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Snow Falcon
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Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin
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The Remusian
Snow Falcon
«
on:
25 December 2007, 17:47:46 »
Overview
The Snow Falcon is a small raptor that lives in northern Sarvonia.
It makes its home predominately along the coast, but can be found inland as well; its territory extends as far south as the Heaths of Wilderon and as far as the Caaehl'heroth Peninsula. The bird is considered a symbol of the Lanruls, the tribal leaders of the Ice Tribes, who have adopted falconry as a sport of the elite.
Appearance
This bird of prey is mainly a
pure
white in colour, making it hard to see against the brilliance of the ice and snow. These compact birds are just over a fore in height, and have a wingspan of three fores. Their handsome heads are marked with intelligent
snogthesheen eyes, and a strong, off-white coloured beak. The beak has a sharp downward curve, allowing the bird to tear flesh with ease.
The feathers
along the bird's belly
are two toned. The main colour is a grey colour, darker than the white plumage of its back.
Beneath these grey feathers
, it has a blue coloured layer of feathers. Special muscles under the skin determine which layer of feathers are pushed outward, and which ones are retracted back underneath. (see Special Abilities)
The layer of downy feathers under the Snow Falcon's primary feathers are an extra layer of warmth and are white in colour.
The bird's legs are a pale yellow in colour, ending in very strong talons. Very sharp and very strong, these are formidable weapons for the small bird. They can
easily
tear flesh, and can hold
great weights in proportion to
its body size. Its wings are long and tapered, which researchers agree add to its faster flight. It can easily out fly any of the other birds in the north, as it consistently
demonstrates
during its hunting flights.
Special Abilities
Ability to blend in with the surrounds affords
any predator an advantage, and the Snow Falcon is no exception. Its white plumage
hides it within the snowy environment but the feathers along its underside prove its greatest attribute
. Two different coloured feathers, grey and light blue, are able to be retracted or pushed forward at will. This enables the bird to blend in with the sky, no matter the weather. With game so hard to come by on the frozen plains, this ability becomes very important.
Another feature of wings is a waxy type coating,
which protects them against the frigid waters of the sea. As well, researchers have noted a second, transparent, eyelid which they assume is used while the bird is underwater. These birds often dive into the water to get at small fish near the surface. The autumn run of the Fire Fish
proves
a perfect time to watch this magnificent raptor in its full majesty. From great heights, it comes sweeping down at incredible speeds, breaking the water's surface with ne'er a ripple to it's credit, then emerges again, carrying its next meal in its talons.
This also highlights two other features of the bird. The Snow Falcon has both marvelous eyesight, being able to spot the slight movements of Hrugchuk mice from
dizzying heights
, and a flying agility matched by few other flying species. Not only can it fly at great speed, dive even faster, but it can linger in the air for
short periods of time, notably while fishing
and in catching the ever elusive Hrugchuk Mouce, which burrows under the snow
. Some of the most beautiful displays of aerial acrobatics by any species can be found in male falcons during the mating rituals. As well, most other birds in flight have very little chance to evade a Snow Falcon when they begin to hunt them in the air.
Territory
Preferring the colder climes, one can find the Snow Falcon in the far reaches of Sarvonia. The largest populations can be found along the Iceland Coast, where the Ice Tribes make use of
the bird
and revere it to some extent.
The Snow Falcon may also
be found as far east as the Wicker Islands, home of the Himiko.
To the west, it travels as far as the Caaehl'heroth Peninsula in winter, though in summer most return to the Icelands.
This same pattern occurs in the south, where the bird migrates as far as the Heaths of Wilderon in winter.
The birds collect in the largest density in the Gathorn Mountains
, where craggy cliffsides give it a perfect place to make nests. The young are protected from predators here, and so it is a natural draw.
Most Snow Falcon researchers assume that this falcon, like some types of fish
, return to the place where they were born in order to mate and produce the next generation.
Because
more young survive in the safety of the cliffs, it is logical that a larger population can be found here.
However, this bird is predominately
nomadic, traveling to
where the food is most plentiful. During the autumn run of the Fire Fish (Remusian "
Fallu
-eck-fyrthara"), when countless numbers of these small fish migrate into the Bay of Calinth, hundreds of the Snow Falcons converge on the seashores and
gorge
themselves profusely to, according to some researchers, get enough body fat to make it through the long and cruel Iceland winter.
While not found in great numbers on Bower Island or Napthos Island, Snow Falcons do gather in large numbers on the Wicker Islands. Along the southern slopes of the Lac Dervan Mountain range, where the snows melt during the short summer, many birds make their home there. The fishing off the southern coast of the islands attracts the falcons to this area.
