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Author Topic: Malavon Despana  (Read 14543 times)
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so orril miesefer
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« Reply #15 on: March 18, 2006, 12:29:23 PM »

I suggest to find OR cancel the enchanted sword.

Weakness I think isn't enough, if you can flee (speed and agility) is almost imposible to use the weakness of Osteogenesis, BTW that's the name in spanish, I would suggest to traslate it.

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In this world the only thing that is always true is that everything changes, moves and tears apart, to latter return in a neverending dance inspired in the movement of wind. ~ So Orril Mis'fer, Sky Tower Apprentice
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« Reply #16 on: March 25, 2006, 09:12:23 AM »

What about a spellcheck?
Apart from that I think you are fairly done :)  

***Astropic of the day***
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Malavon Despana
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« Reply #17 on: March 25, 2006, 11:32:23 AM »

Pardon my ignorance , but how i do i spellcheck?

I Know it seems like a stupid question , but hey... it does not offend to ask :)  

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Malavon The Mage Killer
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« Reply #18 on: March 25, 2006, 11:57:23 AM »

We have our own "Spell Check" on the site - (at least we used to)

Other wise, you should be able to find different programs to copy your CD into that would do a spell check for you (autormatically check your spelling)

That, or you should be able to find a website of some sort which has a program that could do it

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« Reply #19 on: March 26, 2006, 05:31:23 AM »

I use Word... and my sister.:lol  

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In this world the only thing that is always true is that everything changes, moves and tears apart, to latter return in a neverending dance inspired in the movement of wind. ~ So Orril Mis'fer, Sky Tower Apprentice
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« Reply #20 on: March 28, 2006, 01:55:23 PM »

Hello Malavon, first and foremost, welcome to Santharia! You have a wonderfully written CD here, so this shouldn't be too hard. My comments shall be in the ever ugly color of: Orange

Name: Malavon Despana (Now calls himself Malevolant)
Age: 45 <--I know very little about the lifespan of a half-elf so I am unsure here. But if it is equal to a humans I see nothing wrong with his level of skills.
Gender: male
Height: 1 ped, 9 handspans
Race: Maelf
Tribe: Helcrani/Sanhorrhim
Occupation: Mercenary
Title: Wizards Bane


Introduction:

It was a dark night, in a tavern of shady reputation, a man entered, his looks Cleary<--clearly differed from the clientele that normally hangs there, with a beautiful suit made of bright red silk.
With an arrogant look he went to the bartender and asked:

-" Good night (looking up and down at the man with an ironic smile) "sir" would you have the kindness of indicating where I can find a man by the name of Malevolant, I was supposed to met him here? "

-"Malevolant ? Aye he be there in the corner ".

-"Most obliged, kind sir.

As he walked to the corner, there was a man seated, he was entirely dressed in black and his face was hidden in the shadow.
He then asked:

Edgar -"Excuse me, might you be the man people call Malevolant ?"
His face came a bit to light and with a smile showing a perfect set of white teeth the man responded with a husky voice:

Malevolant -"Who wants to know?

The question was made in a normal tone and despite of his smile the elegant gentleman couldnt stop to feel a chill down his spine.

Edgar -"My name is Edgar Belmont, I was told by a mister Alexander Maine that I could find him here that is Malevolant."

Malevolant -"Alex? He always had a big mouth, well I am Malevolant, and what do you want from me?

Edgar -"Well sir , you see I am a travelling bard and your name is whispered in every town as the man who the wizards fear , the man that has killed more than a dozen mages , so I thought to get your history , it would make a magnificent ballad , of course I would pay for your time !"<---One long sentence but that is only a grammatical error.

Malevolant -"You think, do you?" What the hell, since I am in a good mood, I will tell how I became a Wizards Slayer"

History:

I was born form a hecrani father and Sanhorrhim mother who died giving birth to yours truly, so i was raised by my father who was a personal guard of a powerful wizard, one day while travelling the wizard was victim of an ambush, while he was unhurt in the ensueing battle, my father was not so lucky, he died.
I was 8 years old at the time.

