Santharian Development

Santharian World Development => The Santharian Bestiary => Topic started by: Rayne (Alýr) on 30 October 2009, 12:25:57



Title: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Rayne (Alýr) on 30 October 2009, 12:25:57
A little elf appears in the forum once again, and, breaking all the rules (a behavior to which this particular elf seems especially inclined), pulls out a parchment describing a species of dragon drake and, in a crack of lightning, the beast emerges. Still a very rough draft, he shifts uncertainly in geography, mythology, research background, and a host of other fields.

Perhaps others will aid in the construction of such an entry--in particular, the little elf hopes, Seeker himself.


Lightning Drakes

A drake of the mountains, lightning drakes are known for their ability to produce lightning currents. While they are usually contained to their personal territories during fair weather, they become fiercely active in lightning storms. During these storms, they replenish their lightning capacities and engage in violent battles in dominance for mating rights. While they are technically classified as a drake, many refer to the creature as a lightning dragon.

Description:
The lightning drake, 10 to 12 peds from snout to tail (with females being slightly larger than males), is a fierce creature, menacing and ruthless, and this shows in their cold, reptilian eyes. Just behind these piercing eyes, horns protrude straight back in a slight curve, shimmering frighteningly. The rounded jaw leads to a lean snout filled with sharp teeth and aceedic saliva that burns through the flesh of its prey, beginning the digestive process before its food even enters its stomach. Tendrils protruding from the jaw shimmer like lightning.

From the top of the head, a jagged crest follows down the drake’s elongated neck, leading to its muscular body and continues to the tip of the tail, which makes up almost half of the drake’s length. A being mainly of the air and not of the earth, the lightning drake depends first on its wings for motion, and the muscles in its back contribute to the strength of these enormous wings. With the shape of a bat’s, the wings are punctuated with horns at the joints and are sharply defined in cold angles. The drake’s back legs give it upward-climbing ability, and here, too, the drake has significant musculature.

The front legs of the drake are small and rarely used, as the drake generally sits on its enormous hind legs when at rest. However, the drake’s legs, both hind-legs and fore-legs, form into sharp claws, which it uses to grasp the crags of its mountainous habitat, as well as to hunt for food and defend itself.

Illuminated by current, the lightning drake glows in frightening hues ranging from a striking silver to an electrifying purple, each scale imbued with its own haunting light. When at rest, the drake turns a dull grayish brown, blending in to its rocky environment. Its eyes are often an icy blue.

Special Abilities:
The lightning drake, as its name suggests, can produce lightning current. Where this power arises from, none knows, but the power seems to come from deep inside, manifested at will. When sleeping or at rest, the drake becomes more neutral in colour, its scales lack-luster, but when defending its nest or territory, its body becomes illuminated by lightning.

Contrary to popular belief, the lightning drake cannot “throw” lightning or toss lightning “bolts” at enemies. However, those who come in contact with the drake suffer the shocks from lightning emanating sporadically from its form. By touch (and sometimes proximity), lightning surges flow through any being with whom the drake comes in contact with. This, however, happens only when the drake taps its lightning abilities.

The ‘lightning’ capabilities of the drake are mediated through lightning exposure. Only through occasional exposure can a lightning drake maintain its lightning abilities. For this reason and others, these drakes are most active during lightning storms, where they take to flight into violent skies. Because of the limits of the ability, drakes generally only use it when necessary. They depend a great deal on their claws and small, razor teeth.

Territory:
The lightning drake resides primarily in the Mountains of Nirmenith, in a range including the Lands of Pain and Rahaz-Dath Desert's Norong Sorno area. These drakes thrive on the western side of the mountain range where lightning storms are a frequent result of high winds and warm climate. Despite sharing territory with other dragon-kin, the lightning drake does not often clash with others in the area. They can be found in steady numbers in the Lands of Pain, and are often sighted lightning drakes on the outskirts of the Aj'Nuvic grounds, seeking out game.

Habitat/Behavior:
The lightning drakes are solitary creatures. Occupying themselves to hunting and stalking about their own cliffs and crags, they feast upon the fauna of the area, which they will often dive upon and mutilate with their sharp claws and teeth. While they are vicious and violent creatures, they are relatively harmless to humans who leave them to their isolation.

They generally hunt during the day, and lie in rest in caves and under over-hangings where they blend in well with the rocky surroundings. Relatively mundane, the drakes seem safely contained in fair weather. When a lightning storm moves in, though, the drakes become wildly active and violent. They roar with a high-pitched screech as a way of calling out their presence. Sensing the storm, drakes travel, sometimes leagues, to where a storm is raging, and there will often engage in fights with other drakes of the same sex. These fights are often terrifyingly fantastic to behold—giant beasts aglow with lightning current, battling in the stormy darkness.

Diet:
The lightning drake is not a picky eater, and will consume most any creature that wonders into its mountainous abode. However, the drake is particularly fond of larger game, such as mountain goats, though they will also eat sand mice, rabbits, snakes like the Rahaz’Norong (commonly know as the "Thalambath Snake"), and birds. The drakes also journey closer to the foothills to feed on deer, such as the ar'bez, the g'nu and the aka'pi, and will feast on any oryx, brown á'neayh, or ellez'ga that enter their habitat. Despite living near the aj'nuvics, lightning drakes are rarely able to catch these clever creatures.

The lightning drake can go days, even weeks, without eating as it waits for migratory game to enter its habitat. Not opposed to scavenging, they will take what food they can get. While the drakes don’t appear to be fond of consuming humanoid races, attacks are not unknown, and the wise traveller will avoid lightning drake territory, or at least pass through with caution.

Mating:
While mating behaviour may occur in other situations, the only documented observations have been during the fall and spring, when storms are more likely. Many scholars attribute the violent behaviour of lightning drakes during storms to the fact that these beasts generally engage in intercourse during this time. Aggression between drakes is generally interpreted as displays of power and strength. Females that prove their superiority over other females get to choose their males more selectively—and they will often choose males who have proven themselves superior over other males. The female is usually the initiator of intercourse.

Intercourse is a semi-violent affair, but brief. A few months later, females will lay 2 to 4 eggs in a mountain nest constructed of pebbles, gravel, and often the skins of prey. Females fiercely defend their nests until their young hatch in the three to four months following. When the little drakes emerge, they are a fraction of the size of their parents, about the size of a hobbit or small child. However, they grow quickly. Nest mates compete for food and space, and rarely does more than one survive. Some of the young drakes will starve, unable to compete for food. However, more often, the stronger will shove the weaker out of the nest, causing them to meet their death on the mountain.

The few young that do survive leave the nest less than two months after hatching. From here, they generally become transients, searching the mountains for a place of their own and feasting upon rabbits, rats, and other small animals until they are able to tackle larger game. It takes approximately a year after they leave the nest for these drakes to reproduce. However, once they are sexually active, they will generally mate at least once a year.

It is generally assumed that, like most dragon-kin, the lightning drake has a sizable lifespan. However, because of frequent deaths during lightning storm fights, the true lifespan remains hard to approximate.

Myth/Origin:
They prayed to Avhan to stop the endless storm, but as the storm arose from their sins, Avhan would not eliminate it entirely from the sky. However, hearing their cries, he chose to take mercy, and decided to give the storm a more corporeal form, turning it into hundreds of drakes that fled to the nearby volcanoes, and there they have dwelled ever since.  When the storms again come to the area, the people of Thalambath say these dragons are to remind them of their sins, and the dragons flit through the storm as a demonstration to those beneath of Avhan's power, as well as his mercy.

Researchers:
While few researchers have sought out the lightning drake as serious study, many other researchers peregrinating through the drake's habitat have written extensively on rare and dangerous encounters with the beast. One of the few observations of the drake's ferocious lightning-storm battles was recorded by volcano-researcher Bertius Felgrad, a dwarf of the Nirmenith clan, on the 8th day of the Passing Clouds in 1443.:

We had travelled many leagues, up the rocky crags and cliffs that crumbled underfoot and threatened with every step to send us reeling, tumbling down the merciless mountain face. Asebell, who has thus far guided us through the more dangerous mountain passes, near met her end when a stone slipped beneath her feet, and it was only through Gladoph's quick reaction she survived, grabbed and hoisted to safety. It is a frightening sign that even the most experienced climbers among us could meet death on this mountain.

I, for my part, lingered near the back of the party, and traced the safe footings of those ahead. Just after Sunblaze on our third day travailing the perilous paths of this forsaken mountain, the sky began to grow dark and ominous. I, a mere researcher, cursed the possibility of a storm, but the situation appeared much more dire to Asebell and Gladoph. "Quick! We must find cover!" called Asebell, and we sought out the shelter of an overhanging. The five of us, Asebell, Gladoph, Rosina, Belgrouf, and myself, curled into the small space, and huddled together. The clouds above grew angry and dark, and piercing through the shadow sky came a call so frightening I felt every bone in my body go cold.

"What was that?" Belgrouf shrilled.

"Sh!" insisted Gladoph.

"We must be quiet," said Asebell, and the party became as silent as a grave.

We all peered out into the sky. Another call echoed out over the high mountains, but I could not see from whence it came. What monster or beast could make such a sound? A bright, cold flash of light! Lightning!--my heart jumped. The rumble of it stirred our very cores. Then another--and another! "This isn't good," whispered Asebell. "The storm is forming right above of us."

"What's going on--" Rosina began, and then a sight hushed her question--it hushed all of us, our thoughts, our breaths, our heartbeats: in the distance, a beast appeared in our sight, nearly 12 peds long, with merciless eyes and jagged crest. Its wings spread out as though to enclose the earth. It called out--a sound that pierced me, filled me with a terror I had never known. On a mountaintop not far off, it landed, and the stones and rocks crumbled under its massive claws. It lifted its head and long neck into the air and roared again. For many moments I stared at it, caught by the fear of it seeing me, but unable to move, frozen by the sight.

Then, all at once, the rocks clattered in front of us as another dragon passed right above our heads. So surprised were we that we hardly noticed that the lightning strikes were becoming more frequent. The sky roared, and the ground rumbled beneath us. All at once, the dragon atop the yonder mountain exploded into lightning-like illumination, tentacles of light emanating from its scaled, reptilian body. It roared at the oncoming dragon, hissing dreadfully. All at once, the other dragon went aglow with current. They clashed!--an explosion of hideous light! They struck and clamoured, their tails whipping and teeth bared. Lightning struck them--a sizzling and a crash!--they glowed ever brighter in bestial battle!

For a long while we watched in horror as the two dragons fought. The minutes slid by like hours, and while enraptured at the ferocity and beauty of the conflict before us, we feared every moment we might be spotted. In a sudden flash of lightning, accompanied by a screeching cry, one of the dragons shuttered and fell. It's body, once blazing with lightning, fell dull and defeated to the ground. The victor roared out, and her voice echoed through the tumultuous skies. She took to flight again, and vanished from our sight.

For a long while, none of us spoke. Beyond the overhanging under which we held closely together, the sky was still churning. By Lastflame, the clouds had dissipated. We moved with caution out from our hidden enclave and sought out a safe place for rest. As the night deepened, we spoke very little, all of us haunted by the image of dragons.


Title: Re: Lightning Dragon (For Seeker)
Post by: Seeker on 30 October 2009, 21:26:21
 :clap2: :clap2: :clap2:

Thank you thank you.  You have made a travel weary mage very happy. 
Aura Boost +1

will do a thourough read in a little while.  For now I need to get to work.  ;)


Title: Re: Lightning Dragon (For Seeker)
Post by: Seeker on 31 October 2009, 09:17:21
Alright I have read through a few times.  And let me tell you how excited I am to finish my dragon pic using this wonderful description.  Thank you so much. 

As you mentioned there are few things missing that you will need help for.  For example if I am going to go search out this dragon so I can finish my picture, I need to know where I am travelling to.  WE NEED a PLACE TO PUT THIS DRAGON.  That is a clarion call to the other developers that may know of a good location for a lightening dragon.   Once I arrive at the dragons location I will most likely search around the area for other things to illustrate as well.  ;)  I don't like to waste trips you see.

Another thing I better mention.  It is my understanding that Santharians do not have a common understanding of electricity.  So you probably should not mention  "electricity"  but describe it in the way a Santharian would understand lightening and it effects.  I think Art suggested to another developer facing a similar situation to explain it in terms of magic. 

Finally we need a good researcher story.  Details will depend on where this beast is located, so we will have to wait a bit.  However may I suggest that these creatures may be mistaken for comets or shooting stars as they fly through the sky all lit up.   Also when they hunt I am sure they leave charred earth in their wake and probably start fires every once in a while just like lightening storms do.   Perhaps their roar is like thiunder.  just some ideas for you to chew on. Hopefully some other folks have ideas as well.


Title: Re: Lightning Dragon (For Seeker)
Post by: Valan Nonesuch on 31 October 2009, 09:45:28
For the sake of it simplicity I'll go ahead and quote the "Dragons" entry on the site for my vote.

Quote
The Dragon is moderately uncommon, but can be found in all parts of Caelereth, though sentient Dragons can mainly be spotted only near the Dragon's Maw and the Tandala Highlands.

Place them in the Dragon's Maw, just for the sake of the region's name if nothing else. I'd wager it's not a bad place to find storms near the coast either.


Title: Re: Lightning Dragon (For Seeker)
Post by: Decipher Ziron on 31 October 2009, 09:54:38
I think that entry may require something of an amendment if that is the ONLY area that sentient dragons could be made.

Besides, there are enough dragons there already.

Someone with Lightning would be ideal, right?

EDIT:

Doing a quick search on 'where the most lightning is' revealed that volcanoes are strongly associated with lightning storms. As such I would advise the Norong'Sorno volcano is the Rahaz-Dath or if you wanted somewhere further afield the Flaming Mountains of the Germon Doilth. Or if you liked, both!


