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Author Topic: Deadly Nightshade  (Read 10141 times)
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Kelancey the Green
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« on: 15 January 2007, 06:46:30 »

Thank you to many editors who have contributed:
Edits by Alysse in lime green,
Edits by Miraran in red,
Edits by Landre in yellow,
Edits by Artimidor in beige.

DEADLY NIGHTSHADE

Categorization: Medicinal Herbs, also Bushes

Overview:
This flowering and useful fruit-bearing bush may be found in chalky soils throughout southern Sarvonia.  The plant is also known as Hotvale or Coór's bouquet.  Perhaps the Alchemist Periklesius had this plant, among other potent herbal remedies, in mind when he wrote: “All the drugs are poisons, it is only a question of dose.”

Description:
Deadly nightshade is a flowering bush, attaining a height of 3 to 5 fore in their second year of growth.  There are at least 3 varieties known, all of which are cultivated for the delicate beauty of the flowers as well as for their medicinal properties.  The entire plant is glabrous, devoid of hairs or other coverings.

The stem is purple and stout, branching two or three times about 1 fore above the base, dividing again into smaller branches toward the top of the bush.  Each terminal branch puts forth 3 to 5 flame-shaped leaves.  The leaves are deep green in color and of unequal size, 1 palmspan long during the first year to 3 palmspans at maturity, with a prominent vein down the middle of each leaf, with smaller veins running obliquely to the edge of the leaf.  The bush is rooted by a single, thick, fleshy white root about 12 nailbreadths long which sends out many thin radially-oriented roots.  As the bush tends to grow in soil rich in minerals, they take root more readily where there is ground cover, such as decomposing vegetation or animal spoor.

A single flower blooms from each of the leaves’ axils, hanging pendulously, taking on the appearance of delicate membranous bells.  The flowers appear in Rising Sun and Burning Heavens of the second year of life, and continue blooming until early Fallen Leaf.  These blossoms are the color of allia blooms, are about 2 nailbreadths long, and are crowned at the base by a light green, five-pointed calyx, appearing as a star at the stem of each bell.

After pollination, the flowers each produce a single green berry.  As these ripen, they will change in color from the immature gnastheen green, to the teki red of a young berry, finally ripening to the well-recognized shiny black mature berry.  Ripe berries are gorged with a dark, inky juice which is exquisitely sweet. 

Although the flowers are aromatic, used in some preparations as a light yet scintillating perfume, grinding up the fresh plant or root releases a somewhat noxious odor.  The leaves, whether freshly-picked or dried, are astringent to the palate.

Territory:
It is principally encountered in the southern provinces, being almost confined to soils rich in minerals, mostly in waste places, quarries and near old ruins.  It flourishes quite well in such locales as under the shade of trees, on wooded hills, or on chalk or limestone.  Nightshade grows wild in the Tandala Highlands, but exposure to the elements in this mountains limits density of growth.  It is found in great numbers along the low foothills of the Caeytharin Mountains, in the High and Low Fores, and in patches of densely-overgrown areas surrounding the Thaelon forest.  It is cultivated mostly by herbalists and monks, but also by enterprising farmers in Onved. 

Usage:
The root is the basis of the principal preparations of nightshade, but the dried leaves are a more readily-available source of the medicinal herb.  The herbalist is advised to cover their hands and mouth before handling nightshade, and to clean their hands with water after any contact with the plant, especially the roots or leaves.  The purity and amount of nightshade derivative added to a preparation determines the potency, and hence the toxicity, of the mixture.

As a topical anesthetic, it finds uses as a lotion, plaster or liniment oil to reduce rubor, pain and tumescence attributed to shoddy leg, gout, and rheumatism.  The plasters may be applied to injured ankles or sprained shoulders to assuage pain.  Reconstituted nightshade powder, mixed with other herbs and a pinch of uncommon metal, is made into a plaster which may be applied to reduce corns and bunions.

The tincture of nightshade is an antidote to Foolsbed dew intoxication, applied by ingestion or insertion just under the skin through a small cut.

Nightshade elixir is used for many ailments of the airways, such as to check excessive secretions and allay tumescence from phthisis sweating disease and other exhausting diseases.  In spasmodic asthma, whooping cough and false croup strangling disease it may be used to assist breathing and open congested passages, and used thusly it is well tolerated by children.  It also finds usefulness in soothing a sore throat.
 
