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Author Topic: Covette.:.Avennorian / Erpheronian.:.Deckhand  (Read 4504 times)
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Covette Weyring
Prodigy Privateer
Approved Character
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Gender: Female
Posts: 7


Human, Avennorian / Erpheronian


« on: November 15, 2012, 07:07:45 PM »

Name: Covette Weyring (Last name pronounced: Way-ring)

Gender: Female

Age: 26

Race: Human

Tribe: Avennorian (Mother) / Erpheronian (Father)

Occupation: Deckhand

Date of Birth: 21st of Dead Tree, 1644 A.S.

Place of Birth: Lorehaven

Title: Prodigy Privateer  
˙˙·٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠·˙·Overview˙˙·٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠·˙·
A once promising young peasant and mother, who had her comfortable life torn away, Covette has consigned herself to an existence as a wandering deckhand. With false hopes of one day setting it right, she roams the seas of Sarvonia striving to somehow reset time. Once again to tend the fields, be held by the man that had loved her in youth and to care for the daughter she has rarely seen over the last twelve summers.

Height: 1 Ped and 2 Fores (5'5")

Weight: 1 Pygge, 4 Ods and 3 Mut (115 LBS)

Eye Color: Emerald

Hair Color: Auburn

˙˙·٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠·˙·Appearance˙˙·٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠·˙·
Copious, shoulder length, auburn locks surge to respite upon her supple and strapping shoulders. These sleek tresses flow with minute waves, ending in a tirade of loose curls. At one time this undulating cascade fell to near Covette’s mid-back, yet they have been tamed so as to not interfere whilst in the rigging of a ship. It is exceptionally perceptible that the sailor was once gifted with an exquisite mane, although time for such vanity has been lost to harsh reality. Habitually her mane is further restrained by any bandanna, or cloth, that is readily available. This permits the maiden an extensive perspective of her surroundings and allows cooling zephyrs to flow across her visage.

 Covette’s eyes are a glimmering hue of emerald, fluently positioned upon her delicate countenance. Her moods can easily be read, by the observant, within the swirling depths of these expressive orbs. They beam with radiant joy in times of joviality and rage like a storm when she is aroused to anger. These are elegantly poised on either side of the sailor’s vaguely upturned plump nose. The bridge of this centerpiece has clearly been broken multiple times, with tiny lumps spanning its entire length. Lithe, tender lips are an enthralling accent against the maiden’s bronzed face.

 Along the sailor’s tanned neck can be seen shadowy scars from being dragged behind a horse with a rope. Tough and sinewy muscles are widespread across her bodily form in a revelation of stamina and healthiness. Her lifetime has been one of laborious effort and a struggle for survival. This stark silhouette is softly broken by womanly curves and a robust bosom. Covette’s petite frame is clearly inherited from her Avennorian mother whilst the entirety of its shell is the finest of her Erpheronian father, down to the proud stance she displays with her head held high.

 Willowy arms sprout from the sailor’s healthy shoulders, the entirety of their lengths profoundly suntanned from the weight of the sun’s rays. Minuscule scars litter their full span from mid-bicep to the tips of the maiden’s slender digits. Many of them light pinkish blemishes easily noted against the radiant hue of bronze. Covette’s delicate fingers are heavily calloused with a multitude of once broken joints. Several of them are swollen and appear to have been damaged on multiple occasions. The bone, on her right hand, running from the pinky to wrist is horribly misshapen having been shattered repeatedly in barroom brawls.

 Although the sailor is rather well endowed about the bosom, this is by far not her most alluring feature. From the maiden’s curvaceous waistline a duo of fit and trim legs seem like they go on forever. For a woman of such small stature it is astounding how expansive these appendages seem to be. Although only slightly disproportionate in regards to the rest of her physique, Covette’s preference for high-heeled boots only adds to this illusion. Their span covered in deeply bronzed skin with well defined muscle-tone rippling across their surface.

˙˙·٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠·˙·Clothing˙˙·٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠·˙·
Upon the maiden’s feet she wears a pair of thigh high leather boots. These were once nor’sidian in hue but have faded from in various spots, into variable shades of grey. They are thick soled with three nailsbreadths heels, granting Covette a tinge more of height. About mid-thigh a sturdy buckle clasps the boots firmly around the deckhand's toned legs. Beneath these she wears her Brigandine leggings, obvious plating can be seen under the obsidian surface along their lengths. A profoundly chestnut leather belt flows over her hips, a few pouches clasped about the circumference including a stag-skin sheath upon the left.

 She wears a cinnabrown, soft leather shirt with a tinge of lace about the collar. A chestplate of Brigandine is generally worn over this comfortable article of clothing. Across the entirety of the armor’s surface can be seen various stitching, obvious areas in which the armor has been repaired. The plates underlying the obsidian leather exterior are fashioned from sturdy wood and well oiled, so as to not dry out the peripheral casing. This armament ends near Covette’s neckline where a fool’s gold necklace is in respite. The motif is large and gaudy with a hefty cherry hued crystal as the centerpiece. This adornment is worn to obscure the deckhand’s scars from being pulled behind a horse.  

 Transversely over the maiden’s shoulders she wears a full length cloak, descending to about a palmspan above the floor. This garment also consists of a cowl, only raised during cold weather or during rainstorms. When lifted the hood is frequently secured with an intricate pin, reminiscent of a cornucopia with many vegetables of the harvest. This ornament is fashioned from fool’s gold with bright red crystals replacing cherries contained by the bounty. There are two great feathers that rise from the brooch in traditional Erpheronian fashion.

 Infrequently but when the need arises, the maiden wears a simple dress that was made for her long ago by a good friend in Lorehaven. The sleeves and the sides are made of light green linen, practically a see through lace. The remainder of the dress is of a deep sognastheen with golden trim about the edges. The two colors of textile and the way the gown is made give the impression of wearing a cotte and surcoat but is indeed constructed of a solitary garment.

˙˙·٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠·˙·Personality˙˙·٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠·˙·
The sailor is just satiated with liveliness; this woman is always on the go with an extremely excitable nature. She seems to be in a perpetual state of motion, always doing something to keep herself occupied. This causes Covette to fidget a great deal when she has to stay in one spot for too long, if left to her own devices she will pace at length. One of the greatest of tortures, in her opinion, is to be subjected to tedium where there is utterly naught to do.

 Relaxed and swift to laugh, Covette is typically the first to make light of any circumstance. She finds it difficult to take most things seriously, desiring instead to shrug it off or construct a jest. Sure, there are situations that necessitate a certain amount of earnestness. Some things just are not meant to be jovial, even if it is just to ease the tension. However, she has found that her cheerful nature has absolutely dreadful timing. It exhibits more frequently when she gets uneasy during uncomfortable silences. Hesitation is a strange thing to her, a peculiar notion to even ponder. Repeatedly she can even be surprisingly naive with her enthrallment about the world.

 Despite her lighthearted manner, she is a pragmatist and has entirely no hallucinations on just how wrong things can go. She knows that Caelereth is not all butterflies and rainbows, filled with wonder and glorious marvels. Although she is not a worrywart, many may assume such. Her pragmatism is, in some way, unimpeded by her extraordinary optimistic perspective on life. She has no delusions in regards to how swiftly things can go between woeful and wonderful, having many times survived complete happiness deteriorating into tragedy.

