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Cruciform
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« on: 06 October 2010, 03:48:56 »

Any and all editing will be highlighted in the colour yellow.

Name of Vehicle
The Brownie Owl-ship

Overview
First seen in the Vale of Brownies in the late 1060’s, the Owl-ship was invented by the little-known Llaoihrr drifters, Den Fallentree and his brother, Seb Fallentree.

The owl-ship is made to be piloted by two Brownies; one stands on deck, steering the ship, and the other flies above, mounted on an owl. At any time, the owl-rider can swoop down and pick the ship up by the top of the mast, carrying it out of harm’s way, or even just over land.

The very idea of the ship is centred on the need for a travelling house, specifically for hunters, but also for cargo and freight “shipping”. Owl-shippers are then able to drift downstream and set up their camps for indefinite amounts of time.

Description
The basic vehicle is much like a regular ship, although its exterior design is made for the practical, rather than the spectacle. It consists of a basic ship-shape with a large mast and a balustrade around the edge. The lower side of the hull is mostly flat along the bottom with a long chine on either side to assist with stability.

Usually, the ship is about two and a half palmspans wide at its widest points, four palmspans long, and close to two palmspans tall to the deck. Larger owl-ships do not usually get any wider, but may be up to five palmspans long with a much thicker mast than usual, which will hold the ship together when carrying heavy freight.

The mast, shaped like a ‘T’ (the top of which is referred to as the “owl’s perch”), is another three to five palmspans from the deck. The sails are often simple constructions, made of leather because it is sturdy and less likely to rip.

Because the ship relies on the current of a stream or river, wind power is not the major force of locomotion for the vehicle
, so these sails are usually patchworks that are attached to the sides of the mast about two nailsbreadths below the owl’s perch, and also to the balustrade at the edges of the ship. This allows for a small gap between the two pieces of sail, creating a large triangular sail.

The first owl-ship, built by Den and Seb Fallentree, had a simple hatch and ladder system for travelling between the deck and inside the hull, where they had bunks for sleeping. They had built cabinets into the interior for their equipment and belongings so that everything would stay in place. This is a common practice in modern owl-ships.

As useful as a hatch and ladder is, more spectacular owl-ships now have steep staircases, and sometimes even spiralling structures.

The largest and most practical owl-ships are used as cargo vehicles, and as such, often have ample space beneath, but not much living room. Early owl-ships were for living and transport both, but this is a dying practice among Brownies unless they are drifting hunters.

Because the base of the ship is largely flat, the ship becomes unstable and likely to roll in still waters. It is built for forward motion while drifting downstream so that the fins on the base of the ship can cut through ripples and waves.

Steering is not usually needed, but with a basic rudder system, trained owl-shippers are able to navigate most streams and rivers, dodging rocks and the shore quite easily, as even the smallest bumps can often damage the hull irreparably.

When upstream travel is necessary, the owl-rider can pick up the ship and fly back, and any time that rest is necessary, the ship can be placed on level ground.


Method of Production
The first owl-ship was a very simple unwieldy contraption. The Fallentree brothers built a large boat base, placed their cabin inside, and stuck a mast on top with a sail made of leather.

Modern owl-ships are made in as few pieces to keep it water-proofed, with only the balustrade, rudder, and mast added on as extra pieces.

They can be made of any light, buoyant wood, with sturdier woods being favoured for the masts, which are generally fashioned from thin willow tree branches. Some of the popular woods for the main hull are those of maple trees, but more commonly used are birch trees and willows. The branches of the willows are perfect for the masts and balustrades of the owl-ship being strong and slightly flexible.

Resins and saps are used to varnish the outside, and, on nicer ships, the inside. The interior is built into the walls (and occasionally the roof) of the hull with no walls, making repairs to the hull a lot easier.

The rudder is the most complicated part of production, with a pulley system running from the wheel to the back of the hull where the rudder is located. The rudder is allowed to move either way by a wooden beam situated on either side of it. If the wheel is pulled to the left, the portside beam will move, allowing the rudder to move. If the wheel is pulled back to origin position, the portside beam will move back into place, pushing the rudder into a straight direction.

The rudder, being somewhat fragile, is the most commonly damaged part of the ship. Heavy vibrations through the framework, caused by landing too heavily on the ground, or jolting into hard rocks, can cause fractures in the rudder.

Areas of Production
The owl-ship is produced only in the settlements in the Vale of Brownies. They are produced by the Hamm’rer clan with help from the Leather clan for sails and other additions.

