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1  Organization and General Discussions / Newbie Information, Joining Requests and Recruitment / Re: Soooo, I'm back. on: 16 June 2012, 15:07:59
Well, while the weather might not be to everyone's taste, at least we Europeans can watch the Euro these days :) And with that I don't mean the adventurous up and downs of our currency exchange rate (which is fascinating nevertheless), but rather the football championship. Keeps my evenings booked for now, so things are a bit slow from my side at the moment. Anyway: Viva España!
*Cough* Soccer. *Cough*

Less chat, more entries.

*drags Cruci to the noob cubicles in the basement and chains him to the desk*
I'm try-iiiiing. :( I'm not sure what to write about yet. TRRRRYY-IIIIIING.
*Clangs chains against desk*

You can either watch the Euro in abject horror, like the Greeks, in impotent fury at the carelessness of everyone else, like the Germans, or in gentle amusement at the whole thing until it destroys your foreign market, like the British.

And the currency's pretty messed up too...

Terrible Jokes
Because actually being funny is too much effort.
One day, the world will realise that I was right all along and they'll say, "Alas! Why hast we not abolished currency like the Great Jon say'd we shood?"
Their literacy and speaking skills will be terrible because MONEY RUINS EVERYTHING.
2  Organization and General Discussions / Newbie Information, Joining Requests and Recruitment / Re: Soooo, I'm back. on: 15 June 2012, 21:55:19
Well, you can keep your weather. I'll trade someone else for their summer. Maybe Arizona would be nice. :)
3  Organization and General Discussions / Newbie Information, Joining Requests and Recruitment / Re: Soooo, I'm back. on: 15 June 2012, 11:02:32
It's got to be hotter than the winter here, right? :(
4  Organization and General Discussions / Newbie Information, Joining Requests and Recruitment / Re: Soooo, I'm back. on: 14 June 2012, 18:34:35
Well, if it isn't Cruci! Welcome back! wave

Looks like while some are disappearing the a summer hole others just get out of there..  cool Aynway, I'm sure you've still some unfinished business left as far as I remember. Like the String Puppets entry - and probably some more. Well then, plunge right in, we want some finished entries!  grin
Woo! I don't know what that is off the top of my head, but I'll see what I can find!
Also, I don't know what you're talking about. Summer? It's Winter here down in Brisbane, and it's damn cold. You can give me your summer any time, my good man.

:D Welcome back Cruc.  Woo woo.  Great to see you around again.

Thanks for the comments on the troll pic. You are spot on.
(y) You're welcome, bro. Good art deserves good commentary.
5  Santharian World Development / Santharian Artists Workshop and Resources / Re: Mountain Troll Picture on: 14 June 2012, 18:33:21
That's more a criticism of my design than his execution of it.

So...

The claws are meant to be fairly short when held in comparison to the troll's overall size (3-6 inch claws on a 12 ft brute). The claws on this guy might be a little long, but I'm not entirely sure without a better idea of size in the picture.

As to rough, jagged, or even cracked: troll claws are meant to be made of pretty hard stuff. Trolls use their claws on each other (when mating, mostly...), so they have to be nearly indestructible to stand up to a troll hide.

And trolls don't have claws for toe nails. Just toe nails. :D
That statement gives an excellent idea of how coarse their hair must be (given that nails and hair are slightly different versions of the same keratin compound in humans), so that adds a whole new aspect to the accuracy of this image. The hair looks pretty coarse and straggly. I like that about the beard.
6  Santharian World Development / Santharian Artists Workshop and Resources / Re: Mountain Troll Picture on: 13 June 2012, 18:01:25
I'm liking this. It's wonderful. But this:

*The upper arm that is closest to us looks like it's oriented too far down to connect to the elbow off-picture. I can see that his shoulder isn't shown fully on-pic, but I'm taking this "criticism" from the orientation of the veins. They look like they're pointed down, but the elbow looks like it'd be just too far back.

*Those fingernails are creepy. Please make me less scared of them. :p

*The artist appears to have put a lot of effort into making those trees look like they fade into the distance. I.e. some of the further branches are lost in the fog. It gives the image a slight 3D effect. Even the troll's lip looks well-rounded and not just flat. But the tusk loses definition the further it goes up. Perhaps some darkening on one side of its point might make it look rounder?
Again, it's really just the top of the tusk, once it begins overlapping skin. Its base looks great.

*Second last thing: the troll's right hand (kind of pointing at us)? I can't see how it connects to his arm. The big limb bit on the other side of his arm looks too thick. I just can't make that out properly.