Very few birds can be found in the Icelands of the Aeh'Os'th'er'oc. Debate rages over this as to the reason why.
Most scholars surmise that the bird refuses to fly over or past the Mists of Osthemangar, due to that area's evil presence. Others disagree, but have yet to put forth an alternative theory
.
Habitat/Behavior
"The Snow Falcon is not of the disk, but of the air itself."
These words are found in the journals of Lyrotal Draconall, a renowned researcher of the northern areas of Sarvonia.
These birds are seldom found on the ground when not found near their nest in the spring and summer months. They seem to enjoy the freedom of riding the winds, soaring high above the disk. With plumage that blends its form into the expanse of sky, these birds are hard to see. When they are visible, they appear as a small speck in the heavens.
They can seemingly spend hours without coming back to the ground.
On the ground, the falcon is a predominately daylight hour bird.
It spends the darker hours sleeping.
During the day it sits watching the horizon with alert eyes, searching for any predators or prey. If it spots predators, it will take to the safety of the sky, or in the case of protecting a nest, will attack with its razor sharp talons. It can leave horrible wounds in all but the thickest skinned animals.
While hunting prey in the air, the falcon prefers to attack from above.
It will dive at other birds, hitting with tremendous force and using its talons to rip and tear feathers and flesh. In most cases, the falcon can fell its prey with only one dive attack, only occasionally requiring a second or third .
The falcon concentrates its attack on the wings of its prey,
disabling its ability to fly. Once on the ground, the prey becomes helpless to the predator
.
They are predominately solitary animals, but with a mate are surprisingly affectionate, preening each other for long periods.
When the young first attempt to fly, the parents are on a constant vigil, never straying
too far away.
Diet
Food,
for falcons or peoples or any other animal living in the Icelands,
is a very important commodity.
All who call this frigid terrain home must struggle for survival. Still, the habitat provides a wide range of prey for the Snow Falcon to hunt
. Other birds
prove
a good source of food. Klymmers, the aquatic birds along the Bay of Calinth, Snow Gynnia and the Nue'mon are the most common. They will either kill the birds themselves and bring the carcass back to the nest, or they will attack the nest and break open unhatched eggs and eat right there.
Among small land creatures that fall prey to these raptors are Hrugchuk Mice and Snow Rats. It is from this benefit to man that some scholars suggest the Snow Falcon
acquired its significance
to the Remusians. Protecting stores of grain from rodent infestation was of paramount importance. Leapor Hares and Leveret Rabbits are also among its preferred food sources.
Due to its watershedding ability, the Snow Falcon is also a fantastic fisher. Small Evoor and Varlihn become targets for the bird, as well as the
Fire Fish during their
autumn run. During this time, the falcon will gorge itself, building up a layer of fat to help it
survive
the coming months.
While the Snow Falcon has been observed eating insects and carrion, this behavior seems characteristic in only extreme circumstance
. They seem to much prefer to kill their own food.
Mating
The Snow Falcon has
an elaborate mating ritual, displayed
in the skies each spring. The male Snow Falcon is much smaller than his female counterpart. To make up for this, the blue feathers on his underside are usually a brighter hue in colour. Researchers think this may be a way of attracting a mate, when he shows off his underside during the acrobatic aerial dances. This dance is performed by the male, who singles out a female in flight and soars along beside her. As he does, he will suddenly dive as if hunting or crashing, then suddenly even out and swoop along the ground before rising back up to meet her. Sometimes, he will fly ahead of her and then linger in air, holding his position in the sky for a few moments, until she passes past him. Among these two main feats, he will also sweep alongside her and do twists and somersaults.
The ritual culminates with the male offering to the female a gift of meat or fish
. As he suspends himself in the air before her, at the last moment, he flips himself over so that his legs are above him, offering the morsel. If she accepts the proffered meal, then it seems that she has accepted him as a mate.
From this moment on, the two falcons will find a suitable place to nest.
Falcon's
near the Bay of Calinth, or in the Gathorn Mountains, seem to prefer cliff faces, while those farther inland build nests atop large rocks, trees, or even on the ground, without snow, preferably. The nest can be traditional--that is, built with twigs like most other birds--but the lack of wood in many areas of the north can make this difficult. In these cases, the falcons will use tufts of fur and feathers, frozen into place with excrement.
