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Author Topic: The Rivermaids  (Read 11362 times)
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Miraran Tehuriden
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« Reply #15 on: 14 December 2006, 05:25:14 »

If, and that is a big IF indeed, i manage to finish my homework tonight (i have to draw a garden.. ugh, such hassle) i will do another detailed commentary. The herbarium commentary had prevalence, so i finished that first, leaving little room for more than brief messages inbetween my curse-at-stupid-drawing-program time.. (that and my tremendous lack of expertise)
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"The whole POINT of Nybelmar is that no one has any idea whats going on, overly long entries keep it that way." - Decipher Ziron
Mina
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« Reply #16 on: 14 December 2006, 22:55:57 »

Uri-check finally completed!  Comments in plum, as usual. 

Overview

Rivermaids or 'ál'már yón' Maybe ál'már'yón?  I'm not sure how styrásh works though.   with their elven name This phrase sounds awkward to me.  Something like "as they are called in Styrásh" would be better.  are the small smaller? sisters of the mermaids living in all rivers of the Sarvonian continent where the winters are not too extreme, so that there is always some streaming water left and the creeks are not frozen to the ground. Though closely related to the mermaids, they show nevertheless some differences. All seem to be female, at least the gender cannot be distinguished. In contrary contrast to their sea born Hmm...'seaborne' is the correct term, I think, though I'm not sure.  relatives, they are able to hibernate during the cold period in areas where ice covers the open water. They are sentient as well, but many claim that they are not as intelligent as the merfolk.  Deleted a couple of commas that seemed out of place. 


Appearance

The Rivermaids are beautiful. All individuals are looking splendid; This sounds a little odd to me.  "All individuals look splendid" sounds more correct. even those who seem to be near the end of their lives have still a beguiling aura about them: Perfect bodies, enchanting faces, slender limbs, small but well rounded breasts, and a grace when moving. Too many semicolons where there should be commas instead.  Semicolons are, IIRC, used to connect two statements that can't be joined by just a comma, but which are too close to really separate into two sentences.  Also, I'm not sure, but adding an adjective before 'grace' should make it sound more natural.  That makes them a joy to observe and their pulchritude is rarely surpassed by any other living creature.

They are mostly much smaller than their sea sisters, from as tiny as a Brownie till up to four fores in length, depending on the size of the rivulet or great stream they live in.

As the merfolk "Like the Merfolk", I think.  the Rivermaids are humanoid above the waist down a tail similar to a dolphune, but with two symmetrical flukes only. They share the gills, glands, fins and all other bodily characteristics with the mermaids (described in the merfolk entry). Their coloration however is different, dependant on their surrounding; the Rivermaids can partly camouflage and adapt their colours to the ground of the rivers they are inhabiting. People believe that their true colour can be seen only when they come out of their rivers and creeks to rest and play on boulders in the middle or at the rim of the water. Then, their delicate upper bodies show a creamy white colour. The very young ones often shimmer in a slight turquoise shade, Here's the sort of situation you should have a semicolon instead of a comma.  they seem to have a nearly translucent skin and their copper blood Hmm...copper blood as in copper based blood (which would be green, IIRC), or copper-coloured blood?  may shimmer through. Their tails come in all colours, from green to blue to a golden brown hue, but it is always somehow speckled, either tone in tone, but also with contrasting colours. Sometimes the hues of the tails varies during their rest above the waters. Common folks believe that the Rivermaids do it for fun, for a cheerful chitter chatter can be heard when the colour of such a tail has changed dramatically in a short time.

Their hair is very long, cascading down their backs when sitting on the river boulders; when they swim it is floating floats around them like a lofty dress, often reaching down to their flukes. It has at most times a dark hue, be it brown or nearly black. However, for it is always wet, the true colour can not be defined clearly. There are only some small populations which have fair hair, mostly found north of the Tandalas.

