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Author Topic: A Hawk (Fixed) Ready for Comments  (Read 3683 times)
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Tamz Silverleaf
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« on: 26 February 2006, 22:59:00 »

The Hound Hawk is a brave, strong, fast, and loyal hunter of the seas and scavenger of the lands in Nybelmar, Yanthian Gulf, and Aeruillin. This brave creature is loyal to his or her mate and to his or her master. Used by some Humans, as scouts and watchers at night because of its unique eye sight at night.

Description: A black Hawk, with a red beak, a red stripe which runs up in-between the dark brown eyes to the back of the head, The wing tips are ruby red, the tail itself has ruby red highlights, with small razor like teeth in their beaks.

The brighter red Hound Hawks are female and the darker red are male. The bright red colors of the female, are important when attracting a male companion to mate with in the spring and summer time.

Category: Animal, Small flying (Bird of Prey).
Scale: 5 feet wing span, 3 feet tall, foot long tail.

Found: Around the sea of the continent of Nybelmar, Yanthian Gulf, and the continent of Aeruillin . Vary rare to find the Hawks, nesting to deep in the regions. They mainly stay near the sea. Nesting in cliff sides and trees near the beaches.

Abilities: The Hound Hawk, has the ability to lift small creatures, like dogs, cats, sheep, and other small creatures.. Though it is easy for the Hound Hawk to swoop down and swipe up a meal, it is all because of the hawks strong muscles in its limbs, body, and wings that allow it to support the added weight.

The Hawks' uniqe eyesight not only helps it see fish near the surface of the sea, but also able to see dangers lurking at night. Because of a unkown reaction to one of the hawks favorit meals, the heighten eyesight of this brave hunter keeps it on its talons at all times, watching for danger.

General Info: The Hawks are often found flying over the sea far or near the shores, searching for it's next meal. It prefers barsa, jakécha, and nyjae fish, over any other meal.

They also form packs, with about four to five male and seven to nine females. The females stay near the nesting area, to watch over their eggs. The males fly out looking for food. The pack leader is the older male.

The Hawks do tend to challenge the pack Leaders for dominant spot of the pack. But rare does a younger Hound Hawk, mange to over throw the older more experienced males', mainly because a male that has more experience of being challenged by younger Hound Hawks, he has a greater chance of keeping the loyalty of the pack. But when a male is over thrown, the pack will probably abandon the male, leaving him to fend for himself.

Though it isn't hostile to people, it will attack anything that it feels to be a threat, that goes the same against dragons, golems, krakens, taurian, other hound hawks, and more.

Diet: The Hound Hawk, mainly lives off different types of Fishes, but is known to scavenge dead cats, dogs, sheep, horses, wargs, and wolfs. Even flying down from the air, to swoop up a baby cat, dog, sheep, wargs, and wolfs.

Though it is a Hunter, it will only scavenge if given the chance and given the right carcass. They are able to rip and tare the flesh from the bones, by the small sharp razor teeth in their mouths. Their mouths are not to big, so the Hound Hawk some times has to make round trips, not only to feed his mate, but himself, and even then would have to make even more trips to feed the chicks.

Breeding: The Hound Hawks, mate during Spring and Summer times around the beaches, cliffs, some times on top of rocks, cause of the weather being warmer, so the rocks tend to be warm to the touch. The females, who try to attract a mate, will lower their heads, spread their wings, and show the highlights of their tails. The males are more attracted to the brightest color of the females, because the brighter the color, the younger the female is.
The older females tend to lose their bright colors, and almost get confused for being a male Hound Hawk by people who capture them.

After the female has found a male, they will commit to each other with a small dance, in which they bow their heads to each other, then step in a circle with their heads still lowered. After the courtship dance, they mate, to produce around four to five eggs after three months.

Lore: Sailors making trips from far away lands, sung songs about the Hound Hawk. The words of "We shall travel far, for our meals, we shall travel fast for the hunt, we shall always bring back goods for our mate" reflects on the fact that the Hound Hawks do travel far at times for food, do use great speed to catch their food in the middle of the hunt, and also bring the food back to its waiting female and chicks.

Some sailors, villagers, and other people, believe the Hound Hawk, was made from a Phoenix, a great bird of fire born from the sun, though it is only a myth, Most people do believe in its tale of the Hound Hawks' creation and hope to one day fly along side it.