Title: Re: Lightning Dragon (For Seeker)
Post by: Rayne (Alýr) on 31 October 2009, 09:56:52
"Hydraloth uses electricity bolts to feign attackers." The Artapherana (The Elemental Trees) (http://"http://www.santharia.com/herbarium/artapherana.htm")

"Lightning Magic consists of anything having to do with lightning, shocks, and electricity. It also deals with the electricity of the mind, so mind control, telekinesis, and all other types of mind magic also fall under this category." The Seven Brownie Schools of Magic (http://"http://www.santharia.com/magic/seven_schools_of_magic.htm")

"The success of the spell also depends on how good the target can conduct electricity." Spells of the Element of Water: Call Lightning (Level XI) (http://"http://www.santharia.com/magic/water_spells/11_call_lightning.htm")

"To enhance the spell, one can have sand between the hands when casting; optionally, water leads electricity quite well, thus if the target is wet the bolt will have a much greater impact." Wind Spells: Static Bolt (Level V) (http://www.santharia.com/magic/wind_spells/5_static_bolt.htm)

"Thunder storms are common and electric, lightning forks cutting around the mountain tops."  The Warnaka Mountains (http://"http://www.santharia.com/places/warnaka_mountains.htm")


Title: Re: Lightning Dragon (For Seeker)
Post by: Seeker on 31 October 2009, 10:09:16
hmm well it seems we are using "electricity"  quite a bit.   *Seeker scratches his head trying to remember when and where this topic came up before.*   I give up, can't remember.  Since it doesn't personally bother me, leave it in.   

I also agree with Deci, there seems to be an update of the Dragon overview in order.  I think the reference to the Tandal Highlands must be old as we have too many varieties of dragons to be bunched in one mountain range.  I would prefer to see this dragon in an area more like what he is suggesting (the Rahaz Dath or Flaming Mountains. 

What do you think Rayne?


Title: Re: Lightning Dragon (For Seeker)
Post by: Rayne (Alýr) on 01 November 2009, 03:10:59
The little elf poofs back into a thread--returning to the scene of her crime as it were--and smiles gleefully at all the wonderful suggestions. She gives an appreciative wink at Decipher, then pulls out her copy of the Compendium from a pocket in her robes.

She opens the book, waves her hand, and shimmering threads of information begin to fill in the shifting parts of this dragon. The geography stabilizes, placing the lightning dragon in the mountainous terrain in the Rahaz-Dath Desert. Specifics tumble like little stars into the diet, and a new section emerges on researchers.

She closes the book, and tucks it back into her little pocket, then scrutinizes the dragon. After a few moments, she nods with approval. Hopefully Talia, Shendar scholar, might come to offer her opinions, but for now, the little elf seems quite content with the content of this entry (giggling at her polyptoton).

With a hop, skip, and a poof!, she vanishes again.


Title: Re: Lightning Dragon (For Seeker)
Post by: Fox on 01 November 2009, 03:47:05
Yay dragons!

Hmm, there are drakes in the Norong'Sorno area, so it might fit here. It'd have to be small numbers though, as we already have the Fire Drake, so there can't be too many large animals in that region due to the lack of food. However, I like it here as it certainly fits with how I've been visualizing the Thalambath area, particularly near the coast, as being storm and wind-prone.


Quote
snakes like the Rahaz’Norong ("Thalambath Snake")

Thalambath Snake isn't the actual translation, more of a common nickname. I'm not sure what the actual translation is though, as neither Norong nor Sorno are in the Styrash dictionary. Talia may know.


Also, you may want to make this Lightning Dragon the 'bigger cousin' to Talia's Falserock Lizard, with her approval. The Falserock changes its skin colour, just like your Lightning Dragon, and that entry already mentions its larger cousin in its entry (known as the Norrak). While the Norrak seems to be a single specific dragon, the Lightning Drake could be frequently mistaken for it, considering that it's the biggest dragon in the region. Perhaps the Norrak is a particularly large Lightning Dragon--so this is a myth you could put in the entry. :)


Considering the presence of the Fire Drakes in the Norong'Sorno area, you may want to mention that the two dragons fight each other (instead of just others of their own kind) for dominance in the region. Perhaps they even hunt each other when food is scarce.

By the way, you mention that it shares its territory with the sand dragon. We don't have a sand dragon, but you should mention the Fire Drake, and maybe the Desert Drake (though I think the Desert is more in the eastern dunes, rather than the Norong/Lands of Pain/Nirmenith area).



Title: Re: Lightning Dragon (For Seeker)
Post by: Artimidor Federkiel on 01 November 2009, 04:02:52
While the term "electricity" is used in some entries (especially older ones) it doesn't necessarily mean that it's a good thing. Substituting it with a term that is more fantasy-like would definitely be recommendable where possible.


Title: Re: Lightning Dragon (For Seeker)
Post by: Azhira Styralias on 01 November 2009, 04:27:57
The North has many areas for dragons. The Stonefields of Peat maybe would be a good place. Or the Caaehl mountains in you-know-where.  :grin: Neither region has dragons. If nothing else, I like Fox's suggestion.


Title: Re: Lightning Dragon (For Seeker)
Post by: Rayne (Alýr) on 01 November 2009, 05:20:50
By the way, you mention that it shares its territory with the sand dragon. We don't have a sand dragon...

merciless sun
endlessly spanning sky
sand dragons flying

-- Taila Sturmwind, Rahaz-Dath Haikus (http://"http://www.santharia.com/library_old/poems/rahaz_dath_haikus.htm")


Title: Re: Lightning Dragon (For Seeker)
Post by: Fox on 01 November 2009, 05:28:10
Learn something new every day. :buck: It doesn't come up in the site search, oddly.  :shocked:

I suppose that still fits then :). But the other comment remains that it also shares its territory with the Fire Drake and maybe the Desert. Would have to ask Talia though if the Sand Dragon lives in that area, she may have intended it for the dune areas and not the mountains.


Title: Re: Lightning Dragon (For Seeker)
Post by: Rayne (Alýr) on 01 November 2009, 07:11:20
In a burst of electricity lightning, the elf appears once more. Sighing with a hint of exasperation (which indicates she still occasionally acts like a little elfling, even after all these years), she changes all mentions of electricity, and hopes this doesn't lead to too much repetition. Then, she adds in a bit about fire drakes, careful not to burn herself in the process, and nods appreciatively at Fox.

With a little bit of magic, the indigo-eyed elf conjures two large butterfly wings at her back, hoping Talia is still wandering the boards somewhere with a larger butterfly catcher, and that this poor disguise might attract the shendar scholar.


Title: Re: Lightning Dragon (For Seeker)
Post by: Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels on 01 November 2009, 07:39:05
How could I miss these interesting changes!   :grin:

Thanks for putting your dragon into 'my' area, Rayne!  :)  (Maybe I should now say 'our', with fox at my side).

I need to read that entry more thoroughly, but a few comments to clear some things up.

Electricity: You quote fairly old entries, Rayne. Electricity is something which was not understood in mediaval time. But you as a mage can surely come up with some explanation, some "force". Maybe you could even link it to our Caelerethian magnetism, the Alsetism (http://www.santharia.com/dev/index.php/topic,12717.0.html), it isn't important, if it works like this! But that is entirely up to you!

Dragons/drakes:


Fire Dragon: I had forgotten totally about this dragon (6-8-peds long). Lives in the volcano (in the caldera??)

Norrak (Norsidian Drake= Norrak): Not a single dragon, but a species which lives on the slopes of the Norong'Sorno , a smaller drake, as sentient as a bright cat, or a bit more. Mischievous, entirely black, hunts at night, loves water. Max 4 peds.

Sanddragon: No idea, possibly it was just fitting in the Haiku.  But if we have it, I would say, it lives in the sanddunes, is max 2 peds long and a common pest. A drake, nothing special, more a big lizard. More very annoying than dangerous. There could of course be a myth of a real majestic dragon who did something wrong and was punished etc...

Norong and Sorno have no meaning yet. Actually the 'godfathers' were the Osorno (http://www.oberpfalzforschung.de/grafiken/Osorno,%20Kleine%20Sueden,%20Chile.jpg) in Chile and something else.

Territory Lightning Dragon:

I 'd like to propose following:

We reduce the number of fire drakes in the firedrake entry. Or define what "many" are. If they live IN the crater, there can't be many. It is  relative, what many is. So they will not interfere with the Norrak nor the huge black bat I have in mind. (Need to update my entries!)

Rayne, I would propose to put the resting places in the Nirmenith Mountains (including the Aj'Nuvic Grounds), there they can hunt, there is enough prey for these huge animals. Let's talk about that later. A cool place would be the Nirmenith oasis, but I have to tell you first, how it looks like. To upload their charges (or what ever they do), they fly in great heights over to the volcano.

Or, but I have to investigate that further, to other places where lightning storms could occur. I have something in the back of my head, that they occur under  special circumstances in desert areas also. If not, I will invent something! I want to have them flying all over the Rahaz'Dath!


To the researcher: I think it would be better to not take dwarves. These dwarves are not even approved to exist. Why do you not just take the researchers of the Falserock Lizard? Look here (http://www.santharia.com/bestiary/falserock_lizard.htm#Researchers) (And rewrite your little episode/observation at the end)

If you wish, you can of course link your dragon in a way, and be it mythical, to the Falserock Lizard.

Hope that is enough for now :)

Butterfly catcher??



Title: Re: Lightning Dragon (For Seeker)
Post by: Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels on 01 November 2009, 07:45:39
Your dragons could of course live on the slopes of the Norong'Sorno also, maybe at a greater height than the other smaller drakes. Near the snowcovered top?


Title: Re: Lightning Dragon (For Seeker)
Post by: Rayne (Alýr) on 01 November 2009, 08:55:52
Oh Rayne! Thank you so much for your poem! A half done submission and already a poem for it :)

I try to keep as much as possible from your revision of the overview, though I fear, I have to rewrite it to quite an extent.

*hides a big butterfly catcher behind her back*

No "poofs" anymore, stay please!

The little elf considers these dragons, wondering if perhaps their being of smaller size might make them a delicious meal for a lightning dragon...

Poof!


Title: Re: Lightning Dragon (For Seeker)
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on 24 November 2009, 04:01:23
A bit of a nitpick like I had with the Drakelets about the decimals. They look slightly out of place and would feel more blended if drawn out with the proper smaller measurements.

I will more than likely pop back with some actual commentary later. :D Loving them so far though!


Title: Re: Lightning Dragon (For Seeker)
Post by: Seeker on 02 December 2009, 04:40:29
I am hoping to begin drawing the color version of this dragon within the next week or two.  I realize I am taking a risk by starting before the entry is approved. 

Does anyone have any issue with the dragond description or location before I begin?

Rayne- I love it.   :D


Title: Re: Lightning Dragon (For Seeker)
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on 02 December 2009, 04:47:36
At the moment, no. Though I would encourage the beast to be categorized under "Drakes" rather than "Dragons". This is in accordance to some of the revisions I am making with Draconics on the site.

More information supporting this should be coming soon, once I straighten out the information provided on the site.



Title: Re: Lightning Dragon (For Seeker)
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on 14 December 2009, 13:10:25
I had mentioned this in the thread where Seeker unveiled the magnificent painting of the creature, but I will mention it here for further thoughts.

Their nests. Are they crevasses in rocks? Made from grass and twigs like birds? Or burrows in the ground/sand?


Title: Re: Lightning Dragon (For Seeker)
Post by: Rayne (Alýr) on 14 December 2009, 14:12:49
I had mentioned this in the thread where Seeker unveiled the magnificent painting of the creature, but I will mention it here for further thoughts.

Their nests. Are they crevasses in rocks? Made from grass and twigs like birds? Or burrows in the ground/sand?

I'm not sure, in all honesty. I imagine crevices, though they need to be made of a material that won't burn. Perhaps I need to make a special plant entry...


Title: Re: Lightning Dragon (For Seeker)
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on 14 December 2009, 14:16:56
Quite possibly. Just figured it was something which should be considered with this type of creature :D


Title: Re: Lightning Dragon (For Seeker)
Post by: Rayne (Alýr) on 14 December 2009, 14:43:54
I have such an awful memory. I was going through the entry and found this:

Quote
A few months later, females will lay 2 to 4 eggs in a mountain nest constructed of grasses, weeds, and often the skins of prey.

I'm wondering if I should maybe change this, though. Perhaps they build nests out of small rocks and gravel and soften it with animal skins? I mean, grasses and weeds might catch fire, but I wouldn't think animal skins would as much.


Title: Re: Lightning Dragon (For Seeker)
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on 14 December 2009, 14:47:23
Animal skins not really, especially if they are a fresh kill and still moist.


Title: Re: Lightning Dragon (For Seeker)
Post by: Rayne (Alýr) on 14 December 2009, 15:03:46
All right, I've changed the nesting materials to gravel, pebbles, and animal skins. I think animals skins looks enough like what's portrayed in the picture that Seeker shouldn't have to make any changes, and neither will I!

I've also gone through and changed all mentions of "dragon" to "drake," save for the account. I also added a bit about how many still refer to the creature as a dragon.

What do you say, Draconic Mistress?  ;)

EDIT: Myth/origin added


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on 28 December 2009, 18:04:16
I am so horribly late with this, and I feel terrible. I wish work didn't take up so much of my day, so I could focus on Santharia and the Dragons. Yet, I am here with my blue pen, if entirely needed with a Rayne entry. :p

Lightning Drakes

A drake of the mountains, lightning drakes are known for their ability to produce lightning currents. While they are usually contained to their personal territories during fair weather, they become fiercely active in lightning storms, [It seems unnecessary to have a comma there (to me).] when replenishing their lightning capacities and engaging in violent battles in dominance for mating rights. While they are technically classified as a drake, many refer to the creature as a lightning dragon.[Two sentences starting with 'while', right on top of each other. Perhaps switch this last one around? Or mix it up a bit more. :D]

Description: The lightning drake, 10 to 12 peds from snout to tail (with females being slightly larger than males), is a fierce creature, menacing and ruthless, and this shows in their cold, reptilian eyes. Just behind these piercing eyes, horns protrude straight back in a slight curve, shimmering frighteningly. [What color are these horns?] The rounded jaw leads to a lean snout filled with sharp teeth and acidic saliva that burns through the flesh of its prey, beginning the digestive process before its food even enters its stomach. Tendrils protruding from the jaw shimmer like lightning.