The tonic, prepared from distillate of the root, in small doses remedies a weak pulse or faint heart.  It increases the rate of the heart without diminishing its force.  A plaster, applied to the chest just overlying the heart, may achieve a similar effect.  Either preparation also may prevent collapse of the sanguine afflictions as seen with typhoid, cholera, or other fluxes and wasting diseases.

Perhaps the most valued use of philter of nightshade is in the treatment of eye diseases, and in cosmetic applications, both achieved through dilatation of the pupil.  This philter may be taken internally or dropped into the eye.

Liquor of nightshade is a powerful antispasmodic, often resorted to in cases of intestinal colic stomach cramps.

Careful note should be taken when applying any fashion of nightshade, as it is a strong poison, even in minute amounts.  With as little as one pinch of purified derivative, an unfortunate man or woman may experience excitement and delirium, blindness, facial flushing, leading thence to heart palpitations and stupor, giving way to death within minutes to days.  People who are ingesting medicinal preparations in prescribed dosages will take in much smaller quantities of nightshade derivative, hence they are not so predisposed to accidental poisoning.

While an antidote has yet to be conceived, the best known treatment in these circumstances is to administer an emetic as soon as possible, such as a large glass of warm vinegar or mustard and water, followed by a dose of Arv seeds and Juk’lan cha, the patient being kept very warm and on strict bedrest for a week.  It is worth noting the complete loss of voice peculiar to souls poisoned by nightshade, accompanied by rocking movements of the torso and head, wringing of the hands, and pupillary dilatation.

Reproduction:
In the wild, Nightshade will drop its fertile berries close to the bush in Fallen Leaf.  Only those berries that roll some distance away will be able to take hold and root, since these bushes compete with one another for nutrients.  As well, animals who eat the berries and pass spoor in another location may in this way disseminate the seeds.  Seeds typically do well if they land in damp rubbish or decomposing leaves in shaded areas.  They send their primary root out during Molten Ice, then put out their shoot in Awakening Earth.  They grow throughout their first year, and by their second Awakening Earth become fecund.

When cultivated, harvesters are advised to prepare the soil in which it’s grown by soaking the earth with boiling water to destroy the many natural predators the plant has—slugs, weevils, and other insects.  Then, powdered chalk or lime are added to the soil to provide nutrients for the plants.  Next, vegetable rubbish should be layered on top the soil and burned, the remnants then stirred into the earth.  The soil should be allowed to air for 1 week, and then sow the seeds sparsely.  Only three out of every four seeds will germinate in a good year.

Lore/Origin:
As early as the days of the Musician Tinholdt, the plant was known as Hotvale.  Father Superior Jerkyll of Marcogg has conjectured that this name stems from the dwarven god of lime and sandstone, Hothesvil.  In elven lore, it is mentioned by its Styrash name, cór’aváth’cár’tuulén, meaning “black beauty of death”.  Among the Kuglimz people, it is referred to as "Alth'veir" (lit. "plant of death").

In lore, this herb was a design from Avá that was soon after tainted by Coór.  As She dreamed hotvale into being, the delicate purple blossoms opened and the young plants began to produce their red berries.  It was then that Coór poisoned Her creation, darkening the sweet berries, impregnating the entire plant with venom.  Of course, the end result was as Avá had envisioned in her dream: The venom was her ultimate gift with this plant, a remedy obtained from the blight.

Purportedly, the roots have seen use among dark elven priestesses of Queprur, making a fermented infusion of pulverized hotvale root steeped with Kellian petals before worship or invocation of her name.  A more common application is drinking the juice of the berry, used by Bardavan ladies to dilate their pupils and thus create the illusion of brightening their eyes.

Historically, Hotvale has been cultivated in Sarvonia since the twelfth century a.S.  Foggu Wyvernbrewer of the Thrumgolzerim reported in his compendium Upon the Nature of Yerbs and Mosses, in 1178: “The hotvale herbe appears as a bush, laying humbly about cavern exits and shales, as well it is growne by fomenters of scenic schrubs.” (Translation by Scholar Trukist the Erudite, quoted with permission.)  It is better described in A Discourse of the Flora of Sarvonia by Brother Erachmar of Voldar, written in 1388: “The hotvale bush, so named by the dwarves, also known as deadly nightshade in Vardýnn and throughout the southern empire, grows wild in sheltered, damp climes, and is employed by herbalists in various manners of tinxures [sic], plasters, and infusions.  It may be encountered in the shales off the Low and High Fores, as well as the verges of the Thaelon Forest, and at Marcogg and more locally here in Voldar.”