A Rivermaid in the water is hard to describe. Only when the light is right and the place of the observer chosen well, Rivermaids can be seen swimming "can Rivermaids be seen..." , hunting and playing. Most of the time the skin of upper body and tail take on the colour of the surrounding. Especially in smaller rivers or creeks, they are able to hide perfectly, their skin taking on the most effective colours: the  greys of the pebbles on the ground are displayed; the greens of water plants can be observed; the irisdescent white of a waterfall admired. The only hint an observer may get is the floating hair which needs longer to adapt to the surrounding. However, when they choose to come out of the water all those fabulous colours can be seen till the skin of the upper body has taken on the creamy white described already. 

This beauteousness beauty?  has caused the many stories about Rivermaids who seduced human men. However, most people who are telling those stories have rarely seen nor or closely met a Rivermaid. Of course they are enchanting, but everybody who was allowed to come close enough to admire the pretty faces and to see the sweet beginning of a smile knows that any seduction ends as soon as they open their mouth to a full smile or even laughter. For then their conical formed, sharp white teeth in all their horrible splendour is displayed and they have persuaded every young want-to-be This term...doesn't sound right.  People normally say 'wannabe'; I don't think it has a formal version.  For something more formal, perhaps 'aspiring' would work.  lover of a Rivermaid to quickly disappear. Many young farm boys had to encounter these teeth as well when they - what very rarely happens - managed to catch one of the smaller varieties.  How about stories about the rivermaids seducing men and then er...eating them or something like that?  I mean, that sounds exactly like the sort thing someone who sees the teeth might believe.  They might well think that they were the lucky ones who got away, and that many others must have fallen prey to the rivermaids.   

As the sharp teeth  are used to tear a fish apart, so are their equally sharp fingernails good for catching and holding onto a slippery meal. This should perhaps be joined with the previous paragraph. 

There is one strange study everyone can proof who observes Rivermaids Not sure what this statement is supposed to mean.  -  all living in a certain area are looking somehow look similar. It is very difficult to tell two apart who have chosen to display the same colour of on their tails. One might have a scar from a hunting accident or lost some hair somewhere - the faces and bodies look as if they were identical, like a group pair of "twins". This appearance changes if one travels up the  river or to the next stream, but there the same is valid: You will find a group which shares the overall look.


Territory

Rivermaids are found in all streams, rivers and creeks of Sarvonia which have a running water and don‘t freeze to the ground in winter. Those who live in the great streams tend to be taller. The biggest with over one ped have been seen near Vezash in  the Thaehelvil river. This sounds odd.  How about "The biggest, at over a ped in length, are found near Vezash in the Thaehelvil river"?  The smallest ones, which have only the height of a Brownie live in creeks and even rivulets. As long as the water is fast streaming and clear, you can be sure, that a tiny Rivermaid is hiding somewhere. They are only rarely  found in still waters, like lakes and very slow flowing rivers. Those are most times looking "Those usually look..." ill and miss lack the radiance their sisters display.


Mode of Living

Rivermaids are the epitome of a live in clover, Erm, I'm not sure what you mean.  I don't think that is an English expression.  they seem to be able to enjoy their life without ever having to work for it. All they do looks as if it is done effortlessly, even hunting - and what else do they have to do to sustain their living?  Bathing, chasing and grooming each other, chattering while outside the water, their life seems an endless play.

There seems to be a certain rhythm in their daily life though. In the early morning, about daybreak, they leave the sheltered places where they stay overnight and go hunting for a fish or two, taking some Lémertía with them and hop on a bolder in the stream or near the rim bank?  . The plant or fish is quickly eaten and then the grooming begins. It is mainly their hair which they tend to, combing it with the fingers and finally adorning it with some plants. At times even wreaths out of the flowering waterstar are made and either set on the head or worn around the neck or whatever bodyparts suits them.
 
These times out of water occur regularly over the day in areas where it is possible. If there are no boulders or rocks available, the Rivermaids just float on the surface of the water. However, to prevent that their body temperatures rise too high, "to prevent their body temperature from rising too high..." direct sunlight is avoided. So they have spend?  extended periods out of the water in the morning or late evening, when Injèrá‘s rays have lost their power or they seek shady places. On hot days they may stay in the water the whole day. After they have relaxed they glide back in the water, to go hunting again, alone or in groups, or just chase each other in their wet element.

