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Author Topic: The Kaaer'dár'shín Half-Orcs - 1st Revision  (Read 25115 times)
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Tharoc Wargrider
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« Reply #75 on: 01 June 2008, 04:14:25 »

YAY, GO Azhira, Well done, hun!

Thoroughly deserved. I'd better get my skates on now, I don't want to be the only apprentice in the North. I mean, just think of all the cups of coffee I'll have to make, and no-one to help me!

Congrats again
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Azhira Styralias
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« Reply #76 on: 14 August 2008, 04:40:58 »

I have made the first revision of my tribal entry!

I've made all revisions in Yellow.

@ Judy - Specifically, I have integrated some myth/lore about the Feylja shapeshifters in the entry. I've kept it semi-ambiguous, but not so much that one couldn't tell the truth of the half-orcs special abilities. I am unsure if I should go into a more realistic detail of the shapeshifting or not... undecided

The discussion with Judy...
« Last Edit: 14 August 2008, 04:42:52 by Azhira El´rosse » Logged

No, I would not want to live in a world without dragons, as I would not want to live in a world without magic, for that is a world without mystery, and that is a world without faith. And that, I fear, for any reasoning, conscious being, would be the cruelest trick of all.
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« Reply #77 on: 14 August 2008, 04:56:11 »

It was difficult to see where you could revise this entry, Azhira. But I must say, the extras you have included fit in very well, and help to further our knowledge of the Kaaer people.

Nice revision!
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Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #78 on: 14 August 2008, 05:07:17 »

Yep, just read the additions/changes as well. It's great to see that whenever you can think of something more to make the entry even more complete, you put it in. Plus the new idea wih the Fylja, kept somewhat mythical and mysterious through an unclear source and lots of rumours, adds a new fascintaing side to the Kaar'dár'shín we didn't expect before. Yet the way it is introduced I think makes pretty much sense to me. Good thoughts, and very well written, Azhira!  grin
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Alysse the Likely
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« Reply #79 on: 14 August 2008, 12:53:50 »

I love this addition!

It adds a touch of mystery and magic to the Kaaer peoples and fits in perfectly with the Beastlord faith.  A brilliant idea, Azhira!


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Alysse the Likely
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« Reply #80 on: 23 August 2008, 21:40:14 »

I'll get to the Fylja rework when I can, Az.  Nice interweaving of the concepts there; I'm very happy to have the Fylja now integrated in such an effective cross-referencing. 

A couple of things that I noticed in skimming the whole of the entry:  they may be primarily meat-eaters, but what is their basic starch?  You mention only a few berries and vegetables, but there should be a main starch as well: likely not bread/wheat based, and it's too cold for riz, but tuberroots of some sort would seem the most probable.  Or perhaps they use a kind of manioc made from XXX bushes? ;)   Anyhow, a brief mention of that would be good.

The feasts:  if they wait for all fifty warriors to return until they start, but not all fifty always return.... um.... yes, well, you can see the problem for yourself.  Perhaps the warriors are sent out for five days and expected to return within that time.  The feast starts with as many boars as they have, and if it's all fifty that's good fortune for the coming year?

Likewise, if the three warriors 'fail' to slay the wison - how is that defined?  Are they given some sort of time limit, or are they unhorsed by the beast?  I'd think being killed or injured by a raging wison would be 'dishonour' enough, but if not, a week is surely unrealistic given that this is supposed to predict fortune for the year as well.     Perhaps you could just sort out some of those inconsistencies in the two festivals.   Have a look at "The Golden Bough", the seminal work on folklore beliefs and practices, for examples and ideas!   

This is certainly a masterwork, so I'm going to feel free to pick nits where I find them....iit's not as if there are huge egregious errors which I could point out, after all....   :)      Just a few little brushstrokes here and there to make this a competent, enjoyable entry!
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Azhira Styralias
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« Reply #81 on: 24 August 2008, 10:50:20 »

Thanks, Judy! I am glad you approve of the Fylja concept (also happy that Arti, Alysse and Tharoc all agree, too.)  grin

You've made some excellent points I never considered...and they make sense (as your comments/suggestions always do)  thumbup

These will take some thinking on my part, perhaps even inventing some kind of starch plant they could grow...and re-thinking the two festivals. Nothing major, as you've said.

I won't have the festivals and starch revisions done for this update, unfortunately, but maybe Arti can integrate everything between updates? I was hoping to use my new concepts over on the RP side... cool Roleplaying a shapeshifting half-orc would be super awesome...lol
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No, I would not want to live in a world without dragons, as I would not want to live in a world without magic, for that is a world without mystery, and that is a world without faith. And that, I fear, for any reasoning, conscious being, would be the cruelest trick of all.
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« Reply #82 on: 08 September 2008, 22:03:18 »

I think I am at the point where I have to stop and say "It's good enough!"

My final first revision is complete and ready for integration.

Summary:

First Revision colored Yellow

Overview - Re-written with much of the old bits placed under the People section and also re-written.

Appearance - Edited and added bits and pieces to further give detail to the appearance of the women and clothing.

Coat of Arms - Small addition.

People - Re-wrote the old overview and added to this section giving some more history of the tribe and their development. Added some bits of the Beastlord faith.

Housing - Change Temejin Tartar's name to Temuuj Tartaan to better fall into my new nomenclature concept in development. Also changed the name in further instances in the entry.

Diet - Per Judy's suggestion, I've added a new starch plant that can be used to make flaky bread.

Occupations - Gave Kaaer names to the Craftsman, Hunter and Fisherman.

Religion - Added a small overview on the Beastlord faith to define it.

Festivals - Per Judy's suggestion, two of the festivals are revised to be a bit more consistent.

Myth/Lore - Added a huge section integrating the Fylja fur-folk into the tribe's culture giving the senior, devoted members of the tribe the divine ability to shape shift into animals.
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No, I would not want to live in a world without dragons, as I would not want to live in a world without magic, for that is a world without mystery, and that is a world without faith. And that, I fear, for any reasoning, conscious being, would be the cruelest trick of all.
Azhira Styralias
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« Reply #83 on: 12 September 2008, 23:21:46 »

Bumping...perhaps in time to make the update? These are just revisions, so if not, no big deal... thumbup

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No, I would not want to live in a world without dragons, as I would not want to live in a world without magic, for that is a world without mystery, and that is a world without faith. And that, I fear, for any reasoning, conscious being, would be the cruelest trick of all.
Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #84 on: 04 October 2008, 01:20:00 »

I've finally marked this for integration ;) - Should be in this update - sorry that I couldn't include it last time, Azhira, there was quite a lot of stuff to put up then!
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"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
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