Because of this, woods native to the area are often the only kind used. Special care also needs to be taken in the training of owls. The ships need to be placed on the ground and back in the water slowly, and owls are often trained for years with practice ships to make sure that they will not drop the ship.

Usage
Primarily, the ship is used by hunters in the Vale of Brownies. In teams of at least two, they are able to keep all of their equipment with them, drift downstream, and set up a camp at almost any location of their choice.

Some hunters make or request modifications so that their ships can hang from the branches of trees when they wish to hunt from the trees. This, in tandem with Brownie Wings can make them formidable hunters.

They can hunt, store meat and hides inside the ship, and then fly the goods back to their settlements.

The other main usage is for transporting goods between settlements in the Vale. This could be wood, or meat or hides. The goods transported vary. The beauty of the owl-ship is that it can be made large enough to carry anything. Cargo owl-ships are often built so that part of the deck is removable. This makes removal of freight easier.

History
The inventors of the Owl-ship, Den and Seb Fallentree, were born into the River Bend Llaoihrr settlement. Both, at the age of 15, joined the Skydivers Clan and learned to hunt on the back of their brown wood owls. In particular, they hunted rats and other small mammals along the rivers in the Vale of Brownies in their younger years.

After becoming mildly well-off, Den and Seb moved out of their settlement after Den’s thirty-third birthday, and Seb’s thirty-first. They built themselves a small cabin by the River of Reeds so that hunting would become easier for the both of them.

As they became used to certain hunting spots, they built themselves small canoes to travel down the streams and waterways. However, this came with the disadvantage of become tired quickly, and they would often find themselves dragging their canoes back to their cabin in darkness and they could not control their owls as easily as flight could provide.

After half a year of living in the wilderness, Seb came up with the idea to have their owls carry the canoes. The first time they tried this, though, one of their owls dropped a canoe, and the other let their meat and hides fall out. They were determined to make it work. This was the year 1062.

Den came up with a solution. Using a large branch, they created a mast on their cabin. Being that they had not built it with a foundation, it could be lifted off the ground at will.

Originally, one of them, while riding an owl, would perch on the mast and secure the owl’s feet to the mast. This, however, did not work, as the owls became amazingly tired from carrying the entire cabin about all day. This idea came at the cusp of 1062 and 1063, and it carried them at a heady speed into the year.

Together, they came up with the solution for their problems; a poorly built boat with their cabin inside. Well, they didn’t plan on it being poorly built, at least. With help from the Hamm’rer clan, they built a large, topless hull, and they fixed their cabin on the inside.

The result was leaky, and there was no method of steering, but it was relatively balanced and didn’t capsize. One would sit on the makeshift deck and use a long pole to push toward or away from the shore, and the other would fly above. With this, Den and Seb Fallentree created the first owl-ship and all before either of them had turned 35!

In the year 1069, Den Fallentree turned forty years old, and with his brother’s help (and a little more help from the Hamm’rer clan, with a nicer, leather sail donated), they rejuvenated the owl-ship with a lighter hull, which they built the cabin and mast into fully. This new build had a rudder and better steering system with ropes and a pulley system to pull the rudder the correct way, and the hull and interior were built with lighter, stronger woods.

They also water-proofed the hull with a mixture of pine resin and tree sap and added two large fins that could cut through minor waves. And that was the second official owl-ship built.

By the end of the year 1070, the Hamm’rer clan had begun to produce owl-ships for others (if they had the currency for it), namely for freighters, and the Fallentree brothers were forgotten.

The Hamm’rer clan’s updated owl-ship featured a much sturdier rudder system and a less homey-feel to the interior, with more focus on freight than on living, and some had small shacks on-deck that housed spiral staircases and other vanity additions.


Lore and Legend
A common Fallentree anecdote details a dream that one of the brothers had one day whilst abed with a head cold. While the brothers themselves are not sure which one of them had the dream, the anecdote is regaled the exact same way at any and all social gatherings that they attend.

“I was sick with a fever and lay, resting, in my bed in the cabin at riverside. My brother was out hunting. It was some time in the afternoon that I got out of the bed, only too aware that I was in dire need of sleep. I took up a water skin on the table and took a drink as I stood at the door,” they tell.

