinced dad that there is something wrong with this horse and he needs to get rid of it, well he wasn't hard to convince and be careful you don’t shoot yourself with the bow I know what a great archer you are, we would give you a lance as well but I wana be there and see it when a human knight throws you off the horse. Yea and buy yourself a new face you ugly ogre” Naroon jested and threw a pouch of coins at him while laughing, but the laughter was exaggerated and forced.

Azuria was quiet, she gave him a necklace “Remember me” she said and then she hurried into the mansion. The lord came out, and handed him a ring and a letter. “Well kid, I have arranged with your mother to set you up in Carmalad, if you ever are in need of anything then contact one of the people on the list and show them the ring and letter. I know a part of you wants to try your luck in your mother's homeland but I doubt you will find a permanent home there so when you decide you need to move on then try Voldar” he said. Azalahn departed the city at the age of 34

Azalahn noticed that someone was shadowing him on his way out of town, shortly before the city gates he stopped and confronted the shadowy figure. It was his oldest brother. His brother had no love for his position in the mage guild and indeed he cared for Azalahn whom he still considered his brother even though his father had told them not to see him. He handed Azalahn a couple of jewels “Well the scandal suits the old tyrant and yea he must have misplaced his magic dagger somewhere so don’t ask” he said

The mother's homeland
Azalahn rode south, he got lost quite a few times and had to backtrack, eventually he came to the Paeleon forest. He was nervous about how he would be received. “Well as long as it wasn't with a poisoned arrow trough his neck then he would be all right” he told himself

He did indeed get a cold welcome but they decided to give him a chance after hearing the story about who his mother was. (He didn't tell them that she was a priestess of Ava)

Adjusting to the eophyrim ways was difficult. He knew much about their history and culture, but knowing about it was different from living it. Azalahn was only truly at home when holding a weapon in his hands. He made a few friends during the brief time he stayed there, there was even one woman he became very fund of, but he couldn't forget Illyrana.

Illyrana’s image was haunting him day and night. He was apprenticed as a hunter and with time he picked up the most basic of tracking and hunting skills but it was evident that he was not born to be a hunter so in the end he decided that he would head for the human lands at the age of 41

The mercinary life.
He traveled across the continent with no direction for a year and a half. He lived as a hunter most of the time but had enough wealth to buy food when there was no pray. In Voldar he got in contact with some mercenaries and ended up signing a contract. In the start most of the work was as caravan guards in small units. After some months he was sent to the northern fronteir as part of a full company. The war season passed, or at least the locals didn't want to pay anymore so they returned back south, split up and became caravan guards again. He hasn’t really used the contacts he got from the lord back home, except that he stored most of his valuables there when he came to town.

Azalahn and his unit ended up guarding caravans going to and from Carmalad. Azalahn had 30 warriors under his command, he divided them into 3 squads, and spent most of his time arranging jobs with for his men. One day he rescued a street kid from being bullied by some of the local ruffians, a few days later the same kid tried to pickpocket him. Azalahn decided to let the kid go, a few months later he caught the same kid again, this time Azalahn wanted to have a chat with the father so he dragged the kid across most of the town, in the end it turned out that the kid was an orphan.

One day one of the units reported back with wounded and people missing. The sergeant was proud.
Despite being ambushed and outnumbered he had secured the caravan and only suffered minor casualties. Azalahn was furious. He canceled the contract negotiations he was in the middle of, took the available men and headed out while sending a courier with orders to the last squad about joining them immediately after reaching their destination. When they reached the site of the ambush the bodies of 2 of his men were missing. Azalahn and his unit followed the trail and after a few days the last unit joined them. His platoon was divided into 2 camps. With one side he was everything but popular, this was a waste of time and money. The other side admired him for caring about 2 missing men. In the end the scout found the highway men's hideout. The knight and the dandy were held prisoners, most likely for ransom. The camp was raided and burned down, and most of the highway men were captured or killed. Both prisoners were severely wounded. The young boy died a few days later. The knight Aria could be moved after a week. When they came back to town Azalahn spent most of their profit on medical care for Knight Aria.

There was an old woman living on a farm just outside town, her husband had passed away a few years earlier, bad luck with the harvest had pushed one of their sons into seeking fame and glory as a mercenary but instead he had found death in a foreign land. Their other son had died from disease and she had never given birth to another child. Azalahn used to help her out every now and then. People said she was a witch practicing evil magic and that she had murdered her husband and son as  part of a demonic deal. Indeed the old crone looked a bit scary, but there was nothing evil about her in fact she was a kind old lady. Azalahn parked his horse and stayd at her farm when he was in town. In the spring he brought her seeds and in the late summer he helped her with the harvest. He liked working the land.

There were some of the other mercenaries that talked about getting their own tavern and quit the mercenary work, after some time Azalahn got hooked on the idea. The contract they had signed on for came to an end, some of them had been there for many years, but Azalahn had only signed on for 2 years. The payout was poor indeed. Some of them let out comments about Azalahn being better off as a beggar if he ever wanted to get out of dept for his armor. Actually Azalahn didn't think the pay was that bad, but he had signed on as a lieutenant, leadership had come naturally to him in fact this was easier than the theories his master had made him study and thus he got an officer’s salary.

The tavern
About a year ago when Azalahn was 44 the old woman died and she had made Azalahn the heir to all her property since she had no family to pas it on to and he was the only one that she knew. Azalahn was grateful but he had a problem, that turned out to put an end to his newborn farming ambition. The only things he knew about farming was the name of the seeds he used to bring and that they were supposed to be harvested in the late summer. He thought about selling it but he didn't like that idea because in his head that would be the same as selling the kindness of the old lady. He squandered a few days away pondering what to do. In the end he decided to do nothing, about the farm but to go for it with the tavern and buy what was left of a small bar and warehouse, in what was supposed to be a bad neighborhood. It was obvious who the front of the local street gang was, but Azalahn was worried. What if this was only the enforcer of this area but part of a much larger and more powerful organization. Azalahn went looking for the little kid he had caught some time ago. This was just like a war he taught, and the two most important things to obtain victory were information about the enemy and an army strong enough to actually beat him. He didn’t have an army but he had some ideas and first things first.

He got the kid to hire some other kids and gather information for him. It turned out that the local gang didn’t have any true allies but only some live and let live agreements with other gangs, and they were only about 10 members, but one of them was a former assassin although never a good one. Azalahn contacted some of the mercenaries from his former unit. 3 of them ended up joining him. Thorgrim Blackbeard a dwarven veteran who wanted to retire to the quiet life, Ellysia Ilaról‘miés'efér the elven scout who had become quite disillusioned with mercenary life and lastly Aria the Serphelorian Knight, whose respect Azalahn had won.

Azalahn opened the tavern and the gang made things really tough. Azalahn had intended to wait a few years before getting rid of them, but both Aria and Thorgrim insisted on doing something about it right away and they were both more than ready to chop of a head or two. In the end Azalahn got them to at least let him try to do it his way first. He had Azuria talk with the officials and get him permission to clean the streets by whatever method he found nesacary as long as it didn't cause any disturbance across the rest of the city. Human officials were indeed strange they took payment for allowing people to help them, Azuria called it bribery. It wasn't expensive since everyone would like to get rid of them. Azalahn paid the Eophyrim to take out the assassin and abduct the little guy who was supposed to be the gang’s only brain. Most people would be glad to get rid of them, but it was still killing and abduction so it would be best to have outsiders do it just in case. Azalahn had Aria beat the leader up and break some bones, the rest was easy.

