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Author Topic: Ter'ei'Vikh, people of the Drifting Woods - completed - Yes, they're hippies...  (Read 13744 times)
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Miraran Tehuriden
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« Reply #30 on: 13 November 2007, 06:09:05 »

edits made.. *eagerly awaits the rest..*
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« Reply #31 on: 16 November 2007, 06:54:29 »

Ok, time is sparse (should get better this weekend, though), but let's continue here a bit:

- The "Vikh is indeed a bit unusual - this should really be explained, as at the moment one doesn't understand it.

People.
- Corrections:
Quote
While one voice will cause no more than the mildest of effects, the spell-songs' power can be enhanced tremendously as more

Quote
Another story, in this case most likely no more than a myth, speaks of the cold that followed the Breaking

- The magic powers of these singers of course is only touched upon here, so details are sparse. The nature of theis magic could be explained a bit more, e.g. if it is primarily used for healing, altering environment, things like that - as it seems to require a good deal of time, and people to be truly effective, so the purpose of using this kind of magic would need to be adjusted to that.

- When you speak about "Another story, in this case most likely no more than a myth speaks of the cold that followed the Breaking," you should mention that this refers to what Sarvonians understand as the Year of Darkness and give a date (I assume that this is right), in order to help making connections.

- Lowercase writing here - only places (proper names) should be written with capitals letters:

Quote
They favour the most durable materials such as te'an, marsh oak and waterfruit for their creation

- Also to fix

Quote
An interesting fact is that only one in five of these children is female.

Quote
which means "Outcast" (past tense of "cast" is "cast" as well)
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Miraran Tehuriden
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« Reply #32 on: 17 November 2007, 02:45:46 »

Quote
   Overview
The Ter'ei'Vikh, often shortened to "Vikh, are a reclusive tribe of humans

Can't see how to make this more obvious, its right there in the first line of the entry..

everything else; fixed!
« Last Edit: 17 November 2007, 02:55:19 by Miraran Tehuriden » Logged

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« Reply #33 on: 17 November 2007, 02:54:10 »

The question is: What does this sign mean? Why must it be there? As this isn't standard Tharian writing, it needs to be explained.
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« Reply #34 on: 17 November 2007, 22:36:23 »

Worldview and Beliefs.
- Corrections:
Quote
This might be heavily influenced by the fact that their main deity is the Moon Spirit Vikthi who is held responsible for the cycle of death and rebirth the "Vikh have observed in their woods, where each death leads to new life.

Quote
and have in the past fought to the bitter end to fulfill their duty during the war against the invading Morchini.


- This sentence doesn't make sense:
Quote
This is, amongst others illustrated by the tides, and the waxing and waning of the moon itself.


Housing.
- Corrections:
Quote
There are only two exceptions to this practice.


Quote
...this is the site of nearly all interaction between Ter’ei’Vikh and outsider traders.

Quote
such as marsh oaks and te’an trees (see also such names e.g. under Food)

Quote
... usually combining a home and a garden in one single structure. Architecture appears to be an unknown form of art (at least I assume so) in the Drifting Woods. Homes are usually more or less spherical, with more bulbous 'growths (to have a ' or not to have a ' ios the question) added as a family grows,


Clothing.
- Corrections:
Quote
This image is deceitful though, for the fabrics used are, usually, incredibly durable and effective.

Quote
... while the strangling vine, a notorious tool of the Ter'ei'Vikh, yields a much tougher,

Quote
It goes without saying that these craftsmen, or, in fact craftswomen as like in many artistic occupations, the female Ter'ei'Vikh seem to dominate the field. (The way this sentence is written the meaning goes overboard instantly. Maybe you want to say that: It goes without saying that these craftsmen dominate the field. Or, more precisely, craftswomen are prevalent, as is the case with many artistic occupations among the Ter'ei'Vikh.)

Quote
It is most often a simple, sleeveless long shirt, with a leather, or woven-vine sash around the waist

Suggest to split this sentence up in two:
Quote
Another common form of clothing, again radiating simplicity, despite the fact it has probably been perfected for thousands of years, is the 'Turei', a single piece of cloth a little over a fore wide, wrapped three times around the waist and secured by the ubiquitous sash, worn by men and women alike despite the ridicule of Outsiders at the Gates of M'aghin, who have taken on the habit of speaking of the men wearing a turei as 'she' and 'her', probably due to the skirt-like appearance.


Quote
There are dozens of different materials and colours in use,


Food.
- Corrections:
Quote
Other creatures regularly hunted for their meat are...

