Okay this has nothing to do with Santharia or my poem but I just feel like saying this because I am so happy. Today I officially got my exam results and I got a level 7 in maths , the highest level you can get is a 8 and I was expected to get a level 5, but I showed those silly teachers. I also got a 5 in Science which is not so good, but it is decent. I do not find out my level in English for another month yet but I cannot wait. My mum is taking me on a big shopping trip in a few day's because she is so proud of me.
Okay I think I have calmed down a bit know (with a bit of help from my mum), so I have made quite a few changes and hopefully that is a bit better, if not I will try and change it again.
Thank you very much for the comment, I really am trying hard now, I just feel way out of my depth at the moment. I am still just trying desperately to get it all together in my mind like one person is saying one thing and the other another and it is like brain over load. I am not good at taking on lots of information in a small amount of time (mainly because of my epilepsy and learning disabilities that gives me the disadvantage with keeping in information). But hopefully if not tonight then I can sort it out some time tomorrow because I am off school.
Okay I have made some changes from your advise but not all of them, I do appreciate the advise though anyway. I can say it did make me think a bit more about it, but I am still not sure, sorry.
Okay that has struck me a bit. I am confused, I have never really thought the syllables matter that much and I would not have thought that poems have to make sense. It is not like writing a essay or review about something, are not poems just meant on extenuating something, not about being terribly truthful and particular. Please tell me if I am wrong about this.
By the way in a fountain the water is meant to fall down, you are probably thinking of those fountains that push the water up first.
P.S. I do not mean too be rude, I am just truely confused.
Thank you very much for the correction. Also I know I am terrible, whenever I write a poem about things like this it always ends with death and follows that same pattern. Though I suppose it is not too bad because I have only ever written 3 poems in my life all posted on Santharia somewhere or another and only 2 of them follow that pattern and end with death. I should learn to change my ways, maybe have a new style of writting, I do not want to become a one trick pony.
Thank you Altario, I have made the alterations you suggested and the bit were I put dragonstorm as two words was a mistake so thank you for pointing that out.
I had trouble writing the introduction on this one as well, but just say if you think something else may sound better. I hope this is as well liked as my previous poem.
The poem below was written during the time of the Dragonstorm by a young poet who is thought to have died during the disaster, he was unknown by name. It was found among the ruins of Voldar a short while after the Dragonstorm had subsided, the parchment was torn and the writing faded, not every word could be properly recovered and a couple of verses were lost but What could be saved was kept safely in respect of the many lives that were lost.
The Dragonstorm
A fountain of fire from the skies, A river of blood on the mountain side, Crowds of people to a pile of dust, The Dragonstorm does burn.
The eyes red as there victims' blood, The teeth stained a rotting yellow, Armoured flesh is dead and dark, The Dragonstorm does burn.
Feel the wrath of their blazing heart, Feel the fire of their burning lungs, Feel the teeth as poniards they seem, The Dragonstorm does burn.
Beware the light smouldering on life, The ash of so many - forever lost, The heartache of those who are not, The Dragonstorm does burn.
Vicious the beasts that crowd the clouds, An inferno that seems may never die, As life combusts into death, as do I, When the Dragonstorm does burn.