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Author Topic: Avásh'ám'Térqu'ypheró/Maeverhim/Cultivator-Mage  (Read 15400 times)
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Avásh ám Térqu'ypheró
The Grey King's Mage
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« Reply #45 on: April 26, 2010, 09:56:51 AM »

You're English aren't you? Or have learned British English? How interesting... well I've changed most of it; headings in green, and subheadings in oragne
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Sombody once told me to meet them by Wotésoaltewékotil. Little did I know at the time that Wotésoaltewékotil was the place were the dead meet their family. I'll see you soon, I promise you.

Avásh
Deklitch Hardin
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« Reply #46 on: April 26, 2010, 10:33:56 AM »

I wasn't making a comment of colour vs color, I was just agreeing with you that using a standard colour/color for your edits would be easier than using multiple ones. Using green for headings is also a good idea.

Yes, I learnt the non-US way of spelling words, but either way is fine here. :)
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Seeking the truth, whatever the cost! - Deklitch Hardin, Elf Friend
Avásh ám Térqu'ypheró
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« Reply #47 on: April 26, 2010, 10:50:19 AM »

i was just making an observation is all... sorry!
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Sombody once told me to meet them by Wotésoaltewékotil. Little did I know at the time that Wotésoaltewékotil was the place were the dead meet their family. I'll see you soon, I promise you.

Avásh
Avásh ám Térqu'ypheró
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« Reply #48 on: April 30, 2010, 07:36:15 AM »

Comments Requested
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Sombody once told me to meet them by Wotésoaltewékotil. Little did I know at the time that Wotésoaltewékotil was the place were the dead meet their family. I'll see you soon, I promise you.

Avásh
Alexandre Scriabin
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« Reply #49 on: April 30, 2010, 08:03:53 AM »

From the overview-
Quote
He has a big heart and likes meeting new people.

From his personality-
Quote
Being quiet and reserved for most of his life, Avásh has a hard time warming up to people

Some clarification between what it means for him to like meeting strangers, and yet have a hard time warming up to them at the same time. It's conceivable, but you haven't described what exactly goes on with him in this, the first tier of friendship.

Quote
He is quite simple in nature, although he is something of a mentalist.

It is one thing to appreciate simplicity, but one cannot be quite simple in nature and be something of a mentalist. They are opposite preferences.

Your personality section is rather short as well. Any hobbies, quirks, flaws, passions, social tendencies, moral standards, musical taste maybe? Please jot them down and make your personality a more detailed 2 to 3 paragraphs. The personality section is key to playing and entertaining with your character well.

I'd appreciate it if you broke your physical appearance into two paragraphs. As it is, the block of text there is hard to read, and doesn't fit the structure of a paragraph, seeing as it deals with several topics.

Quote
He takes pride in this, and Váras helps him sell some of the herbs he has grown; as he is still very shy.

This shyness should probably be added to his list of weaknesses, so that it can both be taken into account during the game, and so that it's effects can be defined more clearly.

Quote
Observer:
 He often examines people very closely, watching their actions and what they say so he can help them in the best way possible; this comes in handy when people don't exactly want to admit something.

Could you please specify just how good he is at this?

Quote
Overgenerous:
 Avásh is often overly generous and so ready to please that he hurts his loved ones as well as himself in the process.

Just how generous is he? Would he spend a days profits on someone else at a whim? Or does he even go so far as to reserve a portion of his earnings every year for the benefit of others?
From his Weaknesses:
Quote
Memory Loss:
 Due to his memory lost, he often avoids questions about his past and substitutes them with questions about the his necklace. It also causes him some confusion from time to time, as he cannot remember the "cherished childhood memories" that everyone else talks about, only the ones of a few recent years.

From his History:
Quote
Not much is known about Avásh or what his past was like. He can only remember a few happy moments in his life before he turned 25.

Regardless of whether or not he remembers it, I can assure you it is still necessary to give some him some background for us. How did his parents come together? What was he like as an early adolescent?

Quote
One day however, on his 25th birthday, his mother, Eliás, and his father, Fiér, were riding from branch to branch, taking any method possible to get to the town of Seraia, placed high on stilts by walkways and bridge-ways. His parents then lead him through the small town toward the market place, selling their wares and trying to teach Avásh how to do the same. When they had walked into a produce market, Avásh noticed that they were being followed by a few others, seeming to keep their distance, but hide when he looked their way. They were dark in skin tone, and had bright fiery red hair.