Since i<---I was an orphan the wizard, Xarhaz, that was his name, adopted me.
Little did i know and i think that my father didnt know either , since he was a man of strong morals and honour , that Xarhaz was a cruel man , and took special pleasure from making my life a living hell .

I didnt run for only one reason, Amelia.
Like me she was adopted, and we soon we became friends.
More than once she stopped Xarhaz from punishing me from something or another, somehow she was the only person that could calm the wizard, a thing that I could only understood a few years later.<--- Another VERY long sentence.

Where was I? Ah yes...
So years passed, more precisely 10 years, and a boy became a man and Amelia ... well, what used to be a clumsy little girl with pigtails, transformed into a gorgeous Blonde Girl with bright blue eyes.<--- Another VERY long sentence.

The friendship that existed between us became stronger, it became love...
For a few months I was happy, for once in this wretched life, I knew what was to be alive, until the day Xarhaz discovered our youthful romance, he became possesed, and while we were at the house garden, he appeared and spoke to us:<--- Another VERY long sentence.

-" You stupid girl, I took you in my house, I raised you and this is how you repay me? By falling in love in love with this... trash?
And then Amelia, my sweet Amelia spoke:

-"You dont rule me!!. I am thankful for what you did, but I am a woman now and I chose who I want to be!"

- " No Amelia, I do have right to say what you should do, I am your father!

Those words, I never forget what they did to Amelia, she became mortified, asking:

-"But how? Thats..."

-"Impossible? No child , you are my daughter , the man that raised you until you were 5 years old wasnt your father , and your mother a brothel woman that I slept one night , may that stupid wench burn in hell , kept from me that I had a daughter, but I did found out and then I killed them both !!<--- Another VERY long sentence.

-"No!! How could you?

-"Why I did it? You really think that I took you in for the kindness of my heart?
No , despite of your mother origins somewhat repulses me , you are still my flesh and blood , my heir , so I raised in the hope that someday you would learn magic and become a powerful wizard like me .<--- Another VERY long sentence. But no , you had to love him , son of the man I despised most in this earth, with such honour and kindness , that made me sick of my stomach every time he spoke to me and one day I killed him !!<--- Another VERY long sentence.

Then it was my time to be stunned of what I just heared, until now I never taught about it, but it was true that my father died in mysterious circumstances, Xarhaz spoke again:<--- Another VERY long sentence.

-"And since his death didnt give me the pleasure that I taught, what better to get it that to raise his son and make his life a tortured one , but enough talk , now get out of the way or you will die with him !!<--- Another VERY long sentence.

-"No let him live, I beg you!!

-"So be it , you will die with him !! "

Xarhaz began to conjure a immense fireball ,having seen him using the fireball spell many she knew that would take him some time to form it , and so we ran, however she twisted her ankle , not being possible to move.<--- Another VERY long sentence. i tried to pick her up but Amelia just kissed and hugged me giving her back to the mad mage.

For my sorrow, since I would preferred to die a 100 times that to watch what Amelia did, she refused to let me go knowing that the only way for me to survive was to sacrifice herself and so the fireball hit her , she received most of the impact, dying instantly, and knowing that I was next, I ran into the town leaving the surprised wizard behind before he had the time to conjure another .<--- Another VERY long sentence.

I didnt get very far , because of my injuries , despite of Amelia had taken the worse of the fireball several parts of my body were injured , more severely my left hand , thats why I use now a glove to conceal it , it seems more a piece of charcoal than a member ...<--- Another VERY long sentence.

But I am drifting from whats important , returning to the story, like I said I didnt get far , because I fainted due to my injuries.
When I woke up I was in a bed, and I feared the worse, that Xarhaz caught me, but no, lady luck smiled at me that moment, I was saved by a group of assassins that were going to attack Xarhaz, their leader made me a preposition impossible to refuse, to train me as an assassin so some day I could get my revenge, and so my training began.<--- Another VERY long sentence.