 Covette is cordial, gracious, and even caring on most days. This cheery demeanor makes it effortless for most people to get along with her. Flexible and confident, she has made a pastime out of chatting with strangers; generally she makes friends without difficulty. She is one of the most unprejudiced individuals someone may ever have the satisfaction of meeting. Indiscriminate about what an individual looks like, their social standing or even religious beliefs, the sailor knows that such trivial things do not define a person’s motives.

 Secretly, Covette desires naught but to be cherished and loved as she once was. Of course her previous encounters with intimacy turned out being some of the most woeful moments of her existence. Regrettably, the maiden has a habitual resistance towards the prospect of being harmed emotionally. Should she get into a relationship with someone, it would lead her down a constant road of trepidation, always terrified that she is unworthy of love and happiness. It would require a man of unfathomable patience and understanding to overcome the maiden’s innate fears.

 Although making new friends comes with ease for her, she can make enemies just as swiftly. On bad days Covette can be spiteful, bad-tempered, and impolite. It can occasionally be complicated to get along with her, this is especially more common as her daughter’s birthday draws near. No one can be pleasant all the time and as such, Covette is sporadically petty and spiteful. Truly there is only one type of person she cannot tolerate, that would be anyone that considers themselves above everyone else. Bluntly, the sailor just does not care if someone is of royal lineage or a beggar.

 Honesty is something that the maiden is especially obstinate about. Covette would prefer the truth over a lie any day, even if the facts are painful to the listeners. Better to know the reality of things than create a false sense of security. Her sincerity is often considered vicious and she is usually indiscreet when it comes to her utterances. Impetuous with her actions and words, the sailor is an extremely uninhibited individual and this sometimes causes others to look at her strangely. Do not let these peculiar actions fool you, she is highly intelligent and if forced can express herself with refined articulation.

˙˙·٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠·˙·Strengths˙˙·٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠·˙·
Brigandine Armor: Covette wears a partial suit of Brigandine armor. This carapace covers her from above the thigh, down to her ankles and from the waistline to neck. Each of the maiden’s arms is also sheathed in boiled leather armor with wooden plates sewn in for added protection. The suit would be called Poor-man's Brigandine by most, with the wood plating, but this does very little to detract from its defensive capabilities. The oiled, wooden plates are thicker than steel and grant some buoyancy in water.

Unyielding: Once the maiden sets her mind towards a goal nothing, short of death, can stop her. Covette will press on no matter the odds, amount of time or the abuse she suffers in trying to accomplish her objective. This influences many aspects of her life including, but not limited to, barroom brawls she has entered into. On more than one occasion her shipmates have begged her to stay down after being beaten severely, only to watch her rise barely conscious and continue onwards.

Passable Rapier Skill: Since Covette left home and took to the sea she has had occasion to handle a rapier. On a few instances the maiden has used the sword to fend off pirates and unwanted advances by fellow shipmates. Although infrequent she has also had cause to wield the weapon against rabble in bars and seaside ports, defending herself and brethren from a plethora of injustices. Against a city guard she would have a reasonable chance of success but facing off with a seasoned knight or an orc warrior the sailor would soon find her weapon skills to be woefully inadequate.

Reading & Writing: The maiden grew up in two respectable families in Lorehaven with decent access to literature and adults willing to teach her how to write. Covette’s life has not offered much pursuit in these areas but she does read when possible and writes letters to distant relatives. It is no surprise that she isn’t a scholar but she is far better off than many in her line of work.

Ten San on Covette!: Covette has been in more fist fights than most men near twice her age. With no formal training, everything she knows about going toe-to-toe with someone has been learned from practical experience. The maiden is not exceptionally powerful nor is she extraordinarily nimble but she is filled with vitality and an iron will. It is nigh impossible to knock her unconscious and without fail she will return for more. This recurrently tires out her opponents leading them down a slow agonizing path to defeat.

Seaworthy: With over a decade spent aboard ships the sailor has learned a plethora of useful talents. She knows how to swim with decent proficiency. Many tasks aboard the ship for maintenance and sailing are not unfamiliar to the maiden as well. Outside of keeping the crew fed, she knows how to set knots for the rigging and sails, swab the deck and take the helm for short periods of time.

˙˙·٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠·˙·Weaknesses˙˙·٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠·˙·
Ouchies!: Having broken her fingers so many times over the years, it is no surprise that they plague Covette almost daily. Not a day goes by that they do not ache and feel swollen with frequent popping sounds as she works with them. Add to this, the maiden’s fondness for answering any serious slights against her with a balled fist. It is fairly common for one or more of her digits to be broken or in a semi-healed state. Dependent upon the day, week, month and weather the severity with which they hamper her varies.

Chosen Poverty: The sailor is a hard worker and competent sailor with a never-ending stream of jobs open to her. One could imagine that she would have a fair amount of currency upon her at any given time. Although this may be true she is also constantly saving and spending it for birthday gifts for her daughter. Each year, around her child’s birthday, she arrives in Lorehaven and leaves behind obscure and expensive presents for her child. Most of these gifts entail books and foreign toys of exquisite quality. Even though she may have a large amount of money on her, mostly hidden in her boot, she would by no means dip into it.

Speech Impediment: Ever since she was pulled behind a horse, by the neck, the maiden’s voice has changed in many regards. With a slight lisp permeating behind each utterance, one might find such a unique quirk somewhat endearing. Yet this wound has taken a vast array of octaves from a once sweet tone. It is nearly impossible for anyone to understand a whisper from the sailor, only those that have spent a great deal of time with her could garner the gist of these soft declarations. This dictates that she keeps her spoken words near a normal range of casual conversation.

Fear of Mirrors: Covette cannot stand her own reflection and avoids objects that harbor them. Every time she sees herself in one it reminds her of the ravages time has taken upon her. Each flaw a cue to the extent of her once lover’s betrayal. She will endeavor to turn such items around, smash them, cover them up or flee if all else fails. Should she be unable to accomplish any of these things, the maiden would most likely fall to her knees whilst covering her face in horror.

Two-Sided Coin: Although the deckhand is generally a fairly easy person to get along with, there are times this can be trying. From time to time Covette’s depression manifests as rapid mood swings. Occasionally the lass will go from jovial to spiteful from one sentence into the next. This is brought on more-so when tension levels are high. Usually this strains friendships and has lost the maiden more than a few friends over the years.

˙˙·٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠·˙·History˙˙·٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠·˙·
Born in 1644 A.S. in the port city of Lorehaven within a family of minute nobility, Covette was the only child of Drin, Avennorian mother, and Aerth her Erpheronian father. Drin passed away during childbirth and never participated in the young maiden’s life. The toddler was well cared for and pampered in the beginning of her life. Aerth was a very active man, with his thriving business of supplying ships with preserved food stores. Covette was provided with a formal education and helped out around the home, generally cooking with the small staff provided her.

 Life was one wondrous summer after another as the young lass grew to be a wordy and articulate thing. In her ninth year, during the month of Rising Sun, Covette was helping to prepare her father’s supper, in anticipation of his return home from the city. Oddly the hour came and went until at dusk her father’s business partner appeared. Solemnly the man broke the news of her father’s death upon the docks. Apparently he was murdered for some coins upon the docks by some scoundrels from the Crimson Blades.

 Covette’s life changed immensely at that point. Her father’s estate was sold, his servants dismissed and the young lass went to live with her father’s business partner Greth and his son. Her new home was not far from the one previous but it was not the same luxurious lifestyle she had known. It was was very soon after that she began to help tend the fields of her new family. She took on many other duties about the farm, including cook when necessary.