From the top of the head, a jagged crest follows down the drake’s elongated neck, leading to its muscular body and continues to the tip of the tail, which makes up almost half of the drake’s length. A being mainly of the air and not of the earth, the lightning drake depends first on its wings for motion, and the muscles in its back contribute to the strength of these enormous wings. With the shape of a bat’s, the wings are punctuated with horns at the joints and are sharply defined in cold angles. The drake’s back legs give it upward-climbing ability, and here, too, the drake has significant musculature.

The front legs of the drake are small and rarely used, as the drake generally sits on its enormous hind legs when at rest. However, the drake’s legs, both hind-legs and fore-legs, form into sharp claws, which it uses to grasp the crags of its mountainous habitat, as well as to hunt for food and defend itself. [I assume the claws are the same shade as the horns?]

Illuminated by current, the lightning drake glows in frightening hues which [Stylistic, I know, but you use 'that' so much. Its good to mix it up :)]  range from a striking silver to an electrifying purple, each scale is [Perhaps 'is' and perhaps not. Something just felt missing here.] imbued with its own haunting light. When at rest, the drake turns a dull greyish brown, blending in to its rocky environment. Its eyes are often an icy blue. [Perhaps give us a bit more detail about its eyes? You give us a beautiful picture of its atmospheric appearance, and a blurb about these icy blue eyes. That's me, a sucker for the eyes.]

Special Abilities: The lightning drake, as its name suggests, can produce lightning current. Where this power arises from, none knows, but the power seems to come from deep inside, manifested at will. When sleeping or at rest, the drake becomes more neutral in colour, and the scales lack luster, but when defending its nest or territory, its body becomes illuminated by lightning. [I don't really like how this sentence is setup. I feel it should be broken into two parts, and perhaps include in the last section that it isn't just normal lightning, but their own lightning they are illuminated in.]

Contrary to popular belief, the lightning drake cannot “throw” lightning or toss lightning “bolts” at enemies. However, those who come in contact with the drake suffer the charge emanating sporadically from its form. By touch (and sometimes proximity), lightning charges flow through any being with whom the drake comes in contact with. This, however, happens only when the drake taps its lightning abilities.

The ‘lightning’ capabilities of the drake are mediated through lightning exposure. Only through occasional exposure can a lightning drake maintain its lightning abilities. For this reason and others, these drakes are most active during lightning storms, where they take to flight into violent skies. Because of the limits of the ability, drakes generally only use it when necessary. They depend a great deal on their claws and small, razor teeth.

Territory: The lightning drake resides primarily in the Mountains of Nirmenith, in a range including the Norong Sorno area, in the Rahaz-Dath Desert. [So many 'ins' >.< lol ]These drakes thrive on the western side of the mountain range where lightning storms are a frequent result of high winds and warm climate, and share the territory with the fire drake. and sand dragon. [Since many of the entries are going to be rewritten, perhaps leave which exactly are located there as well. I am not sure what dragons and drakes will be where yet, but I have no doubt some will share the same territory.] Despite sharing territory with others, the lightning drake does not often clash with other dragon-kin in the area. They can be found in scattered numbers in the Lands of Pain. Very rarely are lightning drakes have been seen on the outskirts of the Aj'Nuvic grounds, seeking out game only during dire circumstance.

Habitat/Behavior: The lightning drakes are solitary creatures. Occupying themselves to hunting and stalking about their own cliffs and crags, they feast upon the fauna of the area, which they will often dive upon and mutilate with their sharp claws and teeth. While they are vicious and violent creatures, they are relatively harmless to humans who leave them to their isolation.

They generally hunt during the day, and lie in rest in caves and under over-hangings where they blend in well with the rocky surroundings. Relatively mundane, the drakes seem safely contained in fair weather. When a lightning storm moves in, though, the drakes become wildly active and violent. Sensing the storm, drakes travel, sometimes leagues, to where a storm is raging, and there will often engage in fights with other drakes of the same sex. These fights are often terrifyingly fantastic to behold—giant beasts aglow with lightning current, battling in the stormy darkness.

Diet: The lightning drake is not a picky eater, and will consume most any creature that wonders into its mountainous abode. The drake is particularly fond of larger game, though, such as mountain goats, though they will also eat sand mice, rabbits, snakes like the Rahaz’Norong (commonly know as the "Thalambath Snake"), and birds. The drakes also like to journey closer to the foothills to feed on deer, such as the ar'bez, the g'nu and the aka'pi. They will also feast on any oryx, brown á'neayh, or ellez'ga that enter their habitat. [You use a lot of 'they will' in your paragraph. Mix it up a bit if you can, give it a Rayne spark.]

The lightning drake can go days, even weeks, without eating as it waits for migratory game to enter its habitat. Not opposed to scavenging, they will take what food they can get. While the drakes don’t appear to be fond of humanoid races, attacks are not unknown, and the wise traveller will avoid lightning drake territory, or at least pass through with caution.

[I am a might confused now. Perhaps be more persistent with explaining they only eat what is readily available in their habitat, or what wanders in, but if need be will go on a search for something more satisfying. Is there a specific reason they would go outside of their habitat or 'scavenge' if food is readily available where they are? Or do they have the taste buds for only a particular animal meat, as you have a large range listed.]

Mating: While mating behaviour may occur in other situations, the only documented observations have been during the fall and spring, when storms are more likely. Many scholars attribute the violent behaviour of lightning drakes during storms to the fact that these beasts generally engage in intercourse during this time. Aggression between drakes is typically interpreted as displays of power and strength. Females who prove their superiority over other females get to choose their males more selectively—and they will often choose males who have proven themselves superior over other males. The female is usually the initiator of intercourse. [Perhaps explain how this 'superiority' is determined in the 'Behaviour' section? If it has been able to be documented of course. It seems these creatures are a bit more of a commonality originally believed.]

Intercourse is a semi-violent affair, but brief. A few months later, females will lay 2 to 4 eggs in a mountain nest constructed of pebbles, gravel, and often the skins of prey. Females fiercely defend their nests until their young hatch in the three to four months following. When the little drakes emerge, they are a fraction of the size of their parents, about the size of a hobbit or small child. However, they grow quickly. Nest mates compete for food and space, and rarely does more than one survive. Some of the young drakes will starve, unable to compete for food. However, more often, the stronger will shove the weaker out of the nest, causing them to meet their death on the mountain.

The few young which do survive leave the nest less than two months after hatching. From here, they generally become transients, searching the mountains for a place of their own and feasting upon rabbits, rats, and other small animals until they are able to tackle larger game. It takes approximately a year after they leave the nest for these drakes to reproduce. However, once they are sexually active, they will generally mate at least once a year.

[How large are they when they leave the nest? What do they look like? I am sure they aren't exact relicas at such an age. There ought to be ways for researchers to tell the "hatchlings" from the adults.]

It is generally assumed that, like most dragon-kin, the lightning drake has a sizeable lifespan. However, because of frequent deaths during lightning storm fights, the true lifespan remains hard to approximate.

[Do you have an idea for a lifespan? It doesn't necessarily need to be in the entry, but something I would definitely like to have a note of for future references. :D]

Myth/Origin: During the year of darkness following the Dragonstorm, myth weaves the tale of a great storm that raged over Thalambath. For weeks it showered over the city. The people cried out for reprieve from the horrible thunderstorm which threw down lightning from dark and tumultuous skies, from the thunder which roared through the air. They prayed to Grothar to stop the endless storm, but as the storm arose from the depression and anxiety of the Thalambath people, he could not eliminate it entirely from the sky. Therefore, he gave the storm a more corporeal form, turning it into hundreds of drakes which fled to the nearby volcanoes, and there they have dwelt ever since then. When storms again come to the area, the people of Thalambath say that these dragons once again recall their violent origins, and take flight to chase the lightning.

[I like this a lot! See, you didn't really need me to write it! :p]

Researchers: While few researchers have sought out the lightning drake as serious study, many other researchers peregrinating through the drake's habitat have written extensively on rare and dangerous encounters with the beast. One of the few observations of the drake's ferocious lightning-storm battles was recorded by volcano-researcher Bertius Felgrad, a dwarf of the Nirmenith clan, on the 8th day of the Passing Clouds in 1443.:

We had travelled many leagues, up the rocky crags and cliffs that crumbled underfoot and threatened with every step to send us reeling, tumbling down the merciless mountain face. Asebell, who has thus far guided us through the more dangerous mountain passes, near met her end when a stone slipped beneath her feet, and it was only through Gladoph's quick reaction she survived, grabbed and hoisted to safety. It is a frightening sign that even the most experienced climbers among us could meet Queprur on this mountain.

I, for my part, lingered near the back of the party, and traced the safe footings of those ahead. Just after Sunblaze on our third day travailing the perilous paths of this forsaken mountain, the sky began to grow dark and ominous. I, a mere researcher, cursed the possibility of a storm, but the situation appeared much more dire to Asebell and Gladoph. "Quick! We must find cover!" called Asebell, and we sought out the shelter of an overhanging. The five of us, Asebell, Gladoph, Rosina, Belgrouf, and myself, curled into the small space, and huddled together. The clouds above grew angry and dark, and piercing through the shadow sky came a call so frightening I felt every bone in my body go cold.

"What was that?" Belgrouf shrilled.

"Sh!" insisted Gladoph.

"We must be quiet," said Asebell, and the party became as silent as a grave.

We all peered out into the sky. Another call echoed out over the high mountains, but I could not see from whence it came. What monster or beast could make such a sound? A bright, cold flash of light! Lightning!--my heart jumped. The rumble of it stirred our very cores. Then another--and another! "This isn't good," whispered Asebell. "The storm is forming right above of us."

"What's going on--" Rosina began, and then a sight hushed her question--it hushed all of us, our thoughts, our breaths, our heartbeats: in the distance, a beast appeared in our sight, nearly 12 peds long, with merciless eyes and jagged crest. Its wings spread out as though to enclose the earth. It called out--a sound that pierced me, filled me with a terror I had never known. On a mountaintop not far off, it landed, and the stones and rocks crumbled under its massive claws. It lifted its head and long neck into the air and roared again. For many moments I stared at it, caught by the fear of it seeing me, but unable to move, frozen by the sight.

Then, all at once, the rocks clattered in front of us as another dragon passed right above our heads. So surprised were we that we hardly noticed that the lightning strikes were becoming more frequent. The sky roared, and the ground rumbled beneath us. All at once, the dragon atop the yonder mountain exploded into lightning-like illumination, tentacles of light emanating from its scaled, reptilian body. It roared at the oncoming dragon, hissing dreadfully. All at once, the other dragon went aglow with current. They clashed!--an explosion of hideous light! They struck and clamoured, their tails whipping and teeth bared. Lightning struck them--a sizzling and a crash!--they glowed ever brighter in bestial battle!

For a long while we watched in horror as the two dragons fought. The minutes slid by like hours, and while enraptured at the ferocity and beauty of the conflict before us, we feared every moment we might be spotted. In a sudden flash of lightning, accompanied by a screeching cry, one of the dragons shuttered and fell. It's body, once blazing with lightning, fell dull and defeated to the ground. The victor roared out, and her voice echoed through the tumultuous skies. She took to flight again, and vanished from our sight.

For a long while, none of us spoke. Beyond the overhanging under which we held closely together, the sky was still churning. By Lastflame, the clouds had dissipated. We moved with caution out from our hidden enclave and sought out a safe place for rest. As the night deepened, we spoke very little, all of us haunted by the image of dragons.


Not much for me to really poke holes in. Most of my suggestions are for more details, but only what you feel you can realistically give. From the sounds of this entry, these creatures are far from a rare sight if one goes looking for them.

Also, any of the 'grammatical or stylistic' things I pointed out, feel free to adjust as you see fit. Most were stylistic, but not all. :)

 :heart: Draconic Mistress  ;)


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: seth ghibta on 29 December 2009, 01:45:22
Hi Rayne,
thought i'd make some effort to repay your uri of my wopse by looking through this - t'be honest, i could only find a couple tiny things - it's a brilliant creature, and i especially love the research notes, which give such an incredibly atmospheric impression of the creatures as living things. :grin:

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While the drakes don’t appear to be fond of humanoid races, attacks are not unknown, and the wise traveler will avoid lightning drake territory, or at least pass through with caution.
that seemed a bit awkward - did you mean "fond of eating humans", or something to that effect? i get what you mean, but it took me a second - that said, that could be entirely down to me. ;)

 
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When storms again come to the area, the people of Thalambath say that these dragons once again recall their violent origins, and take flight to (?) chase the lightning.

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The clouds above grew angry and dark, and piercing through the shadow sky came a call so frightening I felt every bone in my body go cold.
a bit nitpicky, especially in such an excellent piece of writing (auried, btw), but i'd love to know just what the lightning drake sounds like. a shreik or a roar? a low hoarse growl or something resonant and mournful? birdlike or beastlike, or something entirely other? feel free to ignore this, though, if it'll break the flow of the account.

so, not very much by way of helpful and insightful comments, but it was an absolute pleasure to read. it may even have given me a little help with an entry i'm working on... :grin:


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Rayne (Alýr) on 29 December 2009, 02:09:50
Thank you Kalina And Seth!

Individual notes:


Kalina: I took most of your in-text correction. Thank you for your check!

I mention the color of the drake, and since the horns and claws are part of a drake, it seems strange to repeat the color palette to me.

