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Author Topic: THE DHURURIAN SNAIL Eight Winds Bay Mollusk  (Read 12869 times)
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Bard Judith
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« Reply #15 on: 18 May 2007, 16:52:31 »

Well, I wonder if the Jekkin is still crawling around the recesses of my brain, then.  I coulda sworn I wrote a Snail entry eons ago....   will have to go home and check my home computer!   


Stickies?  Aren't those the little gobs I wipe off Katherine's face and fingers after she's finished a jam sandwich?  (looks innocent)
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Takór Salenár
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« Reply #16 on: 19 May 2007, 00:31:51 »

What about using the search function? ;)

look here
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Alysse the Likely
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« Reply #17 on: 19 May 2007, 02:03:49 »

I love the story!  And I am very glad to have been of help.  I'll look over it more thoroughly later, but RL is encroaching...

Alysse
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Decipher Ziron
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« Reply #18 on: 18 June 2007, 04:00:09 »

Here is my Edit as Promised:




THE DHURURIAN SNAIL

OVERVIEW--  This tiny creature, found in the north country, in particular Eight Winds Bay, is a non-descript (non-descript..why right an entry then? Choose a word to replace this) creature that spends the majority of its time searching for food.  Somewhat rare, it has become a much sought after commodity in the cloth dying industry.

APPEARANCE –   This small snail has a shell that ranges from a light tan to a deep golden colour.  It has no outer markings. The Dhururian snail ranges in size from two to four and a half nailsbreadths in length and one half to one and a half muts in weight.  These snails have two sets of tentacles (tentacles...I think antennae would be better) that grow out of their heads.  The first set has their eyes on them, which provide very poor eyesight for the mollusk.  The second ,more important set, are its olfactory organ (olfactory organ...too scientific...I would offer a replacement but I dont know what olfactory means...) .  The Dhururian snail can smell an egg nest up to 200 yards (this yard measurement should be changed to santharian measures) away.  The flesh of the snail is a grayish green in color , darkening to almost black as it ages.  It is the black fleshed snails that are favored for the production of Dhura (a short explanation, no more than a few words should be added to explain what Dhura is), though the lighter colored ones are used when dark ones are too hard to find.

SPECIAL ABILITIES –  The Dhururian snail has no special abilities. (No animal has NO special abilities...remember...when describing a beast you should think what abilities it has that YOU don't...Its sense of smell should be mentioned...perhaps it has an extra hard shell, or its shell blends in with the terrain giving it camouflage, and I'm sure that the shell in itself would provide protection from the environment... just let your imagination take you)

TERRITORY-  The Dhururian snail makes its home predominately in  Eight Winds Bay.  It is sometimes found in the Sea of Tears, though this is unusual.  It is a rare animal, and can only be found in shallow waters of the bay, usually attached to rocks, feeding on tiny particles of organic matter.

A couple of comments on the above. Firstly the Territory section is a little short...and I know it is hard to write alot for that part but it is important to flesh out your entry...and can provide openings for nice little niches in an entry. You should think about not only WHERE it lives...But WHY it lives there (or more importantly why not somewhere else). You should think about things like the type of weather it prefers, lack of predators, food sources avaliable ECT. when writing territory.

Secondly, I found this section confusing...Where does it live...in the sand, rock pools? And Finally...change the 'Organic Matter'...too scientific again...it will probably eat moss or seaweed if lives on the beaches or in rock pools.


HABITAT/BEHAVIOUR –   The Dhururian snail has few predators, as the taste of its flesh is extremely foul, having been compared to rancid fish.  It spends its life as a solitary creature, not even coming together to mate, instead burying its eggs in the mud.  This snail spends all of its time feeding, or traveling in search of food.  Its activity cycle is not dependant on the time of day, as it is equally active day or night.  The only time that these creatures stop their normal way of life is during extremely cold winters. (added paragraphing here to help with the flow)

It has been observed that during particularly cold winters, the Dhururian snail will hibernate for periods of up to 3 months by digging a pit in the mud and burying themselves in it (perhaps this could be elaborated on...how would a snail do this?).  Once the waters have warmed up somewhat more, they will dig themselves out (elaboration on this would also be nice) and continue their normal routine of eating and laying eggs.  The Dhururian snail has an average lifespan of up to 4 years in the wild.  Attempts to farm these creatures have proved futile. (If attempts to farm these creatures have proved futile, the use of 'in the wild' isn't relevant in the last two setences)

DIET –   The Dhururian snail is voracious in its appetite.  It will eat almost anything edible that it comes across.  It feeds mainly on plants and algae, but it will also consume the carcasses of dead fish.  It does this by use of a tiny mouth on its underside that is ringed with sharp teeth, though too small to pose any threat to most live animals.