 Things had not entirely taken a turn for the worst. Greth’s son, Darin, was rather close to Covette in age, only two summers' difference, and they became close friends over the course of three years. They studied together, worked alongside each other and found a tinge of love. Like all youngsters they toyed with the ideas of one day being married and began sneaking off together. Unbeknownst to the young maiden, the sick feeling she began to have in the morning was a portent of things forthcoming.

 With no motherly figure about the young maiden continued on with life as she perceived it, wandering into the next tragedy of her life. Darin had an arranged marriage set for his fifteenth birthday and the time quickly approached. As there had been an endowment from the betrothed’s father there was no stopping it. Covette simply tried to conceal the pregnancy, that had already begun to show, behind loose clothing. A deception she became rather adept at over the coming months.

 Darin married in the month of Rising Sun, with his wife joining him in the family home. Shortly there-after Covette gave birth to her daughter, Shelby, the spitting image of her mother. The young maiden played it off as an infidelity with a passing noble in the city of Lorehaven, although Darin knew quite different. Beyond reconciliation Covette suffered through each day, watching the man she loved with another and tortured under the scornful eyes of her fellow citizens.

 As fall fell into winter the maiden could not handle the situation any longer and with no thought she decided, she would run. Flee with her child to any place, anywhere beyond this torment she was now living in. Covette gathered up Shelby, wrapping her warmly in a thick blanket and hit the road running, towards nothing. She had family far to the north, although she could not recall the way, it had been years since the lass had traveled there. Little did she know what reaction Darin would have over such a foolish endeavor.

 Within a few hours Darin had commissioned men to bring back his daughter, unknown to him the men were of shady morals. Five men rode out and gave chase to the young maiden, Covettte’s trail was obvious in the snow. In a very short time they came upon the pair, encircling them in a cloud of disturbed snow. One of the men cantered towards the lass and uttered softly “He never mentioned bringing you back.” With that said, the man kicked her in the side of the head as she turned to protect the baby.

 The blow staggered her backwards, causing her to lose footing as she lost grip on Shelby. Hastily she shook off the strike, Covette rose to her feet whilst furiously searching for her daughter. In that moment another of the riders galloped by and threw a lasso about her neck, jerking the maiden from her feet. When she hit the ground the horse was in full gallop and the echoes of her crying child were the last memories she had when darkness finally overcame her.

 When Covette awoke the sun was high in the sky and she was half buried in the snow. Every time she attempted to breath her ribs would refuse to comply, sending tremors throughout her body. Nearly frozen and her clothes tattered, she lifted herself to a standing position. From the tree-line she had been deposited in, the lass could see the road she was upon the night before. In futility she endeavored to cry out for help, but such efforts were met with extreme pain and a muffled gurgle in her throat. Tears streamed down bloody cheeks as the betrayal of Darin set in, he had Shelby. [1]

 In a maelstrom of pain the maiden made her way to the road and began stumbling along it, towards her one time home. Nearly a stral into the walk she came upon the spot she had been assaulted, only a blanket remained as evidence to the crime that had befallen her. Gingerly she lifted the cloth from the snow, poising it beneath her broken nose, she inhaled the scent of Shelby. Tears once again started to flow as she turned and wobbled onward, coddling the blanket as if it still contained the fragile child.

 It was dusk before the farmstead came into view, Covette made a line for the barn. She needed warmth; already her vision was fading in and out. Every part of her had become numb, a woeful comfort under the circumstances. Upon entering the structure the maiden noted the stalls were full with her pursuers mounts. In desperation and blind fatigue she threw herself into an enormous hay pile that she had set out the day prior. She heaped a mountain of it over herself and fell unconscious again, praying that it would warm and conceal her. Shelby’s blanket was her sole comfort.

 Covette had awoken once and was unable to move, regardless of her efforts the maiden’s body refused to respond. Pain and exhaustion had overcome her, driving the lass to rest yet again. Upon waking a second time she rose to her feet, the hurt excruciating. With Shelby’s blanket grasped firmly in one hand she strode gingerly from the barn into the starless night. A light could be seen flickering from the house and she wandered towards it. She peered through the window and saw three of the five men standing about Darin, who was coddling Shelby in his arms. [2]

 With the men present the maiden had no inclination in trying to steal away the child, she would assuredly be killed. Instead, she made for the city of Lorehaven wandering into the city proper in the dead of night. She found an inn near the docks, using her father’s name to acquire a bath with room and board. Not an easy task with her inability to speak. For the fleeting moments prior to sleeping she pondered her options. Definitely she would be hunted down and slain if she remained in the city.

 For the next three days she hid out in her small room, it took that long for Covette to endeavor movement without nausea. On the fourth she folded Shelby’s blanket neatly and wandered into the city streets, with it held firmly in both hands. First she bought a new dress to replace the tattered remnants of the one she wore. Next was a purchase made in fear, a rapier. In her young mind the more expensive would be the best, she wasn’t far in this assumption. She paid a hefty price for the blade but it was a weapon of exquisite Erpheronian construction.

 After visiting an herbalist and acquiring a variety of pain relievers the maiden began wandering the avenues once again. Oddly enough she ran into one of her attackers although thankfully she noticed him before drawing his attention. Raising the cowl of her new cloak she fled back to the inn and quickly started to pack her things. In Covette’s distraught mind she was being pursued already. Possibly she had left behind some evidence at the farm. She needed to leave town and the time was now!

 With due haste the young maiden found her way to the docks and after some stressful, silent negotiations she used her family name to garner a spot aboard a ship. The vessel left the following day with a new cook. The journey was a long one towards Strata and would take Covette farther from home than she had ever been. Throughout the journey she consumed willow tree tablets to get her through the pain and ate onions to help her regain speech. Which returned slowly over the coming months, albeit not to what it once was.

 After arriving in Strata the sailor collected her pay and entered the city with her shipmates for some well deserved merriment in the bars. It did not take young Covette long to realize the foolishness of entering such downtrodden establishments. Within the first hour she had been groped repeatedly by drunken men who had not seen a woman in months. One gentleman in particular made no attempt at hiding his intentions with her. It took only moments for the lass to answer those advances with a balled fist. By the time the brawl had finished her nose was broken, her pinky was shattered and the man lay bloodied at her feet.

 In due time she found employment on yet another ship, this one going to Nybelmar and the pay was far better than her previous employment. Unbeknownst to Covette the journey would take her near two years before arriving in Lorehaven at its end. She had missed Shelby’s first birthday and the second was on the horizon. In the middle of night she returned to the farm she had fled from so long ago, taking time to watch her daughter sleep through the window. In those moments she pondered taking the child and running yet again. Yet the fact that she had nothing to offer her baby, solidified her resolve that she was better off without her.

 Instead Covette placed the gifts she had brought back from Nybelmar on the front porch and fled yet again into the night. She paused only long enough to purchase a full suit of Brigandine armor and rent a courier to send word to her family in the north. Straight away she was aboard yet another ship and sailed off into the dawn. So her life has been till this day, although she will never again sail to such distant shores. To miss Shelby’s birthday was one of her greatest failures and she has vowed to never do so again.

 Over the course of a decade she has nearly been caught twice by Darin visiting around her daughter’s birthday. Little does Covette know that she would be welcomed back by her childhood lover and most likely be able to return to a semblance of the life she had once known. The future is a mysterious place and who knows...