They continue on, looking into space as though they are overcome by the nostalgia, “I found myself sitting on the ground by the door then, enjoying the breeze and fresh air. I watched the trees swaying, and I became aware of something moving slowly along the ground nearby. I looked toward it and realised it was a snail. ‘How nice,’ I thought to myself, ‘to be able to carry a house on your back.’”

They pause for effect, and the crowd becomes enraptured. It is usually at this point that the other brother begins to speak, taking up the story with the same steady pacing as the previous speaker. Nobody notices the subtle change in voice.

The second brother says, “I don’t know how long I watched that snail for, but at some point, while I was in a dazed and confused state, a small bird landed on the ground and pressed a foot down on the snail. It looked at me, chirped, and then flew off, the snail clamped in its claws.”

Both brothers laugh in unison then, a party talent that is both hilarious and creepy. The effect throws the crowd off a little, so enchanted are they by the brother’s voice. The crowd laughs with them after a hesitation, but only briefly. The second brother continues on after a few bars of communal silence.

“For a moment, I felt as though I was trapped within a moment, and all I could see was the bird carrying the snails shell. Somewhere in my mind, I knew that inside that shell was the snail, and I thought, ‘I have an owl that can carry me! Why can’t I fly like that?’”

The brother’s then swap speaking once more. “When my brother came home, pulling a single rat carcass behind him, I told him of my idea. We could make one of our owls carry the cabin around! Surely they were large enough and strong enough to do it. We’d seen them carry larger and heavier things about before. So we set about doing it. First, we put a big hook on the cabin roof. That… well, that didn’t work so well…”



EDITING NOTES
Given that Skydiver Clan was formed in 281 b.S I’m placing Den and Seb’s at 1029 A.S, after trade was established with Eyelians and Tenthrum. I’m also placing them leaving Brownie society to live in the woods at around 1062 A.S. This means they’re 33 in the most important part of their lives, which I think is fair.

I’ve given them until they were 40 to have their second owl-ship, by which point the Hamm’rer clan has begun production on their own.[/color]

What do you guys think of the name “Owl Freighter”? Or “Brownie Air-Cabin”/ “Brownie Flying-Cabin”? I’m at odds and ends in trying to find a new name for it. =C
« Last Edit: 30 October 2010, 16:27:24 by Artimidor Federkiel » Logged

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« Reply #1 on: 06 October 2010, 05:04:21 »

I have to give Cruciform his first aura point already, as I like this fascinating idea, it makes great sense - and it is also very well written, didn't even find a typo! :) I also notice you know the Brownies very well with all their clan structures, and you really wrote in the Brownie spirit.

Notes:

- Could there be a better name perhaps for the "Brownie Owl-Ship"?

- It's "Brownies", not "brownies", due to the Helcrani emancipation act of back then to give the Milken their proper recognition :)

- As far as I can see you don't mention when exactly the first such ships were built. Could be millennia ago, or just recently. Actually you say so in your final comment, but I think the invention of a Brownie ship would be a somewhat more substantial invention than sliced bread. On the other hand there is that "sliced bread" idiom ("best thing since sliced bread"), which seems to indicate that sliced bread is a very substantial invention. Anyhow, I guess we should somehow be able to put a date on it I'd say. Don't know since when Brownies tamed owls, though, but maybe there's an indicator somewhere on site.

- Anyway, a really nice entry, Cruciform, also dealing with all the necessary sections in very precise fashion, all covered! So, a very well deserved aura +1 for this great idea!
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« Reply #2 on: 06 October 2010, 05:27:29 »

I have to give Cruciform his first aura point already, as I like this fascinating idea, it makes great sense - and it is also very well written, didn't even find a typo! :) I also notice you know the Brownies very well with all their clan structures, and you really wrote in the Brownie spirit.
I'm... just... uhh... *SQUEEEEEE*

D'awww... it was nothin'.

No, really. I spent maybe an hour and a half writing all that, making sure that I had a page open for Brownies (research, et cetera) and the other in the Brownie subforum over on races so I could check out the map of Llaoihrr locations in the Vale. It was a little complex there for a bit, but I got most of it down pat. Months of lurking (in total) helps. :)

As for typos... the English language is my major strength, and I play it well.

Notes:

- Could there be a better name perhaps for the "Brownie Owl-Ship"?
I suppose there could be. It's a title in progress, I guess. I just liked the sound of "Owl-Ship", and it was an apt name. I'll have a think.

- It's "Brownies", not "brownies", due to the Helcrani emancipation act of back then to give the Milken their proper recognition :)
Oh, my bad. :s I was assuming that it would have common noun status, not proper noun status, like "humans" instead of "Humans" and "pokémon" instead of "Pokémon". I'll fix it up.