I trained with the others , but unlike them , who were there for money or some ulterior motive , I was for personal reasons , and so I trained harder than anyone , learning what the masters had to teach , it took me 20 years but finally I surpassed the masters , I became a master assassin.<--- Another VERY long sentence.

When my training was over , Rugal the assassins guild master, called me , saying that he wanted me to became his successor , now you can imagine his surprise when I told that I wanted nothing to do with the guild , that my only targets were going to be Xanhaz , and depending of my mood any evil person, he felt betrayed , he taught that I had trained this years to became worthy of the position , and so he banished me making me a marked man to the assassins , a betrayer .<--- Another VERY long sentence.

The first victim of Zaroc, that be my sword here, was Xanhaz, he was then a weak man,and even so i studied for months its weakness , its habits for an oportunity to atack, having gotten my revenge, I felt the need to cleanse the world of evil, and in this 2 years that passed i have put my skills in the name of good (As long i get paid) .<--- Another VERY long sentence.
Whisper:To say the truth i really only killed one wizard , i am good but not that good!

So you see , the stories how i killed more than a dozen magi , isn't nothing more that tales or rumors, making my nickname of "Wizards Bane" a underrated one .



Conclusion:

Malevolant -"And so thats my story.

Edgar -"I must say thats quite a story you have

Malevolant -" Yes I know, but leaving the pleasantries aside who hired you?

Edgar -"I beg your pardon?"

Malovant continued to smile, but now wasnt humorous at all, it was a dangerous one, he asked again:

Malevolant -"Come on dont waste my time, as soon as you enter the tavern I knew who you are, now answer me or you will get a new smile in your belly.

Edgar -"Ok, ok I wasnt sent here by anyone, I just taught I could earn myself some fame if I could kill you.

Malevolant -"You are from the guild? "

He nods yes with the head.

Malevolant -"The guild must be having bad times for letting someone like you in, well kid you may go.

Edgar -"Are you letting me go? Why?"

Malevolant - "Like I told you today I am in a good mood, now go before I regret.

Edgar -"One last question, why did you told me your story?"
"If you knew why I was here, what for telling me it?"

Malevolant -So you see that you have a choice, you seem to be from good families, this is not live for anyone, I was forced into this and you re wondering if having my revenge got me some comfort?
The answer is no , but once one kills the first time its almost impossible not to repeat it , I know that you havent killed anyone kid , so trust me when I say you should find other thing to do, now get the hell<--- There is no heaven or hell on Santharia so any mention of this word should be changed to something more fitting. out of here "

The boy left, soon after Malevolant with a sad smile finished his drink, and walked out the tavern vanishing in the night, alone as he should be.


Appearance:

Thin, with sinuous muscles, he is quite tall due to his helcrani traits.

From his mother was gifted with hair so blonde that during day light seems white , his tired yet kind eyes denotes a wisdom and pain that goes well beyond his age . They are green, elfish<--- Elfish is probably not a shade of green, try words like emerald, jade or something more defining as this word does not really fit here. green.

His body has several fire burns due to his experience with Xarhaz, being most visible (In the few times he took off the glove) his burned left hand , he only has one tattoo , its on his right arm in golden letters , its written "Amelia", in memory of his only true love.


Behaviour:

Carefree, its the best way to describe Malevolant .
He can be very charismatic, especially around women, yet he doesnt take any advantage of his good looks, for he has sworn never to love another woman than Amelia.
Most of the time he has a humorous smile on his face , but when he gets angry or feels in danger , the smile becomes more of a grin , showing his white teeth like a wolf.


Items:

-Zaroc as his creator calls it, this Short Sword, its Malevovant most prized possession.
In the years that he trained in the assassins guild, he befriended a wealthy merchant Marcus, whose son had been killed in a wizards duel, so his hate for wizards was well known.
Malevolant told his story to Marcus, who immediately liked the boy reminding of his son.
Using the immense wealth of Marcus, the two hired two of the best dwarven smiths to create it.