Sometimes they dance. There is no other way to describe it. Especially in places where a river widens to a pond like near Baveras' shrine in the Toran Creek or wherever there is enough space, a ballet of ethereal quality can be observed - if the conditions are right. Normally it is hard to see, with the reflections of the sun on the water surface, but there are a few reports where individuals of other races were allowed to join in their dance - or at least to observe it underwater. The probably most renown case is that of Ansird of Necoma, who was able to describe such a dance due to the special device he had developed (see more under researcher).

However, closer research has shown, that this easiness ease of life comes with a price. The Rivermaids live from day to day. There is no gathering or keeping a meal for the next day. They eat and when they are satisfied, they stop. And when the food should become rare out of any reasons for any reason, they may might find not enough to feed on. Especially in areas which are heavily populated (with other races, but mostly humans ), it can well occur it may well be that they have to compete for the resource fish. Though a Rivermaid will find a fish where no human fisher would succeed, it might be not enough.


Housing

These people of the rivers and streams don‘t do not build homes to live in like we do in houses, no places to raise their young like the birds or other animals, Start new sentence here.  what they construct is a kind of cage out of anything they might find in the rivers or near the rim bank of streams: the branches of the willows hanging in the water; any bendable branches and twigs of shrubs growing near a creek, waterplants long and tough enough to withstand tearing teeth, even an occasional Baveras' refuge might find the appreciation of the taller Rivermaids.

These cages allow the water to pass freely, but they are build built tight enough so that no bigger predator can harm those who sleep inside. Their form depends on the material used for building it.  Sometimes they are anchored at the bottom of the stream or at the water-touching branches of a willow. Very rarely, the entrances of underwater caves are blocked by a construction similar to the cages.


Clothing

Those These women don‘t need clothes; their bodies are adapted to the places they live in. They love however to grace themselves decoratively with whatever they find: long green strands of the flowing waterpine; wreaths made out of the waterstar,  any cheap jewels humans may have given them in the attempt to allure them to come closer.


Diet

Fish, crabs, any animal which can be found in the rivers serves as a meal, but in addition, waterplants are on their menu as well, though here they are more choosey. They seem to know the properties of special plants, for they have been seen to put special plants on scars and wounds which intercepted blooding. stop bleeding? 

There is one way how to win the heart of a rivermaid - bring her some freshly picked salad! Then one might be even might even be allowed to get as near as it is needed to throw it towards her. But one has to be careful to know which kind the Rivermaid prefers, otherwise you might see it flying back towards you.  Flowers are welcome as well - as a nice meal! This practice of trying to tame the Rivermaids with by providing them with greenery not growing in the water is quite dangerous though, for there are many plants which are poisonous for to them.


Weapons

The Rivermaids have three effective weapons: their teeth, their fingernails and their tail, with which they can hit very hard.  But they use tools as well,  e.g.  sticks or straight branches to fend off attackers. Not so however advanced weapons as spears as one would think would be the next step from using a staff-like equipment.  I don't understand this last sentence.  Do you mean that they use spears, or that they do not? 



Family, Society and Culture

There is nothing such as a basic family with mother-father-child in the Rivermaid‘s society. If a stream or creek is big enough to support many Rivermaids, they live in groups, sometimes up to thirty individuals, including all children, which make up about  two thirds of the group. In smaller rivulets or in wells a single Rivermaid or just two can be found as well. These solitary individuals however are very shy and are seldom discovered. Ansird of Necoma claims, that there exist much more Rivermaids than one would expect, for those who live solitary just don‘t show up to protect themselves - a theory which has still to be proven.