˙˙·٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠·˙·Weapons˙˙·٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠·˙·
The phrase "like a feather" comes to mind when handling this sword, despite the fact that it is near 3 Ods in weight. This rapier is easy to control and the tip practically guides itself to the target. In fact, it's hard to decide which aspect to like more, the aesthetics or how it feels in the hand. Performing disengage actions with single time parries are effortless, and the rapier floats through drills. The length of the blade allows it to easily make parries and counterattacks in the same swift motion, whilst the balance permits Covette precision control. The shell grants extra hand protection to prevent slippery tips from getting past the swept hilt as well. As a functional weapon, without even looking at any of the aesthetics, it's a blade to be proud of.
Rapier Measurements and Specifications
Weight: 2 Ods and 9 Mut.
Overall length: 1 Ped, 2 Palmspans, 6 Nailsbreadths and 4 Grains.
Blade length: 1 Ped and 4 Nailsbreadths from shell, plus a 5 Nailsbreadths ricasso.
Grip length: 8 Nailsbreadths and 4 Grains.
Pommel length: 6 Nailsbreadths and 1 Grain.
Guard width: 2 Palmspans, 1 Nailsbreadth and 2 Grains.
Point of Balance: 1 Palmspan from guard.

˙˙·٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠·˙·Possessions˙˙·٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠·˙·
~ One change of clothing identical to the ones listed in her description section.
 ~ A small leather pouch clasped to the inside of her boot containing a medium sum of currency.
 ~ Nearly a week’s rations of jerky and bread.
 ~ A leather wineskin almost full with fresh water.
 ~ A bar of Icemilk soap.
 ~ A small pouch full of Tooth Cabbage
 ~ A small eating knife.
 ~ A large backpack used to carry her possessions.
 ~ Two small pouches on her belt containing a small amount of currency and the other containing an unfinished letter.
 ~ A quality rapier, sheathed on her left hip.
 ~ A child's blanket folded neatly and stored away in her backpack.

[1] Narrative side-notes, these things are unknown to Covette. She has no clue that Darin did not send these men to kill her and take Shelby, that is merely her perception. Secondly, she does not recall the horrible rape they perpetrated against her during unconsciousness. Thankfully, the abundance of other wounds she suffered kept this fact from being readily apparent. They had dragged her body to the tree-line and left her for dead.
[2] Darin had been told that Covette had dropped the child in her flight, then threw herself over a cliff into the sea. Perceived Suicide.
« Last Edit: December 15, 2012, 11:42:30 AM by Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin » Logged

Irid alMenie
Wolf-Lady
CD Mod
****
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Gender: Female
Posts: 1178


Elf, Quaelhoirhim


« Reply #1 on: November 15, 2012, 08:42:01 PM »

welcome back :)

I have to say, I like her. There are some grammatical mistakes here and there, mostly sentences that are strangely constructed, but those are really quite minor.

Two examples would be "Things had not entirely taken a turn for the worst Greth’s son, Darin, was rather close to Covette in age, only two summer’s difference, and they became close friends over the course of three years." > I think you're missing a dot between 'worst' and 'Greth's'.
" Although she in no way a worrywart, though many may assume such." > you have (al)though twice in the same sentence.

That sort of thing :)

Other than that, I personally don't have a problem with handing out a first approval.
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Stat rosa pristina nomine, nomina nuda tenemus.
Irid al'Menie
Covette Weyring
Prodigy Privateer
Approved Character
*
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Gender: Female
Posts: 7


Human, Avennorian / Erpheronian


« Reply #2 on: November 15, 2012, 08:52:33 PM »

Well I have been known to get a bit 'wordy' at times. grin

In truth there are some spots where I tried to be clever and garbled the meaning a touch. Live and learn I suppose...  :)

I made the appropriate edits in the two areas you mentioned and will continue to cleanup a few spots that seem awkward. Thank you for the comments Irid! And it is great to be back. heart

P.S: Is there a way to get an avatar frame anymore, or would I need to try that one on my own?
« Last Edit: November 15, 2012, 10:15:56 PM by Covette Weyring » Logged

Leif Terskun
Golden Wordsmith
Mini-mod
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Posts: 388


Human, Avennorian


« Reply #3 on: November 19, 2012, 09:47:40 AM »

I have some comments to make. I am about 5/6 of the way through, but I really have to go to bed now.

I'll post tomorrow.

Leif.
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Words convey knowledge; knowledge is power; thus power lies in words
Leif Terskun
Leif Terskun
Golden Wordsmith
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Human, Avennorian


« Reply #4 on: November 19, 2012, 05:11:07 PM »

Twen, I’m going to say at the outset that a lot of the writing in this CD is really quite...purple. It tries too hard to be literary. While I’m going to try to refrain from stylistic comments, please bear in mind that it could be made a lot easier to read. I would respectfully disagree with Irid; this is not minor at all.

Red is flat-out correction; orange is comment. I have made comments on both language and content.


Name: Covette Weyring (Last name pronounced: Weigh-ring) Is using the word "weigh" as a phonetic guide really the best idea? Why not "way"?

Gender: Female

Age: 26

Race: Human

Tribe: Avennorian (Mother) / Erpheronian (Father)

Occupation: Deckhand

Date of Birth: 21st of Dead Tree, 1644 A.S.

Place of Birth: Lorehaven

Title: Prodigy Privateer  

˙˙•٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠•˙•Overview˙˙•٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠•˙•
A once promising young peasant and mother, who had her comfortable life torn away, Covette has consigned herself to an existence as a wandering deckhand. With false hopes of one day setting itWhat? right, she roams the seas of Sarvonia striving to somehow reset time. Once again to tend the fields, be held by the man that had loved her in youth and tooto care for the daughter she has rarely seen over the last twelve summers. Not a sentence.

Height: 1 Ped and 2 Fores (5'5")

Weight: 1 Pygge, 4 Ods and 3 Mut (115 LBS)

Eye Color: Emerald

Hair Color: Auburn
˙˙•٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠•˙•Appearance˙˙•٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠•˙•
Copious, shoulder length, Tautology auburn locks surge to respite Respite means a brief period of relief. Not quite what you meant, I think? upon her supple and strapping shouldersTautological, in conjunction with “shoulder-length” and “copious”.. These sleek tresses flow with minute waves, ending in a tiradeWrong word. This is hardly a “long, esp. angry, speech” of loose curls, is it? of loose curls. At one time this undulating cascade fell to near Covette’s mid-back, yet they They? They? "Undulating cascade" - singular. "This" - singular. "They have" - Plural.have been tamed so as to not interfere Split infinitive whilst in the rigging of a ship. It is exceptionally perceptible Really? I don’t think this is the right word. Try “easily”.  that the sailor was once gifted with an exquisite mane, although time for such vanity has been lost to harsh reality. Habitually her mane Just use “hair”. is further restrained by any bandanna, or cloth,We know what a bandanna is. that is readily available. This permits the maiden I’m going to pick a nit and say that a maiden is technically unmarried (with, in a Santharian time period, all the connotations of virginity). You use this word a lot, and inaccurately.an extensive perspective I don’t think “perspective” is quite the word you want here. Why not “view”? of her surroundings and allows cooling zephyrs to run awash across her visage.

 Covette’s eyes are a glimmering hue of emerald, fluently No. Not “fluently”. It does not mean what you think it means. positioned upon her delicate countenance. Her moods can easily be read, by the observant,Contradiction/obvious. Either easily read by all (and so not only the observant) or only by the observant (which is implied by their being observant). Cut “easily” or “, by the observant,”. within the swirling depths of these expressive orbsIf you insist. They beam with radiant joy in times of joviality and rage like a storm when she is aroused to anger. TheseWhat? Her eyes? The syntax doesn’t work for that. Just use “They”, or rephrase this and the last sentence as “Elegantly poised etc., they beam with radiant etc.” are elegantly poised on either side of the sailor’s vaguely upturned plump nose. The bridge of this centerpiece has clearly been broken multiple times, with tiny lumps spanning its entire length.I think a (frequently) broken nose is a little more severe than some endearing little bumps on a plump, upturned nose. Lithe, tender lips are an enthralling accent against the maiden’s bronzed face.