After cleaning up the streets business has dramatically improved, it is now a flourishing Tavern. Thorgrim stands in the bar and tells old war stories and he doesn’t believe that Azalahn’s breastplate is made by elves, but claims it has to be made by dwarfs. Ellysia is the waiter and Aria is the bouncer, well occasionally there is a big fight and Azalahn has to assist her, but he normally lets her handle things alone since he knows she likes being the strong one who doesn’t need help from any man. Azalahn has hired an extra waiter and has the street kid running errands for them, sharing gosip about the competition and general activety on the street that might be of importance to know. In exchange the kid has been promised a free meal every day. Usually it ends up with 3 meals a day and a place to sleep for nothing.

Weapons:
Bastard sword, Scimitar, Chain Mail (Gifts from his mother), Pair of gauntlets (Gift from his sister), Bow, Kurakim Breast Plate (Gift from his sister)

Belongings:
Black Silk tunic made of the best materials money can buy, but really low quality tailoring. The tunic is his most highly prized possession. A jeweled ring that marks him as a lieutenant of house ó'chón'cár’raín, Silver necklace with the ó'chón'cár’raín house emblem carved into a sahpire. He also has a necklace with the house insignia of house Dél’Raguierá, but he hasn't worn it since he left his homeland. A textbook or two for students starting at a magic academy. A book about military theory, formations and tactics (His notebook from when he was tutored in house ó'chón'cár’raín). Pair of Jeweled daggers, tavern, Farm and a some cash

Familiars:
Azalahn got it as a pup shortly after he came to the Paelelon forrest. The other hunters he worked with helped him train it so today it can be said to be a fully trained hunting hound. He kept it as a pet during the lonly days after he left the forrest. It has the mind of the typichal hunting dog though and requires constant attention. The dog is pitch black and rather big for it's race.

Heavy war horse. The horse was in it's prime when Azalahn got it 9 years ago when he left home. It is now rather old and would not be well suited to carry the giant Azalahn in full armor for hours and then into battle. Luckily it dosn't have to. It used to have a nasty temper but with age it has calmed down and these days it is usually a very calm horse but it won't let anyone except for Azalahn ride it. The horse is a jet black mare.
  
Companions/Staf.
Thorgrim Blackbeard: He is the cook and bartender. He makes a great stew and knows an almost infinite ammount of old warstories.
...

Aria the Serphelorian knight: Azalahn and his code of honor saved her life, his loyalty and battleproves can't be questioned so she will follow him to the end of the world. She is bounser and helps out in the kitchen every now and then. She is not of noble birth and doesn't have a full suit of plate armor, but she was with the heavy cavalry and has a noble soul.
...

Ellysia the mage scout. She is the beautifull and charming waitress, likes to flirt with the customers, but always armed with a pair of knives and half a dozen other consealed weapons if Azalahns suspicions are correct.
...

William the street kid.
William is a young boy of 10 years. He is small and skinny but very bright and he is fast. His father was murdered only a few years after his birth. His mother could not support the family and died from a combination of disease and malnutrition when he was 5. His uncle took him and his sister in but treated them as slaves, his sister died from the beatings when he was 7 then he stole what he could and ran as far away as he could and ended up in this town and lived as a pickpocket until the day Azalahn hired him to gather information.
Since the death of his mother Azalahn and his staf are the only ones that have ever shown him any kindness. He is a bit scared of both Azalahn and Aria. He has seen what the giantess and the lumbering hulk can do, but he also knows they would never hurt him. He dreams about becoming an unbeatable master of every weapon like them when he grows up, but they always tell him to go out to the farm and practice with the bow they gave him. He is almost as good as Azalahn with the bow so he must be close to mastery but they want him to be even better and it is always Azuria that instructs him, damn grown ups. (Azalahn would love to teach him but he knows the boy will never develop even half the strength required to vield the bastard sword like his style requires)

I'm a fan of conciseness so I'm biased here. You've put too much information. Detail that could have been better spent elsewhere becomes a flood of white noise that isn't of any good to anyone.

I've skipped most of your CD because I'm not a very patient person. The story mods who may eventually read the approved version of a CD might not be patient people either. Detail is good, but too much of a good thing is always waste. The same goes for other players, so don't complain if they can't be bothered to read how precisely you're going to kick their butts and ignore your strength altogether.

For a tavern owner you go into quite unneeded detail for descriptions about your weapons and similar. Here is the important part. Few of the stories ever get into any serious fighting or any fighting at all. You'll rarely have a chance to kill an NPC and you can't do more than wound other players (see the rules) so it's a bit of a waste to describe all of that (wrong though it is) in any case.

Your spelling needs work. We have a spell checker on the site, use it please. Firefox flagged quite a few of your mistakes for me on my way through but I'm not here to correct all the little mistakes in this obelisk of words.

Whittle this down and you might have something worth reading, but until then quite a bit of it is uninteresting white noise. Too much detail is just as bad as too little.
« Last Edit: March 03, 2010, 01:59:42 PM by Valan Nonesuch » Logged

Do not act incautiously when confronting little bald wrinkly smiling men!
Valan Nonesuch
Azalahn
Dance of Sorrow
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Elf, Kaýrrhem


« Reply #24 on: March 04, 2010, 04:10:05 AM »

Name:
Azalahn Dél’Raguierá

Gender:
Male

Age:
45  

Race:
Elf
 
Tribe:
Eophyrim/InjerinSo, we get to blows here first. Injerin live in Northern Sarvonia as I'm sure you're well aware (you've looked at the maps after all). The Eophyrim live in Santharia, in the Paeleon (I'm sure you're also aware of this, you look like you've done your research). What you might have missed is the fact that they're different kinds of elves. As a rule, Dark Elves don't get along with other sorts of elves. The Injerin outright hate their Dark Elves, the Diorye'oleal and they're downright peaceful for the most part. So, without having looked at your history I'll assume you've explained how your parents manged to meet and not kill each other with good reasons (meaning without resorting to "because they did").
Yes I explained it in the history, but if it needs change then I have no problem with say

Occupation:
Owns an inn/tavern that he runs with some members of his former mercenary platoon.
 
Title.
Dance of sorrow.
Don't really need the explanation up here.
Removed

Portrait
None yet.

Overview
He is a complete failure as a mage and his father is ashamed of his very existence. He was always compared to his extremely intelligent and magically gifted sister. As a result he has low self-esteem, is rather quiet and not good in social situations. He has a passion for swordplay; he is unusually gifted with swords and got a considerable amount of training at a friend's house. His unusually close relationship with his sister evolved into a romantic relationship and he had to leave home.  He left home with equipment fitting a nobleman, but he doesn't have the continual income of the nobility. He lived in his mother's homeland for a few years, then lived as a mercenary for 2 years and finally settled in Carmalad where he runs an inn/tavern with some former mercenary companions.

This seems mostly personality section and not really an overview. I'm no expert on them, but the overview is supposed to cover the character as a whole, and you haven't done that here. Remember it is an optional section so if you run into too much trouble you can always avoid writing it.
OK now it should cover his history, personality and occupation.

Appearance.
Height: 2 Pends, 1 Fore, 2 Palmspans.

This is unusually tall for either of your tribes. For reference you're topping out at more than 8 feet tall. You'll want to cut down on that a little I think.  

Yes you are right he is unusually tall, but he is not supernaturally tall. If human he would be 2 meters and 15 cm. Like the tallest group of basket ball players. Then I adjusted his height to a race with an average of 2 meters, assuming the relative deviations in height are the same for humans and elves. But now I have cut him 10 cm in height.