 Both of them had yellow eyes... nothing like he had ever seen. They were Human-like in nature, standing out amongst the fair skinned Maeverhim. Their intentions looked menacing, although no one seemed to notice. They walked slowly and even though they received questioning looks, they walked with confidence and self-importance. When they had reached the appropriate bridge-way before the stall, the followers followed them in and knocked out Avásh. They then sent forth a ring of burning ice, surround his parents. As his parents were not skilled in anything but cultivation, experienced in simple trade and how to grow and breed plants; hence they couldn't resist the attack.

The mages closed the ring around Eliás and Fiér eventually causing suffocation, as the fire burned all oxygen in the immediate area. They took the nightshimmer vine necklaces from their necks, planning to use it to for the entrancement and manipulation of people whom they would most likely torture for information about how to win a war with a warring tribe or some ridiculous reason like that. With a final kick to Avásh's stomach, they ran off leaving him and his dead parents in the bridge-way before the stall. When Avásh awoke, he saw his parents lying there, and their nighshimmer vine necklaces removed from their neck and a slight burn mark where they were cut. Although it wasn't intended, the knock that rendered him unconscious caused acute amnesia and Avásh lost most memories of his childhood, but not of his recent memories of the School or his training.

How did this happen, that these Mages came up into the trees, and were permitted to be amongst his people? It's plausible, but how? Why did someone decide all of a sudden that common cultivators from a peaceful, reclusive race, just had to be murdered? He may not know this, but we certainly would like an explanation of such an unusual event as wanton murder in the trees.
« Last Edit: April 30, 2010, 10:16:10 AM by Alexandre Scriabin » Logged

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« Reply #50 on: April 30, 2010, 04:20:15 PM »

Comments and corrections in lime green.
mistakes in red.
Name: Avásh'ám'Térqu'ypheró ( Wind and Weather)

Gender: Male

Age: 25 (16 by appearance) Knowledge and training? 

Race: Elf

Tribe: Maeverhim

Occupation: Cultivator/ Wind Mage

Title: The Grey King's Mage

Overview: Avásh, at the age of 25 How did he grow up at the age of 25? , grew up with cultivators for parents, why although? although they often had tourists that he and his family had met in Seria hoping to spend a day and: " Experience the Maeverhim way." His parents, both pure in breed, knew their trade very well, and passed on the skills to him. He is quiet, and reserved, and likes  people, once he warms up to them Doesn't everyone like people they have warmed to? . He has a big heart and likes meeting new people, although he doesn't quite trust them at first. He's too many "He's", I think   young and has the whole world ahead of him.

Appearance:

Height:  1 Ped, 2 Fores, 3 Nailsbreadth, 2 Grains

Weight: 1 Pygge, 1 Heb, 3 Ods, 4 Mut

Hair Color: Dark brown Santharian colours please

Eye Color: Dark brown Santharian colours please

Physical Appearance

Body Structure and Physical Features: Avásh sports many of the traditional Maeverhim features including the naturally black fingernails and toenails, although the normally green or blue eyes that are commonly seen in the tribe have been substituted for his dark chocolate eyes. Santharian colours please  His face is thin, as well as the rest of his body structure. He is skinny, but no one really notices due to his clothing. His hair is medium length and always pulled back into a ponytail. This comes as somewhat of a shock to his family members. They do not quite understand why it is pulled back, but he reasons that it is due to his inability to work with it falling in his seeds, food, plants, and dirty underwear piles. Eventually however, he decided one day to take most of his hair off; on the day one year after his parents had died. He has been growing it back ever since. This also has him stand out somewhat in the crowd of long-haired Maeverhim. So many he's!

 His cheekbones are high, his lips, and brow stern, but when he smiles, one knows all is well. He has longer legs than normal, accounting for about 55 percent slightly more than the usual half height rather than the normal 50 percent. He has lean, long muscle, long  muscle? I think you probably mean ropey. making him resemble something akin to a not-quite-so-attractive woman, and is often mistaken for it, but he shrugs off comments like those, as the persons people commenting don't realize it at the time. He is also a very short Maeverhim, although he is still very young and hasn't had time to finish growing. His short height gives him a slight disadvantage when it comes to playing games with the others and climbing trees and the like. Again, too many he's

Clothing: Baggy blue and green garb that catches the wind in a majestic way. His attire is traditional like that of most of the other Maeverhim; baggy pants and shorts designed to ?break the stories he descends?. He also sports a necklace made from the nightshimmer vines, although no one knows how it stays alive... He also has one nice set of clothes, special for holidays, and one other that he wore on his parent's death day, or the day that was so told to him when he was found by Váras, as to remember them. His holiday garb includes a slightly less baggy white shirt, with oddly enough, a collar, (for it makes him feel dressy) gleaming with nightshimmer vine knitted into it. and Avash's remembrance clothes include one of a very dark green, with dark blue stitching, although he almost always wears his traditional set of clothes.