In more recent times, the famed Perfumer Laenthris Highbrow warned of the toxic nature of the plant, in his Litany of Herbs and Spices, Vol. II—The Medicinal Herbs of 1560:  “Take caution that, in cultivating this plant, you are not exposed to the ichor of the root in particular; less rigour is required in harvesting the leaves and flowers, and least of all in the berries.  For, if you should come in contact with that deadly poison, be it by ingestion through the mouth, or inhalation through the nares, or seepage through an open wound on the hand, in sufficient quantities this exposure may be enough to risk the untoward effects of the nightshade.  A hearty adult may consume three berries without ill consequence.  That being said, the lower beasts of Sarvonia are more resilient to the effects of this drug, being able to ingest up to eight or ten ods of the roots and leaves and yet be unscathed.”
« Last Edit: 18 February 2007, 23:05:43 by Kelancey the Green » Logged

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« Reply #1 on: 15 January 2007, 09:58:38 »

Hello, Clancy, and welcome to the Herbarium!

While you've obviously done some research to add in place names and so on, I'm afraid we can't accept this entry in this form.  Have you read through the FAQs at top right, and any compendium examples?  (www.santharia.com).    All our writing has to be original; so while you've very courteously given credit where credit is due, without intent to deceive, the entry as it stands is phrased almost identically to your source.

Also, the Terran belladonna is a marvelous plant with plenty of lore, history, and fascinating details.  In Santharia it should be far more mystically integrated - as it is, it still reads very much like the earthen plant.  Perhaps I could direct you to look up 'Basiloc', or 'Tareptail', or my own Cha'ah plant (the tea of Santharia), for some hints on how a familiar plant can become a thing of fantasy yet powerfully convincing?

And I'll make you a deal.   You do the work to write a Belladonna entry from scratch (with its own unique Santharian name, locations, usages, etc.) - we'll help of course! - and I'll do the illustration for it.  Because, yes, all our pictures are original to the site (a few used with friendly permission, but all from our own in-house artists) as well!  Have a look on www.santharia.com and browse through our beautiful Herbarium for more examples.

Again, welcome, and I hope you'll take me up on the deal!
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Kelancey the Green
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« Reply #2 on: 15 January 2007, 23:14:09 »

Bard Judith, thank you for your kind (and speedy!) reply.

I see what you mean about original content.  I basically cut and pasted this entry, with local names and places substituted, as you say.  Though I'm a slow writer, I look forward to amending this proposal and resubmitting it as (hopefully) original work, fitting for the flora of Santharia.

I would appreciate your help, and help from anyone else who might be interested, in composing the original lore and mythology of the plant.  I'll give it a shot, but, again, I'd greatly appreciate advice in this area, as well as the other sections of the plant description.

Thank you again, and take care!
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« Reply #3 on: 16 January 2007, 08:12:20 »

Hi again!  Can I request another edit, please?
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« Reply #4 on: 16 January 2007, 08:38:27 »

I will look over it, but I wouldn't suggest being impatient in the Dev forum. They are scary around here. Be patient and people will get to you, bard just gave you a great offer. I am assuming that this is the redone entry?
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« Reply #5 on: 16 January 2007, 08:54:55 »

DEADLY NIGHTSHADE

Categorization: Medicinal Herbs, also Bushes

Overview:
This flowering and usefuly fruit-bearing bush may be found in chalky soils throughout southern Sarvonia.  The plant is also known as Hotvale or Coór's herb.  Perhaps Alchemist Periklesius had this plant, among other potent herbal remedies, in mind when he wrote: “All the drugs are poisons, it is only a question of dose.”

Description:
Deadly nightshade is a flowering bush, attaining a height of 3 to 5 fore in their second year of growth.  There are at least 3 varieties known, all of which are cultivated for the delicate beauty of the flowers as well as for their medicinal properties.  The entire plant is glabrous? I don't know this term, perhaps an explaination of the word would be useful, except for sparse hairs growing along the stem and leaves during the first year of growth. 

The stem is santhran violet and stout, branching two or three times about 1 fore above the base, dividing again into smaller branches toward the top of the bush.  Each terminal branch puts forth 3 to 5 flame-shaped leaves.  The leaves are sognastheen in color and of unequal size, 1 to 3 palmspans long with a prominent vein down the middle of each leaf, with smaller veins running obliquely to the edge of the leaf.  The bush is rooted by a single, thick, squamous and cyhalloian root about 12 nailbreadths long which sends out many thin radially-oriented roots.