Research: Wizards, Mages, Scholars, Historians, and Arch Priest, have found that most Hunters, Warriors, Scouts, and Horsemen, will use a Hound Hawk as a scout or watcher at night. How such a creature is able to see at night puzzles the mind, but many don’t care how it is able to. All they know is it can.

Not much is known about this hunter of the seas and scavenger of the land, only that it can see at night, lift heavier objects then its own weight, carry items, and that it is a vary brave flyer.

Other use: The Hound Hawks', feathers are used for stuffing a pillow, decorating a head dress, used to make a cloak. During celebrations, the red feathers of the hawk when worn as a head dress, symbolize the strength, speed, and valor of the Hound Hawk.

Hound Hawks that are captured and brought up as pets or some kind of servant, are used to deliver letters, scrolls, and the muscles in its sleek body, even allow the Hawk, to bring a sword, bow, mace, or staff, to its master. Even a thief is known to use the Hawks swift speed and great strength, to steal treasures from palaces, villages, caravans, and places.

The Hound Hawks' other name "Winged Servant" is given to it, because of those deeds it does. Traveling far for food to bring to its mate, keeping a watchful eye for danger, committing deeds of great strength, or deeds of theft. Committed to whoever it serves.

Though it is and always will be a hunter and scavenger of food to its own kind or servant and helper to its owner..

Edited by: Tamz Silverleaf at: 3/1/06 4:46
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Decipher Ziron
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« Reply #1 on: 27 February 2006, 03:58:00 »

I'm no expert by any means but I think you need alot more detail. Check the How to do beastiary entries thread. Nice idea though, quite creative.

EDIT: Here's a link  

Edited by: Decipher Ziron at: 2/26/06 10:59
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Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #2 on: 27 February 2006, 13:57:00 »

Why Do you sometimes Make capital letters For no Apparent reason, TamZ?  :p  - Quite irritating, especially at the other post in the tribe Forum!

Don't know where your bay is located, should be in this world at any rate!

Also what's this: "The Hound hawks stare spellbound by the Redness of the sky, remembering that Phoenix which made them, what they are Today." - Make sure to stay true to this world, which means: Know what the phoenix is and what it isn't etc. - you can have mythical explanations or a legend you put into a Myth/Lore section (see the template Decipher mentioned), though, but you cannot describe things as facts if the phoenix is mythical, you know.


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« Reply #3 on: 27 February 2006, 14:03:00 »

Yes, please use the template for creating an entry.

As already stated, it is a good start with some nice ideas, but needs a lot more detail.  Also, a bit more proof reading before you submit an entry would be nice.  Makes it easier to read.  If English is not your first language don't worry.  There are many who can and will help out in that regard.

Again, nice start and hope to see this filled out more in the future.


In this life the old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, and the young know everything. —Anonymous

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Tamz Silverleaf
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« Reply #4 on: 27 February 2006, 19:40:00 »

By the way, When and or If this "A Hawk" is acceptable to everyone. how many more ideas will i need to give to know if im on the Dream Team :) ?

Edited by: Tamz Silverleaf at: 2/28/06 2:45
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Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #5 on: 28 February 2006, 16:50:00 »

Always make sure to edit your first post if you update entries, or people might look at the wrong post in order to give comments, Tamz. Should you have problems to stay logged in, then look here.

Oh, and it helps working through the section in the order they are mentioned in the template and use the same names.

Finally there are still a bunch of words with irritating capital letters, maybe we can reduce that some more, then we can take a closer look here! ;)  


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"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Tamz Silverleaf
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« Reply #6 on: 01 March 2006, 14:37:00 »

Alright, Finally, after all this time of me being stupid. I think I have finally fixed my hawk idea :number1   My Hawk rests in your Noble minds and rests only on hopes of the freedom to fly through the Dream even more.

After this, Im going to work on a flower or another beast. Till this is done and everyone likes it or somthing. I will keep working on this.

If you think i need to add somewhere, please let me know where.