Nobody has ever watched how a Rivermaid was born. Closely observed groups just had another additional child with them of the size of an adult‘s hand. They are breast-fed by every adult of the group till they have approximately doubled their size.  There exists no mother-child relation, every adult looks after every child - if at all. Rivermaid children are well capable to look after themselves quite capable of looking after themselves from the first day of their life. The breast-feeding just seems to give them a better start and it is probably not milk what that they get. They don‘t look like human or elven children with their unproportional big disproportionately large heads and other juvenile features, they are just the tiny images of their grown-up sisters. Therefore it is impossible to distinguish between an adult of one of the smaller varieties and a child of the bigger ones.

Rivermaids are a lively folk, New sentence or semicolon here.  they chitter-chatter and sing their strange songs, they laugh, they seem to be very friendly beings once one has won their trust. But despite all of this these researchers claim that they show no true emotion, that they don‘t have feelings like the other sentient races do. If a member of the group is in danger through from a bigger predator, they will come to help to chase it away. But if there is no real chance to help or if it seems too dangerous, they watch seemingly emotionlessly how as their sister is killed. They don‘t flee in fear, nor will they try to fulbring Huh?  any heroic act. Often children are in dangerous situations - no one of the adults will jump into the water to rescue the little one from being caught by a bigger fish or drawn down a waterfall - they just sit on their boulders and watch - or not even that. Their chattering may stop for a short moment, but then it goes on as if nothing has happened.

The "visible" Rivermaids live in groups. The grooming, dancing and playing was already has already been described. Another group activity is hunting. Though every Rivermaid catches her small breakfast fish on her own, en passant (by the way?) Not sure what you mean to say here.  so to say, bigger fish or school of fish are hunted and brought down in groups. Most times Often/usually, a part of the group is chasing chases the prey towards the other group which catches the beast with the sharp and sometimes remarkable remarkably long fingernails.  They then come from all directions out of hiding places and pull the prey down to the ground riverbed?  where all come and feast on it. Schools I think the term is 'schoals', though the pronunciation is identical.  of fish are caught in a similar way like the dolphuns are doing it, "in a way similar to how dolpholk do it..." by creating air bubbles and chasing the school in an area where the single fish can be caught easily.



Death of a Rivermaid

Nothing is known about what happens when a Rivermaid dies naturally. There have been found of course dead Rivermaids, especially smaller ones, after a very hard winter. Creeks frozen to the ground and rivulets dried out due to the amount of water bound as snow have caused often often caused the death of an entire population of Rivermaids in a certain area. In spring Rivermaids from the valleys will claim those territories back, but it will take some time till before there are as many as before. The deaths of these Rivermaids are seen as a bad omen by the people inhabiting those areas, for the dead bodies on the ground of the creeks turn extremely poisonous and many villagers have found during spring their death who drank after drinking the water which contained one or more dead Rivermaids after thawing set in. Therefore during snowmelt the farmers climb up the hills along the creeks and rivulets to look out for the corpses. They are collected and buried at place far away from any settlement, or thrown in a deep, bottomless cave.

If any Rivermaids are killed by humans during times of war or general detestation, devastation the same problem arises. These dead bodies will turn poisonous very soon - and the slaughter of an entire group of Rivermaids will get back at those people living downstream and who are very dependent of the water of the river. They do not die necessarily necessarily die, but many illnesses are caused when such a water is consumed or only used for washing.

Researchers are disputing with unusual emotion what happens if a Rivermaid  dies out of old age. Another unclear statement.  Are they disagreeing about what emotions, if any, the rivermaids feel, or are their disputes unusually emotional?  If the body would be is just disposed somewhere - or not cared for as one would expect from the Rivermaids -  a lot of poisoning would be expected to happen. Why is this not so? Ansird of Necoma, renowned and highly respected for his description of the Rivermaid dances, alienated his colleagues this much that they refused to talk to him after he published the following assumptions: Rivermaids feed on the dead bodies of their sisters. Shortly after the death, the bodies have not yet turned poisonous and with eating them, this will not happen; the water - living element of this race  - is not polluted.  Nobody has ever observed this, but nobody has found a dead Rivermaid either in times of peace.


