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Author Topic: Ma'asherom's Call  (Read 6377 times)
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Decipher Ziron
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« Reply #15 on: 25 July 2007, 00:47:56 »
Post your draft intros and we can help edit them then...
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Letitia De Lockhart
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« Reply #16 on: 25 July 2007, 01:20:58 »
This is all I have so far:

This piece of writing, now considered as a poem was once believed to have been used as a war cry by none other than Ma'asherom’s the Red from the dark side at The War of the Chosen.

Is that okay, only I would have thought it should be longer and have more detail.
« Last Edit: 25 July 2007, 01:22:30 by Letitia De Lockhart » Logged
"I love him, I adore him, my mind and soul is now transported with the thought of that blessed ecstatic moment when I shall see him, embrace him...
I must sin on and love him more than ever. It is a crime worth going to hell for."
Gean Firefeet
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« Reply #17 on: 25 July 2007, 01:25:04 »
Sounds perfectly fine to me. Now to add the finishing touches? (I'd avoid "dark side", so I've corrected that below)

This piece of writing, now considered as a poem was once believed to have been used as a war cry by none other than Ma'asherom’s the Red, one of the most powerful evil archmages during The War of the Chosen. Legend has it that the poem was inscribed on major buildings in several of the bigger cities of the human kingdoms, but none have survived the devastating end of that terrible war. Now, only these line remain, hidden in the deepest recesses of the Santhalan Library.

Something like that? Feel free to copy/paste/scratch/elaborate etc. just giving you possibilities...
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Letitia De Lockhart
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« Reply #18 on: 25 July 2007, 01:40:35 »
Wow, that is really good, I hope you do not mind me using some of your words, I have made some alterations of course. Also thank you again for the kind help. The introduction I hope is now complete after all that hardship.
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"I love him, I adore him, my mind and soul is now transported with the thought of that blessed ecstatic moment when I shall see him, embrace him...
I must sin on and love him more than ever. It is a crime worth going to hell for."
Gean Firefeet
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« Reply #19 on: 25 July 2007, 05:53:08 »
but all of these were destroyed as an outcome that wretched time of war.

To me, it seems there's something wrong with that sentence. For the rest, great job. I've pointed Artimidor in this direction, he should do the rest concerning uploading and the like.
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"Blessed is the man who calls an aj his friend."
- Shendar Proverb
"If music be the food of love, play on; Give me excess of it..."
- Shakespeare's Twelfth Night
Letitia De Lockhart
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« Reply #20 on: 25 July 2007, 06:03:00 »
Oh yeah, I see what you mean it does not sound right. Well I have changed that now, and thank you very much for all your help. I hope you are right about it being ready for uploading.
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"I love him, I adore him, my mind and soul is now transported with the thought of that blessed ecstatic moment when I shall see him, embrace him...
I must sin on and love him more than ever. It is a crime worth going to hell for."
Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #21 on: 25 July 2007, 06:26:15 »
I agree with Gean and others here - again this is a very expressive poem, Letitia, very much like the ones you've made before :) Also the introduction fits the content nicely now, so what more can one ask?

There's one line I don't quite get however: "Are you destroyed by like?" doesn't seem to be proper English. "Like" doesn't exist as substantive, right? So I wonder what you try to convey exactly with that line. Maybe it's just a typo...  huh

Anyway, no problems with the rest - I would also say that it's pretty much integratable :)
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"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Letitia De Lockhart
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« Reply #22 on: 25 July 2007, 06:43:56 »
Thank you, that is tremendous news.
Well I suppose by that I meant, you know the type of like that is a positive feeling towards someone or something. But know I have had a closer look at it, it does seem a bit weird so I have sort of swapped round the lines, so it now goes:

Are you the chosen?
Are you full of hate?
Are you unable to like?
Are you destroyed by love?

So I think and I hope that makes a bit more sense.
« Last Edit: 25 July 2007, 09:59:12 by Letitia De Lockhart » Logged
"I love him, I adore him, my mind and soul is now transported with the thought of that blessed ecstatic moment when I shall see him, embrace him...
I must sin on and love him more than ever. It is a crime worth going to hell for."
Hylphán
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« Reply #23 on: 25 July 2007, 07:47:28 »
Excellent work Letitia!  Well done!
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Letitia De Lockhart
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« Reply #24 on: 25 July 2007, 09:55:00 »
Why thank you Hylphán, one does love to receive the occasional compliment.
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"I love him, I adore him, my mind and soul is now transported with the thought of that blessed ecstatic moment when I shall see him, embrace him...
I must sin on and love him more than ever. It is a crime worth going to hell for."
Letitia De Lockhart
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« Reply #25 on: 25 July 2007, 10:27:28 »
Now that I have changed those lines, is it ready to have that arrow symbol thing for the next upload yet, or no.
« Last Edit: 25 July 2007, 11:23:34 by Letitia De Lockhart » Logged
"I love him, I adore him, my mind and soul is now transported with the thought of that blessed ecstatic moment when I shall see him, embrace him...
I must sin on and love him more than ever. It is a crime worth going to hell for."
Decipher Ziron
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« Reply #26 on: 26 July 2007, 02:34:16 »
I'd like to think so...But I am not qualified to do so...Good Work!!!
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Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #27 on: 26 July 2007, 03:26:05 »
Seems Letitia is a wee bit impatient, eh? lol Anyway, I've marked the poem for integration - no objections from my side :D
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"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Decipher Ziron
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« Reply #28 on: 26 July 2007, 03:36:31 »
What you call impatience I call proactivity....
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