- As far as I can see you don't mention when exactly the first such ships were built. Could be millennia ago, or just recently. Actually you say so in your final comment, but I think the invention of a Brownie ship would be a somewhat more substantial invention than sliced bread. On the other hand there is that "sliced bread" idiom ("best thing since sliced bread"), which seems to indicate that sliced bread is a very substantial invention. Anyhow, I guess we should somehow be able to put a date on it I'd say. Don't know since when Brownies tamed owls, though, but maybe there's an indicator somewhere on site.
I'll have a look through Brownie History and figure out a bit of a timeline for Den and Seb.

- Anyway, a really nice entry, Cruciform, also dealing with all the necessary sections in very precise fashion, all covered! So, a very well deserved aura +1 for this great idea!
Thank you, sir!

My only question now, is: something I've gone and forgotten. :S

Oh yeah! Should I have another entry for Den and Seb once I get this one fixed up a little more?
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« Reply #3 on: 06 October 2010, 06:25:01 »

They might be small, but theirs is the only race which is always written in capitals! Always makes me grin every time that comes up! grin
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« Reply #4 on: 06 October 2010, 06:57:57 »

And now, you will know fear  evil

The Brownie Owl-ship

Overview
First seen in the Vale of Brownies, the Owl-ship was invented by the little-known Llaoihrr drifters, Den Fallentree and his brother, Seb Fallentree.You'll have to run these names by our residnet brownie experts, but Browniin is (as far as I know) a very high pitched, squeeky sort of language. Rookie for instance (one of the aforementioned brownie experts) is a Tharianization (compare to anglicization) of the Browniin name rroo’ee).
The owl-ship is made to be piloted by two brownies; one stands on deck, steering the ship, and the other flies above, mounted on an owl. At any time, the owl-rider can swoop down and pick the ship up by the top of the mast, carrying it out of harm’s way, or even just over land.
The very idea of the ship is centred on the need for a travelling house, specifically for hunters, but also for cargo. Owl-shippers can drift downstream, set up camp for an indefinite amount of time, and move on without disturbing the environment too much, only taking what they need to take. [colour=gold]one could argue that a pair of brownies is roughly as capable of disturbing the environment as a single field mouse.


Description
The basic vehicle itself is a mixture of a small cabin and a boat with a large mast. The boat has a large flat base with two large fins on either side, similar to a catamaran hull.Stylistically, and possibly gramatically, these phrases bother me. The first one is short and sort of bland without being terribly informative so you could probably fuse it with the second without any terrible degree of work. Also, we try to avoid comparison to terran things that we don't have. So a catamaran is (as I understand it) essentially two canoe shaped hulls with some sort of connection between them and a sail. While it is easier to say catamaran, not everyone will know what it is, and second it sort of deintegrates the entry a little. Better to just explain it outright.
A basic vehicle is about three palmspans wide at its widest points, four palmspans long, and close to two palmspans tall to the deck. The mast, shaped like a ‘T’ is another three to five palmspans from the deck. The sails are often simple constructions, made of leather. They are usually patchworks that are attached to the sides of the mast and the sides of the deck balustrade (but not to the owl’s perch) in a triangular formation. Leather seems to me a rather heavy thing to make a sail out of, but I'm not an expert. Why not a woven cloth of some sort? We also don't know where the owl's perch is. The way I understand it, the sail issues from the top of the T so the owl might accidentally rip it when picking it up.
The first owl-ship, built by Den and Seb Fallentree, had a simple hatch and ladder system for travelling between the deck and inside the hull, where they had bunks for sleeping. They had built cabinets into the interior for their equipment and belongings so that everything would stay in place.So this would be inside the canoe shaped parts of the hull, or inside a sort of construction in the space between the two canoe-bits? You can see the problem we're running into here. You've used a comparison that, while apt, is not familiar and the reader isn't following it. This is a common practice in modern owl-ships. You could probably mix this sentence, with the following sentence, it's kind of fragmentary as it is I think.
As useful as a hatch and ladder is, more spectacular owl-ships now have steep staircases, and sometimes even spiralling structures.
The largest and most practical owl-ships are used as cargo vehicles, and as such, often have ample space beneath, but not much living room. Early owl-ships were for living and transport both, but this is a dying practice among brownies unless they are drifting hunters.How large are these ships? Do they conform to the dimensions given above?
Because the base is large, and somewhat unstable, the ship is not made for still waters[Hang on. That doesn't make sense. If it is inherently unstable, then it should be even more unstable when it is going downriver since there is something else pushing against it. What's more you'd risk tipping it when the owl returns it to the water. The design, as far as I can tell, should be very stable since the hull on one side balances it against the hull on the other side in a sort of equilibrium., and does not float well. It is made, quite simply, for drifting downstream. Steering is not usually needed, but with a basic rudder system, trainer owl-shippers are able to navigate most streams and rivers, dodging rocks and the shore quite easily, as even the smallest bumps can often damage the hull irreparably.
When upstream travel is necessary, the owl-rider can pick up the ship and fly back. Any time that rest is necessary, the ship can be placed on level ground for the night.