Festivities

Nobody can say, if the Rivermaids believe in a god or goddess, nor is known, if they know have/observe any festivities. However, there are gatherings of many Rivermaids who normally don‘t belong together two times a year. One is some time after spring has arrived and the Rivermaids have come out of their hibernation and one short before they go into hibernation. They meet in places where two rivers merge, in general where a place can hold enough of them. Plenty of food is brought to the place and little presents like wreaths of waterplants are exchanged. Researchers think, that the food exchanges serves the purpose to help weaker individuals to survive the winter or to have a better start in the spring. Why the normally so emotionless acting Rivermaids exchange little presents however evades the explanation of the knowing persons people.


History

As long as people can think, "For as long as people can remember..." there have been Rivermaids. They are mentioned in old books dating back to Fa‘av'cálar or even older. There is no story or lore which explicitly says that there was a time when Rivermaids did not exist. There are several myths about how they came into being, dependent of the tribe.

However, their quantity varied during the time Maybe "has varied over time"?  . This had to do mostly with either food shortage or extremely cold winters, where many died during their hibernation.


Language

The Rivermaids have a language - without doubt. Similar to the merfolk tongue it is, "Similar to the merfolk tongue, it is..."  Be careful where you place the comma; the original looks like something Yoda might say.   :Pas described there, "a primarily-whistled and sung language which carries for long distances underwater and is almost not reproducible in the human mouth." (Merfolk entry) At times, this singsong serves for communication - an instant action is observed - ?? in other case, they just twitter in high pitches, whistling weird sounding, but nevertheless melodic phrases and seem to listen to each other. In contrary contrast to the merfolk language though, no human or elf has ever discovered what the subject of this conversation could be. As Like the merfolk they are able to pronounce some human words (though it always sounds a bit strange due to their pointed teeth). They like it to repeat words which are spoken to them, even quite difficult ones, but they don‘t seem to get the sense of a spoken word. They just echo them back, and all the efforts of human observers to get them to speak with sense the Rivermaids see as a big entertainment for them, for it is always accompanied with much twittering and laughing.


Relation to other races

In General their relations to all races are good. Though the Rivermaids are seen as irresponsible and  without deep emotions, they are perceived as friendly, easy going neighbours. Shy, but not too shy to  cause fear for nothing is known about them,  they are often encountered as creatures which lift the mood due to their pleasant appearance and friendly, of teasingly and jokingly exchanges of meaningless actions and noises. In areas and at times, where they are seen with benevolence, they loose part of their shyness and lucky persons might even be able to interact with them. A ball thrown at them might well come back and gesturing at them might end with wet clothes. What is not recommended though is to go swimming with them, for they don‘t understand that the other races are not able to breath under water.

However, they are hated as well. Especially humans "Humans, especially, ..." often look at them with envy because of their beauty, but mostly "and also..." because of their seemingly easy and sorrow-free life.  The freedom to do what they like, to come and to go how they please as they please incorporates for many all what they will never have, never achieve. So seeing the loudly chattering and laughing Rivermaids often causes people who are already in a bad mood to fall into a dark pool of hatred towards them and unexpected violence may break out. Single events like a child who fell in the river and died under the eyes of the Rivermaids are told and spread widely to proof prove (proof is the noun) that they are evil creatures and therefore have to be killed on sight. Nobody takes into account that it is just the nature of them, that they wouldn‘t have saved a Rivermaid child either. So the population of the Rivermaids have decreased heavily especially in times of war. If evil was to kill human children and innocent people, then nobody could stand the Rivermaid‘s laughter. Though most would not have thought of hunting them, the few who were willing to kill innocent people just because they were laughing went for the Rivermaids.

Elves don‘t have and never had so close relations to them like the humans; they see them more like part of the nature, half-sentient children not to be made responsible for anything. They rarely felt feel the envy of the human race, just pity when a severe winter takes the toll on them.

For dwarves, Rivermaids are mostly lore, though there is one story told at their hearths of dwarves with fishtails which live in underground streams. Researchers would love to know if there is truly such a thing like as an underground Rivermaid or if this is just a story a dwarven bachelor brought with him from the outside world.