MATING –   There does not seem to be any real difference between males and female Dhururian snails.  It has even been suggested that the snails contain both male and female organs.  To reproduce, a snail will dig itself an egg nest, perhaps 3 nailsbreadths into the soft bottom of the bay.  It will then fill the nest with eggs and abandon it, which usually contains 10-20 eggs.  Later, another snail will find the nest and dig up the nest, whereupon it will then deposit sperm into the nest, fertilizing the eggs.  This snail will once again bury the nest.  Providing the nest is left undisturbed, the eggs will hatch in 3-6 days.  This cycle of laying eggs only happens twice (Why? Do they only have a certain about eggs when they are born?) in a snails lifetime  though they may fertilize any number of nests.

USAGES –   The taste of the Dhururian snail is such that most species do not feed upon it.  However, there is one use that has been exploited by the tribes around Eight Winds Bay for generations.  This is the art of dyeing.  If enough (how much is enough?) of these snails are placed in a large tub then crushed and allowed to ferment for a period between eight to ten days. They are then heated to a boil until they become a thick broth. The cloth is then soaked overnight.  When the cloth is removed and given time to dry, it will turn to a deep purple hue.  This color has become known as Dhura.  It usually takes around a thousand snails to make enough Dhura to  dye one thick cloak.  Given the rarity of the snail, this has made Dhura colored cloth a fairly expensive commodity.  Ironically, those employed in the Dhura dying trade are often looked down upon, due to the horrendous smell that goes along with the fermenting of the snails.

MYTH/LORE-- The story of Dhura was that in times long gone, an elvish woman from the elvish city of Adlin was well known for the quality of her dyed cloth.  So great were her works that her name became known far and wide.  One day, a human prince came to her, begging her for a colour to give the father of his beloved, in order that he might ask her hand in marriage.  The old woman tried a number of different colours, but none suited the young prince's fancy.  Determined not to disappoint, the old woman told the prince that to get the one colour that would not fail to impress the girls father, he would need to seek the object that first called her name.  The young man searched for months, driving himself mad as he searched for the object that called her name.  Then one day the young man traveled near the shores of Eight Winds Bay.  To his delight, a snail was sitting atop a rock, singing out the name Dhurura.  (added space)

Gathering up the snail, the young man hurried back to the old woman, who took the snail and created a bolt of cloth in a colour of purple that none had seen before.  So impressed was the girl's father, that he gave his daughter's hand to the young man.  The father then had the cloth turned into a magnificent robe, that he wore on her wedding day.  In honour of his daughter, the colour became known in time as Dhura and the snail, the Dhururian Snail.



All in all a very original entry...You write very well and posess very vivid conviction about making something seem believably real. Can I also advise that you break up your sentences so that the entry flows better.

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Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin
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« Reply #19 on: 07 July 2007, 00:59:20 »

I think I have made all the necessary changes.  Give it a re-read and see if it is good to go now, or if there is more to do.  Thank you Deci for the comments. :D
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xerampelinae deicida
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« Reply #20 on: 07 July 2007, 04:54:43 »

Quote
DIET –   The Dhururian snail is voracious in its appetite.  It will eat almost anything edible that it comes across.

I have a problem with the use of the word edible what is considered edible by different animals could very greatly especially in a fantasy world where we aren't limited to animals that eat organic matter, we could create rock eaters for example if we wanted to.
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Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin
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« Reply #21 on: 07 July 2007, 05:29:52 »

Well, I just changed it from Organic because it sounds to modern.  However, I do say what it does eat in the next sentence, thereby clarifying what edible means.  I think that should suffice.  Thank you for commenting, it is appreciated. :D
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Decipher Ziron
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« Reply #22 on: 19 July 2007, 01:53:52 »

Remember to complete this Altario...I'd say its nearly finished...
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Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin
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« Reply #23 on: 19 July 2007, 04:16:23 »

I made all your changes, Deci, what is left? shocked huh
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« Reply #24 on: 19 July 2007, 04:26:46 »

No time now...But I'll check it over on Monday? I have arrangements for the weekend so I'll get on it on Monday?
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Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #25 on: 10 August 2007, 23:06:53 »

Marked for integration!
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« Reply #26 on: 10 August 2007, 23:33:59 »

Thank the Gods....lol the most mundane, the most inoxious entry I have made took by far the longest to get approved
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