I wasn't sure what you meant by this:
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[I am a might confused now. Perhaps be more persistent with explaining they only eat what is readily available in their habitat, or what wanders in, but if need be will go on a search for something more satisfying. Is there a specific reason they would go outside of their habitat or 'scavenge' if food is readily available where they are? Or do they have the taste buds for only a particular animal meat, as you have a large range listed.]
I don't make any mention of them going outside their habitat to scavenge--I just mention that they do:
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Not opposed to scavenging, they will take what food they can get.
Maybe I'm not understanding your comment, though.

Size of hatchlings when they leave the nest and lifespan are probably relatively unknown. Consider that only parts of the lightning drake's life will have actually been viewed: one researcher who sees a nest, another that sees a lightning display--but no one who follows the lightning drake's life from birth to death.

I offered you the myth/origin because I thought you wanted to do it! I wish you had told me sooner that you didn't! It wasn't my intention to push on to you work that you did not want.

Which Vs. That: These are not the same!! They cannot be used interchangeably. They have a subtle difference between them and they take different grammatical environments. They are BOTH subordinating conjunctions, but they subordinate a clause to different degrees. Consider the following:

The boy took the ball, which was on the table.
The boy took the ball that was on the table.

It's often easier to tell the difference in meaning when you set the two side-by-side. Can you tell the difference between the two? "Which" implies you're giving details, that the subordinating clause is not necessary for specifying which ball it is you're referring to. "That" implies that the detail is required for specifying the ball--that there may be balls on the chair, on the floor, maybe on a shelf, but that the ball in question is the one on the table. Does this make sense? If you do more grammar/style checks, this is an important differentiation to make!


Seth: I've taken all your comments. Thank you!


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on 29 December 2009, 02:57:07
Kalina: I took most of your in-text correction. Thank you for your check!

I mention the color of the drake, and since the horns and claws are part of a drake, it seems strange to repeat the color palette to me.

Yes, this is true, but the horns and claws are made of a different biological material than the scales. So, I figured they might be of a slightly different and more uniform shade amongst the drakes. Or, are you implying they are simply a solid color from the tip of their nose from the tip of their tail?

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I wasn't sure what you meant by this:
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[I am a might confused now. Perhaps be more persistent with explaining they only eat what is readily available in their habitat, or what wanders in, but if need be will go on a search for something more satisfying. Is there a specific reason they would go outside of their habitat or 'scavenge' if food is readily available where they are? Or do they have the taste buds for only a particular animal meat, as you have a large range listed.]
I don't make any mention of them going outside their habitat to scavenge--I just mention that they do:

Perhaps it is simply the way you have it worded which is confusing to me. Is all the food you mentioned readily available? You make it sound as if they travel a fair distance for some of them. And that they scavenge both in and out. Again, it may simply be how it is worded which is driving me bonkers with properly understanding it. You may wish to emphasize they don't care to scavenge, unless they have to.

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Size of hatchlings when they leave the nest and lifespan are probably relatively unknown. Consider that only parts of the lightning drake's life will have actually been viewed: one researcher who sees a nest, another that sees a lightning display--but no one who follows the lightning drake's life from birth to death.

I was not aware that only the information provided in the little researchers snippet at the bottom, was the only documentation of them. From your entry, you make it sound as if they are quite widely researched and there is more information known about them than what you have provided.

Also, even if it isn't in the entry, if I could have some of this information, it would be helpful.
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I offered you the myth/origin because I thought you wanted to do it! I wish you had told me sooner that you didn't! It wasn't my intention to push on to you work that you did not want.

I had (don't get me wrong, I am not upset you went and wrote it!), but life hit hard. I had been recovering from being sick, but I am getting sick again >.< And work is crazier than hell until the holidays are over. I barely have time to work on my on projects. lol. You did fine and right, nothing to apologize for. Just don't be mad?  :undecided:
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Which Vs. That: These are not the same!! They cannot be used interchangeably. They have a subtle difference between them and they take different grammatical environments. They are BOTH subordinating conjunctions, but they subordinate a clause to different degrees. Consider the following:

The boy took the ball, which was on the table.
The boy took the ball that was on the table.

It's often easier to tell the difference in meaning when you set the two side-by-side. Can you tell the difference between the two? "Which" implies you're giving details, that the subordinating clause is not necessary for specifying which ball it is you're referring to. "That" implies that the detail is required for specifying the ball--that there may be balls on the chair, on the floor, maybe on a shelf, but that the ball in question is the one on the table. Does this make sense? If you do more grammar/style checks, this is an important differentiation to make!

Here I think it may simply be a matter of how we were each taught. My college professor (published author, multiple times over for both personal and educational material) sat me down and decided to give me instruction on the word 'that' because of my noticeable over usage. What he explained to me is 'that' is discouraged in writing altogether and should only be used if absolutely nothing else will work. It is considered more 'spoken language' and informal, so hence the discouragement he gave me with it being in formal writing. He did tell me 'which' and 'that' were interchangeable to a point, and other words/phrases as well. This has followed me well in my writing career for publications and the like, and have had not issues with it until you mentioned it.

I am not as learned in 'clauses' (haven't heard the term in about 8-10 years), or anything of that sort. I mostly just try to make sure my sentences make sense to the reader, and they are enjoyable to read and not a pain. You use a *lot* more commas than I am used to, and generally find useful when writing. I find the more you use, even if grammatically correct, can confuse a lot of your basic readers. You must think of the audience you are writing to as well as the purpose you are writing, not necessarily what you can get away grammatically in your work. (No, not being preachy, just explaining what my schooling has taught me) Most of my writing experience and learning has come from being in the field and receiving feedback on it from other published authors who have been through the grueling system (not self-publishing). I have learned more in this area of writing, than I ever did from a textbook or classroom, you must forgive my more 'barbaric' skills.



Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Rayne (Alýr) on 29 December 2009, 03:35:27
Yes, this is true, but the horns and claws are made of a different biological material than the scales. So, I figured they might be of a slightly different and more uniform shade amongst the drakes. Or, are you implying they are simply a solid color from the tip of their nose from the tip of their tail?

Precisely! Hence:
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When at rest, the drake turns a dull grayish brown, blending in to its rocky environment.
It would not blend in very well if its horns were a color outside of their natural habitat! It would be a little funny to see a drake all but blended in save for little white horns poking up. Hehe.

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Perhaps it is simply the way you have it worded which is confusing to me. Is all the food you mentioned readily available? You make it sound as if they travel a fair distance for some of them. And that they scavenge both in and out. Again, it may simply be how it is worded which is driving me bonkers with properly understanding it. You may wish to emphasize they don't care to scavenge, unless they have to.
I think we have a different definition of "scavenge." Perhaps this is where we are running into issues. I see this as meaning that an animal eats other dead animals that have previously been killed by some other source, and searching for these dead animals does not necessarily involve journey outside one's habitat. It sounds like perhaps you are defining this term as having this extra notion of journeying outside one's habitat. Is this an accurate portrayal of your definition, or am I missing something?

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I was not aware that only the information provided in the little researchers snippet at the bottom, was the only documentation of them. From your entry, you make it sound as if they are quite widely researched and there is more information known about them than what you have provided.
Kali, what makes you think that one snippet is the only piece of research there is? Even in the piece you quoted from me it mentions, "one researcher who sees a nest, another that sees a lightning display..." "Another" means a different researcher. There are snippets here and there, but there is a gray area between scarcely researched and highly researched. I am working in this gray area here, not in blacks and whites. Like I said, these drakes are not studied over long periods of time. Think of your husband watching a movie while you're cleaning or cooking in another room. You may come in and out of the room to see how he's doing, and in doing this, you may know the characters, the basic plot, but you don't necessarily know how the characters get from one place to another. You have to put together what you know from little clips here and there. Does this make sense?

I can't say what the details are. I don't know. If you'd like to make something up, that's fine with me, but it's all speculation.

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I had (don't get me wrong, I am not upset you went and wrote it!), but life hit hard. I had been recovering from being sick, but I am getting sick again >.< And work is crazier than hell until the holidays are over. I barely have time to work on my on projects. lol. You did fine and right, nothing to apologize for. Just don't be mad?
I'm not mad--it just seemed to me as though I had been unintentionally forcing you into a situation you didn't want to be in.

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Here I think it may simply be a matter of how we were each taught. My college professor (published author, multiple times over for both personal and educational material) sat me down and decided to give me instruction on the word 'that' because of my noticeable over usage. What he explained to me is 'that' is discouraged in writing altogether and should only be used if absolutely nothing else will work. It is considered more 'spoken language' and informal, so hence the discouragement he gave me with it being in formal writing. He did tell me 'which' and 'that' were interchangeable to a point, and other words/phrases as well. This has followed me well in my writing career for publications and the like, and have had not issues with it until you mentioned it.

I am not as learned in 'clauses' (haven't heard the term in about 8-10 years), or anything of that sort. I mostly just try to make sure my sentences make sense to the reader, and they are enjoyable to read and not a pain. You use a *lot* more commas than I am used to, and generally find useful when writing. I find the more you use, even if grammatically correct, can confuse a lot of your basic readers. You must think of the audience you are writing to as well as the purpose you are writing, not necessarily what you can get away grammatically in your work. (No, not being preachy, just explaining what my schooling has taught me) Most of my writing experience and learning has come from being in the field and receiving feedback on it from other published authors who have been through the grueling system (not self-publishing). I have learned more in this area of writing, than I ever did from a textbook or classroom, you must forgive my more 'barbaric' skills.

Your professor may have been doing the same thing to you that Lorek's professor did to him: they speak in generalities in order to make things clear. You can start a sentence with "Because," and "that" can and should be used. Like all words, it's an issue of knowing the word and knowing the context. I'm not sure where he got the idea that "that" was colloquial. Perhaps he hasn't done a lot of academic reading? "That" is used in both literature and in academics. Perhaps you can give me his name? I would be curious to do a bit of research on him.

I use commas to guide readers--especially to parse off dependent clause and separate independent clauses. They are guides for readers. I often explain to my students that as writers, especially writers of academic texts, we have to reach out and take readers by the hand and guide them through our text. Meta-discourse, commas, lexical continuity--these things help our readers understand what we are trying to convey. The purpose of any public writing is to communicate. One should do as much as they can to ensure they are communicating clearly and concisely.

I hate bringing in ethos, you know, but as a graduate student, my professors are not only published authors, but editors of prestigious journals. I have had style teachers (all published, of course--you basically have to publish to be a professor) and my mother worked 30 years as a technical writer and editor. Because of teaching and my background, I've had to learn about grammar, including the "that"/"which" differentiation. (My mother explained it to me over and over again, and it wasn't until college that I really understood it). I have an internationally recognized professor next semester who is actually a expert on grammar--the scholar who actually developed the notion of "emergent grammar." Your professor should know him: Paul Hopper. I can ask him next semester about this.

I wouldn't call your learning 'barbaric,' but occasionally things can be misunderstood in that kind of setting. I was told to avoid "that" in my poetry, and for the most part, I do when writing that genre. But I was also told to avoid "which." Subordinating conjunctions are not as poetic as employing a free modifier or something similar. But they are not incorrect. In the end, understanding "that" and "which," like understanding any word, comes from both textbooks/grammar books and from experience--writing with feedback and, of course, reading widely.


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on 29 December 2009, 14:21:45
I have nothing else to say. I will make detailed notes of extra information for myself off-site, just so that incase it should be desired later - it is available.

Entry has my :thumbup:


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels on 30 December 2009, 18:17:02
Hi Rayne, had just a few minutes and wanted only to look at the territory before this goes up, but then I was caught again and here we are :) I have still some questions. I don‘t know, if they were addressed already above, so if they are solved,  just ignore them.

My first question is - and there I just don‘t know, how it sounds in native speaker‘s ears - is ,lightning current‘ medieval enough, does not at once ,electric current‘ spring in your mind? I found something like ,lightning discharge current‘, or did you invent ,lightning current‘? (LEO didn‘t find it.) Would ,lightning effects‘ be the better term?
Maybe we need to decide, if our gnomes have already made their first experiences with ,electrical charges‘ (Earth: 1600+ William Gilbert, 1672 Otto von Guericke, Fay, 1745 first condensator). How widespread is that knowledge (is it available for every compendium writer, is it new, so you would need to address that ,newness‘). You mages it used already for spell description, but maybe this would be an issue which should be cleared up once and for all.



Lightning Drakes

A drake of the mountains, lightning drakes are known for their ability to produce lightning currents. While they are usually contained to their personal territories during fair weather, they become fiercely active in lightning storms. During these storms, they replenish their lightning capacities and engage in violent battles in dominance for mating rights. While they are technically classified as a drake, many refer to the creature as a lightning dragon.

Description: The lightning drake, ten to twelve peds from snout to tail (with females being slightly larger than males), is a fierce creature, menacing and ruthless, and this shows in their cold, reptilian eyes. Just behind these piercing eyes, horns protrude straight back in a slight curve, shimmering frighteningly. The rounded jaw leads to a lean snout filled with sharp teeth and acidic saliva that burns through the flesh of its prey, beginning the digestive process before its food even enters its stomach. Tendrils protruding from the jaw shimmer like lightning.

I think Judy had invented a Santharian word for it, but I can‘t find it.

From the top of the head, a jagged crest follows down the drake’s elongated neck, leading to its muscular body and continues to the tip of the tail, which makes up almost half of the drake’s length. A being mainly of the air and not of the earth, the lightning drake depends first on its wings for motion, and the muscles in its back contribute to the strength of these enormous wings. With the shape of a bat’s, the wings are punctuated with horns at the joints and are sharply defined in cold angles. The drake’s back legs give it upward-climbing ability, and here, too, the drake has significant musculature.

The front legs of the drake are small and rarely used, as the drake generally sits on its enormous hind legs when at rest. However, the drake’s legs, both hind-legs and fore-legs, form into sharp claws, which it uses to grasp the crags of its mountainous habitat, as well as to hunt for food and defend itself.

Illuminated by current, the lightning drake glows in frightening hues ranging from a striking silver to an electrifying purple, each scale imbued with its own haunting light. When at rest, the drake turns a dull grayish brown, blending in to its rocky environment. Its eyes are often an icy blue.