Into these nests, the female will lay up to four eggs. These eggs are an off white colour with light blue speckles, and equal in size to taenish eggs. The eggs will hatch 5-6 weeks after being laid, bringing forth chicks that are pure white. They will stay pure white until they molt their first feathers and grow their adult feathers, about a month after hatching. During this time, the
chicks grow quickly
. The female, being larger, does most of the hunting, while the male watches the nest, protecting it from any predators, such as eagles, shirs, etc. When the chicks
begin
to attempt flight, having nearly
reached
adult size, the male will start leaving the nest in order to help the female bring enough food back to the nest
to satisfy the fledglings
.
Unfortunately, mortality in the young is quite high, and about half of eggs/young do not hatch or live to maturity. During lean years, often only their largest, most aggressive chick will get enough to eat and survive. It has even been observed that larger chicks will push smaller chicks out of the nest before they are able to fly,
resulting in death either from the fall (in the case of cliff nests) or from predators like the shir. The falcons reach maturity at about two years of age
, when they will become capable of mating. They will learn to fly near the end of summer, and will start to accompany the female on her hunts, learning from her. At this point, the male usually leaves, his part of the chick rearing done. They will stay solitary through the winter and take new mates in the spring.
Usages
Food, of course, is the main use of the Snow Falcon along the Icelands Coast. With fresh meat difficult to find in many areas, the people of the Icelands region do not waste any chance for a good meal. The exception to this generalization are the Remusians. Though not completely unheard of, the Remusians tends to revere the bird more so than the other tribes. Instead
of consuming the bird
, the Remusians use the hunting bird for falconry.
While the Remusians consider it a noble sport
, it is practiced among the nomadic clans as well. While among the poorer nomadic people, a good hunting bird may be the difference between eating on a particular day or not, the nobles do so more for prestige. King Timeras, the ruling Lanrul of Remusia, claims a large and impressive stock of birds, many of which are bred from animals his father had. The previous king, Araman, was very much involved in the selective breeding of his falcons and, by all accounts, greatly improved the stock.
Other uses include fashioning the talons into sewing needles. The people of the Ice Tribes make holes in the talons, then thread them with leather strips to sew heavy winter clothing.
The feathers are used by fletchers in the production of arrows.
Additionally
, the Antislar and the Remusians sometimes use the feathers as quills for writing. However, most find the Snow Falcon's quills too soft for this and prefer the quills of other birds.
The Himiko of the Wicker Islands use the Snow Falcon not only for food, but place great value on the blue feathers of the raptor. They use these feathers as decorations not only for clothes, but as a sort of jewellery, the women putting them in their hair. In some cases, elaborate head dresses are constructed and worn during more somber and important ceremonies.
The Rhom-Ocs of the Heaths of Wilderon use the talons as crude jewelry for necklaces.
Myth/Lore/Origin
There seems to be no myths dealing with the Snow Falcon in Iceland lore. However, the falcon is associated with the Ice Tribe goddess, Weabor, goddess of Wind. She
often takes
the form of a Snow Falcon and spends her time soaring the winds watching over the poor creatures that cannot experience the joys of flight.
The Remusians feel that coming across a falcon on the ground is a sign of good fortune. A hunting party that finds one observing them is guaranteed a successful hunt.
Researchers
About the Writer: Lyrotal Draconall, a Remusian who had traveled extensively while researching entries for the Compendium, disappeared in 1666. He has provided much information regarding the beforehand mysterious Ice Tribes.
We owe him a debt of gratitude
, and our prayers for his safe return one day. He traveled with a group of warriors and used giants from the Stone Fields of Peat as beasts of burden. He found them more useful than traditional mounts, and was once credited with exclaiming, about his successes, “If I have seen further than other Remusians, it is because I have stood on the shoulders of giants.” He disappeared during one of his expeditions, presumably eaten by one of those giants he was standing on.
He spent many years studying the different animals of the northern reaches, and once wrote that "
No animal has embodied majesty like the Snow Falcon
. Not the Caracal, the Wison, not the Thunderfoot or the Pack-ox; none of these has become, for me, the embodiment of the Icelands.
The falcons
show a spirit that I can find myself akin to, and if
we come
back to this world after death, then I hope that I come back as one of these fabulous birds."
«
Last Edit: 28 February 2010, 20:59:49 by Artimidor Federkiel
»
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Decipher Ziron
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Re: Snow Falcon
«
Reply #1 on:
26 December 2007, 01:37:12 »
Sounds very seasonal....Will comment when its finished
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Jonael Tomeskrift
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Re: Snow Falcon
«
Reply #2 on:
17 January 2008, 10:11:17 »
Ah, the Snow Falcon! A magnificent creature that I myself was going to look into at some point... I did not get a chance to in the end though...