Brownies and Rivermaids have rarely any interactions, with one exception. The Vale brownies managed to influence - or tame  - the Rivermaids living in their stream through the vale in a way every researcher will simply deny that this is possible till he has seen it with his own eyes. The Rivermaids help the Brownies to cross their river or travel stream-up by pulling rafts through the  water - reliably! The secret of how they do did it is not lifted known yet, but A. of Necoma assumes that a remuneration is paid, maybe in form of special food (jokingly he proposed dochnuts) the Rivermaids have no access to.

The orcs see they them just as huntable and delicate food.  The adjectives you use here don't seem to fit very well, and I'm not sure 'huntable' is a valid word in any case.  Removing the adjectives would make the whole sentence sound more natural, or you could try to find more suitable words to use in their place. 


Myth/Lore

No good or original idea so far


Researcher

Ansird of Necoma is the most renown researcher of the Rivermaids, but the most controversial discussed as well. Born in Chondra around the turn of the century and raised on a farm near the Necoma river, just a days ride north of the Grensa Post, he had the opportunity of watching to watch Rivermaids early in his life. He had a liking for them from the day he saw the first as a young boy. Though this nearly brought him to death, when he tried to swim with them, he always wanted to know more about them. He developed a device with which he could observe them underwater:  glasses, set in a cloth,  fastened watertight at his head  which allowed him to see the Rivermaids more clearly. This made him so famous, that he was offered the paid position of an  official researcher for the Great Compendium in New Santhala. From then on he passed in a report nearly every year. Tides were high Strange expression.  Maybe you meant to say "Tensions were high..."?  when he published first his essay about death-rituals of the Rivermaids, though he had later to admit that they based on mere assumption. His most famous book however will always be "Dancing with the Rivermaids", published in 1657a.S. . Unfortunately he showed interest in the Swamphags as well later in his life which led finally to his downfall. He died only recently during his studies, drowned in the Necoma river near the place where he was raised.

I found a lot of unnecessary commas in the entry, which I deleted, since I couldn't really think of any other way of saying, essentially, "no comma needed here".  Dashes were also used somewhat excessively; often, a comma would work just fine.  In general, the entry looks pretty good to me.  The problems mainly had to do with grammar. 
« Last Edit: 15 December 2006, 05:00:44 by Mina » Logged

Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #17 on: 15 December 2006, 07:41:03 »

Mina, thank you! I realized how long it is when I corrected my mistakes. I didn't colour the grammar issues, just changed them.
I coloured where something was unclear or I had a question.


Appearance

The Rivermaids are beautiful. All individuals are looking splendid; This sounds a little odd to me.  "All individuals look splendid" sounds more correct. even those who seem to be near the end of their lives have still a beguiling aura about them: Perfect bodies, enchanting faces, slender limbs, small but well rounded breasts, and a grace when moving. Too many semicolons where there should be commas instead.  Semicolons are, IIRC, used to connect two statements that can't be joined by just a comma, but which are too close to really separate into two sentences.  Also, I'm not sure, but adding an adjective before 'grace' should make it sound more natural.




That is from a poetry forum I visited recently: (Thanks for that post, s.)

The "Policeman" Semi-Colon!

There is another use of the semi-colon that should be highlighted - its role as a policeman when a bunch of unruly commas come along!

For example:

Fares were offered to Corfu, the Greek island, Morocco, Elba, in the Mediterranean, and Paris. Margaret though about it. she had been to Elba once and had found it dull, to Morocco, and found it too colourful.

There is no real option here but for an upstanding semi-colon to step in and restore some order to this sentence:

Fares were offered to Corfu, the Greek island; Morocco; Elba, in the Mediterranean; and Paris. Margaret thought about it. She hasd been to Elba once and found it dull; to Morocco, and found it too colourful.

There...that's better!


Therefor my attempt above to use the semicolon.



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Mina:
"How about stories about the rivermaids seducing men and then er...eating them or something like that?  I mean, that sounds exactly like the sort thing someone who sees the teeth might believe.  They might well think that they were the lucky ones who got away, and that many others must have fallen prey to the rivermaids.    "

Well, I have this in the Swamphags in a way and didn't want to use it again, apart from that it doesn't fit to their behaviour. Maybe I add something similar , but different, just got an idea.