Here you use ,current‘ as ,electric current‘. See above.

Special Abilities: The lightning drake, as its name suggests, can produce lightning current. Where this power arises from, none knows, but the power seems to come from deep inside, manifested at will. When sleeping or at rest, the drake becomes more neutral in colour, its scales lack-luster, but when defending its nest or territory, its body becomes illuminated by lightning.

Contrary to popular belief, the lightning drake cannot “throw” lightning or toss lightning “bolts” at enemies. However, those who come in contact with the drake suffer the charge emanating sporadically from its form. By touch (and sometimes proximity), lightning charges flow through any being with whom the drake comes in contact with. This, however, happens only when the drake taps its lightning abilities.

The use of ,charge‘ is even more disputable, for it requires even more research in this area.
Maybe include the word ,direct‘ (at enemies), that makes it a it clearer. Here I would try to go far away from our earthen physics and not only allow flow ? of electric charge to somebody through touch and only in rare cases a leaping (?). Why not let your dragon defend itself (has it any enemies?) with a burst out of elcectric enegy, even if it is not directed. Or  stun their prey through a minor attack, so that it is easier for them to catch them. What for have they develped this ability, for mating only? It could even be, that one of this beasts was brought down, because it exhausted its stored lightning energy. (Seems, it has a condensator in its belly ;) )


The ‘lightning’ capabilities of the drake are mediated through lightning exposure. Only through occasional exposure can a lightning drake maintain its lightning abilities. For this reason and others, these drakes are most active during lightning storms, where they take to flight into violent skies. Because of the limits of the ability, drakes generally only use it when necessary. They depend a great deal on their claws and small, razor teeth.

Territory: The lightning drake resides primarily in the Mountains of Nirmenith, in a range including the Rahaz-Dath Desert's Norong Sorno area. These drakes thrive on the western side of the mountain range where lightning storms are a frequent result of high winds and warm climate. Despite sharing territory with other dragon-kin, the lightning drake does not often clash with others in the area. They can be found in scattered numbers in the Lands of Pain. Very rarely lightning drakes have been seen on the outskirts of the Aj'Nuvic grounds, seeking out game only during dire circumstance.

I need to write to that part more at another time, if needed (though it was the reason I looked), we can change it always later . I have some cool ideas I hope you like! :)

Habitat/Behavior: The lightning drakes are solitary creatures. Occupying themselves to hunting and stalking about their own cliffs and crags, they feast upon the fauna of the area, which they will often dive upon and mutilate with their sharp claws and teeth. While they are vicious and violent creatures, they are relatively harmless to humans who leave them to their isolation.

They generally hunt during the day, and lie in rest in caves and under over-hangings where they blend in well with the rocky surroundings. Relatively mundane, the drakes seem safely contained in fair weather. When a lightning storm moves in, though, the drakes become wildly active and violent. They roar with a high-pitched screech as a way of calling out their presence. Sensing the storm, drakes travel, sometimes leagues, to where a storm is raging, and there will often engage in fights with other drakes of the same sex. These fights are often terrifyingly fantastic to behold—giant beasts aglow with lightning current, battling in the stormy darkness.

Diet: The lightning drake is not a picky eater, and will consume most any creature that wonders into its mountainous abode. However, the drake is particularly fond of larger game, such as mountain goats, though they will also eat sand mice, rabbits, snakes like the Rahaz’Norong (commonly know as the "Thalambath Snake"), and birds. The drakes also journey closer to the foothills to feed on deer, such as the ar'bez, the g'nu and the aka'pi, and will feast on any oryx, brown á'neayh, or ellez'ga that enter their habitat.

The lightning drake can go days, even weeks, without eating as it waits for migratory game to enter its habitat. Not opposed to scavenging, they will take what food they can get. While the drakes don’t appear to be fond of consuming humanoid races, attacks are not unknown, and the wise traveller will avoid lightning drake territory, or at least pass through with caution.

Mating: While mating behaviour may occur in other situations, the only documented observations have been during the fall and spring, when storms are more likely. Many scholars attribute the violent behaviour of lightning drakes during storms to the fact that these beasts generally engage in intercourse during this time. Aggression between drakes is generally interpreted as displays of power and strength. Females that prove their superiority over other females get to choose their males more selectively—and they will often choose males who have proven themselves superior over other males. The female is usually the initiator of intercourse.

Intercourse is a semi-violent affair, but brief.

Rayne, expand on the abilites of your drake! Make those meetings more spectacular! I mean, they are lightning drakes, why? Because they need the flow of huge charges from male to female (or vice versa) to triger the ovulation. Of course we don‘t know that, but I would expect a nice big lightning with additional thunder when they touch! <insert manga-like lightnings>  Maybe the male empties his whole charge into the female. Imagine, they mate over the Lands of Pain, or over the Narfost Plain, or even over Varcopas (more to the south) during a thunderstorm! Ha, need to rewrite/add to that town! :D


A few months later, females will lay two to four eggs in a mountain nest constructed of pebbles, gravel, and often the skins of prey. Females fiercely defend their nests until their young hatch in the three to four months following. When the little drakes emerge, they are a fraction of the size of their parents, about the size of a hobbit or small child. However, they grow quickly. Nest mates compete for food and space, and rarely does more than one survive. Some of the young drakes will starve, unable to compete for food. However, more often, the stronger will shove the weaker out of the nest, causing them to meet their death on the mountain.


So the Shendar could find such a dead nestling at the base? Cool :)

The few young that do survive leave the nest less than two months after hatching. From here, they generally become transients, searching the mountains for a place of their own and feasting upon rabbits, rats, and other small animals until they are able to tackle larger game. It takes approximately a year after they leave the nest for these drakes to reproduce. However, once they are sexually active, they will generally mate at least once a year.

It is generally assumed that, like most dragon-kin, the lightning drake has a sizable lifespan. However, because of frequent deaths during lightning storm fights, the true lifespan remains hard to approximate.

Myth/Origin: During the year of darkness following the Dragonstorm, myth weaves the tale of a great storm that raged over Thalambath. For weeks it showered over the city. The people called and cried for reprieve from the horrible thunderstorm that threw down lightning from dark and tumultuous skies, from the thunder that roared through the air. They prayed to Grothar to stop the endless storm, but as the storm arose from the depression and anxiety of the Thalambath people, he could not eliminate it entirely from the sky. Therefore, he gave the storm a more corporeal form, turning it into hundreds of drakes that fled to the nearby volcanoes, and there they have dwelled ever since. When storms again come to the area, the people of Thalambath say these dragons once again recall their violent origins, and take flight to chase the lightning.

I don‘t think this will work, for Grothar is not in high esteem in Thalambath, need to check this though, or ask Fox.

Researchers: While few researchers have sought out the lightning drake as serious study, many other researchers peregrinating through the drake's habitat have written extensively on rare and dangerous encounters with the beast. One of the few observations of the drake's ferocious lightning-storm battles was recorded by volcano-researcher Bertius Felgrad, a dwarf of the Nirmenith clan, on the 8th day of the Passing Clouds in 1443.:

Rayne, I doubt that a dwarf would be a researcher of a volcano. These ones are not even established and only few. They would probably not be allowed to do any research there anyway, because either the Shendar or the Thalambathians would not allow it.  He would not refer to Queprur also, but to his god, I assume.

We had travelled many leagues, up the rocky crags and cliffs that crumbled underfoot and threatened with every step to send us reeling, tumbling down the merciless mountain face. Asebell, who has thus far guided us through the more dangerous mountain passes, near met her end when a stone slipped beneath her feet, and it was only through Gladoph's quick reaction she survived, grabbed and hoisted to safety. It is a frightening sign that even the most experienced climbers among us could meet Queprur on this mountain.

I, for my part, lingered near the back of the party, and traced the safe footings of those ahead. Just after Sunblaze on our third day travailing the perilous paths of this forsaken mountain, the sky began to grow dark and ominous. I, a mere researcher, cursed the possibility of a storm, but the situation appeared much more dire to Asebell and Gladoph. "Quick! We must find cover!" called Asebell, and we sought out the shelter of an overhanging. The five of us, Asebell, Gladoph, Rosina, Belgrouf, and myself, curled into the small space, and huddled together. The clouds above grew angry and dark, and piercing through the shadow sky came a call so frightening I felt every bone in my body go cold.

"What was that?" Belgrouf shrilled.

"Sh!" insisted Gladoph.

"We must be quiet," said Asebell, and the party became as silent as a grave.

We all peered out into the sky. Another call echoed out over the high mountains, but I could not see from whence it came. What monster or beast could make such a sound? A bright, cold flash of light! Lightning!--my heart jumped. The rumble of it stirred our very cores. Then another--and another! "This isn't good," whispered Asebell. "The storm is forming right above of us."

"What's going on--" Rosina began, and then a sight hushed her question--it hushed all of us, our thoughts, our breaths, our heartbeats: in the distance, a beast appeared in our sight, nearly twelve peds long, with merciless eyes and jagged crest. Its wings spread out as though to enclose the earth. It called out--a sound that pierced me, filled me with a terror I had never known. On a mountaintop not far off, it landed, and the stones and rocks crumbled under its massive claws. It lifted its head and long neck into the air and roared again. For many moments I stared at it, caught by the fear of it seeing me, but unable to move, frozen by the sight.

Then, all at once, the rocks clattered in front of us as another dragon passed right above our heads. So surprised were we that we hardly noticed that the lightning strikes were becoming more frequent. The sky roared, and the ground rumbled beneath us. All at once, the dragon atop the yonder mountain exploded into lightning-like illumination, tentacles of light emanating from its scaled, reptilian body. It roared at the oncoming dragon, hissing dreadfully. All at once, the other dragon went aglow with current. (??) They clashed!--an explosion of hideous light! They struck and clamoured, their tails whipping and teeth bared. Lightning struck them--a sizzling and a crash!--they glowed ever brighter in bestial battle!

Oh, here you have it, though not a mating! Here you have also the flow described which doesn‘t need the touch of bodies!

For a long while we watched in horror as the two dragons fought. The minutes slid by like hours, and while enraptured at the ferocity and beauty of the conflict before us, we feared every moment we might be spotted. In a sudden flash of lightning, accompanied by a screeching cry, one of the dragons shuttered and fell. It's body, once blazing with lightning, fell dull and defeated to the ground. The victor roared out, and her voice echoed through the tumultuous skies. She took to flight again, and vanished from our sight.

For a long while, none of us spoke. Beyond the overhanging under which we held closely together, the sky was still churning. By Lastflame, the clouds had dissipated. We moved with caution out from our hidden enclave and sought out a safe place for rest. As the night deepened, we spoke very little, all of us haunted by the image of dragons.

That ,report‘ is much more like I see them tha your description!

To the researches: Why don‘t you take Shendar instead of dwarves? (Names needed to be altered slightly)  They would be the natural choice (next to the citizens of Thalambath). Or, why not take the two from the Falserock entry, they are already established. (I asked you that already, think you have missed it.)


Asa‘bell, Gla‘do, Ro‘sina, Bel‘gro

Sorry Rayne, this seemed at first to be a quicker readthrough than the academy.  ;)


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Rayne (Alýr) on 31 December 2009, 01:17:23
I'm going to reply to summarized comments:

lightning charges, currents: You have taken issue with this but not offered a solution that you feel is workable! If there's not solution, I have nothing to change them to, and they will stay as is.

Details: Same comment as Kalina--these drakes are not highly researched. They have only be observed here and there. No one knows exactly what takes place during mating, because mating is minimally viewed, and has only been observed from a distance. It would be terribly unrealistic to put details about mating given that Santharia does not possess the technology to get close enough!

Dwarven researcher: Why don't you think a dwarf would be a good researcher? Especially a Nirmenith dwarf. Given these dwarves still claim to be legitimate citizens of the old empire, and live in the area, I don't see why they would not be allowed on the volcano--and even if they were not, I'm sure dwarves that see their lineage tracing back would still go anyway, feeling they had some sort of right. If you want, I can make one of the guides Shendar, but I don't see why a Shendar would be as interested in volcanic research.


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels on 07 January 2010, 08:07:51
*rolls up her sleeves, preparing for a match with Rayne*  :heart:


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lightning charges, currents: You have taken issue with this but not offered a solution that you feel is workable! If there's not solution, I have nothing to change them to, and they will stay as is.

Ermm, no, it doesn't work this way. 'Lightning currents' might be ok, I said, I might not have the right feeling for it and you native speakers do not necessarily think at an electric current. Even if so, it does not necessarily harm, for current is used for 'maritime current' as well, so why not 'lightning current'.

'Charge' is something different. It is a new concept. At least in the "scientific" realm, don't know how often it was used in the magic area already, with a different meaning. It is not my task to find a solution, but yours to ask the community, if we want to advance so far into science, that we have at least a faint knowledge, what it could mean. Therefore my mentioning, when it came up on earth. Integrating it in an entry like this is bringing it in via the back door, don't you think so? However, I won't shout, if you think it is ok.

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Details: Same comment as Kalina--these drakes are not highly researched. They have only be observed here and there. No one knows exactly what takes place during mating, because mating is minimally viewed, and has only been observed from a distance. It would be terribly unrealistic to put details about mating given that Santharia does not possess the technology to get close enough!

Oh, these details were just meant as developer's knowledge mostly, except the violent exchange of "charge"  :buck: during mating . If you know anything about mating, then you would know this as well, but it was a proposal only.

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Dwarven researcher: Why don't you think a dwarf would be a good researcher? Especially a Nirmenith dwarf. Given these dwarves still claim to be legitimate citizens of the old empire, and live in the area, I don't see why they would not be allowed on the volcano--and even if they were not, I'm sure dwarves that see their lineage tracing back would still go anyway, feeling they had some sort of right. If you want, I can make one of the guides Shendar, but I don't see why a Shendar would be as interested in volcanic research.

There are several reasons, why this will not work.