 Along the sailor’s tanned neck can be seen shadowy scars from being dragged behind a horse with a rope. Tough and sinewy muscles are widespread across her bodily form in a revelationReally too abrupt and sudden a word. of stamina and healthiness. Her lifetime has been one of laborious effort and a struggle for survival.This sentence could perhaps be better placed, but it’s not too important. This stark silhouette is softly broken by womanly curves and a robust bosom. Covette’s petite frame is clearly inherited from her Avennorian mother whilst the entirety of its shell is the finest of her Erpheronian father, down to the proud stance she displays with her head held high.

 Willowy arms sprout from the sailor’s healthy shoulders, the entirety of their lengths profoundly suntanned“Profoundly” suntanned? I don’t think so, not quite. from the weight of the sun’s rays. MinisculeMinuscule scars litter their full span from mid-bicep to the tips of the maiden’s slender digits. Many of them light pinkish blemishes easily noted against the radiant hue of bronze.Fragment. Where’s the main verb? “Radiant hue of bronze” of what? Covette’s delicate fingers are heavily calloused with a multitude of once broken joints. So she has delicate, heavily-calloused fingers, which are swollen and attached to a horribly misshapen hand? I’m sensing a little inconsistency. Several of them are swollen and appear to have been damaged on multiple occasions. The bone, on her right hand, running from the pinky to wrist is horribly misshapen having been shattered repeatedly in barroom brawls.

 Although the sailor is rather well endowed about the bosom, this is by far not her most alluring feature. From the maiden’s curvaceous waistline a duo This is touch and go. “Duo” refers to “1 a pair of actors, entertainers, singers, etc. 2 Mus. a duet.” It’s an odd use of the word here. of fit and trim legs seem like they go on forever. For a woman of such small stature it is astounding how expansive these appendages seem to be. Although only slightly disproportionate in regards to the rest of her physique, Covette’s preference for high-heeled boots only adds to this illusion.Does she fight in heels? Their span covered in deeply bronzed skin with well defined muscle-tone rippling across their surface.Fragment
˙˙•٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠•˙•Clothing˙˙•٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠•˙•
Upon the maiden’s feet she wears a pair of thigh high leather boots. These were once nor’sidian in hue but have faded from use, in various spots, into variable shades of grey. They are thick soled with three nailsbreadths heels, granting Covette a tinge This is neither a “tendency towards [...] a colour” nor “a slight admixture of a feeling or quality”. I suggest “a touch” more of height. About mid-thigh a sturdy buckle clasps the boots firmly around the deckhandsdeckhand’s toned legs. Beneath theseBeneath her legs? Clarity of phrasing, please. she wears her Brigandine leggings, obvious plating can be seen under the obsidian surface along their lengths. Comma splice. I come on to these later on. Also, what does the “their” refer to? A profoundly chestnutLike “profoundly suntanned”, this doesn’t work. Try, I don’t know, “deep”. leather belt flows over her hips, Not too important, but perhaps add a “with” in here. a few pouches clasped about the circumference including a stag-skin sheath upon the left.

 She wears a cinnabrown, soft leather shirt with a tinge Again an incorrect use of the word. of lace about the collar. A chestplate of Brigandine is generally worn over this comfortable article of clothing. Across the entirety of the armor’s surface can be seen various stitching, obvious areas in which the armor has been repaired. The plates underlying the obsidian leather exterior are fashioned from sturdy wood and well oiled, so as to not drySplit infinitive out the peripheral casing Slightly obscure phrasing. Do you mean the leather? Then say that.. This armament ends near Covette’s neckline where a fool’s gold necklace is in respite. “Is in respite”? I presume it rests there constantly, and doesn’t just happen to be there in an “interval of rest or relief”? Use a different word. Use “rests”. The motif is large and gaudy with a hefty cherry hued crystal as the centerpiece. This adornment is worn to obscure the deckhand’s scars from being pulled behind a horse.  

 Transversely over the maiden’s shoulders she wears a full length cloak, descending to about a palmspan above the floor. This garment also consists of a cowlIt does not consist of a cowl. It is a cloak. It may have a cowl, but that is a different matter. Just use “has”., only raised during cold weather or during rainstorms. When lifted the hood is frequently secured with an intricate pin, reminiscent of a cornucopia with many vegetables of the harvest. This ornament is fashioned from fool’s gold with bright red crystals replacing cherries contained by the bounty. There are two great feathers that rise from the brooch in traditional Erpheronian fashion.

 Infrequently but when the need arises, the maiden wears a simple dress that was made for her long ago by a good friend in Lorehaven. The sleeves and the sides are made of light green linen, practically a see through lace. The remainder of the dress is of a deep sognastheen with golden trim about the edges. The two colors of textile and the way the gown is made givesgive the impression of wearing a cotte and surcoat but is What it? indeed constructed of a solitary garment.This last part is nonsensical. Do you mean “but it is indeed a single garment”? Because that is not what you said, and it does not mean the same as what you said.
˙˙•٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠•˙•Personality˙˙•٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠•˙•
The sailor is just satiated This word means “satisfied”. Perhaps you meant “suffused” or something like “bubbling” or “overflowing”? with liveliness; this woman is always on the go with an extremely excitable nature. She seems to be in a perpetual state of motion, always doing something to keep herself occupied. This causes Covette to fidget a great deal when she has to stay in one spot for too long, if left to her own devices she will pace at length. Comma splice. One of the greatest of tortures, in her opinion, is to be subjected to tedium where there is utterly naught to do.

 Relaxed and swift to laugh, CovettteCovette is typically the first to make light of any circumstance. She finds it difficult to take most things seriously, desiring instead to shrug it off or construct a jest. Sure, there are situations that necessitate a certain amount of earnestness. Some things just are not meant to be jovial, even if it is just to ease the tension. However, she has found that her cheerful nature has absolutely dreadful timing. It exhibits Insert “itself” more frequently when she gets uneasy during uncomfortable silences. Hesitation is a strange thing to her, a peculiar notion to even ponderSplit infinitive. Repeatedly she can even be surprisingly naive with her enthrallment about the world.

 Despite her lighthearted manner, she is a pragmatist and has entirely no hallucinations Is this really the word that first came to mind, or did you look “delusions” up in a thesaurus? Hallucinations refers to actual, vivid experiences that do not reflect the real world. It is the wrong word to use here. on just how wrong things can go. She knows that Caelereth is not all butterflies and rainbows, filled with wonder and glorious marvels. Although she is not a worrywart, many may assume such. Her pragmatism is, in some way, unimpeded by her extraordinary optimistic perspective on life. She has no delusions in regards to how swiftly things can go between woeful and wonderful, having many times survived complete happiness deteriorating into tragedy.

 Covette is corgialcordial, gracious, and even caring on most days. This cheery demeanor makes it effortless for most people to get along with her. Flexible and confident, she has made a pastime out of chatting with strangers; generally she makes friends without difficulty. She is one of the most unprejudiced individuals someone may ever have the satisfaction of meeting. Indiscriminate about what an individual looks like, their social standing or even religious beliefs, the sailor knows that such trivial things do not define a person’s motives.