Method of Production
The first owl-ship was a very simple unwieldy contraption. The Fallentree brothers built a large boat base, placed their cabin inside, and stuck a mast on top with a sail made of leather.
Modern owl-ships are made in as few pieces to keep it water-proofed, with only the balustrade, rudder, and mast added on as extra pieces.So it's sort of a duggout? How are these pieces held together?
They can be made of any light, buoyant wood, with sturdier woods being favoured for the masts, which are generally fashioned from thin tree branches.
Resins and saps are used to varnish the outside, and, on nicer ships, the inside. The interior is built into the walls (and occasionally the roof) of the hull with no walls, making repairs to the hull a lot easier.Don't see the need for the breaks here. Also, what wood? Resins and saps from what? ( also aren't these typically water soluable?).
The rudder is the most complicated part of production, with a pulley system running from the wheel to the back of the hull where the rudder is located. The rudder is allowed to move either way by a wooden beam situated on either side of it.Wouldn't it be simpler to use a tiller? If the wheel is pulled to the left, the portside beam will move, allowing the rudder to move. If the wheel is pulled back to origin position, the portside beam will move back into place, pushing the rudder into a straight direction.
The rudder is also the most commonly damaged part of the ship, often breaking when the ship is placed too heavily on the ground.It seems as though you'd find a way to raise the rudder when you leave the water (possible with a tiller I think)

Areas of Production
The owl-ship is produced only in the settlements in the Vale of Brownies. They are produced by the Hamm’rer clan with help from the Leather clan for sails and other additions.
Because of this, woods native to the area are often the only kind used.Again, which woods! Do some research! Special care also needs to be taken in the training of owls. The ships need to be placed on the ground and back in the water slowly, and owls are often trained for years with practice ships to make sure that they will not drop the ship.

Usage
Primarily, the ship is used by hunters in the Vale of Brownies. In teams of at least two, they are able to keep all of their equipment with them, drift downstream, and set up a camp at almost any location of their choice.Seems dubious but I'll leave that judgement up to an expert.
Some hunters make or request modifications so that their ships can hang from the branches of trees when they wish to hunt from the trees. This, in tandem with Brownie Wings can make them formidable hunters.
They can hunt, store meat and hides inside the ship, and then fly the goods back to their settlements.
The other main usage is for transporting goods between settlements in the Vale. This could be wood, or meat or hides. The goods transported vary. The beauty of the owl-ship is that it can be made large enough to carry anything. Cargo owl-ships are often built so that part of the deck is removable. This makes removal of freight easier.

History
The inventors of the Owl-ship, Den and Seb Fallentree, were born into the River Bend Llaoihrr settlement and both had brown wood owls. They became hunters, particularly hunting rats along the rivers in the Vale of Brownies.
After becoming mildly well-off, Den and Seb moved out of the settlement and built themselves a small cabin by the riverside so that hunting would become easier for the both of them.
As they became used to certain hunting spots, they built themselves small canoes to travel up and down the streams. However, this came with the disadvantage of become tired quickly, and they would often find themselves dragging their canoes back to their cabin in darkness and they could not control their owls as easily.
After half a year of living in the wilderness, Seb came up with the idea to have their owls carry the canoes. The first time they tried this, though, one of their owls dropped a canoe, and the other let their meat and hides fall out. They were determined to make it work.
Den came up with a solution. Using a large branch, they created a mast on their cabin. Being that they had not built it with a foundation, it could be lifted off the ground at will.
Originally, one of them, while riding an owl, would perch on the mast and secure the owl’s feet to the mast. This, however, did not work, as the owls became amazingly tired from carrying the entire cabin about all day.
Together, they came up with the solution; a poorly built boat with their cabin inside. Well, they didn’t plan on it being poorly built, at least. With help from the Hamm’rer clan, they built a large, topless hull, and they fixed their cabin on the inside.
The result was leaky, and there was no method of steering, but it was relatively balanced and didn’t capsize. One would sit on the makeshift deck and use a long pole to push toward or away from the shore, and the other would fly above. With this, Den and Seb Fallentree created the first owl-ship.
Some years later, a second owl-ship was created, this time with a rudder and a more balanced hull. The deck was fastened in properly, and they built their cabinets into it so that they were not living in a mess.Not exactly a solid finish. It trails off instead of ending. Not good.