Personality: Being quiet and reserved for most of his life, Avásh has a hard time warming up to people, but once he does, he creates a friendship that lasts a lifetime, although his prejudice against fire often gets him in trouble with the tourists. Although he has trouble warming up to people, he does indeed like them I think virtually everyone likes people once they warm to them. He more so had doesn't make sense trust issues; for example, he does not like it when people ask personal information from him. The initial meeting is fine, but after, when it starts to get more personal, he tends to be very reclusive and draws himself into a "shell-like" state of mind.

He likes playing around with others, as well as trying new things. He is very adventurous and loves to do anything outdoorsy. He oft goes out to Seraia just to see what people do, how they react to what? , and what he can do to help. He also enjoys observing people and how they work. This makes him something of a observer.

In his freer time, between messing with magic, and negotiating with people, he enjoys gardening very much, and not just because it's his main source of income. One reason why he is so proficient at gardening and cultivation is because he cares for his plants very well. He enjoys watching his garden sprout to life with the greenery (and sometimes bluery) of his garden. At night, his garden can be seen and is oft opened to the public to pick berries and the fruits, and to see how the native plants of Seraia.


So many He's!

Strengths and Weaknesses:

Strengths:

 Cultivator:
Avásh is a very well practiced cultivator. He can sow almost any seed watch it bloom with radiance with the help of The Grey King. Also, due to his knowledge of cultivation, herbalists also find him helpful as he can grow things much quicker than one would have expected. He takes pride in this, and Váras helps him sell some of the herbs he has grown; as he is still very shy.

Wind Mage: Level 1
 Avásh hopes to become a great mage one day, as he has seen many other Wind Mages pass through and send a slight breeze his way as thanks for what?. He is skilled in Wind Magic, hoping one day to be a recognized as a someone to turn to for help. He has been taking courses from the which school? School for 4 years now and is quite skilled, although he still has a long way to go. He often has trouble getting near other mages due to his  past experience with Fire and Water Mages, although he enjoys watching tourists, that visit his town, jump in glee when he sends a little breeze their way as a goodbye.

Observer:
 He often examines people very closely, watching their actions and what they say so he can help them in the best way possible; this comes in handy when people don't exactly want to admit something.

Height:
 His short stature, is at times a disadvantage, but it can be advantageous. During training at the School, as well as during some hide-and-seek games he still often plays, he can fit into smaller spaces, as well as become more friendly with the non-natives as he can, for lack of a better phrase, "bring it down to their level."

Weaknesses:

Poor Salesperson:
 Although Avásh is an experienced cultivator, he often has trouble selling his goods to others; he does not know how to properly interact with people.

Overgenerous:
 Avásh is often overly generous and so ready to please that he hurts his loved ones as well as himself in the process.

Clumsy:
 He is clumsy and ?oft? not to handle fragile objects.

Memory Loss:
 Due to his memory lost, he often avoids questions about his past and substitutes them with questions about the his necklace how does he do that?. It also causes him some confusion from time to time, as he cannot remember the "cherished childhood memories" that everyone else talks about, only the ones of a few recent years. Please explain how this happened.

Rebellious Nature:
 He also doesn't enjoy complying with people or authoritative figures. He has a hard time swallowing his pride and doing as others say, unless of course, it is elder or the Rónn or Ránn. This often got him  in trouble as a child, because he had a hard time enjoying guests who did not enjoy kids. How does one enjoy guests or kids?

Height:
 His short height also makes him very tired very quickly, as the others can take nice long strides, while he must take at least four times as manymore, just to keep up.

Brief History:
Not much is known about Avásh or what his past was like. He can only remember a few happy moments in his life before he turned 25. During his childhood, he grew up learning to swing from tree to tree, training on the platforms which held the lounging, what the humans would call, " Big Beanbag-chairs." If he fell, he would scold himself, always saying that if he ever became Earthburned, he would move on to greater adventures, outside of Maeverhim country. As far back as he could remember, his parents held parties inviting humans and those of other races to come and "Experience the Maeverhim way." They oft were astonished at the lack of fire in the town, and were quickly silenced and told to wait. He did enjoy jumping around, performing acrobatic stunts to please and entertain the groups. Into his teens, the groups of travelers became less interested in him, so he took to learning the cultivating skill that his mother and father were so well known for. He worked hard Working hard is a strength, building his knowledge of how to grow, and the influence Grothar had on their people.