 Secretly, Covette desires naught but to be cherished and loved as she once was. Of course her previous encounters with intimacy turned out being some of the most woeful moments of her existence. Regrettably, the maiden has a habitual resistance towards the prospect of being harmed emotionally. Should she get into a relationship with someone, it would lead her down a constant road of trepidation, always terrified that she is unworthy of love and happiness. It would require a man of unfathomable patience and understanding to overcome the maiden’s innate fears.

 Although making new friends comes with ease for her, she can make enemies just as swiftly. On bad days Covette can be spiteful, bad-tempered, and impolite. It can occasionally be complicated to get along with her, this is especially more common as her daughter’s birthday draws nearComma splice. No one can be pleasant all the time and as such, Covette is sporadically petty and spiteful. Truly there is only one type of person she cannot tolerate, that would be anyone that considers themselves above everyone else. Bluntly, the sailor just does not care if someone is of royal lineage or a beggar.

 Honesty is something that the maiden is especially obstinate about. Covette would prefer the truth over a lie any day, even if the facts are painful to the listeners. Better to know the reality of things than create a false sense of security. Her sincerity is often considered vicious and she is usually indiscreet when it comes to her utterances. Impetuous with her actions and words, the sailor is an extremely uninhibited individual and this sometimes causes others to look at her strangely. Do not let these peculiar actions fool you, she is highly intelligent and if forced can express herself with refined articulation.
˙˙•٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠•˙•Strengths˙˙•٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠•˙•
Brigandine Armor: Covette wears a near full suit of Brigandine armor. This carapace covers her from above the thigh to ankle and from her waistline to neck. Each of the maiden’s arms is also sheathed in boiled leather armor with wooden plates sewn in for added protection. The suit would be called poor man’s Brigandine by most, with the wood plating, but this does very little to detract from its defensive capabilities. True steel plates might be highly protective but the oiled wooden ones are thicker and grant some buoyancy in water. So is steel more protective or not? You seem to say that is isn’t (“this does very little to detract from its defensive capabilities”) and then that it is (“true steel plates might be highly protective but...”

Unyielding: Once the maiden sets her mind towards a goal nothing, short of death, can stop her. Covette will press on no matter the odds, amount of time or the abuse she suffers in trying to accomplish her objective. This influences many aspects of her life including, but not limited to, barroom brawls she has entered into. On more than one occasion her shipmates have begged her to stay down after being beaten severely, only to watch her rise barely conscious and continue onwardsTautology. Tone it down by changing it to “continue on”, if you want to keep some of its force..

Passable Rapier Skill: Since Covette left home and took to the sea she has had occasion to handle a rapier. On a few instances the maiden has used the sword to fend off pirates and unwanted advances by fellow shipmates. Although infrequent she has also had cause to wield the weapon against rabble in bars and seaside ports, defending herself and brethren from a plethora of injustices. Against a city guard she would have a reasonable chance of success but facing off with a seasoned knight or an orc warrior the sailor would soon find her weapon skills to be woefully inadequate.

Reading & Writing: The maiden grew up in two respectable families in Lorehaven with decent access to literature and adults willing to teach her how to write. Covette’s life has not offered much pursuit in these areas but she does read when possible and writes letters to distant relatives. It is no surprise that she isn’t a scholar but she is far better off than many in her line of work.

Ten San on Covette!: Covette has been in more fist fights than most men near twice her age. With no formal training, everything she knows about going toe-to-toe with someone has been learned from practical experience. The maiden is not exceptionally powerful nor is she extraordinarily nimble but she is filled with vitality and an iron will. It is nigh impossible to knock her unconscious and without fail she will return for more. This recurrently tires out her opponents leading them down a slow agonizing path to defeat.

Seaworthy: With over a decade spent aboard ships the sailor has learned a plethora of useful talents. She knows how to swim with decent proficiency. Many tasks aboard the ship for maintenance and sailing are not unfamiliar to the maiden as well. Outside of keeping the crew fed, she knows how to set knots for the rigging and sails, swab the deck and take the helm for short periods of time.
˙˙•٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠•˙•Weaknesses˙˙•٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠•˙•
Ouchies!: Having broken her fingers so many times over the years, it is no surprise that they plague Covette almost daily. Not a day goes by that they do not ache and feel swollen with frequent popping sounds as she works with them. Add to this, the maiden’s fondness for answering any serious slights against her with a balled fist. It is fairly common for one or more of her digits to be broken or in a semi-healed state. Dependent upon the day, week, month and weather the severity with which they hamper her varies.

Chosen Poverty: The sailor is a hard worker and competent sailor with a never-ending stream of jobs open to her. One could imagine that she would have a fair amount of currency upon her at any given time. Although this may be true she is also constantly saving and spending it for birthday gifts for her daughter. Each year, around her child’s birthday, she arrives in Lorehaven and leaves behind obscure and expensive presents for her child. Most of these gifts entail books and foreign toys of exquisite quality. Even though she may have a large amount of money on her, mostly hidden in her boot, she would by no means dip into it.

Speech Impediment: Ever since she was pulled behind a horse, by the neck, the maiden’s voice has changed in many regards. With a slight lisp permeating behind each utterance, one might find such a unique quirk somewhat endearing. Yet this wound has taken a vast array of octaves from a once sweet tone. It is nearly impossible for anyone to understand a whisper from the sailor, only those that have spent a great deal of time with her could garner the gist of these soft declarations. Comma splice. This dictates that she keeps her spoken words near a normal range of casual conversation.

Fear of Mirrors: Covette cannot stand her own reflection and avoids objects that harbor themDo you mean “it”? You can’t use “them” here to mean “reflections”.. Every time she sees herself in one they remindit reminds her of the ravages time has taken upon her. Each flaw a cue to the extent of her once lover’s betrayalFragment. She will endeavor to turn such items around, smash them, cover them up or flee if all else fails. Should she be unable to accomplish any of these things, the maiden would most likely fall to her knees whilst covering her face in horror.

I cannot say that I think you are balanced. I think you are a literate, rapier-wielding, fully-armoured juggernaut, lethal with her fists, who is an expert sailor, but who happens to have painful hands, a resolution not to use her (large amounts of) money, and problems talking about things that people do not ordinarily talk about. She is also scared of her reflection. How is she not overpowered?

˙˙•٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠•˙•History˙˙•٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠•˙•
Born in 1644 A.S. in the port city of Lorehaven within a family of minute nobility, Covette was the only child of Drin, Avennorian mother, and Aerth her Erpheronian father. Drin passed away during childbirth and never participated in the young maiden’s life. The toddler was well cared for and pampered in the beginning of her life. Aerth was a very active man, with his thriving business of supplying ships with preserved food stores. Covette was provided with a formal education and helped out around the home, generally cooking with the small staff provided her.

 Life was one wondrous summer after another as the young lass grew to be a wordy and articulate thing. In her ninth year, during the month of Rising Sun, Covette was helping to prepare her father’s supper, in anticipation of his return home from the city. Oddly the hour came and went until at dusk her father’s business partner appeared. Solemnly the man broke the news of her father’s death upon the docks. Apparently he was murdered for some coins upon the docks by some scoundrels from the Crimson Blades.

 Covette’s life changed immensely at that point. Her father’s estate was sold, his servants dismissed and the young lass went to live with her father’s business partner Greth and his son. Her new home was not far from the one previous but it was not the same luxurious lifestyle she had known. It was was Just one “was”. very soon after that she began to help tend the fields of her new family. She took on many other duties about the farm, including cook when necessary.