Quote dwarven entry:

1. The home of the dwarves undoubtedly is the mountain, the caves and the mines in which they are working. Only very reluctantly they leave their homes, and if they do so, mainly to search for new mines and profits or to fight to gain honor, whoever the foe.

There might be single individuals who do not follow the normal habit, but a whole group? Why would a dwarf be interested in volcanic research? More than a Shendar who lives really nearby?

2. The dwarven empire was not where the volcano is now, but under the Nirmenith mountains. They feel today, that the way of their living was wrong and the cause, the empire was destroyed (partly). So why would they want to research that volcano? They have more reason not to go there.

3. The dwarves would have no chance to get near the volcano without help. And they would have to pay very well, if a Shendar would agree to guide them there.

- The west side of the volcano is not accessible, because there the lava flows freely down in the sea. The south is Thalambathian territory and they don't like foreigners very well, especially not near the lavatubes where their business lies. But Fox knows this better, if anyone would be allowed there.  The North (Lands of Pain) and partly the east (up the slopes) is claimed by Thalambath, it is a sacred area (tombs etc) there and I doubt, that they allow any foreigners in this area.

It is in general a very unforgiving landscape - would a group of dwarves go there voluntarily?

If you want to have these dwarves observing the dragons, you could place the observation in the northern part of the Nirmenith mountains south of Varcopas. There it would be more probable to see a dwarf above ground occasionally.

Oh, territory!


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin on 07 January 2010, 08:13:19
*gets out the popcorn and settles in for a long one*  :buck:


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels on 07 January 2010, 08:30:51
*takes the popcorn of Alt and munches all down herself to get enough strength*

Territory:

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Territory: The lightning drake resides primarily in the Mountains of Nirmenith, in a range including the Rahaz-Dath Desert's Norong Sorno area.

That sounds, as if the Norong‘Sorno is part of the Nirmeniths. ???? Is not!

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These drakes thrive on the western side of the mountain range where lightning storms are a frequent result of high winds and warm climate. Despite sharing territory with other dragon-kin, the lightning drake does not often clash with others in the area. They can be found in scattered numbers in the Lands of Pain. Very rarely lightning drakes have been seen on the outskirts of the Aj'Nuvic grounds, seeking out game only during dire circumstance.

The Lands of Pain is fairly flat apart from the smaller volcanoes (partly active, not very high) north of the Norong‘Sorno. So I don‘t know, if they would thrive there. Don‘t they nest and rest on high rocks, sleep under overhangs?

I wonder, why they do not search for prey in the AJ‘Nuvic grounds, I would think , they would be a good hunting ground. High in altitude, with enough prey.

If they fly as far as the Norong‘Sorno when the weather is right, would they not enjoy the warm upwinds the Narfost cliffs produce sometimes? Even the grassy plane for easy hunting? Just an idea though.

Note, that the mountains west of the AJ‘Nuvic Grounds are not part of the Nirmenith Mountains themselves, but belong to the area of the cloudforest (the trees are not the only area for it).  Maybe there is a misunderstanding!

What about the nesting area I marked on the map? Hunting could be much wider.


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Rayne (Alýr) on 07 January 2010, 13:00:50
::wanders in wearily. Such a long day, but there is no rest for the weary. She glances at the commentary and sighs a little::

As far as the lightning thing goes, I don't have the same associations as you do. In all honesty, lightning has been an continuing issue on Santharia in many different realms, and perhaps it will never be decided. I only made this entry for Seeker's picture, to show my love and appreciation of his art. I did not create the entry for it to necessarily go on the site (I create out of love of creating--I'm a wood elf, what can I say?).

As I mentioned before, you've told me you have a problem with the lighting terminology, but have given no solution. I have no alternatives--there aren't that many out there, as I see it. Therefore, the terms stay until the issue is resolved--even if it means they've never resolved and this entry never goes up. That's the reality.

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Oh, these details were just meant as developer's knowledge mostly, except the violent exchange of "charge"  :buck: during mating . If you know anything about mating, then you would know this as well, but it was a proposal only.
Mating can be viewed from a distance because these drakes are HUGE and because mating is rather noticeable. Probably viewed by those who were unfortunately stuck on the mountain during a lightning storm.


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1. The home of the dwarves undoubtedly is the mountain, the caves and the mines in which they are working. Only very reluctantly they leave their homes, and if they do so, mainly to search for new mines and profits or to fight to gain honor, whoever the foe.
Generalities will throw you astray. The Zirghurim dwarves traveled from their mountains to the city of Ximax to aid with construction. And The Mitharims travel at least enough to have a good deal of extra-racial contact. Let's try to be specific with the tribe we're working with, ne?

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There might be single individuals who do not follow the normal habit, but a whole group? Why would a dwarf be interested in volcanic research? More than a Shendar who lives really nearby?
What do you mean a whole group? I only mentioned the race of ONE of the members--just the researcher. I never specified the races of the others in the group (because it's unnecessary information and because it would make no sense in context to mention this information.) Though I will say I was intending the guide to be Shendar. And I assumed that the fact that dwarves mine from time to time, and are occasionally interested in mountains and minerals, might make them a good choice for researching a volcano, which has many mountain-like characteristics.

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2. The dwarven empire was not where the volcano is now, but under the Nirmenith mountains. They feel today, that the way of their living was wrong and the cause, the empire was destroyed (partly). So why would they want to research that volcano? They have more reason not to go there.
If you're interested in volcanoes, you go to where there are volcanoes. This has generally been a pattern in my experience. Those who are interested in rain forests go to the rain forest, while those who are interested in kangaroos go to where they can study kangaroos. It seems to be a fairy conventional practice in research, to my knowledge.

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3. The dwarves would have no chance to get near the volcano without help. And they would have to pay very well, if a Shendar would agree to guide them there.
Oh, like Asebell, their guide? I thought so, too. I'm glad we're in accord.

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- The west side of the volcano is not accessible, because there the lava flows freely down in the sea. The south is Thalambathian territory and they don't like foreigners very well, especially not near the lavatubes where their business lies. But Fox knows this better, if anyone would be allowed there.  The North (Lands of Pain) and partly the east (up the slopes) is claimed by Thalambath, it is a sacred area (tombs etc) there and I doubt, that they allow any foreigners in this area.
So, just so I know what's going on, we're sure that the Norong-Sorno is the volcano that the group is exploring, right?

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It is in general a very unforgiving landscape - would a group of dwarves go there voluntarily?
It's strange: you can tell those cobra researchers that cobras are dangerous, or those tiger researchers than tigers are dangerous, and yet they keep going out after them!

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If you want to have these dwarves observing the dragons, you could place the observation in the northern part of the Nirmenith mountains south of Varcopas. There it would be more probable to see a dwarf above ground occasionally.
Sounds great. ... Was there something you wanted me to change, or did you want me to add this in?

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That sounds, as if the Norong‘Sorno is part of the Nirmeniths. ???? Is not!
This is my mistake. I assumed, from the smaller map I saw, that the Norong'Sorno was in the southern part of the mountain range. Hm. In this case, should we even include this volcano? It doesn't necessarily need to be part of the territory.

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The Lands of Pain is fairly flat apart from the smaller volcanoes (partly active, not very high) north of the Norong‘Sorno. So I don‘t know, if they would thrive there. Don‘t they nest and rest on high rocks, sleep under overhangs?
See above. It might be better to just remove that part of the territory.

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I wonder, why they do not search for prey in the AJ‘Nuvic grounds, I would think , they would be a good hunting ground. High in altitude, with enough prey.
Haha. Oh, Talia. Don't be silly. Aj'Nuvic are far too cute to eat. (Seriously--this was my mindset for not making them part of the diet).

OK, that's enough for now, I think. Forgive my sarcasm. I'm in a grumbly place right now. I love you, Talia. You're the only one I know who can take my snide comments for what they're worth: nothing. @_@ :heart:


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on 07 January 2010, 15:15:01
How about 'bolts' instead of charges?


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels on 07 January 2010, 19:35:22
*Talia takes Rayne to the most comfortable chair in her Bardavosian house (which she has acquired only recently), shoves her in it, takes her legs and puts them on a stool with a soft cushion and wraps her in a light blanket against the light chill of the night.*

„So, I was prepared for a nice match with you and you come in exhausted. That‘s not fair. You were even too tired to see my proposals. “ Talia looks affectionately at her and removes a strand of her black hair from her face. „Here, take a cup of Sky Tea, Alýr. I buttered you a Children‘s Delight also. Have some rest, and then we will speak once more about that magnificent creature of yours?“

Talia sits silently for a while, waiting for Rayne to get some rest, before she starts to address the issues with the Lightning Dragon.



************************

Rayne, dear, are you now refreshed enough to listen and talk to me?

You say: „I did not create the entry for it to necessarily go on the site.“ or „Therefore, the terms stay until the issue is resolved--even if it means they've never resolved and this entry never goes up. That's the reality.“  That is nonsense. First, I love to have this dragon roaming my lands, second, it is just a bit more effort needed to integrate it. Third - Seeker‘s pic might not get up soon.  

As I clearly said, I have no problems with ,lightning current‘, if it sounds right in your native ears.
You say, I have given you no solution to the ,charge‘ problem. That‘s not true. I gave you no easy solution, no different word. But I pointed you to a possible way out. I will say it again:

Do some research about when the electric ,charge‘ was discovered on Earth and to what an extent. I gave you some names above and you will surely find more information. I think the very first ways to deal with it could well be applied in Santharia as well when we need it - as a new field of research. And then propose the introduction of it! That is some work, but instead of throwing out some new entries, work on this one! Please :)

Another possibility could be, to explain/describe it in magical terms, that could be even wrong! But here I have no clue, if that would be a way.


Your myth section still needs some changes. I will list them again.

Thalambath does not believe in Grothar, you can find it here:
http://www.santharia.com/dev/index.php/topic,13828.0.html

As a dwarf whose tribe has accepted the belief of the other clans, Bertius does not believe in Queprur, see dwarven belief: http://www.santharia.com/races/dwarven_belief.htm

The Nirmenith Dwarves are only a few and they go out to tend to the lower structures to both towns, Varcopas and Bardavos, but I don‘t want to make them exceptionally outgoing.. But let‘s see, what we can do here.

Whole group: The way you have written it let the reader assume, that the whole group consists of dwarves, especially the names hint at that, or do at least not point to other races explicitly,  (nomenclature) and that sounds wrong. Asebell is definitely is no Shendar name. Your myth is so long, so some information about the other group members would not hurt, those who have this research enabled. I don‘t find this insignificant.  I would stress as well, that he is an extraordinaire dwarf, who does not mind to venture on high mountains instead of deep caves.. Can only add to the flavour. That dwarves do get interested in a volcano is rather farfetched. I could say, it is not important for your description of the encounter with the dragons, that it is a dwarf at all, so why do you mention a race at all? Why the trouble to use a dwarf, if another race would be so more easier? Why don‘t you take a Kaizranian, that would resolve ALL problems. Do I see some stubbornness here?

„So, just so I know what's going on, we're sure that the Norong-Sorno is the volcano that the group is exploring, right?“

There is no other volcano around, and if you want to have one of the smaller ones attached to it, the same problems are valid.

„It's strange: you can tell those cobra researchers that cobras are dangerous, or those tiger researchers than tigers are dangerous, and yet they keep going out after them!“

Right, but the question is more - would a dwarf ever be able to do such a research, would not his racial restrictions and preferences prohibit this, why create such an extraordinaire character? But that is not what bothers me.

I proposed to use the northern Nirmenith Mountains instead of the volcano, for that would solve a lot of problems. It is much more likely to find a Nirmenith Dwarf there than in the South.

I think it would fit to these dragons, if they hunt/mate in a much bigger area than they nest (the marked are on the map), I will have lightning storms in the Lands of Pain. Would be cool to have them there.

I did not say, that they will prey on aj‘nuvics, though this might happen as well. There is plenty of other prey there for them!

My proposal: If you want to have your dwarf so dearly, say, that he is exceptional and give him a group of Kaizranian (name adaptions needed, I suppose --> Fox) with him, and approach the mountain from the east, from the Cari‘Cari Oasis.
That would solve all issues! :)

*********************

*Talia gets up to fetch another cup of cha‘ah, but when coming back Rayne is asleep, curled up in the big armchair. So she just tucks the blanket around her a bit firmer and tiptoes away to not disturb her sleep.*

How about bolts? *echoes Kali*


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Rayne (Alýr) on 08 January 2010, 02:40:31
*Talia takes Rayne to the most comfortable chair in her Bardavosian house (which she has acquired only recently), shoves her in it, takes her legs and puts them on a stool with a soft cushion and wraps her in a light blanket against the light chill of the night.*

„So, I was prepared for a nice match with you and you come in exhausted. That‘s not fair. You were even too tired to see my proposals. “ Talia looks affectionately at her and removes a strand of her black hair from her face. „Here, take a cup of Sky Tea, Alýr. I buttered you a Children‘s Delight also. Have some rest, and then we will speak once more about that magnificent creature of yours?“

Talia sits silently for a while, waiting for Rayne to get some rest, before she starts to address the issues with the Lightning Dragon.

 :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart:


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You say: „I did not create the entry for it to necessarily go on the site.“ or „Therefore, the terms stay until the issue is resolved--even if it means they've never resolved and this entry never goes up. That's the reality.“  That is nonsense. First, I love to have this dragon roaming my lands, second, it is just a bit more effort needed to integrate it. Third - Seeker‘s pic might not get up soon.  
Ah, you know me, though. I like to get things done and move on. There is so much to be developed!