Weight 4 Pygges plus/minus 2 ods.
You weigh over 400 pounds. This is also a little on the heavy side, even taking your prodigious size into account. At this point you should be buried six feet underground, given your size and weight. The spine, human or elven is not designed to support much weight and would eventually break. Giants die young.

Hmm. Well I just don't get it. I actually did some research on this one, and Jay Cutler is 2 Pygges, 8 Hebs. and average human height. So I adjusted that weight to 2 Peds, 1 Fore, 1 Palmspan, 7 Nailsbreadths, 3 Grains, and ended up with 6 Pygges, 3 Hebs.. Elves are not as heavily built as humans and he is not a pro body builder so I cut him down to 4 pygges.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jay_Cutler_%28bodybuilder%29

Hair Color: Jet Black

Eye Colour: Amber with light sparkles

Physical appearance:
Azalahn is a giant of an elf. He is broad shouldered and very fit, with sinuous muscle rippling under a thin layer of skin like the Eophyrim, but his skin is fair like the Injerin. High and defined cheekbones like the Injerin. His face is beautiful with fine features, almost but not entirely to the point of being feminine. When he looks at you it is with a painful and tortured expression. His long hair is usually tied up in a pony tail with a silver ring holding it in place.
Clothing:
When not adventuring or expecting any kind of situation that could eventually be trouble he is almost always wearing a black tunic made of the finest silk. His sister made it for him when he talked about living in their mother's homeland. He wears a pair of black leather boots with metal covering the toes. He also has a dark red cloak fringed with fur. All chains and buttons are made of silver.

This means nothing to someone who might be looking at it. Assume the person knows nothing about the style of your tribes. Odds are they won't. I don't claim to know much about the dark elves except that they wear a lot of leather and prefer silver. However, glances at your tribes clothing section tell me that it's not really consistent in what they wear so you'll want to either remove this or do a better job at describing. Remember, assume the person reading this knows nothing about your tribe. Odds are they won't.
OK rewrote it and removed the later part.
 
Personality:
Azalahn is a quiet man. He doesn't speak unless he has something important to say and he almost never smiles. He knows his father is ashamed of him and doesn't use his family name, and he considers Master Ó'chón'cár’raín to be the closest thing he ever had to a father.
He is very loyal to the few friends he has. He claims to hate people with obsessions, but it seems like he is obsessed himself, he uses almost every spare moment he has to practice weapons or doing some work in the tavern.

He is a workaholic, not so much because he feels he always has something he must do, but more because he is at peace when doing something. The memory of his sister seems to haunt him whenever he doesn't do something. This makes him very lonely and sad. He likes to play the violin or to sing on the rare occasion that he isn't at work or training and his mind is somewhat at peace. He is OK with the violin and actually good with a few songs. It would be fair to say that he has a tendency to handle every business opportunity like an officer handling a combat situation, sometimes the tools he learned by the Ó'chón'cár’raín weapon master just don't apply to the situation at hand and he would have made costly mistakes. This trait is at least partially because of his close relationship with a military officer and the education he got there during his childhood. But Aria has always been there to correct him so far.

You're listing here. Writing lists is one of the things we do try to warn people against since it makes the CD a little boring to read. You're going "trait, explanation, hard return" and then rinse and repeat. That's really not the best way to go about it.

Ok I rewrote it.

Code of honour.

The unit is a family and the officer is the father.
We never ever leave a man behind. We don't take any chances with the life of any man unless there is absolutely no other choice; any potential gain by a successful gamble with a family members life is not a limit on our choices. The wellbeing of the conscripted footman is just as important as that of the officer. This extends to even sparing the life and giving a last chance, (but only one) to traitors that originally truly belonged to the unit.

We are the mirror image of honor.
In our dealings with others, including war and combat we shall bestow honor upon those that show it and we shall treat those with the outmost lack of honor worse than the animals who are indeed their superiors. Any prisoner shall be treated according to the honor of his commanding officer unless we know the prisoners personal honor. We shall sing about about the heroic deeds of the foe who lived and died with honor, but we shall never associate with an honorless traitor.

We are the Ránn‘s sword and armor
It is the duty of a military officer to uphold the law by assisting the authorities in any way needed or to intervene on their behalf in the case of their absence and the situation requires immediate action. We may never break the law, ignore or assist any kind of crime even against a hated enemy.

The Ránn‘s sword must be razor sharp and his armor unbreakable for all eternity.
The officer and his unit must be constantly ready for battle, their weapons and armor must be polished and sharpened. Both officer and every single man in his unit may spare no effort in developing their skills to the absolutely highest level they can possibly achieve. All equipment must be kept in perfect condition.

The Ránn’s sword is the herald of justice
The law provides limits for what is acceptable and what is not, but injustice may very well be performed within the confines of the law. An officer my never perform an action that is unjust or help anyone avoid their just punishment for vile deeds.  Before turning his back on anyone an officer must be sure or at the very least have good reason to suspect they deserve their current fate.  

When in foreign lands we are guests.
Their ways will be different from ours. What we consider justice they might consider injustice or the other way around. A guest does not tell the master how to run his house. They respect the way we run our land or stay out of it and thus we should respect the way they run theirs or stay out. What they consider justice is justice and what they consider injustice is injustice in their lands.

Strengths:

Half Eophyrim
He learned a lot about the Eophyrmim way of life and their customs from his mother when he was a child. He lived in the Palelon forest for a while and made a few acquaintances and a friend or two there while he stayed there. He left on good terms so he is welcome there and he knows his way around.  

Weapon Skills
He is exceptionally talented with his chosen weapons and style (Katana and Wakizashi). He has been trained by common soldiers and their kids for roughly the equivalent of 3-4 human years and by a true sword master for the equivalent of 6 human years. When considering his short amount of training his skills can indeed be said to be a very exceptional sight.  
To the trained eye it is clear both that he has talent, considerable training and that he has not been trained by just anyone, but by a true master. However it is also clear that he is young inexperienced and would be well advised to go back and spend another decade or two with his master. He will only use the most advanced combinations and moves against clearly inferior opponents, where he has the time to pause and think for a second or two every now and then. The reason is that he knows he is still a young man and there are some techniques that still require him to focus on the execution of the technique itself rather than on the opponent, so trying to use them against a highly skilled opponent would be a waste at best and suicide at worst. He had a friend that was an officer's son and he got his training from the weapon master at his friend's house.

Hold on. Now, go find yourself two broomsticks. Swing them around at a tree or something. As fast as you can. See if you don't get tired out. You've supposedly been trained by soldiers instead of swordmasters so you should know that it's not about speed or force with a weapon like a broadsword. You keep your head and you don't put your guard down. The way you're describing you really should have taken a pointy piece of metal to something vital a very long time ago. The other thing is that if someone blocks you when you're doing your little maelstrom of steel routine you are going to feel it. I can't expect you have an exceptionally good grip on either of those weapons if you're swinging them around like that. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. So, if you hit something and it doesn't move, the energy has to travel the other direction (opposite to the direction it was going) which is to say back at you. If you stop the momentum it will tire you out faster. Stick to one sword and none of this super fast attacking stuff. It really doesn't work.

Ok I am not going to bother hitting a tree the way you talk about. Lol I bet I would hurt my wrists if I did. But I do have enough experience with both swords and staffs to know that a heavy weapon can be wielded very fast by a very strong man, and yes I can strike a solid object rapidly for several minutes without problems and that’s longer than most swordfights would last. I won’t bother getting further into a debate about martial arts and weapon principles so I just changed his weapons and didn't say a word about his fighting style.