 Things had not entirely taken a turn for the worst. Greth’s son, Darin, was rather close to Covette in age, only two summer’ssummers’ difference, and they became close friends over the course of three years. They studied together, worked alongside each other and found a tinge of love. Like all youngsters they toyed with the ideas of one day being married and began sneaking off together. Unbeknownst to the young maiden, the sick feeling she began to have in the morning was a portent of things forthcoming.

 With no motherly figure about the young maiden continued onTautology. with life as she perceived itI have no idea what you mean here., wandering into the next tragedy of her life. Darin had an arranged marriage set for his fifteenth birthday and the time quickly approached. As there had been an endowment from the betrothed’s father there was no stopping it. Covette simply tried to conceal the pregnancy, that had already beganbegun to show, behind loose clothing. A deception she became rather adept at over the coming months.Fragment.

 Darin married in the month of Rising Sun, with his wife joining him in the family home. Shortly there-after Covette gave birth to her daughter, Shelby, the spitting image of her mother. The young maiden played it off as an infidelity with a passing noble in the city of Lorehaven, although Darin knew quite different. Beyond reconciliation Covette suffered through each day, watching the man she loved with another and tortured under the scornful eyes of her fellow citizens.

 As fall fell into winter the maiden could not handle the situation any longer and with no thought she decided, she would run. Flee with her child to any place, anywhere beyond this torment she was now living in. Covette gathered up Shelby, wrapping her warmly in a thick blanket and hit the road running, towards nothing. She had family far to the north, although she could not recall the way, it had been years since the lass had traveled Is the single “l” correct in American English? there Comma splice. Little did she know what reaction Darin would have over such a foolish endeavor.

 Within a few hours Darin had commissioned men to bring back his daughter, unknown to him the men were of shady morals.Comma splice. Five men rode out and gave chase to the young maiden, Covettte’sComma splice and “Covettte’s”. Just say “whose”. trail was obvious in the snow. In a very short time they came upon the pair, encircling them in a cloud of disturbed snow. One of the men cantered towards the lass and uttered softly “He never mentioned bringing you back.” With that said, the man kicked her in the side of the head as she turned to protect the baby.

 The blow staggered her backwards, causing her to lose footing as she lost grip on Shelby. Hastily she shook off the strike, Covette roseComma splice. Just say “...strike, rising...” to her feet whilst furiously searching for her daughter. In that moment another of the riders galloped by and threw a lasso about her neck, jerking the maiden from her feet. When she hit the ground the horse was in full gallop and the echoes of her crying child were the last memories she had when darkness finally overcame her.

 When Covette awoke the sun was high in the sky and she was half buried in the snow. Every time she attempted to breathe her ribs would refuse to comply, sending tremors throughout her body. Nearly frozen and her clothes tattered, she lifted herself to a standing position. From the tree-line she had been deposited in, the lass could see the road she was upon the night before. In futility “In vain” or “Futilely”, I think. she endeavored to cry out for help, but such efforts were met with extreme pain and a muffled gurgle in her throat. Tears streamed down bloody cheeks as the betrayal of Darin set in, he had Shelby.Two main clauses joined with a comma is a comma splice -> Incorrect. It’s OK as a stylistic thing sometimes, but I thought I’d mention it. I won’t mention them all, but I’ll try to point them out. [1]

 In a maelstrom of pain the maiden made her way to the road and began stumbling along it, towards her one time home. Nearly a stral into the walk she came upon the spot she had been assaulted, only a blanket remained as evidence toOf? the crime that had befallen her.Comma splice. Gingerly she lifted the cloth from the snow, poising it beneath her broken nose, she inhaled the scent of Shelby.Again a comma splice. Tears once again started to flow as she turned and wobbled onward, coddling the blanket as if it still contained the fragile child.

 It was dusk before the farmstead came into view, Covette made a line for the barn. She needed warmth; already her vision was fading in and out. Every part of her had become numb, a woeful comfort under the circumstances. Upon entering the structure the maiden noted the stalls were full with her pursuers mounts. In desperation and blind fatigue she threw herself into an enormous hay pile that she had set out the day prior. She heaped a mountain of it over herself and fell unconscious again, praying that it would warm and conceal her. Shelby’s blanket was her sole comfort.

 Covette had awoken once and was unable to move, regardless of her efforts the maiden’s body refused to respondAnother comma splice. Pain and exhaustion had overcome her, driving the lass to rest yet again. Upon waking a second time she rose to her feet, the hurt excruciating. What? Try a new sentence: “The pain was excruciating.” With Shelby’s blanket grasped firmly in one hand she strode gingerly from the barn into the starless night. A light could be seen flickering from the house and she wandered towards it. She peered through the window and saw three of the five men standing about Darin, who was coddling Shelby in his arms. [2]

 With the men present the maiden had no inclination in trying “inclination to try” would be a more natural construction to steal away the child, she would assuredly be killed. Comma splice. Instead, she made for the city of Lorehaven, wandering into the city proper in the dead of night. She found an inn near the docks, using her father’s name to acquire a bath with room and board. Not an easy task with her inability to speak. Fragment, but I’d say OK here. For the fleeting moments prior to sleeping she pondered her options. Definitely she would be hunted down and slain if she remained in the city.

 For the next three days she hid out in her small room, it took that long for Covette to endeavor movementEndeavour does not mean attempt. It should be followed by an infinitive or “after +noun”. without nausea. Comma splice. On the fourth she folded Shelby’s blanket neatly and wandered into the city streets, with it held firmly in both hands. First she bought a new dress to replace the tattered remnants of the one she wore. Next was a purchase made in fear, a rapier. In her young mind the more expensive would be the best, she wasn’t far Wasn’t far what? Wasn’t far from what? in this assumption. Comma splice. She paid a hefty price for the blade but it was a weapon of exquisite Erpheronian construction.

 After visiting an herbalist and acquiring a variety of pain relievers the maiden began wandering the avenues once again. Oddly enough she ran into one of her attackers although thankfully she noticed him before drawing his attention. Raising the cowl of her new cloak she fled back to the inn and quickly started to pack her things. In Covette’s distraught mind she was being pursued already. Possibly she had left behind some evidence at the farm. She needed to leave town and the time was now!

 With due haste the young maiden found her way to the docks and after some stressful, silent negotiations she used her family name to garner a spot aboard a ship. The vessel left the following day with a new cook. The journey was a long one towards Strata and would take Covette farther from home than she had ever been. Throughout the journey she consumed willow tree tablets to get her through the pain and ate onions to help her regain speech. Which returned slowly over the coming months, albeit not to what it once was.Fragment.

 After arriving in Strata the sailor collected her pay and entered the city with her shipmates for some well deserved merriment in the bars. It did not take young Covette long to realize the foolishness of entering such downtrodden establishments. Within the first hour she had been groped repeatedly by drunken men who had not seen a woman in months. One gentleman in particular made no attempt at hiding his intentions with her. It took only moments for the lass to answer those advances with a balled fist. By the time the brawl had finished her nose was broken, her pinky was shattered and the man lay bloodied at her feet.

 In due time she found employment on yet another ship, this one going to Nybelmar and the pay was far better than her previous employment. Unbeknownst to Covette the journey would take her near two years before arriving in Lorehaven at its end. She had missed Shelby’s first birthday and the second was on the horizon. In the middle of night she returned to the farm she had fled from so long ago, taking time to watch her daughter sleep through the window. In those moments she pondered taking the child and running yet again. Yet the fact that she had nothing to offer her baby, solidified her resolve that she was better off without her.