A single flower blooms from each of the leaves’ axils, hanging pendulously, taking on the appearance of delicate membranous bells.  The flowers appear in Rising Sun and Burning Heavens, and continue blooming until early Fallen Leaf.  These blossoms are the color of allia blooms, are about 2 nailbreadths long, and are crowned at the base by a gnastheen, five-pointed calyx, appearing as a peridot star atop each bell.

After pollination, the flowers each produce a single gnastheen berry.  As these ripen, they will change in color from the immature gnastheen, to the teki red of a young berry, finally ripening to the well-recognized shiny nor’sidian mature berry.  Ripe berries are gorged with a dark, inky juice which is exquisitely sweet. 

Although the flowers are aromatic, used in some preparations as a light yet scintillating perfume, grinding up the fresh plant or root releases a somewhat noxious odor.  The leaves, whether freshly-picked or dried, are astringent to the palate.

Territory:
It is principally encountered in the southern provinces, being almost confined to calcareous soils, mostly in waste places, quarries and near old ruins.  It flourishes excellently in such locales as under the shade of trees, on wooded hills, or on chalk or limestone.  Belladonna grows wild in the Tandala Highlands, but exposure to the elements in this mountains limits density of growth.  It is found in great numbers along the low foothills of the Caeytharin Mountains, in the High and Low Fores, and in patches of densely-overgrown areas surrounding the Thaelon forest.  It is cultivated mostly by herbalists and monks, but also by enterprising farmers in Onved. 

Usage:
(Much of this section is just rewording of the original works I cited, because I couldn’t find a valid way to reinvent this content.  Any advice in this regard would be much appreciated.) Read up on the plant, learning everything you can, then wait a day, then write this entry. Then you will be able to put down the information and have the information be original. Read multiple sources. Perhaps even come up with a few uses on your own. this is your plant now, and can be just about anything (within reason) that you want it to be!
The root is the basis of the principal preparations of nightshade, but the dried leaves are a more readily-available source of the medicinal herb.

As a topical anesthetic, it finds uses as a lotion, plaster or liniment oil to reduce rubor, pain and tumescence attributed to shoddy leg, gout, and rheumatism.  The plasters may be applied to injured ankles or sprained shoulders to assuage pain.  Reconstituted nightshade powder, mixed with other herbs and a pinch of uncommon metal, is made into a plaster which may be applied to reduce corns and bunions.

The tincture of nightshade is an antidote to Foolsbed dew intoxication, applied by ingestion or insertion just under the skin through a small cut.

Nightshade elixir is used for many ailments of the airways, such as to check excessive secretions and allay tumescence from phthisis sweating disease and other exhausting diseases.  In spasmodic asthma, whooping cough and false croup it may be used to assist breathing and open congested passages, and used thusly it is well tolerated by children.  It also finds usefulness in soothing a sore throat.
 
The tonic, prepared from distillate of the root, in small doses remedies a weak pulse or faint heart.  It increases the rate of the heart without diminishing its force.  A plaster, applied to the chest just overlying the heart, may achieve a similar effect.  Either preparation also may prevent collapse of the sanguine afflictions as seen with typhoid, cholera, or other wasting diseases.

Perhaps the most valued use of philter of nightshade is in the treatment of eye diseases, and in cosmetic applications, both achieved through dilatation of the pupil.  This philter may be taken internally or dropped into the eye.

Liquor of nightshade is a powerful antispasmodic, often resorted to in cases of intestinal colic.

Careful note should be taken when applying any fashion of nightshade, as it is a strong poison, even in minute amounts.  With as little as 1 to 2 grains of purified derivative, an unfortunate man or woman may experience excitement and delirium, blindness, facial flushing, leading thence to heart palpitations, and stupor, giving way to death within minutes to days.  While an antidote has yet to be conceived, the best known treatment in these circumstances is to administer an emetic as soon as possible, such as a large glass of warm vinegar or mustard and water, followed by a dose of Arv seeds and Juk’lan cha, the patient being kept very warm and on strict bedrest for a week.  It is worth noting the complete loss of voice peculiar to souls poisoned by nightshade, accompanied by rocking movements of the torso and head, wringing of the hands, and pupillary dilatation.

Reproduction:
In the wild, Nightshade will drop its fertile berries close to the bush in Fallen Leaf.  Only those berries that roll some distance away will be able to take hold and root, since these bushes compete with one another for nutrients.  Seeds typically do well if they land in damp rubbish or decomposing leaves in shaded areas.  They send their primary root out during Molten Ice, then put out their shoot in Awakening Earth.  They grow throughout their first year, and by their second Awakening Earth become fecund.