Tavern/Inn
He has purchased a building that he has turned into a tavern. The building is big and had some extra space so he made a few rooms that he rents out to people. It gives a few extra coins but the main income is from selling food and drinks. The building also has cellar, a second floor and third floor. The cellar is used for storage and the 2'nd floor is used as living quarters for Azalahn and his staff, especially the cook and waiter.

Weapons and armor:
A full suite of chainmail with a breastplate and pair of gauntlets.
The chainmail if of very high quality and made by a master smith. It once offered the absolute best protection that a steel chainmail could, but a few rings have been broken and replaced over the time. It is still of very high quality but if carefully inspected one can find a relative weak spot on outside of the right thigh and upper left arm. There is nothing wrong with it on these areas but the repairs have not been made with the same superior craft as the mail was originally made with.

A Kurakim forged breastplate. This breastplate is the pinnacle of modern armor technology, in order for any armor to provide better protection one of 2 things would be required, Magic or Mitril. Simply put this steel breastplate is as good as they come. It has a poem engraved in ancient Styrash covering the whole left side of the front plate and the face of a very beautiful elf maid covering the hearth.  

My one and only
My first and my last
My eternal love  
Avá has dreamed our bodies apart.
Our soul and spirit to be shredded in two.
But two parts of the one whole.

To suffer.
To bleed and weaken.
To look into the abyss

One can not exist without the other
Together we triumph
Or together we sink into the abyss
 
Separated by thousands of miles
By hundreds of years
Our souls will always be one

Be it in life or be it in death
One day we will reunite
We will be one again

Even in separation.
Your hearth will be with me.
And my hearth will be with you .

Our hearths will guide us together again
They will heal our wounds
And sooth our pain.

My one and only
My first and my last
My eternal love  

A pair of gauntlets. These gauntlets are rather mundane and the craftsmanship is clearly inferior to that of the breastplate and chainmail, but they are kept in perfect condition and they offer the protection they are supposed to.

Katana
The Katana is custom made for him and his style. Due to his height it is considerably longer than a normal Katana. Just like the chain mail it is made by a master smith.

Wakizashi
This shorter sword is also custom made for him, and it is made by a master smith just like the katana.

A ring that identifies him as a lieutenant of house Ó'chón'cár’raín. This ring gives him all the benefits a minor nobleman is entitled to by the power of his noble birth alone. In a foreign land this is not much, but he will not be conscripted into the army and has the right to a somewhat fair trial etc. The ring was given to him from his friend's father when he left their homeland.

Eophyrim hunting dog: When traveling the dog can hunt for him. This enables him to live of the land while traveling light and fast, also the dogs mentality requirering constant attention helps distract his othervise tortured soul a bit.

Big strong man.
Extremely strong. He easily lifts a box that 2 average men would have a hard time lifting together. Where 2 men would normally be required to lift one barrel from a wagon Azalahn just takes one under each arm and caries them.

Partial education
The only two classes that he actually passed at the mage academy back home were literacy and basic aritmic. Being able to read and count has been a help for him when he was taken in by house Ó'chón'cár’raín where he got his education. Much of the theory that indeed covered everything he needed to lead a small unit into battle, and some aspects of larger units, like a thing or two about logistics, that would help in the transition from lieutenant to captain was written in books his master made him read. However he never learned the rest of the stuff a young nobleman would be expected to know. Knowing how to use the terrain and pick the battlefield or guessing where an enemy would pick his has been a great help for him when he was a mercenary lieutenant working as a caravan guard. Today all the strictly combat related theory is of little use for him, but he will pick up his notebook every now and then to refresh the "academic and scholarly" education he got, to permanently forget about it would be to dishonor both his master and the lord.

He is a bright young man with an intuitive sense for good or bad deals.
When looking at a contract it might be good or bad, but sometimes he gets this feeling that it is quite the opposite of what it looks like at the moment. It is by no means any guarantee and has been wrong more than once so it would indeed be stupid to follow it blindly but it is usually a good hint, which has been right more often than wrong. He is also bright enough to utilize the logistic part of his education to the fullest and if born into a different family then he would have the brains to advance high in the military ranks with time. Restocking the cellar in a more efficient way simply saves an hour of work or two and knowing what job to assign to whom and what job should not be messed with by whom helps cut losses/expenses and generate more profit.  

Half Injerin
He grew up in the shaded forest and Styrash is his mother tongue, he spent many years at the magic academy and in the end he was taken in by a lord who provided him with his military tutoring. He knows the Injerin lands and culture just as well as a native Injerin. He is perfectly fluent in the Styrash language, knows the slang, accent and slight variations and can distinguish between 3 groups based on the language alone: Injerin, Eophyrim and everyone else. He can even be said to be an educated man. His command of the Styrash language is like that of someone who has both spent years in a magic academy in Elin’dor and been tutored in the arts of war by one of the elven masters.

Poison and a few other tricks.
During his stay in the Palelon forest he was apprenticed as a hunter. During the 6 years he lived there it became evident that he was not destined to become a hunter. One of the few things he learned was to mix the poison they put on their weapons. Another thing he learned was how to set up a snare to catch hares and other animals of similar size.

Weaknesses
Low self esteem, except as a military officer.
In many situations when he gets a good idea then he will hesitate to act upon it. He has a tendency to follow the suggestions that others make even if their ideas are inferior to what he has in mind. As an officer he has proved himself again and again and has won the respect as a leader from people he considers to be smart and he also knows he has been tutored by one of the best, so this is an exception.

Low Stamina.
Most of his strength is dynamic and explosive in fact his stamina is rather low. He can't track an animal or work in the field for a whole day. In the end the animal would get away and in the field he would would get considerably less work done than the average man. When doing any kind of work where his high strength can't compensate for his lack of stamina then he will indeed be bad at it.

Big and heavy:
He is big and heavy so stealth is not one of his strong sides, he will crush something under his feet that a lighter man won't, so every now and then he will make noise in a forest and other places even when following the exact footsteps of a guide and that's enough to alert a potential enemy/diner to his presence.
A horse will tire easily when carrying this giant of an elf. If the average rider is 1 Pygge, 6 Hebs. then we are talking about 2 Pygges, 4 Hebs extra load for the horse. He will not fit anything that is not custom made for his size. A standard human weapon just looks like it lacks a good part of it's size when he wields it so even weapons should be custom made if they are to be used to their full effect. He eats and drinks 3 times as much as a normal man (and pays accordingly)

Powerful enemies
He has enemies among the elven nobles that want him dead, this is somewhat offset by having some friends there as well, but their ability/will to assist/protect him does not really match his enemies ability to hurt him. He has to stay out of sight, if he should draw too much attention to himself and someone back home would learn his whereabouts then a poisoned dagger would soon find its way into his back.

Poor Tharian and a stranger.
He has only been here for a short amount of time so his comprehension of the language is vague at best He can bark orders at soldiers, order a room and food, and tell a customer the price of a beer and say a few other simple things. But that's about it. Any kind of deeper conversation like explaining why a seemingly good deal is really a bad one would be too complex. His understanding of humans and the culture here in Carmalad or any other human town is also very limited.

He is a lonely and miserable man
He has lost his soul mate, he constantly worries about her and he misses her more than words can describe, He has felt the sting of a poisoned arrow breaking the rings of his mail and piercing itself deep into his arm and scraping his bone and the extreme agony when physician cleans the wound, he has felt the agony of an axe cutting trough his mail and leaving a deep wound in his leg. He has not welcomed the pain but nothing has ever come close to the emotional agony he constantly caries around with him. Several times he has thought about taking his chances and go back to her. If he goes back then at least he will be able to see her one last time and death would be better than 400 years without her. So far his companions have always managed to talk some sense back into him, or so they think. You will not find a single day where she is not in his mind. His only true goal in life is finding a way to be reunited with her and he spends a lot of time thinking about it.
This leaves him both emotionally and mentally drained, he is frequently tired and just doesn't seem to have the energy a young man should have but more like what one would expect of an elderly gentleman preparing to hand the farm, business whatever over to his oldest son within a few years.