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As I clearly said, I have no problems with ,lightning current‘, if it sounds right in your native ears.
You say, I have given you no solution to the ,charge‘ problem. That‘s not true. I gave you no easy solution, no different word. But I pointed you to a possible way out. I will say it again:

Do some research about when the electric ,charge‘ was discovered on Earth and to what an extent. I gave you some names above and you will surely find more information. I think the very first ways to deal with it could well be applied in Santharia as well when we need it - as a new field of research. And then propose the introduction of it! That is some work, but instead of throwing out some new entries, work on this one! Please :)

Another possibility could be, to explain/describe it in magical terms, that could be even wrong! But here I have no clue, if that would be a way.
Lightning current is problematic because different people are going to interpret it different ways. For some, it will sound fine. For others, it may sound to modern. "Bolts" don't work for denotative purposes ("a shaft of lightning; thunderbolt" --these aren't shafts). I mean, I'm not opposed of using an old word in a new way, if we want to do that. I think we may have to come to grips with the fact that there is no perfect term for this context.

Wikipedia:
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Long before any knowledge of electricity existed people were aware of shocks from electric fish. Ancient Egyptian texts dating from 2750 BC referred to these fish as the "Thunderer of the Nile", and described them as the "protectors" of all other fish.

Not the same as what I'm describing. When you start doing research, most of what comes up is electricity. People recognized lightning before they knew what electricity was. We're taking lightning out of the sky and throwing it on to a dragon. No one on earth has ever seen this--has never experienced lightning apart from its natural occurrence in the sky. Therefore, there is no term for it. "Current" and "charge" are the best I can come up with.

And lightning is still debated in magic (is it air? Is it fire?). We always assumed it belonged in the air school, but in fact, it probably belongs in fire. I don't say this too loud, because it causes some issues with other magic-related things. I will mention, though, that the magic area always has entries that make use of "electricity" up on the site.

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Your myth section still needs some changes. I will list them again.
I like to make edits all at once.

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Thalambath does not believe in Grothar, you can find it here:
http://www.santharia.com/dev/index.php/topic,13828.0.html
You mentioned this--but this is a problem without a solution. What do I change it to?

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As a dwarf whose tribe has accepted the belief of the other clans, Bertius does not believe in Queprur, see dwarven belief: http://www.santharia.com/races/dwarven_belief.htm
Shall I change it to Trum-Barroll? Or perhaps I could just replace it with "Death," personifying it instead of attributing it directly to a belief system.

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Whole group: The way you have written it let the reader assume, that the whole group consists of dwarves, especially the names hint at that, or do at least not point to other races explicitly,  (nomenclature) and that sounds wrong.
I think most of the names could be human, dwarven, or even hobbitish. They don't sound to me to belong to one race or another.

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Asebell is definitely is no Shendar name.
It's not a dwarven name either. But I concur. Perhaps you can suggest a more Shendar name for me?

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Your myth is so long, so some information about the other group members would not hurt, those who have this research enabled. I don‘t find this insignificant.
If you're writing in a journal (and this quote is from this guy's research notes), you will not state in every entry that "Oh, by the way, in case you had forgotten, these are the races of all the people with me. In fact, let me add in their heights, birthdays, and favorite colors, too." You just do not do this in research writing. The focus is on the journey--the people were introduced beforehand.

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I would stress as well, that he is an extraordinaire dwarf, who does not mind to venture on high mountains instead of deep caves.. Can only add to the flavour.
I don't really see how this detail is pertinent to lightning drakes.

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That dwarves do get interested in a volcano is rather farfetched.
I disagree.

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I could say, it is not important for your description of the encounter with the dragons, that it is a dwarf at all, so why do you mention a race at all? Why the trouble to use a dwarf, if another race would be so more easier? Why don‘t you take a Kaizranian, that would resolve ALL problems. Do I see some stubbornness here?
It makes more sense to me to have mountain-like geographical features researched by a race that inhabits mountain-like geographical features. It makes more sense to me to have a race deeply associated with EARTH to research a feature also associated with EARTH. This simply seems more logical to me. And i mention race because, if I didn't, you would have told me that I should.  :P

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There is no other volcano around, and if you want to have one of the smaller ones attached to it, the same problems are valid.
Oh. I thought those were volcanoes in the Land of Pain. What are those little mountain-like things with the dark tops?

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Right, but the question is more - would a dwarf ever be able to do such a research, would not his racial restrictions and preferences prohibit this, why create such an extraordinaire character? But that is not what bothers me.
Dwarves wanting to learn more about fiery mountains doesn't seem out of his racial restriction. Keep in mind that volcanoes tend to produce interesting minerals. Dwarves pride themselves on their knowledge and work on such things.

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I proposed to use the northern Nirmenith Mountains instead of the volcano, for that would solve a lot of problems. It is much more likely to find a Nirmenith Dwarf there than in the South.
Mountain-researcher? If it makes you happy, I will change it. Doesn't mean that much to me.

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I think it would fit to these dragons, if they hunt/mate in a much bigger area than they nest (the marked are on the map), I will have lightning storms in the Lands of Pain. Would be cool to have them there.
So remove Norong'Sorno, keep Lands of Pain?

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I did not say, that they will prey on aj‘nuvics, though this might happen as well. There is plenty of other prey there for them!
What other prey is here? Would I need to alter my description of diet?


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*Talia gets up to fetch another cup of cha‘ah, but when coming back Rayne is asleep, curled up in the big armchair. So she just tucks the blanket around her a bit firmer and tiptoes away to not disturb her sleep.*
Zzzzzz....  :heart:  :heart:  :heart:


Summary:
1) Grothar needs to be changed to another god: What god?
2) Queprur needs to change changed: "Death"?
3) Races: do we make the researcher one of mountains instead of volcanoes..? Change names?
4) Terriory: Take out Norong'Sorno, keep Lands of Pain, perhaps add in Aj'Nuvic grounds (we might say that, for some reason, the drakes don't attack these creatures?)
5) Diet: changes based on territory?
6) Lightning:  :noidea:


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin on 08 January 2010, 02:52:40
Lightning:  Stream?  Zephyr?  Path?  Spark?  Alluvion?  Cataclysm?  Flow?  Flux?  Spate?  Surge?  Torrent?  Wave?  Issue?  Effussion?  Movement?  River?  Transfer?  Passage?  Mode?  Streak?  Stripe?  Diffusion? 

Maybe one of these?  Or more than one depending on the context used?

Just trying to be of use.  Ignore me at will. :)


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Rayne (Alýr) on 08 January 2010, 02:55:53
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Just trying to be of use.  Ignore me at will. :)
I am far too smitten with you to ignore you.  :heart:

I like lightning surge. I want to give that image of lightning currents sort of surrounding and crackling about the drake.

Do we want to remove lightning current or keep it?
Do we want to remove lightning charge or keep it?

What works and what doesn't?


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on 08 January 2010, 03:00:59
I don't like lightning charge, and I am quite sure it can be replaced with something else.

Lightning current can or cannot be kept. If a way could be found to change it, go for it. If not, don't sweat it!


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Rayne (Alýr) on 08 January 2010, 03:06:27
The word "charge" is used twice in the entry, both in one paragraph:

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Contrary to popular belief, the lightning drake cannot “throw” lightning or toss lightning “bolts” at enemies. However, those who come in contact with the drake suffer the charge emanating sporadically from its form. By touch (and sometimes proximity), lightning charges flow through any being with whom the drake comes in contact with. This, however, happens only when the drake taps its lightning abilities.

Could the first use be replaced with "shocks"? Does anyone have objections to this word?

Suggested revision:
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Contrary to popular belief, the lightning drake cannot “throw” lightning or toss lightning “bolts” at enemies. However, those who come in contact with the drake suffer the shocks from lightning emanating sporadically from its form. By touch (and sometimes proximity), lightning surges flow through any being with whom the drake comes in contact with. This, however, happens only when the drake taps its lightning abilities.


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on 08 January 2010, 03:10:46
:thumbup: It looks good :)


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Azhira Styralias on 08 January 2010, 11:22:32
I like the words "shock" "bolt" and "thunder" rather than "lightning". Lightning sounds to contemporary to me. I like "thunderbolt" or "shockbolt" as a way for medieval people to describe lightning, or its effects. Lightning charges is too scientific...perhaps if a gnome were describing these things, as they are the more scientific.

As for the gods, Fox's entry says this about their chief god:

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Avhan is most often associated with fire and light.

Lightning!

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Death, then, is a way in which they can pass that 'barrier' of molten rock and descend even further, into the semi-spiritual, semi-physical realm of Trum-Baroll, the Stone Father.

For Dwarves, the god whom is paid respects in death is Trum-Baroll himself, according to the dwarven beliefs entry.  :thumbup:


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Rayne (Alýr) on 08 January 2010, 12:15:12
(I'm fairly certain ME is Middle English)

Lighting:
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1350–1400; ME, var. of lightening.

Thunderbolt:
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1400–50; late ME thondre bolte.

Shock:
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meaning "to give (something) an electric shock" is from 1706

Bolt:
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The notion of "quick escape" (c.1225) is from a crossbow arrow's flight, as is lightning bolt.


Based on my research, lighting and bolt are the oldest words. Though really, lets be honest, thondre bolte looks WAY cooler than any of the terms listed above.

Still, I'm looking for a distinct look, those currents of lightning slithering across the drake's enormous form. Thunderbolt and shock don't do that as well. And thunder isn't the same as lighting.

I will change "Grothar" to Avhan. Thank you for the research, Azhira~! You're an angel.  :heart:


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Fox on 08 January 2010, 14:27:22
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Myth/Origin:
During the year of darkness following the Dragonstorm, myth weaves the tale of a great storm that raged over Thalambath. For weeks it showered over the city. The people called and cried for reprieve from the horrible thunderstorm that threw down lightning from dark and tumultuous skies, from the thunder that roared through the air. They prayed to Avhan to stop the endless storm, but as the storm arose from the depression and anxiety of the Thalambath people, he could not eliminate it entirely from the sky. Therefore, he gave the storm a more corporeal form, turning it into hundreds of drakes that fled to the nearby volcanoes, and there they have dwelled ever since. When storms again come to the area, the people of Thalambath say these dragons once again recall their violent origins, and take flight to chase the lightning.

Avhan is considered an omnipotent god, so he would not be one who 'could not eliminate it (the storm) entirely from the sky'.

On the other hand, he would make it a punishment for sins. You could instead say, "They prayed to Avhan to stop the endless storm, but as the storm arose from their sins, Avhan would not eliminate it entirely from the sky. However, hearing their cries, he chose to take mercy, and decided to give the storm a more corporeal form, turning it into hundreds of drakes that fled to the nearby volcanoes, and there they have dwelled ever since.  When the storms again come to the area, the people of Thalambath say these dragons are to remind them of their sins, and the dragons flit through the storm as a demonstration to those beneath of Avhan's power, as well as his mercy."



:)


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels on 08 January 2010, 17:02:34
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Ah, you know me, though. I like to get things done and move on. There is so much to be developed!

That‘s the case with everybody. But things need to be done thoroughly, there is of course a bit not so nice work involved, but as you are such a quick writer, you should not avoid it ;)


The lightning stuff seems to be solved.

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Thalambath does not believe in Grothar, you can find it here:
http://www.santharia.com/dev/index.php/topic,13828.0.html
You mentioned this--but this is a problem without a solution. What do I change it to?

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As a dwarf whose tribe has accepted the belief of the other clans, Bertius does not believe in Queprur, see dwarven belief: http://www.santharia.com/races/dwarven_belief.htm
Shall I change it to Trum-Barroll? Or perhaps I could just replace it with "Death," personifying it instead of attributing it directly to a belief system.

Rayne, I expected that you read and searched that stuff yourself - how else will you get more knowledge about our world? Maybe you should consider, not only to comment more, but read up stuff which was written while you were not here - or even unfinished submissions like that from Fox which contains already now important information ? (Apart that they are one of my favourite stuff, not only, because it is in my area). Therefore I set the links! Now Azhira did your work, and she knows more. I think the question about Trum-Baroll could have been answered by yourself as well. We do nothing else than reading the stuff and trying to interpret it.

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Asebell is definitely is no Shendar name.
It's not a dwarven name either. But I concur. Perhaps you can suggest a more Shendar name for me?

I gave you those already. Ase‘bell

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If you're writing in a journal (and this quote is from this guy's research notes), you will not state in every entry that "Oh, by the way, in case you had forgotten, these are the races of all the people with me. In fact, let me add in their heights, birthdays, and favorite colors, too." You just do not do this in research writing. The focus is on the journey--the people were introduced beforehand.

That‘s right, but you could have done it in your introduction, where you introduce your researcher.

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I would stress as well, that he is an extraordinaire dwarf, who does not mind to venture on high mountains instead of deep caves.. Can only add to the flavour.
I don't really see how this detail is pertinent to lightning drakes.

Well, why don‘t you then give any names at all? It is not important either, that it was a dwarf or how he was named. It is all about giving flavur to an entry, even if it distracts a bit from the main subject.


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I could say, it is not important for your description of the encounter with the dragons, that it is a dwarf at all, so why do you mention a race at all? Why the trouble to use a dwarf, if another race would be so more easier? Why don‘t you take a Kaizranian, that would resolve ALL problems. Do I see some stubbornness here?
It makes more sense to me to have mountain-like geographical features researched by a race that inhabits mountain-like geographical features. It makes more sense to me to have a race deeply associated with EARTH to research a feature also associated with EARTH. This simply seems more logical to me. And i mention race because, if I didn't, you would have told me that I should. 

The last could well have been the case ;)
You are dragging arguments out of the nowhere now. Why should people who live actually near that mountain and are endangered by it have not more interest in researching it than dwarves who don‘t like by definition to go above ground?


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There is no other volcano around, and if you want to have one of the smaller ones attached to it, the same problems are valid.
Oh. I thought those were volcanoes in the Land of Pain. What are those little mountain-like things with the dark tops?

The map might not be too accurate - these are the attached ones.


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Right, but the question is more - would a dwarf ever be able to do such a research, would not his racial restrictions and preferences prohibit this, why create such an extraordinaire character? But that is not what bothers me.
Dwarves wanting to learn more about fiery mountains doesn't seem out of his racial restriction. Keep in mind that volcanoes tend to produce interesting minerals. Dwarves pride themselves on their knowledge and work on such things.