*Aaand, last but certainly not least, HOLY CRAP HIS NECK LOOKS AMAZING. I just noticed how well done that neck is. It is VERY well-defined.

Good stuff, altogether. Just a few things I thought I should point out.
7  Organization and General Discussions / Newbie Information, Joining Requests and Recruitment / Soooo, I'm back. on: 13 June 2012, 17:51:12
Oh hey there. Yes, you're looking at the one and only Cruciform.

It's been a damn long time since I was last here, and now I've got a bit of time and I'm starting to get into roleplaying fiction and stuff like that again. So I thought I'd drop in and get back to work if that's what's still on and poppin'.
8  Organization and General Discussions / Non-Santharian Stuff: Life, the Universe & Everything / Re: An Apology... on: 24 February 2011, 08:35:55
It's not a contradictory view. It's a "just in case I'm wrong about a god not being" view. I am most definitely supremely atheist, though.
9  Santharian World Development / Miscellaneous / Re: String Puppets on: 23 February 2011, 20:08:29
I'll take a look at the wording there, guys.

GAH! What would Rookie and Eldor say! Such ignorance! Please don't tell me you read the entry and still posted it like that.

From the Milken Entry Government and Diet respectively.

Yeah, (I do plan on him not being a real Helcrani) I think someone would still risk enslaving a few little people if they could, you know? People really are that evil.
10  Organization and General Discussions / Non-Santharian Stuff: Life, the Universe & Everything / Re: An Apology... on: 23 February 2011, 09:59:36
I'm a lovely mix of atheism, agnosticism, and pantheism. I don't believe in a god, but if one was to exist, I'd be of the opinion that it would be essentially synonymous with the universe.
11  Santharian World Development / Miscellaneous / Re: String Puppets on: 23 February 2011, 09:57:00
GAH! Dangnabbit!

Well, I'll see what I can do with that.
12  Santharian World Development / Miscellaneous / Re: String Puppets on: 22 February 2011, 17:49:04
Sounds cool, Cruci!

I don't know, what for you need the Brownies though... nimble fingers?

The only thing which I don't like is that the string puppet was invented only recently. I think that is something which should be far older - not the sophisticated versions, but the simple ones. Every parent can attach three strings to a puppet, be it one with a human shape or a bird  etc...

Not so much the nimble fingers, but more for the small fingers. They can fit into the small joints on the puppets and still tie knots, et cetera.

As for the recent nature of it, I mentioned specifically in the overview that it was first "officially" seen in 1658. There would have been other even more crude versions in the past, but the point is that this is the first time where it would have been seen as even more of an art form than as just a toy and I plan on mentioning that sort of thing in the History.
13  Santharian World Development / The Santharian Bestiary / Re: Oryx for Cruciform on: 22 February 2011, 17:35:27
Thanks for that. Got a bit on at the moment, but I'll take a good look at it a bit later.
14  Santharian World Development / Miscellaneous / String Puppets on: 22 February 2011, 07:55:38
NOTE: This is most definitely not a complete piece. I still need names, a Construction section and a Use section, and I need to confirm and write the history. While I do not doubt that a Helcrani merchant (or merchant pretending to be a Helcrani) could be evil enough to do what is said AND implied in the History notes I have, I need to know if the Milken Brownies would stand for enslavement or if they should just be paid really well in return for crap treatment. Opinions on that and anything else while I finish it off, please.
*As an aside, I've looked through the miscellaneous section and haven't found puppets or marionettes of any kind, so I've taken them for further use in a second entry I would like to use as soon as this one is as good as blarrowed. If there's any known problem with me "inventing" this so late in the timeline, please bring it up.


Overview
For thousands of years, children have had toys created in the shapes of all manner of creatures and races. These have ranged from pieces whittled from wood, or even rags stuffed with other materials which have then been sewn into their “human” shape.

By far, one of the most revolutionary of these toys is the “string puppet”. The puppet’s limbs are attached to strings which are manipulated via wooden toggles to make the puppet seem lifelike, allowing the manipulator to have the puppet act out any number of manoeuvres. It was first officially seen in New Santhala in late 1656 in the hands of <name pending> who seems to have invented it.

The history of the puppet before 1668 is what makes it all the more interesting however, as it holds an almost gruesome past for those who were entwined within its strings.