The smiths worked day and night for months and Zaroc was finally done.
The Short Sword is entirely of black iron including the hilt, engraved in the blade is the name of the weapon .
Dispite of not having any sort of magic or enchantement , it is very light and due of being all dark , it makes a perfect weapon for an assassin.

-A set of well made throwing knifes (If the target is distracted, there is no need to come closer, is there?)

-He dresses in black; using light armour so he can move more quickly in his "missions".

Strengths:

-Great speed and agility <-- Giving a couple examples of his speed or his agility would help define these attributes alot. Nothing real big, just a sentence or two would go along way here.

-Train of Assassin, he has trained hard in the way of the shadows, he has learned well, and he is capable of hide or "vanish"<-- You don't mean "vanish" literally, I hope? in the shadows with extreme ease.

-Skilled swordsmen, relying in speed and agility than strength he can be very deadly in one on one combat <-- Is he deadly verse a well armored knight or maybe just a skilled fighter? Stating what type of opponent he could face would define how GOOD he actually is with his blade. Masterful, trained, skilled and such are wonderful words to describe how good a person is with a blade.

Weaknesses:

-Marked man, he has been marked as traitor by the assassins guild and has made many enemies amongst the wizards, he lives a live of constant danger, never staying much in the same place for his as well for others around him safety.

-Alcoholic,when not in mission he tends to drown his sorrow(Mainly thinking of Amelia) in drinks.

-Afraid of fire, he lost his loved one in the fire and several parts of his body still hurts terribly and has nightmares since that day , reminding him how destructive fire can be.

-Cynical and ironic, Malevolant can be sometimes say the wrong thing in the wrong moment and some people dont like that, often resulting in a brawl.

-His left hand can sometimes give such excruciating pain , that often takes him to a brink of colapsing .

-Suffers from Osteogenesis Imperfecta,<-- You probably can't state a specific disease that is wrong with him but you can describe it's effects on him. or weak bones disease as is commonly known , while this does not hinder his speed and agility , he cant take any serious blows or risks having an instant broken bone in combat <-- To even know he has this probably means it has happened in the past. Maybe some bones that ache him from past wounds would help out here for a weakness.

Well that is all I can see as your unique way of writing this character leaves little else to fault IMHO. I hope my comments aid you in getting your title soon and feel free to ask questions here. Since you seem very close to approval and I do like the character very much I shall return frequently.

~Bows gracefully and departs~

he pe e pon the rowd ike a ragon, ancien and u o deah.`

Edited by: Twen  Araerwen  at: 3/28/06 10:47
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Tawny Gryphon
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« Reply #21 on: March 28, 2006, 03:21:23 PM »

~shudders....~

This guy looks creepy... at least from his Pic..

Good lookin CD though, save the updates required from the higher ups of course



Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold -- but so does a hard-boiled egg.

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Malavon Despana
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« Reply #22 on: March 29, 2006, 08:57:23 AM »

Thank you Twen for you great comments , i will try to improve my CD.

Tawny It really looks a creepy guy ;)   but if you read his cd , you will see that Malavon is a good sport .

Ps Thx for you kind opinions.;)  

Edited by: Malavon Despana at: 3/29/06 0:58
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Malavon The Mage Killer
so orril miesefer
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« Reply #23 on: March 30, 2006, 02:31:23 PM »

I willl insist, as slayer of mage, you won't live very long. And... Where's the section about the sword??. (Maybe it's there and my PC haven't show it).  

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In this world the only thing that is always true is that everything changes, moves and tears apart, to latter return in a neverending dance inspired in the movement of wind. ~ So Orril Mis'fer, Sky Tower Apprentice
Malavon Despana
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« Reply #24 on: March 30, 2006, 04:04:23 PM »

Well So Orril i made some changes in my cd , he really only killed one mage and one has to think if he didnt deserved it ?

About the sword , she has no real power( In the sense that is not enchanted ) , so i made a small history in the "Item" section .