I will address Wanderer's question tomorrow and the one you had (what was it again - yes, the seduction).

Thanks again! :D
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« Reply #18 on: 15 December 2006, 07:46:09 »

That's interesting.  I've never heard of such a use for the semicolon, though it does seem to make sense in the example you quote.  I find commas good enough for most situations though. 
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« Reply #19 on: 15 December 2006, 13:28:59 »

Might be the fact that the nearest water body I have is a lake but... Aren't rivers not enought deep to keep a person under its waters?

I liked the idea, really creative Talia, good job (I don't comment more cause I don't know a lot of Mermaids in Santharia... just in Greek myths.)
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« Reply #20 on: 15 December 2006, 15:36:36 »

Talia, i think the story about rivermaids seducing men is viable. It's a story that is believed. That doesn't mean it has to be true :) You said yourself that humans hated the, just for that reason, so there must be stories like that :)
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« Reply #21 on: 15 December 2006, 18:00:08 »

@ Orril: I know the river which is not far from my house (Isar), and would suffice. It is sometimes quite shallow at parts after a long hot summer, but there are other parts which are always deeper. It might get tough at times, if people wanted to catch rivermaids.
Other big rivers like the danube have always enough water and are in parts 40 meters deep, so no problem here either.

Smaller creeks will harbour the smaller ones and in the medieval times creeks were not as straight as nowadays - there are always parts which are at least a ped or more deep, even if the whole rivulet is not deeper than a fore generally. I had such a creek near my house when I was a kid and I tell you there are deep parts! (And the water there is wet and cold, especially in autumn!)




@Wanderer: Of course this idea would be viable, but I think I will not use it for several reasons:

- it is too obvious - I thought at it as well, it is an idea which springs into mind at once, maybe

- because it is a typical earthen idea - we have mermaids there who drag sailors into the cold death, we have other water creatures, the sirens (?) which sing so sweet that men can‘t resist and die.

- the normal behaviour is so that a seduction is so unlikely, that I think not even stories about it would be invented. They do not sit on rocks and present their nearly non existing breast in a way to travellers, that you could speak of an unconscious seduction.
That does not mean, that men can fall for them! However

- I picture them more with a beauty which is set apart from the normal human/elven standard, maybe I should add a sentence in this respect.

- we have the swamphags who are able to lure people to death, though it is not their beauty.

- I think I explained , why they are hated sometimes, it doesn‘t have to be seduction.

I will mention it, that it is not the case....
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Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #22 on: 20 December 2006, 19:04:19 »

Last check needed .....
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« Reply #23 on: 21 December 2006, 01:45:16 »

Talia:  in the other entry, were you referring me to the bit here about possible underground Rivermaids, in the Thergerim realm?

I don't have a problem with that at all, since you phrased it so suggestively and amusingly!  It is presented as a claim/tale - perfect for an unverified bit of gossip coming from the dwarven caverns - so if someone ever wanted to write a tale about a Cavemer, there is precedent for such a thing, but equally accurately they can remain completely legendary.  Just fine.

And I can do a last check, if you don't mind waiting till next week when I'm at my mother's place and have lots more free evening time...
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« Reply #24 on: 21 December 2006, 05:07:22 »

Yes, I meant the cave - mer.

I saw today, that I need to do an own check first - obviously I didn't cut out what I had, but only added the new suggestions how to phrase etc.

Judy, I don't know, if a second uri- check is needed. Coren offered as well to run through this submission. I don't mind, if it is stays a bit longer here, but I won't be able to incorporate your comments next week.
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« Reply #25 on: 21 December 2006, 06:04:36 »

I love the concept! More detailed comments will follow as soon as I can type them up. (I do my edits/reading on paper...)
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« Reply #26 on: 21 December 2006, 19:34:47 »

Coren, don't start before I've done the last check - there are too many errors still in it. !
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