Description
In 1656 when the string puppet was first seen in the hands of <name pending>, it was a crude piece that worked well only because of the skill of its manipulator. it was rather flimsy and the strings that held its limbs wore multiple knots along their length, suggesting that they had been broken many times. However, its execution was amazing, being that it had been created by little more than a child who had no access to professional resources.

The torso and head of the doll were a single piece of wood, shaped to resemble a woman with an ample bosom, as the assumed creator’s sister was so inclined. It did not have a mass of detail; it had no face but for the one that was painted on it in white and black, and the neck was thick and round. The string that held the entire doll upright was tied around the neck several times and was attached at the other end to a wooden toggle that <name pending> would hold in her mouth when in use.

Each of the four limbs were held in place by a girdle of string around the torso that the limbs could be tied on to. The arms and legs themselves were single pieces bent slightly at the middle to simulate knees and elbows. At the “hands” and “feet” on these pieces, <name pending> had attached other pieces of string attached to wooden toggles that she used in her own hands. The left arm and leg of the doll was controlled by her left hand and the right arm and leg were controlled by her right hand.

The toggles for these limbs she held in between her thumb and forefinger for the arms and between her bottom two fingers for the legs. The strings themselves were ingeniously well-presented despite their shambling appearance. The young woman creator had somehow cut the strings to be the exact same length for each limb, and had provided sufficient length for the leg strings that her movement of the arm strings would not affect it aversely.

The final addition was a little rag dress, assumed to have been cut from the owner’s own clothes to cover up the string girdle.

Modern string puppets are almost infinitely better prepared. The head moves freely to the neck and is sufficiently detailed to look human or elven, or even dwarven depending on the puppet’s height and body structure. The original puppet is remembered at being not much over a fore in height, though modern creations are almost two fores tall if they are to depict humans, which are currently the most common in circulation.

The heads are painted with a face and have small ear-like appendages on the sides that can, again, be either human or elven. The torsos are built in male or female varieties, but the biggest achievement with the puppets is the successful elbow and knee joints used in its creation. The head and other limbs are attached to the torso via small metal eyelets which are tied on with strong woven string to allow almost complete freedom of movement, but in the joints, movement is restricted to human possibility.

The Brownies responsible for this do not share their secret, but say they did modify the eyelets they used so that the arms could not bend too far backwards and the legs could not bend too far forwards. When in use by a skilled partisan, these modern versions of the original string puppets look as though they are flowing in dance and all other kinds of movement.

Wooden toggles are no longer used to manipulate the doll, having been replaced by two wooden bars. The first of these bars holds the head string in the middle and the arm strings at each end. This bar is about half as long as the doll is tall. The legs, on the other hand, are attached to a bar that is held about a palmspan and a half above the other. The bar itself is as long as the legs of the doll.

Construction

Use

History
1656- first official sighting by Helcrani merchant in hands of homeless sisters. He woos them and takes them under his wing.
1657- being built more efficiently by the Helcrani merchant’s Milken Brownie slaves.
1658- puppet sisters disappear from the streets of New Santhala.
1660- puppet sisters return to streets of New Santhala, apparently no longer homeless. One is a better dancer, and then other is a better puppet master with better puppets. They advertise the opening of a puppet shop owned by Helcrani merchant.
1662- puppet sisters die mysteriously. The Helcrani merchant’s business continues to flourish as his Brownies find a way to make better knees and elbows for his puppets.
1664- merchant hires dancers and artists to learn to dance along with the puppets at public and private performances around New Santhala.
1667- Helcrani merchant dies of an illness. His shopkeeper finds the cage in which the merchant has been keeping his Brownie slaves. Some of them are dead. Shopkeeper writes a book entitled, “The Puppet Master: thirty years of horror”, detailing the terrible secrets of the Helcrani merchant’s life.
1668- only three copies of “The Puppet Master” are sold before the puppet store goes up in flames. The shopkeeper escapes with minor burns. He continues the legacy of The String Dancers and hires the Milken Brownie slaves as actual employees to travel with them.
1670- string puppets are sold out of the String Dancers caravan as it passes through its route through New Santhala, <other cities>.
15  Santharian World Development / The Santharian Bestiary / Re: The Ronotheyan Dragon on: 22 February 2011, 05:29:06
PLEASE NOTE: If it is in red, it is a comment of my own. Unlike usual, I won't be taking a look at grammar since this entry needs a fair touch of work. Instead, I'm attempting to help you understand and implement Valan's very extremely valid (sorry for the alliteration) points.

Changes I will mark with this teal color.