Edited by: Tamz Silverleaf at: 3/1/06 2:22
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Bard Judith
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« Reply #7 on: 02 March 2006, 21:41:00 »

Tamz:

It needs quite a bit of rewriting, but it has promise.  I've done the first part to demonstrate what could be done with this bestiary entry - my revisions are done in yellow, while comments are in orange.  Whatever is still in white is unchanged or your original.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HOUND HAWK: Hound Hawk, Coast Hawk,  Ruby Merlin


Overview: The Hound Hawk is a fast and loyal hunter of the seas and scavenger of the land in Nybelmar, the Yanthian Gulf, and Aeruillin. This brave creature is faithful to its mate and loyal to its master. It is used by some human tribes as a scout or watcher because of its unique eye sight at night.

Appearance:

The bird is a large black hawk with red trim.  Its body is about a fore long, not counting the two handspans of tail, while its wingspan is nearly a ped and a half.
(all sizes and measurements MUST be in Santharian units.  Also, the size given is unrealistic for a fast hawk, so I’ve scaled it down a bit.) The body is norsidian, shaded to charcoal grey on the breast.  The wing tips are ruby red, while the tail itself has ruby red highlights.  The face is narrow, with a long, hooked red beak.  There is a red stripe along its face which runs up in between the dark brown eyes to the back of the head, giving it an even more focused, mad look than the average bird of prey.   Small, razor-sharp serrations running along each side of the beak give the hawk great cutting power to shred flesh from its prey.

(shape of the tail?  Legs, feet and claws?  Talons also a bright red? How about the plumage and the important wing feathers?  Shape of the wing, which is very important to defining a type of predator? )

Female Hound Hawks have brighter red, ruby tones in their plumage and trim, while the darker, dried-blood red shades are found on the males.   The bright red colors of the female are important when attracting a mate in the spring and summer time.

Special Abilities:

The Hound Hawk can attack and even carry off small creatures such as dogs, cats, kuatu, lambs, and cubs of various species.  It is easy for the bird to swoop down and sweep up a meal because of the strong muscles in its limbs, body, and wings that allow it to support the added weight.  However, its most common prey is fish, and red meat is a rare part of its diet.

The hawk’s unique eyesight not only helps it see fish near the surface of the sea, but also able to see dangers lurking at night.


Because of a unknown reaction to one of the hawk’s favorite meals, the heightened eyesight of this brave hunter keeps it on its talons at all times, watching for danger. (I have no idea what the first part of this sentence has to do with the second part.  They seem completely logically unconnected…)


Territory/Habitat:

Around the seas of the continent of Nybelmar, the Yanthian Gulf, and the continent of Aeruillin . It is very rare to find these hawks inland, even flying too deeply in those regions, as they mainly stay near the sea, nesting in cliff sides and tall trees along the coast.

Behavior:

These hawks are often found flying over the sea, far or near the shores, searching for their next meal.

They also form packs, with about four to five male and seven to nine females. The females stay near the nesting area, to watch over their eggs. The males fly out looking for food. The pack leader is the older male.  (‘pack’ is exclusive to canines, and possibly felines.  It is rarely, if ever, used for a group of birds except in contempt – a ‘pack of gulls’, for example.  Try ‘flock’, ‘quarrel’, ‘cast’, or check out www.vigay.com/nouns/birds.html for a marvelous list of collective nouns, and inspiration!)

The Hawks do tend to challenge the pack Leaders for dominant spot of the pack. But rare does a younger Hound Hawk, mange to over throw the older more experienced males', mainly because a male that has more experience of being challenged by younger Hound Hawks, he has a greater chance of keeping the loyalty of the pack. But when a male is over thrown, the pack will probably abandon the male, leaving him to fend for himself.  (again, not likely as this is not really typical bird behaviour.  Concentrate on the ‘hawk’ part rather than the ‘hound’ part of your name!)

Though it isn't hostile to people, it will attack anything that it feels to be a threat, that goes the same against dragons, golems, krakens, taurian, other hound hawks, and more.  (Sorry, completely unrealistic.  A bird has no chance against a dragon.  Why is a golem even in this list?  A kraken wouldn’t bother with a bird peck, if it were even on the surface to be bothered.  Taurians are mythical, and completely out of this bird’s given territory anyhow….)

Diet:

The Hound Hawk, mainly lives off different types of Fishes, but is known to scavenge dead cats, dogs, sheep, horses, wargs, and wolfs. Even flying down from the air, to swoop up a baby cat, dog, sheep, wargs, and wolfs.  Though it is a Hunter, it will only scavenge if given the chance and given the right carcass. They are able to rip and tare the flesh from the bones, by the small sharp razor teeth in their mouths. Their mouths are not to big, so the Hound Hawk some times has to make round trips, not only to feed his mate, but himself, and even then would have to make even more trips to feed the chicks.