Physically exhausted much of the time
This emotional and mental drain drives him into always seeking something to do either work or training, because physical exercise and hard labor is the only way he can find peace although only for a limited amount of time then physical exhaustion will force him back to reality, the longest escape he gets is if he passes out during his training, many times he will knowingly seek to reach this point and sometimes he succeeds. It is not that rare for the staff to find Azalahn lying on the floor in full armor still holding his swords and snoring loudly when they come to work in the morning. This causes him to be physically exhausted much of the time. But at least he gets a good night's sleep and has a clear head when he wakes up after passing out. He passes out roughly 2-3 times a month.

Pays no attention to his surroundings.
Being haunted by memories and images it is safe to say that his attention to his surroundings is low, and it is entirely nonexistent during a particularly clear image or memory, so he is not the man you would put to keep any eye on anything.

Alcohol Problem.
He is a miserable and unhappy man, so he drowns his sorrows in a bottle every now and then when life becomes too much to bear. This leaves him vulnerable to all kinds of mistakes that drunken people do, ranging from being rude towards a customer, to stopping a well dressed elven woman on the streets who just looked like his sister. So far this hasn't resulted in any word getting back home, but he has most likely tried spending a night or two in jail. At the very least he won't get much work done the day after, and his taste for the drow wine can make things quite expensive.

Perceived arrogance:
He is constantly tired, he is physically exhausted and his social skills were already very limited so his interaction with people is kept at a minimum. He doesn't have the time/energy to sit down and have a drink with people, stay and chat for a while. But he has time to dress up and dance with his swords alone for hours and he drinks a whole lot just not with the people in the neighborhood (he drinks alone) People don't know the real story and he would never ever tell them, so they just think that he believes he is better than they are and they are not really worth his time. He is always wearing this expensive but old silk tunic and if someone spills something on it his eyes almost explode in anger, it is a controlled anger but it is clearly there. Does he think that old tunic is some kind of a sacred garment or something? To Azalahn it probably is. He also still keeps that old warhorse. It is like he is trying to flaunt some nobility/wealth that really isn't there.

Code of Honor
He has been heavily influenced by house Ó'chón'cár’raín and has taken their code of honor to himself. He is not a military officer anymore. He has been in many battles, involving platoon sized and smaller units, but the only time he has seen anything that can be compared to actual war was when he lived as a mercenary, but he still lives by this code. These days the military unit means his staff.


History

In short:
He is the youngest son of an Eophyrim Ava priestess and an elf lord; his grandfather had ambitions about the arch mage position. He is forced to spend all his childhood at a mage academy with no hope of any future. He makes friends with a high-ranking military officer's kids and gets his weapon training at their house. Has a romantic relationship with his twin sister and is forced to leave the city. He travels to his mother's homeland, stays there for a while, but leaves again. He spends some time as a mercenary and finally he settles down as a tavern owner in a big human city.

Important persons in his life:
Mother who he didn't see much after being sent away to the mage academy
Oldest brother who cared for him but was too afraid of the father to actually be there for him.
Twin sister who he had a romantic relationship with.
Father of his childhood friends and high ranking military officer who secretly would like to make Azalahn his son in law.  

How his Parents met.
The priestess of Ava and her friend were in trouble. They had ventured out of the forest; they had gotten into a confrontation with a human knight and his men. The confrontation had ended in violence and the death of the knight and one of his men. The 2 others had fled, they had killed one of them, but the last one had escaped. It had been self defense, but who would believe a pair of Eophyrims? And the death of the fleeing man had definitely not been self-defense in human eyes. Even if they got lucky with the story about the first two deaths then the last one would surely be considered cold blooded murder.

The military encampment was between them and the forest and there was nowhere to hide. There was only one solution, they had to flee north. The priestess thought that perhaps this was a sign from the goddess that it was time to leave her people and openly worship the goddess.

The traveled to many places but didn't find any place where they felt truly welcome. One night they heard the sound of battle and magical explosions, they went to investigate. They saw a trio of elves battling several orcs. It was clear that the elves were fighting a brave but hopeless battle, the elves were good and able to hold against 7 orcs, but they were on the defensive and eventually they would tire and then the orcs would finish them off. They joined the battle and saved the day.

The elven leader was the son of a nobleman and they were on their way to the human capital in the south of the continent, he offered to hire them as bodyguards for the journey. They were nervous about going back south, but agreed to it, these elves were the first persons they had encountered without any obvious prejudice.

They traveled south stayed there for a month and then they had to go to another island so the journey became quite long. During this time the relationship started to evolve into a romance. He was a younger son so he was free to do pretty much what he wanted and to marry whoever he wanted.

Eventually they returned to his homeland and after some time they got married, had kids and lived happily for some years. At first the father objected to the marriage, but the older brother talked the father into accepting it.
They lived happily for some years. After some time people got used to the lord's son being married to a dark elf and there could be no doubt that her magic was from Ava so at last she could say that she had found a new home.

The father's change in personality
The older brother was killed in battle with the orcs. Her husband was devastated; he had not lonely lost his brother, but also his best friend and greatest idol. He was now the heir to the family holdings and could no longer live the happy carefree life he was used to.

The old lord ordered his father to quit the adventuring life and resume the magical study that was the family tradition. During the first years there wasn't much change, he was just a bit more tired. But as the years passed the priestess watched the soul of her husband wither and die, he was no longer the loving and carefree man she had fallen in love with.

The old arch mage died and the lord's name didn't even show up on the list of potential successors. This turned things much worse he was determined that if he was not destined to become the arch mage then his son would become one. From now on there was only study from early morning to late evening.

As more time passed the priestess spent more and more time in the temple. In her hearth she was a widow, the man she loved had been consumed by the family ambition. she was now married to an empty shell that was just a memory of her husband. She became pregnant again and gave birth to twins.

Early Childhood.
The old lord died shortly after the birth, but her husband's soul had withered beyond any hope of restoration. The kids brought some measurement of happiness to her, but she worried about the daughter who showed an extreme talent for magic, but was always following the brother around.

The father wasn't happy with the youngest son at all. He used to say: "That you don't show any talent for magic is because you always waste your time in the barracks with the brutes and their equally brutish offspring" The were harsh and hurt, but they were not entirely wrong. Azalahn was like the son of a soldier, he spent his days hanging out around the barracks playing with weapons. Every now and then some of the soldiers would teach the kids a move or two. With weapons Azalahn was a fast learner so he had the basics at an early age, but spending all his time around the barracks didn't help him develop any kind of magical aptitude.

The two older sons tended to side with the father and called Azalahn stupid, however only the second brother truly meant it. When they were alone the oldest brother was quite different, he encouraged Azalahn to become the best swordfighter he possibly could and told him stories about his early and happier childhood when their father was a totally different man.

The twins were inseparable already from early childhood and the girl had a calming effect on the boy who was wild and always making trouble. In her presence he could focus somewhat on the magic studies the father insisted that they had to study already at an early age.

The Magic Academy
The time came when the twins were ready to be sent away to the magic academy at the age of 19. The days at the academy were slow and painful for Azalahn. He tried his best but it was obvious that he had no talent for magic.

The instructors beat him and the other kids called him stupid, but at least against the other kids his sister was always there defending him and as the best student in the class she was more than capable of turning the insults back. The exams came and Azalahn failed every single one of them except for one or two that were general education but had nothing to do with magic. He had to take the classes again, but failed and the third time he failed again.