The Ronotheyan Dragon

Overview:

On highest parts of Ronoth (where or what is Ronoth? This is almost the very basis of the problem. Within five words of the beginning of the entry, you've referenced something that doesn't exist in Santharia and needs ANOTHER new entry. The major problem is that you make Ronoth sound like a continent) flies the creature of shadow (knowing that it's a flying creature, this word choice makes me think of this image: link). Making itself a home between the Carabery tree (again, an entity that doesn't exist. The only difference is that you're in the middle of writing this entry as well) and hunting the smaller and weaker creatures in the forest, it counts as the most dangerous creatures of Ronoth. The great kings used to hunt these creatures to prove their strength to the people, bringing them a blue orb as proof. The orbs are located on the heads of 200 year old Ronotheyan Dragons. (200 years old? Really? That's fairly old. As for the kings hunting them, that in itself makes it sound a little too special, and yet, it doesn't sound like a particularly dangerous feat)

Appearance:

The Ronotheyan Dragon is a creature with a serpent body and insect wings. It has four legs which it uses to hunt, more specifically for grabbing it's victims. Really, it hasn't much to do with a dragon, but it is just called so by the Ronotheyan. (1. This underlined sentence should be in the overview or researchers, perhaps. 2. It's not a dragon, so it's not a great idea to call it one. Native Americans are not Indians (and nor are they American), so it's not a good idea to call them Indian, you see?) The Ronotheyan Dragon can grow up to 2 peds, it wings are transparent and large. They have a slim body which is covered with scales. The scales are harder then iron (why?), people use them to create armors. They like shadowed and cold wet areas. They can live 400 years. They aren't able to fly high, they are keeping themselves in a height of 8 peds. They are very fast, in the forest practically invisible. (I underlined all of that because not a single bit of it has to do with appearance) The orb on their head is a symbol of the age of a Ronotheyan Dragon. The orb is a fore high and 1 palmspan and 5 Nailsbreadth wide (that's very specific. I'm sure "a bit over a fore" would be fine too). The tiny Dragons that have less then 50 years have a transparent orb like a glass or a crystal egg. After they reach 50 years their orb starts to change the color but only a little bit. It gets a light blue color but it isn't much visible. 150 years the orb starts to change it's color in a very strong blue color, but it will completely change into blue when the Ronotheyan Dragon reaches 200 years. This is the best orb until  the Ronothyan Dragon reaches 400 years and the orb changes into a shiny red color which is very rare.[/color]

Some Roniotheyan Dragons left the Forest of Ronoth a long time ago. They settled far away from the forest on many places. During the time many types of the Dragon were created, the Ronotheyan Dragon is one of them, but the only original (I honestly have no clue of what I'm supposed to take that to mean). Here are some specimens:

The Silver Dragon - Made it homes on the high mountains of Caelereth, it's habbit to live on the high mountains changes the color, the growth (now it is smaller) and the wings (small useless wings). It has got 2 new legs which help it to climb the mountains up. Also it has got a thicker and denser scale to survive the cold mountains. It is very tame and fearful. It eats only smaller creatures, like snakes and bugs.

 The Shade Dragon - Is preferring to live underground, the caves are it homes. This type changed much, but still it has the aggression of the original dragon, It is a little bit smaller, and it is colored black, it has got a sensible hearing and lost it's sight. It eats what it finds.

 The Air Dancer - Is a small but tricky, it prefers to live in smaller forests with a warm clime, it has got 4 wings and lost all legs, it can fly very fast and very long. It looks like a serpent now with wings. it eats only bugs.

(animals don't just leave their habitats and suddenly sprout extra limbs and adaptations. A real dragon might, but this creature is NOT a dragon. Speaking of which, since it's not a dragon and only called one by the "Ronotheyan", there's no reason for it to be called a shade dragon or silver dragon in areas the "Ronotheyan" do not inhabit)



Special Ability:

The special ability or the Ronotheyan Dragon is it's speed and it's silence, the victim doesn't know that the Dragon is above him and it could just grab the victim noiseless with it's 4 legs. (contrary to popular belief, wings are quite the opposite of silent. From what I can tell, it has big wings like a dragonfly's. Wings like that, being that they cannot glide, need to be in constant movement which MAKES SOUND. Also, why would it grab its victim with all four legs? Wouldn't two be enough?)

