Santharian Development

There are numerous of myths surrounding the Rivermaids, enough to fill at least half a dozen tomes. Most are describing them as young women whose pulchritude and playful attitude ensnares young men.  Often a tale is told in which a young man seeking out the rivermaids, dies. There are exceptions though: one  where the young man survives but lives with a Rivermaid and another, where the drowned ones live on as a Rivermaids themselves. Both myths originate in Salsair: The story about  Tylunn, a young man who fell in love with a Rivermaid, vanished and thought to be dead, but became her lover.  The other is about the gods being benevolent and allowing drowned citizens of Salsair to have another life as Rivermaid. The full stories can be found in the Salsair entry.

Of course these are only myths as many others, but here, interestingly,  the tales contradict the research done about them, more than in similar myths. As described above - Rivermaids don’t show emotions and would not help any human who is about to drown (though there are a few other myths about that subject). But what is even more diverging - Rivermaids do only have one sex, the female (if they are sexual beings at all), so the child which the father of Tylunn might have seen could never have been that of his (drowned or not) son. (That myth doesn’t tell us if he has changed to a „Riverman“.) The citizens of Salsair, who died during the zombii attack were granted another life and changed into or came back as Rivermaids - did the male part of them then change sex also? There aren’t any known ‚Rivermen‘. Difficult questions, especially as we speak about myths. From the viewpoint of the serious researcher those myths represent  the wishes of our human hearts  and have nothing to do with the reality of Rivermaids. We definitely should avoid to humanise them!

*Hehe* There's already something interesting in the first sentences:


Did I miss something there or did the rivermaids suddenly turn male? :shocked: Also, males grooming each other for some reason makes quite a strange impression on me... Interesting. No problems with females grooming each other from my side, but if males do it, it looks pretty gay I'd say. ;)

Other things I suggest fixing:


I think this is quite an interesting addition to the Rivermaids entry, Talia! Because even though Alt's Salsair additions don't quite match the Rivermaids description, in order to integrate it somehow you make a virtue out of necessity and even turn it into a lesson... :D *haha* Quite clever that! Well done! :thumbup:

Thanks Art! :)

It took ma some days until I realised what was wrong with that first sentence... ;)
Changed everything else also, thanks for the proposal.

There are plenty of myths surrounding the Rivermaids, enough to fill not just one volume.

Odd phrasing...

Suggestions to improve:

"There is a myriad of myths concerning the Rivermaids, far more than one volume can hope to contain."

"There are numerous myths surrounding the Rivermaids, enough to fill at least half a dozen tomes with ink."


"Most are describing them as young beautiful women who ensnare young men just by being themselves, sitting around on rocks and grooming each other."

"Just by being themselves" is a strange way to convey that sentiment...

Rephrasing and added details may improve sentence...

Suggestion:

"Most describe them as young women whose overwhelming pulchritude enchants the hearts and minds of any man who happens to encounter them lounging among stones and boulders smoothed by the softening touch of running water."


"Often a relation with a young man is narrated which always ends with the death of the young man."

This is confusing...

Try reworking the sentence structure...

Suggestion:

"Typically these tales are anecdotal in natural, extracted from a relative of some young lad who suffered an unfortunate demise. The conclusions of stories spun by such people often mirror the somber tragedy of their past."


"There are exceptions though: one  where the young man survives but lives with a Rivermaid and other, where the drowned ones live on as a Rivermaid themselves."

Fleshing out and restructuring if author feels it is necessary..

Suggestion:

"There are exceptions of course, in one tale the young protagonist manages to survive his encounter with a Rivermaid by virtue of pure tenacity winning himself a peaceful life with her. Another tale claims that those who drown under a Rivermaid's charm shall become Rivermaids themselves."


Both myths originate in Salsair: The story about Tylunn, a young man who fell in love with a Rivermaid, eventually leading him to abandon the responsibilities of his prior life so that he could become her lover.

The other is about the gods being benevolent and allowing drowned citizens of Salsair to have another life as a Rivermaid. The full stories can be found in the Salsair entry.

The previous two sentences are reasonably well composed...

...

Mhm...

I'm too lazy to do the other paragraph...

...

I hope this helps...

Thanks Exmortis!

I took some of your proposals, though not all, because they would have altered the meaning.

e.g. I want to use 'ensnare', it is quite different from only being 'enchanted'
as I think there is a difference in meaning of 'though' and 'of course'

or

I don't think it was tenacity which led Tylunn succeed, the last half sentence is definitely wrong, for this was a single event, the gods granted the drowned a new live as 'Rivermaid'.

It is a good idea though, maybe I add this to the entry later.