Looking at your entry so far though it looks like this will become a nice entry for the falcon. You have some promising ideas so far, well done. One concern was though, that it all sounded a little like giving the reader a list. Possibly make your text a little more flowing and intriguing? Also, your structure and order of facts did not seem to fit in properly with one another at times... but then again, this is all a work in progress so far.
Keep it up, and if you need help or want to discuss anything be sure to let me know
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Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin
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The Remusian
Re: Snow Falcon
«
Reply #3 on:
17 January 2008, 12:56:46 »
Thank you for the comments.
This is an entry I'm working on during "downtime" between my other projects. I'll concentrate on it as I get closer to finishing some of the others. I usually do most of my writing in word, but for some reason have been working on this "in the open". As such, these are mostly thoughts written down with little regard for flowery language. But, feel free to glance at it now and again, as I always happily entertain suggestions.
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Alysse the Likely
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Re: Snow Falcon
«
Reply #4 on:
18 January 2008, 11:33:44 »
This is a neat bird, Altario.
One suggestion I'd make is (if you haven't done so already) is to do a little Internet research on the Arctic Owl--there might be some useful information there that you could adapt for the falcon, since they're both cold-weather northern birds of prey.
Once you have a bit more worked out, I'll do a read-through for you.
Alysse
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Re: Snow Falcon
«
Reply #5 on:
18 January 2008, 13:30:25 »
Love the 'colour-change' feature! Quite a lovely fantasy detail, yet somehow immediately practical and believable....
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Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin
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The Remusian
Re: Snow Falcon
«
Reply #6 on:
18 January 2008, 13:34:05 »
Well... with all the comments on an entry that I have spent no more than an hour on so far, I suppose I will need to put this higher up on my priority list.
Thank you all for the interest
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Re: Snow Falcon
«
Reply #7 on:
14 January 2010, 02:41:33 »
Bumping this.... still a WIP. As you can see, moving something up on my priority list still means a 2 year wait.
I will work on finishing ths until its done.
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Azhira Styralias
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Re: Snow Falcon
«
Reply #8 on:
14 January 2010, 03:23:58 »
Ohhh! Would there be room for some of these in Caaehl'heroth? I am lacking any kinds of falcons in my area. Maybe the Yllon Woods would be a good place. No Mists or other strange stuff there as far as I know. Maybe a variety that likes to catch fish in the Eswath Bay. Also the eastern Caaehl Mountains might be good, too.
I'll check back in a few years to see how this is progressing.
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Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin
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Re: Snow Falcon
«
Reply #9 on:
14 January 2010, 03:24:38 »
Yup, I can bump them over a bit.
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Re: Snow Falcon
«
Reply #10 on:
14 January 2010, 08:04:08 »
Okay, ready for comments.
Maybe not my bestest work, but I'm out of practice when it comes to animals.
Azhira, I placed in
blue
all things concerning Caaehl'heroth. See if it fits, as that area is not my forte.
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Re: Snow Falcon
«
Reply #11 on:
14 January 2010, 13:42:29 »
Oh yes, I'll have plenty to comment on here.
Give me a day or so to think on the orc stuff.
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Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin
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Re: Snow Falcon
«
Reply #12 on:
14 January 2010, 14:07:19 »
Lookin' forward.
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Re: Snow Falcon
«
Reply #13 on:
15 January 2010, 10:07:13 »
One a half hours, but I am at last done rayne-ing. Teehee.
Alt, you have a great style, but you need to be really careful of your pronouns. Occasionally your pronouns have ambiguous references (antecedents), and they are occasionally misplaced! I have tried to suggest ways to make things more clear. Just something to keep in mind for future entries!
Overview
The Snow Falcon is a small raptor that lives in northern Sarvonia
[When I think of "raptor," I think of a reptile. Perhaps there might be word without such associations appropriate to the context?]
. It makes its home predominately along the coast, but can be found inland as well, as far south as the Heaths of Wilderon, as far west as the Caaehl'heroth Peninsula.
[You have four clauses here, which is a bit much for the average reader. Consider breaking it in two. "It makes it home predominately along the coast, but can be found inland as well; it's territory extends as far south as the Healths of Wilderon and as far as as the Caaehl'heroth Peninsula."]
It is considered the symbol of the Lanruls, as they have adopted the sport of Falconry as one for only the elite.
[Sounds a little awkward to me. Consider: "The bird is considered a symbol of the Lanruls [tribe?], who have adopted falconry as a sport of the elite."]