It is said that dragons (not the Ronotheyan) (please avoid parentheses in your entries) are immune to magic, here is another reason why the title "Dragon" has been given to the Ronotheyan Dragon. The orb on their head is able to absorb magic, but only once in the lifetime of the Dragon. The absorbed magic can be released by many ways. After a time the magic in the orb expires and the orb will be useless, also the orb losses its color. This can save the life of the Dragon. (I'd like to stamp this with something large that says, "No." but I won't. I will, however, tell you that it sounds like a very bad idea)

Territory:

The Ronotheyan Dragon lives in Ronoth, but it expands it territory more to the north of Ronoth. Also it can be found on many other territories in a other form. (again, Ronoth sounds like a continent or something. Ronoth does not exist)

Diet:

The Ronotheyan Dragon eats only meat. Everything that this beast can kill,  that will be the lunch (using the word "lunch" makes me giggle. Lunch is a human thing. "Meal" would be a better choice) of this beast. The Dragon prefers moving targets and likes to hunt them.

Habit/Behavior:

The Ronotheyan Dragon is very wild and aggressive, even to its progeny. They like cold shadowed places near water. They are used to hunt, even if they aren't hungry. The progeny of the Ronotheyan Dragon spends three months in the nest, after the three months have passed they are just interlopers in that nest. Sometimes, the progeny exorcise their own parents from their nests. They are always fighting and never give up, they like it to be stubborn.
(first of all, you use the term "progeny" too much here. Also, no, they don't "exorcise" their forebears. Exorcisms are performed by priests to remove demons from a person or a place. You don't exorcise your parents.

Mating:

The Ronotheyan Dragons have their own special season for this. When the feminine Dragon is ready, it will lie in the nest. The male Dragon will choose the perfect partner and get into the nest. Then the mating begins (how? Does the male mount the female? The point of this section is to tell us what actually happens. They seem to be reptile, so I assume they'd lay an egg. Speaking of which, you haven't mentioned whether it's a live birth or an egg. Et cetera, et cetera. This section needs work). After 22 hours the male Dragon will exit the nest, and bring as much food to the feminine Dragon for the next 3 months. After the young Dragons are born, the feminine Dragon will guard the nest as long as the male Dragon brings food.

Usage:

The scale of the Ronotheyan Dragon is harder then Iron, The people use them to create armors, boots and shields. Of course the orb of the Dragon is very valuable. It is used to decorate the royal tables of royal families, many royal families are looking for this orb it is a symbol of strength as the Ronotheyan said (what royal families? To me, it sounds like you're trying to implement an ENTIRE KINGDOM. Things do not work this way). The Ronotheyan used this orbs to create crowns of them, a golden crown with a Ronotheyan Dragon orb in the middle of the crown (aren't they, like, a fore wide? That'd be heavy and ridiculous).

The orbs are also a great magic absorber, the Ronotheyan used them to make Staffs. The legend tells that this orbs were used as power source to power great technologies... (that's a very unfriendly ellipsis. Are you going to complete that part?)


Researchers:

Researchers have found symbols on the skin of the Ronotheyan Dragons (under the scale), they are placed like a text but they have no meaning. The legend about the first Ronotheyan Dragon, the greatest one, called "Master Dragon", tells us about the death of it, that a young warrior has killed it and it's golden orb fall on the ground. But then the Master Dragon with last strength wrote a curse with it's blood on it's progeny, like symbols on their skin. The curse shall be the destruction of the warrior and everything what has to do with him.
(This is a very random and unnecessary addition)
[/size]

I'm going to suggest something wild here. Go to the bestiary section (we're in it), and take a look at the thread marked, "Need an idea or want to revise an entry?" Look through it. I very very HIGHLY suggest that you start out with an animal you like in that thread, write an entry on it, and work on something that isn't too groundbreaking. The problem with most of your entries, Perab, is that you're trying too hard to make something cool and unique that you're ignoring the need for it to be Santharian.

If you want to write your own fantasy world, nobody's going to stop you, but the fact remains that it can't exist within Santharia. Kudos to you for being unique, but uniqueness doesn't make an entry. The way it ties in is how an entry works, and this barely ties in to anything else Santharian. You've put it in a extra-fictional place (as in, fictional outside of Santharia). Even if it was in a Santharian place, you haven't even taken the time and effort to look for potential predators and prey. You've only said, "It'll eat anything it can that is made of meat."

Now, I know what I've said here has been harsh, and I'm sorry that they are that way, but that's just the crap end of the stick. You'll need to change an extremely large amount of what's in this entry in order for it to fit into Santharia. I stand by my suggestion that you go and find an animal entry that needs to be implemented since that will teach you a lot about referencing other Santharian works and it'll help you create ordinary creatures that are still unique.
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