By the way i thank you for the interest and sugestions you made at my Cd , it really helped me a lot !!!

Edited by: Malavon Despana at: 3/30/06 8:08
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Malavon The Mage Killer
Twn Arerwn
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« Reply #25 on: March 31, 2006, 09:24:23 AM »

Wonderful edits Malavon Despana!:thumbup  I see nothing else that concerns me with this CD, I hope that you are titled soon. With some luck a CD moderator will be along shortly to give it one more going over, yet as I said, "Wonderfully done!"

he pe e pon the rowd ike a ragon, ancien and u o deah.`

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Darien Gulath
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« Reply #26 on: March 31, 2006, 09:36:23 AM »

Cool cd Malavon! I always love to read another assassin, you wouldn't be capable of beating my assassin, however my assassin then again is not a good fighter against mages so they would make an excellent team... Hehe if my assassin wasn't that evil...

Yours more or less has a tendency to be good-spirited.

Oh well, i read trough your cd and found no "bugs", it seems that the other cd-checkers allready pointed them out for you...

Oh yes, now that i think about it; there is one little thing you could clarify;...

How did you end up with the assassin's guild? You aren't an evil man, however if you want to become an assassin you will have to be able to put your morals aside and dare to kill when nessacary, i'm sure that the assassin clan would not only train you but also "test" you, by killing any innocent bystander. And even tough you could have avoided all of this, there would sure as hell be some psychopaths in your team of assassins which you don't like at all and get conflicts with.
Well ofcourse the above mentioned also depends; for who you worked and what kinds of targets they got assigned (and the sort of people of that guild, real killers or just some wannabe's?).

Point is also that assassin guilds are quite rare. A thieves guild might exist but a assassin guild? Then you would be diggin very deep in the depths of the underworld, to find such psychopaths.

Well so you could still mention:
-How he got caught up with the guild
-And his relation and some general information on that guild

You also get an invitation to join the story War-of-the-Fallen, just because i like your char.

Keep up the good work :smokin  

    Death:
A punishment to some, to some a gift, and to many a favor.  
    --Seneca

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Malavon Despana
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« Reply #27 on: March 31, 2006, 03:23:23 PM »

Thx Darien , you honor me with your comments , but unfortunally i dont think that your and mine cd can work well together , since mine altought being an assassin has a hate for evil , and yours cd ( I have read it , a wonderfull cd !!) is one for sure, but hey who knows? If we can roleplay together , i would be honored!!:thumbup  

Edited by: Malavon Despana at: 3/31/06 7:24
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Darien Gulath
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« Reply #28 on: March 31, 2006, 09:21:23 PM »

Quote:
Cool cd Malavon! I always love to read another assassin, you wouldn't be capable of beating my assassin, however my assassin then again is not a good fighter against mages so they would make an excellent team... Hehe if my assassin wasn't that evil...


(quotes himself): Yes as i said, i am evil, in fact nobody can be Darin's friend or team up with him, my char is a solutide one. However he might have minions...

*grins evilly*

If you decide to join wotf we could go in any direction you want, if you have additional story to add for in the plot (like at some point you want to slaughter a bunch of magicians for real and earn the rightful title on wizard's bane) for in my story you stand up against whole hordes of enemies, and a big war is nearing the plot...

    Death:
A punishment to some, to some a gift, and to many a favor.  
    --Seneca

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so orril miesefer
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« Reply #29 on: April 01, 2006, 03:07:23 AM »

:worship  COOL, the only word to say. You did it very well, I wish you the best, and wish to see you roleplaying soon.

BTW, If I ever end my CD, and got to find you, be aware that I have a death in my past, check my CD if you wanna know about that :thumbup  

Then, the questions that Darien made are very good ones, but I think isn't that hard to find an assassine guild, just go to downtown at middnight and you see...:devilish .

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In this world the only thing that is always true is that everything changes, moves and tears apart, to latter return in a neverending dance inspired in the movement of wind. ~ So Orril Mis'fer, Sky Tower Apprentice
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