Weapons.
- Corrections:
although their knowledge of the jungle's venoms and poisons can make even the most innocent looking object

Quote
A very peculiar weapon is the so-called 'Vine Jar',

Occupations.
- Corrections:
have specialised in trading with the Faen and Morchini outsiders, through the intermediation of the Tehuriden translators.

Still more to follow!
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« Reply #35 on: 17 November 2007, 22:50:15 »

Wouldnt it be easier for you to just insert colored commands in a "reply with quote" reply? *shrugs* anyway, implementing these in a few hours, dont want to get so caught up in them that i miss my appointment at the barber, its a month and a half overdue already :P
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« Reply #36 on: 18 November 2007, 01:30:43 »

Aaand they're up!
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« Reply #37 on: 19 November 2007, 03:53:48 »

Well, I didn't think there'd be a lot of changes, so I started off with simple quotes whenever I saw a little problem. But as the entry turned out to be pretty long, it is quite natural that there are some more corrections that need to be made. So yeah, could have done it differently as well, but I'm gonna follow through now as started:

- Don't forget that " explanation (e.g. in your Dictionary)

Production/Trade.
- Corrections:
Quote
Among the Ter'ei'Vikh () no currency has even been developed

Here present tense is recommendable, as this is still ongoing and you continue in present tense at the next part of the sentence anyway:
Quote
This poses several problems for those merchants from outside the Drifting Woods that do business with the "Vikh, as it means hauling large amounts of items across the plains to ensure being able to trade
I also would suggest to make a full stop here and continue with ("This problem is even greater..."), the sentence continues and gets rather long-winded.

Quote
... the form of the Soéliveche, or "Deep Mer", a kind of merfolk that roams beneath the woods. In various locations throughout the area, usually in a starwell (are such starwells explained somewhere properly?) not occupied by large Phaert,

Quote
This states that at all nights, at least one Harmony (while mentioned briefly above, a tad of a hint would be good, it's easy to forget what you mean) will be available at the starwell beneath Mûn'ti, and a few other locations, to offer healing to any Mer who needs it. In return, the Mer bring the "Vikh one of the more important products of the Drifting Woods: a special mold, which - when added to the local soil - causes explosive growth

Natural Resources.
- Corrections:
Quote
There is a multitude of fruits, herbs, and spices () to be harvested, and combined with an nigh-endless amount of fish and many useful or edible creatures, maintaining a food supply is rarely, if ever, a problem.


- "the modern-day Ter'ei'Vikh are always" sounds very, well, 21st century, doesn't it?

Holidays, Festivals and Observances.
- Corrections:
No subject/verb in this sentence:
Quote
Ranging from simple habits such as setting a lantern outside your door on a new moon night, to great gatherings such as the First Moon night, which usually occurs somewhere during the first half of the month of Melting Ice, when they celebrate the anniversary of the first moonlit night.


Quote
when runners travel from each community to its nearest neighbour, ... . Once they arrive, they are the guests of honour in that night's communal meal.


------------

Okeydokey, History I will add to the general Nybelmarian timeline as usual, the Dictionary will be added at the bottom of the entry for development reference as you say, just as we have it e.g. at the Ulvur.

The entry of course is rock solid and was surely quite a while in the making, or has lots of ideas in it that have grown over time, and that clearly shows. Where I have a few difficulties is to picture exactly to what degree the Ter'ei'Vikh are "civilized" compared to other tribes that live in regular cities, as there are various elements mixed in here, and "modern" Ter'ei'Vikh obviously already produce "steel knives, tin plates, and metal or stone basins". On the other hand they seem to be dominated a great deal by not so secular things like magic and religion and it seems that these non-secular things have priority over everything else. So maybe you can add a line here or there in the people section to make that clearer what's the most important aspect of Ter'ei'Vikh life. That could also be mentioned a bit more clearly in the Overview. I've missed that a bit, though of course if you read through such long entries it might happen that you overlooked something here and there.

At any rate: This entry is definitely good to go from my side - if the other Nyberlmar guys see no problem with it, I have no objections either - quite to the contrary: I welcome having this important tribe, that has been hinted at already in various other entries, finally done, especially as it is realized with fresh ideas that make the tribe very unique! Once the edits are finished, I suggest to blarrow it! Woo-hooo! :D  thumbup
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Miraran Tehuriden
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« Reply #38 on: 19 November 2007, 03:57:06 »

Yay! Making edits after dinner (my my what a productive day we're having, with both this entry  and the Inami scetch for nybelmar)
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"The whole POINT of Nybelmar is that no one has any idea whats going on, overly long entries keep it that way." - Decipher Ziron
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