Appearance
This bird of prey is mainly a bright white in colour, making it hard to see against the brilliance of the ice and snow. [What about at night in the dark? o.O Perhaps it may be better to stick with less illuminate diction? "Pure white" "immaculate white"?][/color] These compact birds are just over a fore in height, and have a wingspan of three fores. Their handsome heads are marked with intelligent snogthesheen green eyes,
[snogthesheen=green; consider eliminating one]
and an off white coloured and very strong beak.
[Sounds a little awkward to me. Perhaps: "and a strong, off-white coloured beak" or "strong beak of off-white colouration."]
The beak has a sharp downward curve to it, which allows it to tear flesh with ease.
[The pronoun here seems ambiguous with relation to its antecedent. Consider: "The beak has a sharp downward curve, allowing the bird to tear flesh with ease."]
The feathers under the bird ["along the bird's belly"?][/color] are two toned. The main colour is a grey colour, darker than the white plumage of its back. As well, it has a blue coloured layer of feathers.
[Where is this layer of feathers? And do these bird have a different color for the down feathers beneath the primary feathers?
Special muscles under the skin determine which layer of feathers are pushed outward, and which ones are retracted back underneath. (see Special Abilities)
The bird's legs are a pale yellow in colour, ending in very strong talons. Very sharp
[no comma]
and very strong, these are formidable weapons for the small bird. They can
easily
tear flesh
easily
, and can hold
proportionally
great weights
for its
in proportion to its
body size. Its wings are long and tapered, which researchers agree add to its faster flight. It can easily out fly any of the other birds in the north, as it consistently shows
["demonstrates"?]
during its hunting flights.
The male Snow Falcon is much smaller than his female counterpart. To make up for this, the blue feathers on his underside are usually a brighter hue in colour. Researchers think this may be a way of attracting a mate, when he shows off his underside during the acrobatic aerial dances.
[The second sentence in this paragraph might be moved down. It doesn't seem to follow from the first sentence.
Special Abilities
Being able to blend in with their surroundings gives
["Ability to blend in with the surrounds affords..."]
any predator an advantage,
and
the the Snow Falcon is no exception. Its white plumage
on its main body
hides it against the snow,
[This makes it sound as though the falcon is hiding from the snow. Maybe "hides it within its snowy environment" or something?]
but its underside is where it has its greatest attribute. ["...but the feathers along its underside prove its greatest attribute"?][/color]
It has
two different coloured feathers, grey and light blue, are able to be retracted or pushed forward at will. This enables the bird to blend in with the sky, no matter the weather. With game so hard to come by on the frozen plains, this ability becomes very important.
Another feature
of
the wings
have
[no comma]
is a waxy
type
coating
on them
, which protects them against the frigid waters of the sea. As well, researchers have noted a second, transparent, eyelid which they assume is used while the bird is underwater. These birds often dive into the water to get at small fish
that are
near the surface. The autumn run of the Fire Fish
provides/proves
a perfect time to watch this magnificent raptor
[Reptile associate
in its full majesty. From great heights, it comes sweeping down at incredible speeds, breaking the water's surface with ne'er a ripple to it's credit, then emerge
s
again, carrying
its
next meal in its talons.
This also highlights two other features of the bird. The Snow Falcon has both marvelous eyesight, being able to spot the slight movements of Hrugchuk mice from heights of dizzying proportions ["dizzying heights" You're mixing two different collocations here!][/color], and a flying agility matched by few other flying species. Not only can it fly at great speed, dive even faster, but it can linger in the air for short periods, which it does while fishing.
["...short periods of time, notably while fishing."]
Some of the most beautiful displays of aerial acrobatics by any species can be found in male falcons during the mating rituals. As well, most other birds in flight have very little chance to escape or evade a Snow Falcon when they begin to hunt them in the air.
[I would chose either "escape" or "evade"; both sounds awkward to me]
Territory
Preferring the colder climes, one can find the Snow Falcon in the far reaches of Sarvonia. The largest population
s
of the bird
can be found along the Iceland Coast, where the Ice Tribes make use of
it
of the bird
and revere it to some extent. It can
["The Snow Falcon may also"]
be found as far east as the Wicker Islands, home of the Himiko.
To the west, it travels as far as the Caaehl'heroth Peninsula in winter, though in summer most return to the Icelands.
This same pattern occurs in the south, where the bird migrates as far as the Heaths of Wilderon in winter.
The largest density of the birds seems to be in the Gathorn Mountains, where craggy cliffsides give it a perfect place to make nests.
["The birds collect in the largest density in the Gathorn Mountains..."]