The headmaster contacted his father and talked about having the kid removed from school and transferred to the military academy since he had the physique that would greatly benefit a soldier and judging from the kid always playing around with a wooden sword in his free time one could only conclude that swordplay was his true calling. His father was furious, there was nothing left of the carefree young man that had married a dark elf. Azalahn was to be in the magic academy until the day he mastered at least the 2ND level of magic, preferably the 3’rd. If the instructors were right that the boy wasn't exactly stupid then he had to be lazy.

His father got his will and Azalahn stayed at the academy during all his childhood. It was a lonely place but his sister was always there with him. They continued to be just as inseparable as they had been during their early childhood. Indeed one could suspect that he would have committed suicide if it wasn't for her.

The years passed and Azalahn started to sneak out of the dorm, eventually he sneaked out of the school's dorm every night he could. He spent his time in the worst places of the city, picking one fight after another at least fighting was something he was good at but eventually his sister got him to stop.

After years at the academy he was still taking the introductionary classes and indeed he had only one friend Azuria Ó'chón'cár’raín, actually she had been one of the worst to pick on him during the first year when they started but with time she and his sister had become best friends and she had come to see Azalahn in a different way. Azalahn was wild and had a passion for swords just like her brother. She was the daughter of a high ranking military officer and had a brother who was both one of the best students and also one of the worst troublemakers in the military academy. Azalahn had met him often and they got very well along.

House Ó'chón'cár’raín
One day when Azalahn and his sister were over at Azuria's place she took him down to the basement of the mansion. She had a little chat with her brother who always was said to be there. He agreed to teach Azalahn some fighting tricks. This was when Azalahn was about 22 years old. Naroon was quite impressed with Azalahn and would love to have him as a sparring partner. “You can be the big and stupid ogre for now and perhaps in time we can turn you into a real fighter” he joked.

Turning Azalahn into a real fighter turned out to be easy. The weapon master came in one day they were fooling around, he stood and watched silently for a while then he intervened and said:”Young lord you are not turning him into a fighter, an extremely dangerous street thug yes, but still a street thug, he seems to have enough talent to pick up crude imitations of some advanced tricks and his great strength makes him dangerous even with a club, but he lacks the basics They had a little chat and the next week Naroon’s father told Azalahn to come up to his office. He told Azalahn that one of his instructors would teach him how to use a sword properly.

The instructors and guards at the school took pity upon the young man that was forced to be at the academy not only against his own will but more importantly with no future there so they looked the other way when he sneaked out almost every night. These were the happy years in Azalahn’s life.

His sister turned out to be exceptionally beautiful and soon became the target of many young men's romantic affection and the envy of many girls. However she wasn't interested in anyone, Azalahn was actually one of the very few people she cared to spend her free time with and he sure was the only male.

Rumors about Azalahn and his sister Illyrana being more than siblings started to circle. One day Azuria came down the basement with Illyrana and called him aside. “Everyone knows about the rumors, at first I didn't believe in them but guess what I am a woman too and I can see the love and affection in your eyes every time you look at him, what's going on?” she said looking at Illyrana. They couldn't lie to her so they had to admit that they loved each other not only as siblings but also as man and woman. “HaHaHa the coming arch mage HaHaHa is gonna marry HaHaHa the ogre HaHaHa. Dad is going to get a heart attack when he hears about this HaHaHa I sure am getting one right now HaHaHa HaHaHa HaHaHa…” Naroon was lying on the floor holding his stomach and laughing out loudly. His father was indeed everything but amused when he heard about it.

Hiding
A week later he called Azalahn over. “Both you and your sister are very dear friends of my children, and I do sympathize with you, your life has been hard indeed, but there is no way that our society will accept this and although it will not be from anyone in this house then eventually the truth will be known and you will both be outcasts. I have thought things over, you will run away from school, just hang out with some foreigners for a while then leave with your belongings and nobody will look for you, those that care for you will let you leave that place of torment and those that don't will be glad you are gone" He said

"Stay away for a few months then come here and officially you will be a stranger hired into my personal army. Unofficially you will be given the best training I can provide in secrecy and hopefully that will be enough so that you can handle yourself when the time comes that you have to leave again. You will have to stay inside most of the time and you can't really show yourself much because your size is impossible to hide unless using magic and there is a limit to the available magic especially when we talk about a mage who is sure to be silent about it and who doesn't have duties elsewhere. That's the best I can do your kid" he continued.

Azalahn did as he was told. Time passed and in the five years he spent there he became fully proficient with his chosen weapon and style. He even got the tools to eventually become a master. But the lord was right eventually people started asking questions it was time to prepare for departure.

By some strange reason Illyrana suddenly became very busy. Azalahn knew that in terms of allowance she was probably the most spoiled student in the academy, but he also knew that she spent almost nothing. She said that she needed to get some money for a project.

Azalahn got the house smith to teach him how to make and repair mail rings, at the first few tries they broke easily, but after a week with failure he eventually got it right, however things took way too much time and it became evident that he didn't have the time to make a full armor.

In desperation he started to sew pieces of iron into a jacket. It wouldn't protect against piercing weapons, but according to his master it would protect against slashing weapons that didn't make a clean hit. Naroon laughed when he saw it and called it the ugliest armor he had ever seen and indeed worthy of an ogre. However one day a full suite of chain mail arrived for him from a temple of Ava together with a pair of beautiful swords. Azalahn was grateful. He knew it was from his mother.

Departure
On the day he had to depart Illyrana gave him a breastplate and a pair of gauntlets. “It is all I could afford and I have a feeling you will end up heading to the human lands. This is made in the same style that humans use” she said with tears streaming down her chin. Azalahn felt bad, he knew this was a lot more than she could afford and that she had to own money to probably everyone that she knew and would be indebted for years.

Naroon and Azuria came over to him with very nice warhorse. “We convinced dad that there is something wrong with this horse and he needs to get rid of it, well he wasn't hard to convince and be careful you don't shoot yourself with the bow I know what a great archer you are, we would give you a lance as well but I wanna be there and see it when a human knight throws you off the horse. Yea and buy yourself a new face you ugly ogre” Naroon jested and threw a pouch of coins at him while laughing, but the laughter was exaggerated and forced.

Azuria was quiet, she gave him a necklace “Remember me” she said and then she hurried into the mansion. The lord came out, and handed him a ring and a letter. “Well kid, I have arranged with your mother to set you up in Carmalad, if you ever are in need of anything then contact one of the people on the list and show them the ring and letter. I know a part of you wants to try your luck in your mother's homeland but I doubt you will find a permanent home there so when you decide you need to move on then try Voldar” he said. Azalahn departed the city at the age of 34

Azalahn noticed that someone was shadowing him on his way out of town, shortly before the city gates he stopped and confronted the shadowy figure. It was his oldest brother. His brother had no love for his position in the mage guild and indeed he cared for Azalahn whom he still considered his brother even though his father had told them not to see him. He handed Azalahn a couple of jewels “Well the scandal suits the old tyrant and yea he must have misplaced his magic dagger somewhere so don't ask” he said  

The mother's homeland
Azalahn rode south, he got lost quite a few times and had to backtrack, eventually he came to the Paeleon forest. He was nervous about how he would be received. “Well as long as it wasn't with a poisoned arrow trough his neck then he would be all right” he told himself

He did indeed get a cold welcome but they decided to give him a chance after hearing the story about who his mother was. (He didn't tell them that she was a priestess of Ava)

Adjusting to the eophyrim ways was difficult. He knew much about their history and culture, but knowing about it was different from living it. Azalahn was only truly at home when holding a weapon in his hands. He made a few friends during the brief time he stayed there, there was even one woman he became very fund of, but he couldn't forget Illyrana.