Try this:
Mainly fish, with some red meat when it hunts over land.  It prefers barsa, jakécha, and nyjae fish to other types, and will choose light-meated prey (such as taenish or garthook birds) over more red-blooded animals.  It also prefers fresh meat to carrion, but has been known to scavenge recent kills or even abandoned carcasses.

When feeding his young, or his brooding mate, the male Hound Hawk often has to make a number of trips back and forth, carrying strips of meat in his sharp-edged beak.
(Actually, why would he bother, when you’ve said he’s large enough to pick up his prey and carry it right to the nest?  Hmmm….)


I haven't edited anything from this point onwards.  Hope that the above comments and critiques are helpful to give you a sense of direction and can provide a guide for continuing to improve and polish this entry, Tamz!  Let me encourage you to keep editing - patience and hard work are just as important for a quality entry as the initial creative inspiration.  Regards,   Bard Judith





Mating:

The Hound Hawks, mate during Spring and Summer times around the beaches, cliffs, some times on top of rocks, cause of the weather being warmer, so the rocks tend to be warm to the touch. The females, who try to attract a mate, will lower their heads, spread their wings, and show the highlights of their tails. The males are more attracted to the brightest color of the females, because the brighter the color, the younger the female is.
The older females tend to lose their bright colors, and almost get confused for being a male Hound Hawk by people who capture them.

After the female has found a male, they will commit to each other with a small dance, in which they bow their heads to each other, then step in a circle with their heads still lowered. After the courtship dance, they mate, to produce around four to five eggs after three months.


Usages:

The Hound Hawks', feathers are used for stuffing a pillow, decorating a head dress, used to make a cloak. During celebrations, the red feathers of the hawk when worn as a head dress, symbolize the strength, speed, and valor of the Hound Hawk.

Hound Hawks that are captured and brought up as pets or some kind of servant, are used to deliver letters, scrolls, and the muscles in its sleek body, even allow the Hawk, to bring a sword, bow, mace, or staff, to its master. Even a thief is known to use the Hawks swift speed and great strength, to steal treasures from palaces, villages, caravans, and places.

The Hound Hawks' other name "Winged Servant" is given to it, because of those deeds it does. Traveling far for food to bring to its mate, keeping a watchful eye for danger, committing deeds of great strength, or deeds of theft. Committed to whoever it serves.

Though it is and always will be a hunter and scavenger of food to its own kind or servant and helper to its owner..


Lore:

Sailors making trips from far away lands, sung songs about the Hound Hawk. The words of "We shall travel far, for our meals, we shall travel fast for the hunt, we shall always bring back goods for our mate" reflects on the fact that the Hound Hawks do travel far at times for food, do use great speed to catch their food in the middle of the hunt, and also bring the food back to its waiting female and chicks.

Some sailors, villagers, and other people, believe the Hound Hawk, was made from a Phoenix, a great bird of fire born from the sun, though it is only a myth, Most people do believe in its tale of the Hound Hawks' creation and hope to one day fly along side it.

Research:

Wizards, Mages, Scholars, Historians, and Arch Priest, have found that most Hunters, Warriors, Scouts, and Horsemen, will use a Hound Hawk as a scout or watcher at night. How such a creature is able to see at night puzzles the mind, but many don’t care how it is able to. All they know is it can.

Not much is known about this hunter of the seas and scavenger of the land, only that it can see at night, lift heavier objects then its own weight, carry items, and that it is a vary brave flyer.

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Tamz Silverleaf
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« Reply #8 on: 22 March 2006, 18:15:00 »

Okay thank you. Oh just a small question.

Why do the whole breeding deal in our beast ideas? just a small question.

PS: Sorry, I'v been busy with school, so not much time to work on my Hawk, but now I have time, so I will get to work ASAP.

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Miraran Tehuriden
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« Reply #9 on: 29 March 2006, 15:05:00 »

We do the breeding section because it gives you a place to tell about mating rituals, mating times, how many offspring is produced, how they are raised, etc etc...

-Words to Worlds-

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Avrah Kehabhra

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