I don‘t agree wth you here. Individuals might do it, but general I think dwarves are defined (by Judy) that they prefer to stay underground. Only bachelors with no chance to get a wife are more adventurous. 


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I proposed to use the northern Nirmenith Mountains instead of the volcano, for that would solve a lot of problems. It is much more likely to find a Nirmenith Dwarf there than in the South.
Mountain-researcher? If it makes you happy, I will change it. Doesn't mean that much to me.

Nor necessarily a mountain researcher, but more one who accidentily came above ground because he had some task to fullfil. Why don‘t you keep your Bertand and add a line about him being special?

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I think it would fit to these dragons, if they hunt/mate in a much bigger area than they nest (the marked are on the map), I will have lightning storms in the Lands of Pain. Would be cool to have them there.
So remove Norong'Sorno, keep Lands of Pain?


No, did not mean to skip the volcano, I see that area sometimes as one.


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I did not say, that they will prey on aj‘nuvics, though this might happen as well. There is plenty of other prey there for them!
What other prey is here? Would I need to alter my description of diet?

Do me the honour and read my entry about it, Fauna is enough though ;) http://www.santharia.com/places/aj_nuvic_grounds.htm









Summary:
1) Grothar needs to be changed to another god: What god? --> done
2) Queprur needs to change changed: "Death"? --> done
3) Races: do we make the researcher one of mountains instead of volcanoes..? Change names? --> NO, keep him and add a half sentence to his name about him being special
4) Territory: Take out Norong'Sorno, keep Lands of Pain, perhaps add in Aj'Nuvic grounds (we might say that, for some reason, the drakes don't attack these creatures?) ---> No, just mention, that aj‘nuvics are to clever to be caught often. They are animals after all and there occurs death as well. There is plenty other prey as well
5) Diet: changes based on territory? --> I think it can stay, if there range is wide enough
6) Lightning:   --> solved




*this cha'ah did work too well, she is so strong again...  rolls down sleeves*

 :heart: :heart: :heart:


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Rayne (Alýr) on 08 January 2010, 23:51:45
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Rayne, I expected that you read and searched that stuff yourself - how else will you get more knowledge about our world? Maybe you should consider, not only to comment more, but read up stuff which was written while you were not here - or even unfinished submissions like that from Fox which contains already now important information ? (Apart that they are one of my favourite stuff, not only, because it is in my area). Therefore I set the links! Now Azhira did your work, and she knows more. I think the question about Trum-Baroll could have been answered by yourself as well. We do nothing else than reading the stuff and trying to interpret it.
Take from one who basically does research for a living: the hardest part about research is knowing where to go to find the information. I was talking to my mother about Santharia a few weeks ago. I told her how everyone helps one another with entries, that everyone helps direct and guide, because the site is so enormous that no one person knows it all, no one knows where all the information out. If you continue to the mindset that everyone should know where to go to get all the information, than you will make it harder for new members to get a start here. Don't chide me for not knowing where to go.

Also, regarding Trum-Barroll, I prefer to get multiple opinions concerning things. I've seen ways in which I felt some of my entries were used incorrectly, and feel such problems can be assuaged through multiple voices giving input. This entry is not really mine--it belongs to everyone. I want everyone to be happy with it. People are more willing to give their opinion when you ask for it. Don't chide me for trying to get some more points of view.

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I gave you those already. Ase‘bell
Are we still going with her being a Shendar? Or are we going to make her a dwarf?

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That‘s right, but you could have done it in your introduction, where you introduce your researcher.
I could, but at the same time, I do not feel an entry on lightning drakes would really be very concerned with the races of the people in the party of the research who is writing. This seems a little far removed from the topic.

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Well, why don‘t you then give any names at all? It is not important either, that it was a dwarf or how he was named. It is all about giving flavur to an entry, even if it distracts a bit from the main subject.
What would I replace the names with? "Person A, Person B, and Person C were walking up the mountain with me..." seems a little strange. The entry will make mention of names out of convenience if nothing else. You're right--the entry is just to give flavor to the entry. Names and races shouldn't matter, in my opinion.

The last could well have been the case ;)
You are dragging arguments out of the nowhere now. Why should people who live actually near that mountain and are endangered by it have not more interest in researching it than dwarves who don‘t like by definition to go above ground?


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The map might not be too accurate - these are the attached ones.
So the Lands of Pain are connected to the mountain range--are they volcanoes or no?


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I don‘t agree wth you here. Individuals might do it, but general I think dwarves are defined (by Judy) that they prefer to stay underground. Only bachelors with no chance to get a wife are more adventurous. 
Maybe this is the case with my researcher. He doesn't mention a wife. and Judith also defines dwarves as being close to and interested with the earth.


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Nor necessarily a mountain researcher, but more one who accidentily came above ground because he had some task to fullfil. Why don‘t you keep your Bertand and add a line about him being special?
A task like finding out more about the volcanoes/mountains? And are we staying with the idea that he's in a group of other individuals, not all of whom are dwarven?


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No, did not mean to skip the volcano, I see that area sometimes as one.
Talia, make up your mind! Is the area one or not? You have chided me for calling the area one, and now you say that YOU sometimes see the area as one.


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Do me the honour and read my entry about it, Fauna is enough though ;) http://www.santharia.com/places/aj_nuvic_grounds.htm
Ok. Nothing needs to change. I've read this entry before, when I was creating the drake. When I asked the question, it was more like, "Is there anything YOU would like me to change." I will try to be more direct in the future. I'm used to working in academia where this kind of language isn't commonly used.


Summary:
1) Grothar needs to be changed to another god: What god? --> done

2) Queprur needs to change changed: "Death"? --> done ["Death or Trum-Barol: how religious are these dwarves?]

3) Races: do we make the researcher one of mountains instead of volcanoes..? Change names? --> NO, keep him and add a half sentence to his name about him being special [I don't know if this is something we will be able to come to agreement about. He is, after all, a bachelor dwarf, of a race fond of mountains and the earth. I disagree with your characterization.]

4) Territory: Take out Norong'Sorno, keep Lands of Pain, perhaps add in Aj'Nuvic grounds (we might say that, for some reason, the drakes don't attack these creatures?) ---> No, just mention, that aj‘nuvics are to clever to be caught often. They are animals after all and there occurs death as well. There is plenty other prey as well. [This would have been the answer to the question posed above on diet]

5) Diet: changes based on territory? --> I think it can stay, if there range is wide enough [I think so, too.]

6) Lightning:   --> solved


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Decipher Ziron on 10 January 2010, 03:37:54
Are all queries regaring this resolved?


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Rayne (Alýr) on 10 January 2010, 03:46:30
Not quite, Deci. Talia and I have hit some snags. Perhaps you might be able to serve as a kind of tie-breaker?

We're of split opinions concerning the dwarven researcher. Talia believe that it is against the norm for a dwarf to study volcanoes and leave their underground homes in mountain. I believe it is a not (because volcanoes are similar to mountains and because bachelor dwarves may leave their homes for a time).

I would be willing to change volcano-researcher to mountain-researcher, but while Talia would like to mention that the dwarven researcher is an anomaly, I believe he is not and do not want to add such a detail because it isn't really related to the topic of the entry.

What do you think?

The other issues will hopefully be resolved soon. I'm trying to figure out what geographical features are included in the Nirmerth Mountain Range and which are not. I am also inquiring of Talia how religious these dwarves are (for whether to use Trum-Barrol or the personification Death instead of Queprur) as she knows more about them than I do.

After that, it should be ready.


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Decipher Ziron on 10 January 2010, 04:03:15
How common or uncommon a certain type of person is should not be important to the the overall passability of an entry. As long as it is feasible such a bachelor dwarf could exist, how unusual his pursuits and occupations are is irrelevant to the presentation of information about a Dragon.

As such, I think you are arguing about an minor detail that has little bearing to the actual beast. Do you not agree?

My lack of knowledge about Dwarves and their religious practices leaves me stumped in that sense though!



Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Rayne (Alýr) on 10 January 2010, 09:58:03
I agree, Deci.

I have changed "Queprur" to "death." I still need information about how Talia characterizes the mountain range.


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Azhira Styralias on 10 January 2010, 11:50:09
My two sans...

I see nothing wrong with a dwarven volcano researcher. Not every member of a tribe must conform to the norm. Make him a bachelor and give him something to do. Or, if Talia likes, maybe the dwarf is just being a short term researcher for a period of years above ground and then he'll go back underground. He's one of those guys who had his fill of the surface world and eventually returns to his roots.  :P

For death, you would use Trum-Barrol. The dwarven religion entry clearly states that his is the "plane of existence" so to speak that dwarves go to upon death. Dwarves have a similar philosophy as the Kaaer regarding death in that they both believe in death as "sleeping" or becoming "one with the earth". The Kaaer say "stone sleep" with the earth brother.


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Rayne (Alýr) on 10 January 2010, 12:23:22
Trum-Barrol taking dominion over death is still a bit problematic because it adds a religiousness to everything. I'm not sure how religious the dwarves are. Saying "we will meet death on this mountain" sounds OK to me, and seems like a relatively neutral solution.


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels on 11 January 2010, 00:30:37
I've got a cold, no thong serious, but annoying, so just a few sentences

Quote
I told her how everyone helps one another with entries, that everyone helps direct and guide, because the site is so enormous that no one person knows it all, no one knows where all the information out. If you continue to the mindset that everyone should know where to go to get all the information, than you will make it harder for new members to get a start here. Don't chide me for not knowing where to go.

Rayne, as I realised, that there was something wrong (Grothar, Queprur), I searched in which of  Fox's two submissions religion was mentioned, saw a name of a foreign god and set the LINK to it, so you could have a look yourself - and ask Fox, if something was unclear. I did set the LINK to the dwarven belief, so you could have a look yourself. Azhira did nothing else than following my links. So you can't say, that I did not help you, I pointed you to where you could find the information.

I think death instead  Queprur is the best, if you want to use Trum-Baroll, discuss it with Azhira or ask Judy.

To the dwarves - leave it as it is, it is no use to spend so much time about an unimportant detail. I once again made the mistake to defend Judy's dwarves, where she might not be so strict with it anymore anyway. The major problem would be anyway the fact, that they were allowed into the territory at all. (Nobody is normally).

If you want to use the Nirmenith Northern Range, just see it as a kind of Himalaya or Southern Andes with the ai'nuvic grounds a high valley like the Alti Plano.

*waves*

*I need some air.. help..*


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin on 11 January 2010, 00:32:28
Quote
I've got a cold, no thong serious, but annoying, so just a few sentences

Er, perhaps wearing a thong in January is the reason you have a cold.... :rolleyes:


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Rayne (Alýr) on 11 January 2010, 00:55:00
Rayne, as I realised, that there was something wrong (Grothar, Queprur), I searched in which of  Fox's two submissions religion was mentioned, saw a name of a foreign god and set the LINK to it, so you could have a look yourself - and ask Fox, if something was unclear. I did set the LINK to the dwarven belief, so you could have a look yourself. Azhira did nothing else than following my links. So you can't say, that I did not help you, I pointed you to where you could find the information.
When Azhira posted the quote related to Arvans, I was about to the "People" section in the entry you sent me. I'm sorry, but reading takes time, particularly such a long entry. But I have been reading it, and I'm offended that you think I hadn't or wouldn't. And yes, you sent me the link to the dwarven entry--but some tribes are more religious that others, and there is no entry on these dwarves. My question was whether to change it to Trum-Barrol or death. THIS QUESTION IS NOT ANSWERED BY A LINK TO AN ENTRY. It's answered by getting people's opinion about it (since there is no entry). No one every answered this question, in fact, so I made my own decision.

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If you want to use the Nirmenith Northern Range, just see it as a kind of Himalaya or Southern Andes with the ai'nuvic grounds a high valley like the Alti Plano.
This isn't the issue. The issue is what is included in the Nirmenith range. But perhaps it doesn't matter and the territory can stay as-is?

Quote
*I need some air.. help..*
::Focusing on the links in the air around Talia, Rayne makes a soft clear, clean zephyr pick up.::


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Decipher Ziron on 12 January 2010, 04:09:29
Done done and done?


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Rayne (Alýr) on 12 January 2010, 07:08:18
As Talia does not seem to take issue with the way the territory has been described, it seems so. Might you take a glance at the Ferlawyng entry, too? Mira had said he would look at it over a week ago, and still nothing.  :undecided:


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Decipher Ziron on 12 January 2010, 18:49:30
When I have time, yes.

Give this a blarrow, I have to run, dont have time to do it myself!!!


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels on 12 January 2010, 20:45:27
Territory is fine.


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Rayne (Alýr) on 13 January 2010, 07:22:21
Per Talia's approval and Deci's request, blarrowed.  :heart:


Title: Re: Lightning Drake (For Seeker)
Post by: Fox on 25 January 2010, 03:45:01
Oh dear.

Rayne I just noticed when this went up that you hadn't edited in the Myth section with my proposed changes. I hadn't double-checked it since your later posts said the religion thing had been clarified and fixed so I thought that meant you had made the change.

Could you please go back and replace the myth section with the edited form I wrote in my other post? We'll then need to inform Arti that he needs to edit it on site.

Sorry!


Avhan is considered an omnipotent god, so he would not be one who 'could not eliminate it (the storm) entirely from the sky'.

On the other hand, he would make it a punishment for sins. You could instead say,

"They prayed to Avhan to stop the endless storm, but as the storm arose from their sins, Avhan would not eliminate it entirely from the sky. However, hearing their cries, he chose to take mercy, and decided to give the storm a more corporeal form, turning it into hundreds of drakes that fled to the nearby volcanoes, and there they have dwelled ever since.  When the storms again come to the area, the people of Thalambath say these dragons are to remind them of their sins, and the dragons flit through the storm as a demonstration to those beneath of Avhan's power, as well as his mercy."

:)