The young are protected from predators here, and so it is a natural draw. It is assumed by most researchers of the bird, that they, like some types of fish, return to the place where they were born in order to mate and produce the next generation.
["Most Snow Falcon researchers assume that this falcon, like some types of fish..."]
As
Because
more young survive in the safety of the cliffs,
then
it is logical that a larger population can be found here.
However, this bird is predominately nomadic, and it travels where
["nomadic, traveling to where"]
the food is most plentiful. During the autumn run of the Fire Fish (the Remusian's call them Phyllu-eck-fyrthara)
(Remusian "Phyllu-eck-fyrthara") [This seems like a really long name for "Fire Fish": compare two syllables to six]
, when countless numbers of these small fish migrate into the Bay of Calinth, hundreds of the Snow Falcons converge on the seashores and feed
["gorge"? "feed themselves" seems awkward to me.]
themselves profusely to, according to some researchers, get enough body fat to make it through the long and cruel Iceland winter.
Very few birds can be found in the Icelands of the Aeh'Os'th'er'oc. Debate rages over
this as to
the reason why. Some scholars surmise that the orcs here have hunted the bird to near extinction, using the talons for jewellery and the eggs for a ritual dish. Others argue that the bird refuses to fly over or past the Mists of Osthemangar, due to that area's evil presence. It seems the debate will long be discussed.
Habitat/Behavior
"The Snow Falcon is not of the disk, but of the air itself."
These words are found in the journals of Lyrotal Draconall, a renowned researcher of the northern areas of Sarvonia. When not found near its nest in the spring and summer months, these birds are seldom found on the ground.
[I would flip the depedent-independent structure to indepedent-dependent. The "its" in the dependent clause is initially confusing due to an ambiguous antecedent.
They
seem to enjoy the freedom of riding the winds and are often spotted as a small speck in the sky, if one sees it at all with its ability to hide against the skies.
[Consider breaking this up: "They seems to enjoy the freedom of riding the winds, [soaring high above the disk][gliding in the upper air]. With plumage that blends its form into the expanse of sky, these birds are hard to see. When they are visible, they appear as a small speck in the heavens." Or something along those lines.]
They can seemingly spend hours without coming back to the ground.
On the ground, the falcon is a predominately daylight hour bird. At night, it sleeps most of the hours.
[I'm not sure I understand this last sentence. Do you mean "It sleeps most of the night"? "It spends the darker hours sleeping"?
During the day it sits watching the horizon with alert eyes, searching for any predators or prey. If it spots predators, it will take to the safety of the sky, or in the case of protecting a nest, will attack with
its
razor sharp talons. It can leave horrible wounds in all but the thickest skinned animals.
While hunting prey in the air, the falcon prefers to attack from above. It will dive at the other bird, hitting it with tremendous force, and ripping at it with its talons.
[Consider making your direct object plural and dropping your DO pronouns: "It will dive at other birds, hitting with tremendous force and using its talons to rip and tear feathers and flesh." This avoids the problem of identical pronouns for multiple antecedents.]
In most cases, it only takes one dive attack for the prey to be felled, while occassionally a second or third attempt is made.
["In most cases, the falcon can fell its pray with only one dive attack, only occasionally requiring a second or third."]
The falcon concentrates its attack on the wings of its prey, inabling it to fly. ["inabling" is, I believe, another spelling for "enabling," which is not what you mean. Perhaps "preventing"/"hindering"/"disabling"? I would also recommend using "flight" instead of "it to fly"][/color] Once on the ground, it becomes helpless to the bird of prey.
[In order to get away from pronouns, maybe use roles? "Once on the ground, the prey becomes helpless to the predator." Or something like that.]
They are predominately solitary animals, but with a mate are surprisingly affectionate, preening each other for long periods.
[Awww... Maybe Alt DOES have a romantic side?]
While the young
are
first attempt
ing
to fly, they
[Unclear antecedent: "the parents"]
are on a constant vigil, never
straying
too far away.
Diet
Food, for falcons or any other animal or peoples in the Icelands,
[The "or"s here are a bit confusing. This looks like a polysyndeton, but perhaps could be smoothed a little: "for falcons or peoples or any other animal living in the Icelands,..."]
is a very important commodity. It is a constant struggle for survival.
[Pronoun issue again. "It" takes the last subject, so "Food is a constant struggle for survival." Perhaps consider: "All who live here struggle for survivial" or "All who call the frigid terrain home must struggle for survival."]
Still, there is
["the habitat provides"]
a wide range of prey
that
for
the Snow Falcon
to
hunt
s
in its diet
. Other birds are a good source of food.