Lore and Legend
… There’s none that I can think of. I don’t think it’s all that important, but I’m welcome to suggestions if somebody thinks it’s not done?This is usually a very important sort of section in other entries for the record. Your timeline must be fairly current if the names of the inventors are known, but if it was earlier, the "history" would fit under Lore and Legend.


Finally, the only problem I have is that I’m not sure what sort of timeline to put this into, or whether it needs a set timeline at all. It could be one of those things, like sliced bread, which never really “originated”. It might have just come into fashion rather than into existence. You can point at where it started to be adopted widely.
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« Reply #5 on: 06 October 2010, 07:17:15 »

I did not have the time to read it all, but I'm impressed also, that's a cute idea!  clap clap clap

As it is just six hundred years old (and that is not too much with our 10 000 years histories), you might need no lore, but why not make one up why the two invented that way of transportation? Or a story of a funny accident, e.g. the ship stranded in a tree or something like that.

I think Rookie will be delighted, write her a bellring!

Some proposals:

As crossreferencing is something which is here liked very much, why not mention that other means to transport goods, the Arrowhead Geese Squadron. Link  your water/sky-ship to the area of new inventions, after a time of war has ended.

Quote
ca. 1.100       New Vale Brownie Trade and New Thinking
The news of other Brownie groups surviving like the Llaoihrr have managed is enough to begin a revolution in thinking. It is obvious that Brownies can indeed exist and live without the protection of the Vale. Explorers set out once more to look for friendly settlements and to map the land around their Vale. The Brownies' natural inventiveness takes on the challenge, experimenting with ways of travelling across the many furlongs of land. From this, the Arrowhead Geese Squadron is formed, a group of Skydivers who train and look after a dozen or so of the birds. These are large enough to carry goods for trade.

There is more history, which is not yet on the site here




« Last Edit: 06 October 2010, 07:30:59 by Talia Sturmwind » Logged

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« Reply #6 on: 06 October 2010, 07:33:14 »

@Valan!

First, I'll note that you got the previous version of the post, so the history is now updated with timeline stuff.
Onto notelish things.

-Thanks for the note on the Brownie names. I wasn't too sure about that, and I couldn't find a "nomenclature" section when I was looking through the Brownie entries, and there wasn't much that I could find, so I did my best on short notice.

-You're probably right about the disturbing the environment part. I guess the Brownies slipped my mind for that part.

-Catamarans: you've misinterpreted what I wrote. I'll edit out the catamaran part; I should have known better than to throw a word like that in. But you did overlook the part that states "it has a large flat base". So there's a big flat part, and then at the edges, there's two fins. I'll explain that better without mentioning catamarans.

-Quite a lot of sails are made of canvas. Leather is quite similar to canvas in that water won't soak into it (not if it's done properly), and they're similar in weight per square metre. Canvas, however, is synthetic and has a stronger weave, so it makes a better sail. Leather is an alternative for the basic owl-ship.

-I assumed that it was obvious that the owl would grab the top of the 'T' formation and that that would be the "Owl's perch". So the sails don't reach as high as the 'T'. They're attached to the sides of the mast below that. I'll rewrite that a little.

-I'll give sizes for the larger ships, but generally, it'd probably be safe to say that they wouldn't get any larger than an extra palmspan long.

-Unstable was the wrong word. The boat is fine while it's moving, while there is a force that keeps it moving, but in still waters, it has a tendency to roll to either side. This is due to the base being mostly flat. (For the record, this is possible. I did Marine Studies in my senior years at high school, and we had to learn about hulls and all that)

-Tillers: it wouldn't really be easier. A single Brownie is steering this ship through water, and it's a fairly sizeable ship, even for a Brownie. Pushing a tiller would be extremely strenuous.