One day however, on his 25th birthday, his mother, Eliás, and his father, Fiér, were riding from branch to branch, taking any method possible to get to the town of Seraia, placed high on stilts by walkways and bridge-ways. His parents then lead him through the small town toward the market place, selling their wares and trying to teach Avásh how to do the same. When they had walked into a produce market, Avásh noticed that they were being followed by a few others Other whats?, seeming to keep their distance, but hide when he looked their way. They were dark in skin tone, and had bright fiery red hair.

 Both of them had yellow eyes... nothing like he had ever seen. They were Human-like in nature, standing out amongst the fair skinned Maeverhim. Their intentions looked menacing, although no one seemed to notice. They walked slowly and even though they received questioning looks, they walked with confidence and self-importance. When they had reached the appropriate bridge-way before the stall, the followers followed them in and knocked out Avásh. They then sent forth a ring of burning ice, surround his parents. As his parents were not skilled in anything but cultivation, experienced in simple trade and how to grow and breed plants; hence they couldn't resist the attack.

Why didn't people step in to help? And why didn't Avash mention the followers to his parents?


The mages closed the ring around Eliás and Fiér eventually causing suffocation, as the fire burned all oxygen in the immediate area. They took the nightshimmer vine necklaces from their necks, planning to use it to for the entrancement and manipulation of people whom they would most likely torture for information about how to win a war with a warring tribe or some ridiculous reason like that. With a final kick to Avásh's stomach, they ran off leaving him and his dead parents in the bridge-way before the stall. When Avásh awoke, he saw his parents lying there, and their nighshimmer vine necklaces removed from their neck and a slight burn mark where they were cut. Although it wasn't intended, the knock that rendered him unconscious caused acute amnesia and Avásh lost most memories of his childhood, but not of his recent memories of the which school? School or his training. He hopes one day that someone can help him remember what happened... if that's at all possible. A few hours after the attack, the shop-keep had left the cloth-covered stall for a moment for a breath of fresh air. As she pulled back the cloth, she found Avásh and his parents lying on the floor. The shopkeeper quickly gathered the other elves from the Sharadon Forest and sent Avásh away to her house to recover; as for the parents, when Avásh was healed enough to walk again, they gave them a proper funeral; the Maeverhim way.

From that day on, Avásh has lived for the most part by himself, with the shop-keep and school taking care of him. The shop-keep, Váras, has now become something of a mother figure to Avásh.

Within a few years after, as he was just getting used to being on his own, well with the help of Váras of course, he had met a young man, with unusually dark skin, and very vibrant red hair. The man wanted to see what Avásh did, as he claimed himself a scholar and asked to be shown about the Maeverhim, although when Avásh presented the man to Váras, she seemed a bit concerned. As they both entered Avásh's treetop domicile, the fiery-haired man grabbed Avásh and threw him out of his house with fire coming forth from his fingertips, down further and further, people watching him float down, unable to reach or help him, as Avásh had made a point not to live near any platforms that could become crowded an noisey. As Avásh fell further and further he realized that there wasn't going to be a happy ending to his ordeal. With landing made softer only by his clothes, Avásh was gently settled onto the ground, and when he last looked up, he saw the fire-headed mage gliding silently between people. As soon as he walk a few peds without falling, he quickly made his way toward the edge of the forest, out toward Seria, although he moved beneith the 15 ped-high stilts, and tried to spare himself some of the shame that would find him if he ever went back. Not enough he's this time.

Although Maeverhim aren't usually exiled for being pushed onto the ground, Avásh had set up a plan, many years prior, saying that he will try to seek out whomever killed his parents. Although it seems rather impossible, Avásh finds that it may not be so bad, and that one day, in his old age, he may move back to the Maeverhim village, to teach Wind Magic at the local school, or perhaps to teach his techniques of cultivation to the younger generation so they may become masters at cultivation too. Same result, say and instead of or perhaps.

What is this plan? Why did the man do that to him? How did he move him with a fire spell? Surely the man would figure in his plan?

Magical Experiences:
   At the age of 19, Avásh was accepted into the local Maeverhim School where he would learn to become a Wind Mage. His schooling, although not terribly difficult, he would describe as tedious, but well worth the effort. There wasn't much that he didn't want to know, although his lack of experience hindered him in learning it. His clumsiness often created more havoc then intended. His lack of knowledge leads him into a world of continued learning as he tries to experience the world;

Breezes: Although he usually summons a slight breeze, he can also create a strong breeze to help sway the clouds toward or away from him, in order to get the best amount of sunlight necessary for his plants.