["Other birds serve as/prove a good source of food."]
Klymmers, the aquatic birds along the Bay of Calinth, Snow Gynnia and the Nue'mon are the most common.
[Oh no! Poor little gynnia!]
They will either kill the birds themselves and bring the carcass back to the nest, or they will attack the nest and break open unhatched eggs and eat right there.
Among small land creatures that fall prey to these raptors
[Rawr reptiles!]
are Hrugchuk Mice and Snow Rats. It is from this benefit to man that some scholars suggest the Snow Falcon found its importance
["acquired its significance"]
to the Remusians. Protecting
their
stores of grain from rodent infestation was of paramount importance. Leapor Hares and Leveret Rabbits are also among its preferred food sources.
Due to its watershedding ability, the Snow Falcon is also a fantastic fisher. Small Evoor and Varlihn become targets for the bird, as well as the fire fish
[Capitalised or no?]
during
its
their
autumn run.
[You've already used the falcon as a singular. "Fish" can be singular or plural. In order to make the antecedent of your possessive pronoun more clear, it would probably be best to make it plural, not singular.]
During this time, the falcon will gorge itself
as much as it can
, building up a layer of fat to help it
through
survive
the coming months.
Other food the Snow Falcon has been observed to eat is insects and carrion, though usually only in extreme circumstances.
["While the Snow Falcon has been observed eating insects and carrion, this behavior seems characteristic in only extreme circumstance." Or something]
They seem to
much
prefer to kill their
own
food.
Mating
The Snow Falcon has a wonderful
["lively"/"intricate"/"elaborate" - in order to avoid evaluative language.]
mating ritual,
which is
displayed in the skies each spring. This dance is performed by the male, who singles out a female in flight and soars along beside her. As he does, he will suddenly dive as if hunting or crashing, then suddenly even out and swoop along the ground before rising back up to meet her. Sometimes, he will fly ahead of her and then linger in air, holding his position in the sky for a few moments, until she passes past him. Among these two main feats, he will also sweep alongside her and do twists and somersaults. What seems to be the finale
[no comma]
is when the male brings a piece of meat, or a fish, or something similar to her.
["The ritual culminates with the male offering to the female a gift of meat or fish"]
As he suspends himself in the air before her, at the last moment, he flips himself over so that his legs are above him, offering the morsel. If she accepts the proffered meal, then it seems that she has accepted him as a mate.
From this moment on, the two falcons will find a suitable place to nest.
Those
Falcons
near the Bay of Calinth, or in the Gathorn Mountains, seem to prefer cliff faces, while those farther inland build nests atop large rocks, trees, or even on the ground, without snow, preferably. The nest can be
traditional--that
is, built with twigs like most other
birds--but
the lack of wood in many areas of the north can make this difficult
at times
. In these cases, the falcons will use tufts of fur and feathers, frozen into place with excrement.
Into these nests, the female will lay up to four eggs. These eggs are an off
-
white colour with light blue speckles, and equal in size to taenish eggs. The eggs will hatch 5-6 weeks after being laid, bringing forth chicks that are pure white
in colour
.
["White" is always a color]
They will stay pure white until they molt their first feathers and grow their adult feathers, about a month after hatching. During this time, the chicks are growing quickly.
[You change tense here to present progressive from future tense. Consider: "During this time, the chicks grow quickly." Not quite as jarring]
The female, being larger, does most of the hunting, while the male watches the nest, protecting it from any predators, such as eagles, shirs, etc. When the chicks start
["begin"]
to attempt flight, having nearly
reached
adult size, the male will start leaving the nest in order to help the female bring enough food back to the nest
to satisfy the fledglings
.
Unfortunately, mortality in the young is quite high, and about half of eggs/young do not hatch or live to maturity. During lean years, often only their largest, most aggressive chick will get enough to eat and survive. It has even been observed that larger chicks will push smaller chicks out of the nest before they are able to fly, resulting in being killed from the fall in the case of cliff nests, or at the mercy of predators.
["resulting in death either from the fall (in the case of cliff nests) or from predators like the shir."]
Maturity of the falcons is about two years of age,
["The falcons reach maturity at about two years of age,"]
when they will become capable of mating. They will learn to fly near the end of summer, and will start to accompany the female on her hunts, learning from her. At this point, the male usually leaves, his part of the chick rearing done. They will stay solitary through the winter and take new mates in the spring.