When cultivated, harvesters are advised to prepare the soil in which it’s grown by soaking the earth with boiling water to destroy the many natural predators the plant has—slugs, weevils, and other insects.  Then, powdered chalk or lime are added to the soil to provide nutrients for the plants.  Next, vegetable rubbish should be layered on top the soil and burned, the remnants then stirred into the earth.  The soil should be allowed to air for 1 week, and then sow the seeds sparsely.  Only three-quarters of the seed will germinate in a good year.

Lore/Origin:
As early as the days of the Musician Tinholdt, the plant was known as Hotvale.  Father Superior Jerkyll of Marcogg has conjectured that this name stems from the dwarven god of lime and sandstone, Hothesvil.  Others attribute its name to the elfin phrase ho’esth fea’ueil, for “santhran beauty”, presumably describing the characteristic bell-shaped flowers.
[Ed. Please forgive me, I have *no* clue about the elves’ vocabulary, so I just invented some words.  If anyone has any knowledge of the language, I’d really appreciate the help! Styrash is the language of the elves. there is a small dictionary on site.]

In lore, this herb was a design from Avá that came to being soon after the dream was tainted by Coór. I am not learned in the whole mythology thing, and don't know how that works.  As She dreamed hotvale into being, the delicate santhran blossoms opened and the young plants began to produce their tekired berries.  It was then that Coór poisoned Her creation, darkening the sweet berries, impregnating the entire plant with venom.  Of course, the end result was as Avá had envisioned in her dream: The venom was her ultimate gift with this plant, a remedy obtained from the blight.

Purportedly, the roots have seen use among dark elven priestesses of Queprur, making a fermented infusion of pulverized hotvale root steeped with Kellian petals before worship or invocation of her name.  A more common application is drinking the juice of the berry, used by Bardavan ladies to dilate their pupils and thus create the illusion of brightening their eyes.

Historically, Hotvale has been cultivated in Sarvonia since the twelfth century a.S.  Foggu Wyvernbrewer of the Thrumgolzerim reported in his compendium Upon the Nature of Yerbs and Mosses, in 1178: “The hotvale herbe appears as a bush, laying humbly about cavern exits and shales, as well it is growne by fomenters of scenic schrubs.” (Translation by Scholar Trukist the Erudite, quoted with permission.)  It is better described in A Discourse of the Flora of Sarvonia by Brother Erasmus of Voldar, written in 1388: “The hotvale bush, so named by the dwarves, also known as deadly nightshade in Vardýnn and throughout the southern empire, grows wild in sheltered, damp climes, and is employed by herbalists in various manners of tinxures [sic], plasters, and infusions.  It may be encountered in the shales off the Low and High Fores, as well as the verges of the Thaelon Forest, and at Marcogg and more locally here in Voldar.”

In more recent times, the famed Perfumer Fronz Leipschmidt warned of the toxic nature of the plant, in his Litany of Herbs and Spices, Vol. II—The Medicinal Herbs of 1560:  “Take caution that, in cultivating this plant, you are not exposed to the ichor of the root in particular; less rigour is required in harvesting the leaves and flowers, and least of all in the berries.  For, if you should come in contact with that deadly poison, be it by ingestion through the mouth, or inhalation through the nares, or seepage through an open wound on the hand, in sufficient quantities this exposure may be enough to risk the untoward effects of the nightshade.  A hearty adult may consume three berries without ill consequence.  That being said, the lower beasts of Sarvonia are more resilient to the effects of this drug, being able to ingest up to eight or ten ods of the roots and leaves and yet be unscathed.”


I like this entry.
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« Reply #6 on: 16 January 2007, 09:04:58 »

(gives Kain an appreciative glance for serving as door-porter, then frowns at the newcomer from over her glasses, and sets her quill down carefully on her desk...)

You can't have finished a completely new rework in that short a time, surely?   I expect I'll have to find my finest-toothed comb and my scissors.... and I've so much on my own pile!

(scans the still-damp scroll Clancy holds out to her, blinks, and pushes her glasses up on her nose)

Well!  Weeellllll.....  Yes, Kain, I think we can assume this is the redone entry.

(gives Clancy a long, measuring, meaningful glance from sharp emeraud eyes)



All right, dear, here's what we are going to do now.

YOU are going to go and make a new account with an appropriately Santharian name.  Then introduce yourself in the newcomer's forum and tell us a bit about yourself (gender, aprox location, some of your talents, etc.).     