 Instead Covette placed the gifts she had brought back from Nybelmar on the front porch and fled yet again into the night. She paused only long enough to purchase a full suit of Brigandine armor and rent a courier to send word to her family in the north. Straight away she was aboard yet another ship and sailed off into the dawn. So her life has been till this day, although she will never again sail to such distant shores. To miss Shelby’s birthday was one of her greatest failures and she has vowed to never do so again.

 Over the course of a decade she has nearly been caught twice by Darin visiting around her daughter’s birthday. Little does Covette know that she would be welcomed back by her childhood lover and most likely be able to return to a semblance of the life she had once known. The future is a mysterious place and who knows...
˙˙•٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠•˙•Weapons˙˙•٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠•˙•
The phrase "like a feather" comes to mind when handling this sword, despite the fact that it is near 3 Ods in weight. This rapier is easy to control and the tip practically guides itself to the target. In fact, it's hard to decide which aspect to like more, the aesthetics or how it feels in the hand. Performing disengage actions with single time parries are effortless, and the rapier floats through drills. The length of the blade allows it to easily make Split infinitiveparries and counterattacks in the same swift motion, whilst the balance permits Covette precision control. The shell grants extra hand protection to prevent slippery tips from getting past the swept hilt as well. As a functional weapon, without even looking at any of the aesthetics, it's a blade to be proud of.
Rapier Measurements and Specifications
Weight: 2 Ods and 9 Mut.
Overall length: 1 Ped, 2 Palmspans, 6 Nailsbreadths and 4 Grains.
Blade length: 1 Ped and 4 Nailsbreadths from shell, plus a 5 Nailsbreadths ricasso.
Grip length: 8 Nailsbreadths and 4 Grains.
Pommel length: 6 Nailsbreadths and 1 Grain.
Guard width: 2 Palmspans, 1 Nailsbreadth and 2 Grains.
Point of Balance: 1 Palmspan from guard.
˙˙•٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠•˙•Possessions˙˙•٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥●•٠•˙•
~ One change of clothing identical to the ones listed in her description section.
 ~ A small leather pouch clasped to the inside of her boot containing a medianI think you mean “medium”. sum of currency.
 ~ Nearly a week’s rations of jerky and bread.
 ~ A leather wineskin almost full with fresh water.
 ~ A bar of Icemilk soap.
 ~ A small pouch full of Tooth Cabbage
 ~ A small eating knife.
 ~ A large backpack used to carry her possessions.
 ~ Two small pouches on her belt containing a small amount of currency and the other containing an unfinished letter.
 ~ A quality rapier, sheathed on her left hip.
 ~ A child's blanket folded neatly and stored away in her backpack.

[1] Narrative side-notes, these things are unknown to Covette. She has no clue that Darin did not send these men to kill her and take Shelby, that is merely her perception. Secondly, she does not recall the horrible rape they perpetrated against her during unconsciousness. Thankfully, the abundance of other wounds she suffered kept this fact from being readily apparent. They had drug It seems to me this should be “dragged” (drugging someone is something else entirely), but it may well be an Americanism. her body to the tree-line and left her for dead.
[2] Darin had been told that Covette had dropped the child in her flight, then threw herself over a cliff into the sea. Perceived Suicide.
« Last Edit: November 19, 2012, 05:12:58 PM by Leif Terskun » Logged

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Leif Terskun
Covette Weyring
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« Reply #5 on: November 20, 2012, 03:36:44 PM »

Thank you for the comments Leif!

All aspects you mentioned in 'red' were addressed and a few of your 'orange' comments also addressed.

On a couple of your other points/questions. Her armor is both weaker and stronger than steel, purely based on the attack that is incoming. For instance a sword slash vs. standard plate would most likely be turned aside with only cosmetic damage, where-as Covette's would sustain structural damage. A thrust would, more often than not, be deflected with steel plating, where-as Covette's would be pierced, although with less depth due to it's thickness. It is situational... Although the cheaper upkeep of the wooden plates was my main concern with this character. Just an example of how she penny-pinches, so to speak.

I also generally disagree that she is an armored juggernaut of any kind. Numerically speaking she is missing 60-70% of a full suit of armor. She has the two main pieces and that is all. Huh?

She does not have problems with idle chatter... she is nearly unable to communicate in a lower vocal range. I encourage you to re-read that weakness, as I feel you missed the gist of it. Any covert actions taken by her and another player would be strained at first. It would take time and familiarity with her for someone to be able to take on such missions, without this aspect of her voice hampering them.  

I also added another weakness in the lovely color Lime. Hopefully this alleviates some of your S&W concerns. hug
« Last Edit: November 20, 2012, 07:07:38 PM by Covette Weyring » Logged

Leif Terskun
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« Reply #6 on: November 20, 2012, 09:21:34 PM »

Thank you for the clarification on the armour; I do think that saying "this does very little to detract from its defensive capabilities", then, was inaccurate. You could mention how it is countered by the cheaper upkeep, but if it is less effective than steel, don't say it isn't. Just a little clarification in the CD I think would help.

The juggernaut comment was in relation to the idea that she can keep going through an almost superhuman amount of punishment, not just her armour. Although the armour helps, it was more the "nothing short of death can stop her" aspect.

I will take another look later; sorry to be brief, I'm in a rush.
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« Reply #7 on: November 27, 2012, 07:36:29 AM »

I will just note that I think you misunderstood - I admit it was not quite clear - the nature of my orange comments. While I cannot "make" you do anything, many of the "comments" are just as non-optional as the corrections in red. I only use red when there is only one change that could possibly be made. A "tirade of loose curls" still makes zero sense.
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« Reply #8 on: November 27, 2012, 11:48:49 PM »

A light mist suffuses the air, thickening and slowly forming into a soft, half-tangible figure just behind Leif. Soughing ringlets of black hair brush pale, translucent cheeks. Indigo eyes glisten into distinction--kind and familiar, though distant. Her form, half-incorporal, seems to float like an ephemeral whisper: it is as though her presence may verily dissipate in a single breath--yet to breathe would be to know the scent of fresh snow, wild mountains, and delicate incense.

Elegant arms wraps affectionately about Leif from behind, and a substanceless kiss alights upon his cheek. Despite her almost ghostly appearance, there is something comfortable about her. Her voice whispers like a quiet echo: "Leif, my dearest, you are being too harsh again. Allow for a touch of creativity. I think a 'tirade of loose curls' makes perfect sense. They are 'loud' in a metaphorical sense: they draw attention, refusing to be ignored. I think the use of 'profoundly' to imply a depth and thoroughness of colour or quality is perfectly acceptable.

"And you're getting overly-critical again. Let it go. Alerting of comma splices and fragments is fine, but if it doesn't prevent understanding, there's no need to fret. Try to be kind: kindness is polite, and to be polite is to be a gentleman."

The apparition, as she seems to be, gives Leif a barely-perceptible squeeze--the kind that communicates a numb kind of desiderium and wistfulness. Then, all at once, she is gone, leaving only the fading scent of snow.
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« Reply #9 on: December 14, 2012, 11:41:57 AM »

Second approval.  Remove editorial colour and I can title and archive this. :)
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« Reply #10 on: December 15, 2012, 07:31:34 AM »

Thank you everyone for the help! heart Colour removed.  ;)
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« Reply #11 on: December 15, 2012, 12:41:33 PM »

Titled and Archived.  Congrats. :)
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