Usages
Food, of course, is the main use of the Snow Falcon along the Icelands Coast. With fresh meat difficult to find in many areas, the people of the Icelands region do not waste any chance for a good meal. The exception to this generalization are the Remusians. Though not completely unheard of, the Remusians tends to revere the bird more so than the other tribes. Instead
of consuming the bird
, the Remusians use the hunting bird for falconry. Considered a noble sport,
["While the Remusians consider it a noble sport,"
never the less,
it is practiced among the nomadic clans as well. While among the poorer nomadic people, a good hunting bird may be the difference between eating on a particular day or not, the nobles do so more for prestige. King Timeras, the ruling Lanrul of Remusia, claims a large and impressive stock of birds, many of which are bred from animals his father had. The previous king, Araman, was very much involved in the selective breeding of his falcons and, by all accounts, greatly improved the stock.
Other uses include the use of the talons as sewing needles.
[Polyptoton awkward. Consider: "Other uses include fashioning the talons into sewing needles"]
The people of the Ice Tribes drill holes in the talons to which they thread them with leather strips to sew heavy winter clothing.
[Awkward construction. Consider: "The people of the Ice Tribes make holes in the talons, then thread them with leather strips to sew heavy winter clothing." I don't know how Santharian "drill" is.]
The feathers are used by fletchers in the production of arrows. As well,
Further/In addition/Additionally
the Antislar and the Remusians sometimes use the feathers as quills for writing. However, most find the Snow Falcon's quills too soft for this and prefer the quills of other birds.
The Rhom-Ocs of the Heaths of Wilderon use the talons as crude jewelry for necklaces, as do the Aeh'Os'th'er'oc. Indeed, these Iceland Orcs use eggs of the Snow Falcon in a special ritual to mark the celebration of the reaching of adulthood of the next tribe leader. Once, it
[I don't know what the antecedent is for this "it"!]
was to mark the journey into adulthood of all warriors, but the low number of birds in recent years has made this a more exclusive ceremony
Myth/Lore/Origin
There seems to be no myths dealing with the Snow Falcon in Iceland lore. However, the falcon is associated with the Ice Tribe goddess, Weabor,
who is the
goddess of Wind. She
can take
often takes
the form of a Snow Falcon and spends her time soaring the winds watching over the poor creatures that cannot experience the joys of flight.
The Remusians feel that coming across a falcon on the ground is a sign of good fortune. A hunting party that finds one observing them is guaranteed a successful hunt.
The Aeh'Os'th'er'oc see the bird as a sign of strength and cunning, and so use the talons, eggs and feathers in their culture.
Researchers
About the Writer: Lyrotal Draconall, a Remusian who had traveled extensively while researching entries for the Compendium, disappeared in 1666. He
has
provided much information regarding the beforehand mysterious Ice Tribes. To him, we owe a great thanks,
[Awkward. Consider: "We owe him a debt of gratitude"]
and our prayers for his safe return one day. He traveled with a group of warriors and used giants from the Stone Fields of Peat as beasts of burden. He found them more useful than traditional mounts, and was once credited with exclaiming, about his successes, “If I have seen further than other Remusians, it is because I have stood on the shoulders of giants.”
[lol A fan of Newton?]
He disappeared during one of his expeditions, presumably eaten by one of those giants he was standing on.
[
]
He spent many years studying the different animals of the northern reaches, and once wrote that "No animal has embodied the majesty that the Snow Falcon has done.
[Either "the majesty as the Snow Falcon has done" or "majesty of the Snow Falcon." Or even "No animal has embodied majesty like the Snow Falcon."]
Not the Caracal, the Wison, not the Thunderfoot or the Pack-ox; none of these has become, for me, the embodiment of the Icelands. They
[This refers to the animals you referred to early. Replace "They" with "Snow Falcons" or "The falcons."]
show a spirit that I can find myself akin to, and if one
["one" can be a pronoun. Consider "we" instead.]
comes back to this world after death, then I hope that I come back as one of these fabulous birds."
Logged
"There is much misjudgment in the world. Now, I knew you for a unicorn when I first saw you, and I know that I am your friend. Yet you take me for a clown, or a clod, or a betrayer, and so I must be if you see me so. The magic on you is only magic and will vanish as soon as you are free, but the enchantment of error that you put on me I must wear forever in your eyes. We are not always what we seem..." -Schmendrick the Magician, The Last Unicorn
Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin
Santh. Member
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The Remusian
Re: Snow Falcon
«
Reply #14 on:
15 January 2010, 15:29:12 »
Some people are lucky enough to get a warm spring Rayne. Me... I get a Raynestorm!
Thank you Rayne, I will get to these corrections right away.
Logged
"Lather...Rinse...Repeat" Why has God made my life so complicated?
This is what I'm working on
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