 Then I'M going to lock you up in the Herbarium with a stack of parchment, some fresh quills, lots of ink, some thyron-cha'ah and a plate full of Kao-kao cookies and make you write another fifteen entries or so..

BECAUSE WE WANT TO KEEP YOU!


(grins broadly at Clancy, leans back in her scholar's chair, and applauds)

I'm so impressed!  I need to read through more thoroughly, of course - there seems to be a heavily scientific vocabulary that might need to be toned down a notch or two (look who's talking...) a couple of names that need reworking, and an over-heavy reliance on the Santharian colour palette - but on the whole, 'errors' which only incline me to favour getting out the Nul'tumfur-lined darbies and press-ganging you as an apprentice....   

  Your grammar and spelling are well-nigh impeccable, your phrasing rings quite appealingly 'period',  and the details smack of research both Terran and Santharian.    I could have this ready for next update with one go-over/Uri-check.   

(shakes head blissfully)

Please pleeeeeese pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssse, won't you sign up with a Santharian alter-ego and join us?  Perhaps "Klancia", or "Clhansy", if you prefer to keep the current nomenclature's sound?  "Clanse Brehan of Manthria?"  "Claency Fernfoot, of the Dogodan shire"?   "Klan Shi Dakmar", northern barbarian? 

(realizes she is babbling and regains her composure, apparently)

Er, yes, well, if you would like to leave this with me, I do have a lot on my Terran plate at the moment, but I should be most happy to give this a careful edit and commentary within the next week or so.  Thank you for bringing it to me!

(can't repress another broad smile as she sets the scroll carefully at the top of her 'To Do' scroll bucket...)
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« Reply #7 on: 16 January 2007, 12:27:57 »

Quote
YOU are going to go and make a new account with an appropriately Santharian name. 
Not on SMF.  :P  You could simply change the display name at the "Account Related Settings" section of your profile.  :)
« Last Edit: 16 January 2007, 13:13:43 by Mina » Logged

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« Reply #8 on: 16 January 2007, 14:15:34 »

Bard Judith, I would be honored to work under you!  Is this name a little more suited for Santharia?

By talents, am I correct in guessing you mean what do I hope to bring to the Dev Forum?  Okay, I'd better get to the Newb Forum right quick, then!  I'm tingling!

Thank you for this opportunity, Bard Judith!
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« Reply #9 on: 21 January 2007, 23:31:37 »

*Whispering softly to Clancy, Miraran takes a glance at his work*

Don't worry about being locked up, i have a key, and i'll just get y.... mmmhh... Hold on there... aah!  Nevermind that! We ARE going to lock you up in here! Far to dangerous to let you wander about and get snatched by one of the other departments!

*starts searching through his pockets for his bag of Strangling vine seeds and his Accelerating Vine Food (c)*
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« Reply #10 on: 22 January 2007, 01:54:33 »

*Decipher is tired of Mira's newbie thefts*
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« Reply #11 on: 22 January 2007, 04:45:52 »

*hides behind the Bard* It was her idea, i swear!
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Avrah Kehabhra

"The whole POINT of Nybelmar is that no one has any idea whats going on, overly long entries keep it that way." - Decipher Ziron
Kelancey the Green
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« Reply #12 on: 22 January 2007, 09:40:04 »

  Thanks for your support, Mira.  May I ask for your editorial comments?  Not to be a pest,...well, okay, I suppose I am pestering [pester, pester].  Please?
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Alysse the Likely
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« Reply #13 on: 22 January 2007, 11:52:14 »

Clancy, this is a FABULOUS entry!   thumbup  clap

You're obviously a gifted writer.  I would offer to check it for you too, if it weren't for the fact that the immensely talented Bard has offered to do so, thus rendering any proof-reading I might do unnecessary.

The one thing I would suggest (and she will too) is to change the colour names.  For instance, it's okay to say  just white, or green.  Those colour names are for very specific hues (like we might say "crimson" or "scarlet" instead of red to evoke a particular shade of red) but you don't need to specify this every time you refer to the colour.

Anyway, that can give you something to do while you're waiting for her full check.  And congratulations again, I'm very impressed.

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Alysse the Likely
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« Reply #14 on: 22 January 2007, 15:40:28 »

  Thanks, Alysse, for your review and your kind words.  I'm twiddling little things here and there, such as color names.  I don't know if there are more substantive things I should be amending meanwhile?

  Be that as it may, thanks, and take care!
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"Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."
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