Illyrana’s image was haunting him day and night. He was apprenticed as a hunter and with time he picked up the most basic of tracking and hunting skills but it was evident that he was not born to be a hunter so in the end he decided that he would head for the human lands at the age of 41

The mercenary life.
He traveled across the continent with no direction for a year and a half. He lived as a hunter most of the time but had enough wealth to buy food when there was no pray. In Voldar he got in contact with some mercenaries and ended up signing a contract. In the start most of the work was as caravan guards in small units. After some months he was sent to the northern frontier as part of a full company. The war season passed, or at least the locals didn't want to pay anymore so they returned back south, split up and became caravan guards again. He hasn't really used the contacts he got from the lord back home, except that he stored most of his valuables there when he came to town.

Azalahn and his unit ended up guarding caravans going to and from Carmalad. Azalahn had 30 warriors under his command, he divided them into 3 squads, and spent most of his time arranging jobs with for his men. One day he rescued a street kid from being bullied by some of the local ruffians, a few days later the same kid tried to pickpocket him. Azalahn decided to let the kid go, a few months later he caught the same kid again, this time Azalahn wanted to have a chat with the father so he dragged the kid across most of the town, in the end it turned out that the kid was an orphan.

One day one of the units reported back with wounded and people missing. The sergeant was proud.
Despite being ambushed and outnumbered he had secured the caravan and only suffered minor casualties. Azalahn was furious. He canceled the contract negotiations he was in the middle of, took the available men and headed out while sending a courier with orders to the last squad about joining them immediately after reaching their destination. When they reached the site of the ambush the bodies of 2 of his men were missing. Azalahn and his unit followed the trail and after a few days the last unit joined them. His platoon was divided into 2 camps. With one side he was everything but popular, this was a waste of time and money. The other side admired him for caring about 2 missing men. In the end the scout found the highway men's hideout. The knight and the dandy were held prisoners, most likely for ransom. The camp was raided and burned down, and most of the highway men were captured or killed. Both prisoners were severely wounded. The young boy died a few days later. The knight Aria could be moved after a week. When they came back to town Azalahn spent most of their profit on medical care for Knight Aria.

There was an old woman living on a farm just outside town, her husband had passed away a few years earlier, bad luck with the harvest had pushed one of their sons into seeking fame and glory as a mercenary but instead he had found death in a foreign land. Their other son had died from disease and she had never given birth to another child. Azalahn used to help her out every now and then. People said she was a witch practicing evil magic and that she had murdered her husband and son as  part of a demonic deal. Indeed the old crone looked a bit scary, but there was nothing evil about her in fact she was a kind old lady. Azalahn parked his horse and staid at her farm when he was in town. In the spring he brought her seeds and in the late summer he helped her with the harvest. He liked working the land.

There were some of the other mercenaries that talked about getting their own tavern and quit the mercenary work, after some time Azalahn got hooked on the idea. The contract they had signed on for came to an end, some of them had been there for many years, but Azalahn had only signed on for 2 years. The payout was poor indeed. Some of them let out comments about Azalahn being better off as a beggar if he ever wanted to get out of dept for his armor. Actually Azalahn didn't think the pay was that bad, but he had signed on as a lieutenant, leadership had come naturally to him in fact this was easier than the theories his master had made him study and thus he got an officer's salary.

The tavern
About a year ago when Azalahn was 44 the old woman died and she had made Azalahn the heir to all her property since she had no family to pas it on to and he was the only one that she knew. Azalahn was grateful but he had a problem, that turned out to put an end to his newborn farming ambition. The only things he knew about farming was the name of the seeds he used to bring and that they were supposed to be harvested in the late summer. He thought about selling it but he didn't like that idea because in his head that would be the same as selling the kindness of the old lady. He squandered a few days away pondering what to do. In the end he decided to do nothing, about the farm but to go for it with the tavern and buy what was left of a small bar and warehouse, in what was supposed to be a bad neighborhood. It was obvious who the front of the local street gang was, but Azalahn was worried. What if this was only the enforcer of this area but part of a much larger and more powerful organization. Azalahn went looking for the little kid he had caught some time ago. This was just like a war he taught, and the two most important things to obtain victory were information about the enemy and an army strong enough to actually beat him. He didn't have an army but he had some ideas and first things first.

He got the kid to hire some other kids and gather information for him. It turned out that the local gang didn't have any true allies but only some live and let live agreements with other gangs, and they were only about 10 members, but one of them was a former assassin although never a good one. Azalahn contacted some of the mercenaries from his former unit. 3 of them ended up joining him. Thorgrim Blackbeard a dwarven veteran who wanted to retire to the quiet life, Ellysia Ilaról‘miés'efér the elven scout who had become quite disillusioned with mercenary life and lastly Aria the Serphelorian Knight, whose respect Azalahn had won.

Azalahn opened the tavern and the gang made things really tough. Azalahn had intended to wait a few years before getting rid of them, but both Aria and Thorgrim insisted on doing something about it right away and they were both more than ready to chop of a head or two. In the end Azalahn got them to at least let him try to do it his way first. He had Azuria talk with the officials and get him permission to clean the streets by whatever method he found nesacary as long as it didn't cause any disturbance across the rest of the city. Human officials were indeed strange they took payment for allowing people to help them, Azuria called it bribery. It wasn't expensive since everyone would like to get rid of them. Azalahn paid the Eophyrim to take out the assassin and abduct the little guy who was supposed to be the gang's only brain. Most people would be glad to get rid of them, but it was still killing and abduction so it would be best to have outsiders do it just in case. Azalahn had Aria beat the leader up and break some bones, the rest was easy.

After cleaning up the streets business has dramatically improved, it is now a flourishing Tavern. Thorgrim stands in the bar and tells old war stories and he doesn't believe that Azalahn’s breastplate is made by elves, but claims it has to be made by dwarfs. Ellysia is the waiter and Aria is the bouncer, well occasionally there is a big fight and Azalahn has to assist her, but he normally lets her handle things alone since he knows she likes being the strong one who doesn't need help from any man. Azalahn has hired an extra waiter and has the street kid running errands for them, sharing gossip about the competition and general activity on the street that might be of importance to know. In exchange the kid has been promised a free meal every day. Usually it ends up with 3 meals a day and a place to sleep for nothing.

Weapons:
Bastard sword, Scimitar, Chain Mail (Gifts from his mother), Pair of gauntlets (Gift from his sister), Bow, Kurakim Breast Plate (Gift from his sister)

Belongings:
Black Silk tunic made of the best materials money can buy, but really low quality tailoring. The tunic is his most highly prized possession. A jeweled ring that marks him as a lieutenant of house ó'chón'cár’raín, Silver necklace with the ó'chón'cár’raín house emblem carved into a sapphire. He also has a necklace with the house insignia of house Dél’Raguierá, but he hasn't worn it since he left his homeland. A textbook or two for students starting at a magic academy. A book about military theory, formations and tactics (His notebook from when he was tutored in house ó'chón'cár’raín). Pair of Jeweled daggers, tavern, Farm and a some cash

Familiars:
Azalahn got it as a pup shortly after he came to the Paelelon forrest. The other hunters he worked with helped him train it so today it can be said to be a fully trained hunting hound. He kept it as a pet during the lonely days after he left the forrest. It has the mind of the typical hunting dog though and requires constant attention. The dog is pitch black and rather big for it's race.