The Grey King: Avásh believes, as many Maeverhim do, in The Grey King. Avásh hopes that with a prayer to the Grey King, however successful or unsuccessful it may be, that he can get the correct weather patterns needed to help his plants grow.

Vanish: Avásh can also make things Vanish, which also entertained the guests at his house. In cultivation, if a plant is getting to much sunlight, but he can't move it to a shadier spot, he might simply make the plant Vanish, to keep most of the suns rays away from the plant. This procedure, however, is very delicate and often ends up ruining the plants as they do not quite function properly; as they might grow extra stalks, or grow too large, or even not grow ever again, and so Avásh has trouble finding a truly significant use for this in cultivation.

Reflect: Avásh can project images of a target unto others. This does not really come in handy, only when a costumer would like a closer look at a certain item. Avásh can reflect the image of the item onto himself, allowing the costumer a closer look, without the removal of said item.

 Although he has great knowledge of these skills, he has no real reason to use them, mostly fun and games, but the protection of his people is the real goal in his mind.

Avásh Carries With Him: Belongings:

- A bag full of seeds of random sorts, although he can tell what they are
- A small bag full of reagents to help him focus, given to him by Cerás. Who is Cerás?
- His traditional set of Maeverhim clothes
- A rucksack full of a few small gardening tools as he does volunteer work to spruce up some of the dying plants. which dying plants?
- His Nightshimmer Necklace placed around his neck
- A few pieces of food such as an apple and some bread and cheese in case he doesn't have time to go back home for a complete meal
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Avásh ám Térqu'ypheró
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« Reply #51 on: May 09, 2010, 01:52:17 AM »

Comments are welcome! Please critique... I hope i've covered everything. Correct me if I'm wrong though!
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Sombody once told me to meet them by Wotésoaltewékotil. Little did I know at the time that Wotésoaltewékotil was the place were the dead meet their family. I'll see you soon, I promise you.

Avásh
Alexandre Scriabin
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« Reply #52 on: May 09, 2010, 03:08:03 AM »

From your strengths-

Quote
Observer:
 He often examines people very closely, watching their actions and what they say so he can help them in the best way possible; this comes in handy when people don't exactly want to admit something. He is so adept at this, that he can force a confession to stealing an item, even before someone does it. He has ways of soothing people and extracting the information, through general words that the suspect in question puts meaning to.

How does this process work, how would hinting at the subject get a person to confess? If you can explain that well enough, it will make it more plausible, although I doubt anyone could force a confession before someone does something, unless he/she was incredibly lucky that day. In retrospect, you may as well throw magic out the window if your character can mind rape people like you describe.
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« Reply #53 on: May 14, 2010, 09:13:17 AM »

A member of the developers forum decided to drop in and scold me for the comments I had just made. It was puzzling to hear, but it still raises the need to say that if I have discouraged or offended you, please let me know.
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« Reply #54 on: May 15, 2010, 04:48:18 AM »

No not at all... I took no offense! But i believe i changed it? But anything else you would like to comment on please let me know!
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Sombody once told me to meet them by Wotésoaltewékotil. Little did I know at the time that Wotésoaltewékotil was the place were the dead meet their family. I'll see you soon, I promise you.

Avásh
Avásh ám Térqu'ypheró
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« Reply #55 on: May 20, 2010, 07:05:19 AM »

Comments Requested Please! :D
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« Reply #56 on: May 20, 2010, 10:50:31 AM »

Avásh, it looks like your CD has come along realy well.  However, you have still not awnsered the reason behind the death of your characters parents.  (You might not have to explain it but I myself am realy beggining to wonder.
« Last Edit: May 20, 2010, 11:05:14 AM by Shatí Úp » Logged

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« Reply #57 on: May 20, 2010, 11:52:52 AM »

Yes, that really seems to be the only area where you have any splainin' to do now. If you were to work on that some, I'd certainly be willing to end this prolonged suffering of yours, and poke around the CD discussion forum to vouch for you. You look ready enough for an approval to me  Thumb up
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« Reply #58 on: May 21, 2010, 06:46:26 AM »

A stunning conclusion to the Avásh chronicles, no? Well if I left anything out, please do tell me! COMMENTS ARE ALWAYS WELCOME! UNLESS THEY'RE UNHELPFUL!
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Sombody once told me to meet them by Wotésoaltewékotil. Little did I know at the time that Wotésoaltewékotil was the place were the dead meet their family. I'll see you soon, I promise you.

Avásh
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« Reply #59 on: May 21, 2010, 11:37:11 AM »

I don't quite understand why you bother to learn magic if you really have no use for the skill? Other than conjure a breeze, what does wind magic offer your job as a cultivator?
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