-The rudder damage is caused by vibrations through the ship if it's landed too heavily: I'll rewrite.

-I don't really understand what you mean by "seems dubious". What, exactly, seems dubious?

-I'll ignore the rest since those sections were changed.

Thanks for the notes, Valan. *Sets about his work*


I did not have the time to read it all, but I'm impressed also, that's a cute idea!  clap clap clap

As it is just six hundred years old (and that is not too much with our 10 000 years histories), you might need no lore, but why not make one up why the two invented that way of transportation? Or a story of a funny accident, e.g. the ship stranded in a tree or something like that.

I think Rookie will be delighted, write her a bellring!

Some proposals:

As crossreferencing is something which is here liked very much, why not mention that other means to transport goods, the Arrowhead Geese Squadron. Link  your water/sky-ship to the area of new inventions, after a time of war has ended.

There is more history, which is not yet on the site here

Thank you, my dear!
And I've had a few little ideas about the lore (namely something similar to an acid trip for one of the brothers, but *shrug*. I'm still not sure about that).

Thank you for that link, also. I'll take a look at it as soon as I get these main edits done.

And what a lovely idea. I think I will Bellring her once I've got some of this work done!

EDIT: I checked out that timeline, and there's nothing that would really apply to the Brownies that fits with the entry. I'm reading about the geese now, too. Thanks for those! =D

I DID A DRAWING! It's also attached to the first post.
« Last Edit: 06 October 2010, 10:37:50 by Cruciform » Logged

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« Reply #7 on: 06 October 2010, 10:34:08 »

Ah. I see what you mean then. Liable to rock or list could work there.
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« Reply #8 on: 06 October 2010, 11:27:16 »

This is an adorable little boat...and a wonderful concept.  Owl-ships!  Owl-shippers!  Owl-shipping! 

Er, sorry, don't mind me.  I just like to say it.

Along the lines of more substantial praise, have a well-deserved Brownie point - this reads as though you've been writing for the Compendium for months rather than days.  Long-time lurker, eh?  It flows well, is written with competent style and dash, and overall is in that wonderfully creative Santharian mode that we treasure in our most experienced members!  Bravo!  Perhaps we can even lure Rookie back with more delicacies such as this one...
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« Reply #9 on: 11 October 2010, 00:19:28 »

This is an adorable little boat...and a wonderful concept.  Owl-ships!  Owl-shippers!  Owl-shipping!  

Er, sorry, don't mind me.  I just like to say it.

Along the lines of more substantial praise, have a well-deserved Brownie point - this reads as though you've been writing for the Compendium for months rather than days.  Long-time lurker, eh?  It flows well, is written with competent style and dash, and overall is in that wonderfully creative Santharian mode that we treasure in our most experienced members!  Bravo!  Perhaps we can even lure Rookie back with more delicacies such as this one...

*Squee* again! Thank you! It means a lot to get feedback like that, as I'm sure you know! <3

And it looks like I'm submitting this for acceptance? Is that what I'm doing? I don't know. I'm waiting for the next part, I guess.
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« Reply #10 on: 11 October 2010, 00:29:15 »

Maybe break up those paragraphs? Some subtitles would help to better reference the entry specifics.
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« Reply #11 on: 11 October 2010, 00:49:52 »

I've broken up those paragraphs... I don't know why I didn't do it straight up. I always double space my paragraphs when I write.

I'm not sure what you mean by subtitles, however. Could you explain that again, please?
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« Reply #12 on: 11 October 2010, 08:35:50 »

So this is actually a water ship, but an owl can pick it up if needed? I guess I am not clear how this is supposed to work...
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No, I would not want to live in a world without dragons, as I would not want to live in a world without magic, for that is a world without mystery, and that is a world without faith. And that, I fear, for any reasoning, conscious being, would be the cruelest trick of all.
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« Reply #13 on: 11 October 2010, 19:25:22 »

Yes. It is propelled downstream while being steered by a brownie on-board. An owl-riding Brownie travels above by air and can pick it up by the top of the mast. If you look through and point out anything that's too vague for you, I'll be happy to fix it up for you.

I thought I explained it thoroughly, but if something needs to be fixed, just holler.
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« Reply #14 on: 11 October 2010, 22:12:47 »

Owl-shipping, owl-shipping, owl-shipping.... Owl-freight!   Freight Owls!    BARGE-OWLS!   

(stops chanting and runs away again very quickly)
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