Heavy war horse. The horse was in it's prime when Azalahn got it 9 years ago when he left home. It is now rather old and would not be well suited to carry the giant Azalahn in full armor for hours and then into battle. Luckily it doesn't have to. It used to have a nasty temper but with age it has calmed down and these days it is usually a very calm horse but it won't let anyone except for Azalahn ride it. The horse is a jet black mare.
  
Companions/Staff.
Thorgrim Blackbeard: He is the cook and bartender. He makes a great stew and knows an almost infinite amount of old warstories.
...

Aria the Serphelorian knight: Azalahn and his code of honor saved her life, his loyalty and battleproves can't be questioned so she will follow him to the end of the world. She is bouncer and helps out in the kitchen every now and then. She is not of noble birth and doesn't have a full suit of plate armor, but she was with the heavy cavalry and has a noble soul.
...

Ellysia the mage scout. She is the beautiful and charming waitress, likes to flirt with the customers, but always armed with a pair of knives and half a dozen other consealed weapons if Azalahns suspicions are correct.
...

William the street kid.
William is a young boy of 10 years. He is small and skinny but very bright and he is fast. His father was murdered only a few years after his birth. His mother could not support the family and died from a combination of disease and malnutrition when he was 5. His uncle took him and his sister in but treated them as slaves, his sister died from the beatings when he was 7 then he stole what he could and ran as far away as he could and ended up in this town and lived as a pickpocket until the day Azalahn hired him to gather information.
Since the death of his mother Azalahn and his staff are the only ones that have ever shown him any kindness. He is a bit scared of both Azalahn and Aria. He has seen what the giantess and the lumbering hulk can do, but he also knows they would never hurt him. He dreams about becoming an unbeatable master of every weapon like them when he grows up, but they always tell him to go out to the farm and practice with the bow they gave him. He is almost as good as Azalahn with the bow so he must be close to mastery but they want him to be even better and it is always Azuria that instructs him, damn grown ups. (Azalahn would love to teach him but he knows the boy will never develop even half the strength required to wield the bastard sword like his style requires)





Ok I am going to stop for now.
Valan I really think it would be best for both of us if I can get another moderator. You have helped me getting rid of some of the worst mistakes and I thank you for that, but overall I honestly find you more confusing than helpfull.
« Last Edit: March 04, 2010, 04:55:21 AM by Azalahn » Logged

Deklitch Hardin
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« Reply #25 on: March 04, 2010, 04:42:17 AM »

Azalahn,

Please don't repost entire comments from others if you want to respond to their posts :D And especially don't include parts that you are not responding to.

Just quote little bits of what they say to you and respond to those bits. <SNIP> and <QUOTE> are your friends. And, we even have a handy little icon (the one that looks like a speech bubble) for quoting others.

We are able to look back at previous posts to see where they are coming from if we need to ... help us save the mice of people everywhere.

Deklitch

Edit: It would appear you haven't integrated Valan's comments as yet. So, I'm going to return it to the pencil icon until you do so.
« Last Edit: March 04, 2010, 04:44:54 AM by Deklitch Hardin » Logged

Seeking the truth, whatever the cost! - Deklitch Hardin, Elf Friend
Azalahn
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« Reply #26 on: March 04, 2010, 07:14:03 AM »

Quote
... Few of the stories ever get into any serious fighting or any fighting at all. You'll rarely have a chance to kill an NPC and you can't do more than wound other players (see the rules) so it's a bit of a waste to describe all of that (wrong though it is) in any case.

I know I know I know.
Indeed even if I get the chance then I don't plan to go around killing orchs and whatever. I have been playing rpg for a some years and "hack & slash" games as some people call it really is not my style. I like all the other things that are going on in the world. Like interacting with all the various people in a more peacefull way.

However looking at his childhood he spent almost half of it training with weapons the other half he was in "jail" well mage school. Except for the tavern and the people there I would say there is not much to describe about him except for his warrior side. He can't manipulate a single oun of anything so there is not much magic to describe and he never learned enough to be a hunter for real so there is not much there either. He is a sword master 100% ... Well as close to it as one can be given his age and late introduction to a real master.

Anyway I am finished going over the coments and have worked it into the CD.
« Last Edit: March 04, 2010, 10:20:44 AM by Azalahn » Logged

Valan Nonesuch
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« Reply #27 on: March 04, 2010, 10:50:01 AM »

Let me explain to you exactly the problem you're running into here. I've got no problem with you arguing but: What a mod says about your CD matters. We approve and we don't approve. Follow our advice and you'll be approved. Period.

You didn't get your facts right.
I'll wager that you don't quite know enough about how things get down around here to understand. Other mods might say that's no fault of yours. Fair enough.

You're trying to take apples and replace them with oranges and that's certainly not the same thing.
Quote
2 meters and 15 cm.
2 peds 1 fore 2 palmspans is 253 centimeters or 8 feet 3 inches. You did your math wrong  Humans and elves are different races. Elves are certainly not pointy eared humans. To compare one and the other is like comparing a housecat and a tiger. They're the same sort of thing, in a way, but the scale of one is radically different from the other. They have the same bones in the same places but that doesn't mean you could grow a housecat the size of a tiger because a tiger is already that big. What you have here is not a valid argument. As far as I can tell, I'm not an expert and I'll wager neither are you, your character should be dead.

You want to make a strong elf? Fine. But there are limitations and I've laid them out for you. You'll either have to reduce your age (which means reducing your skill) or reduce your size. Giants do not tend to live long. This is fact. The complications arising from the size of the body and the stress it puts on systems not designed to support a living being of that scale are unpleasant. Strain on the spine, on the circulatory system and on the bones in the body as a whole is enough to kill a person, regardless of race. Elves' bones break just like humans.

I've said my piece and I'll not darken your CD with comments less someone asks me to. That's one mod that you won't have CD approvals from.
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Do not act incautiously when confronting little bald wrinkly smiling men!
Valan Nonesuch
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« Reply #28 on: March 04, 2010, 01:13:17 PM »

2 m 15 cm if human, yes but a human is not 2 m in average height. If I remember right then he was about 20% taller than the average human I looked up. The injerin are slightly more than 2 m in average so I guessed they would be 2.09 and added 20%. That gives roughly 2.51 then I took the number I got from the converter and rounded it to the closest palmspan. That gives 2 peds 1 fore and 2 palmspans. The rounding was because I wanted to cut the amount of numbers. The assumption that humans and elves had the same relative deviation was wrong but there was nothing wrong with the math.

The next thing is a perfect example of why I find you more confusing than helpful.
You tell me that I have to reduce his height, yes I got that. The problem is that it really doesn't help me much to only tell me to reduce his height. You continue with medical reasons for why he can't be a giant. That doesn't help me at all. What I need to know in order to keep him a big elf is the upper limit of a healthy elf's height, nothing more and nothing less. You don't say anything about that.

I think it is fair to say that we just don't talk the same language, and better served by not wasting our time on each other.
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Azalahn
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« Reply #29 on: March 05, 2010, 05:55:49 AM »

Hmmm did some research on extreme height.
OK the relative deviations are not the same for humans and elves. The idea however is that Azalahn will be to other elves what the men listed below are to other humans, after modification for both the elven average of slightly more than 2 meters and the smaller deviation from the average elven height.

These people seem to be healthy
Yao Ming, age of 30, height 2.29 M, profession basketball player

Choi Hong-man, age 29, height 2.18, profession K-1 fighter (kickboxer/martial artist)

George Gonzales age 44, height 2.29, profession retired wrestler

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_tallest_people




« Last Edit: March 05, 2010, 05:57:36 AM by Azalahn » Logged

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