* 
Welcome Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?


*
gfxgfx Home Forum Help Search Login Register   gfxgfx
gfx gfx
gfx
Pages: 1 ... 3 4 [5]
Print
Author Topic: The Kyranian Men (Masterwork)  (Read 16372 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Garret Arroway
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 16
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 455


Kyranian


View Profile
« Reply #60 on: 02 September 2008, 13:34:26 »

Alright, got the few mistakes that you pointed out in the monarch section of Government, Artimidor. Thanks for taking the time. Slowly getting through this.

Edit - The light green in the military section is from comments in reponse to the seperate Military thread. As the overviews are the same I figured they'd apply here as well.
« Last Edit: 02 September 2008, 13:45:08 by Garret Arroway » Logged

Before you kill him, think of what you take from him.
Remember what it is to be alive.

Garret's Development Schedule
Garret Arroway
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 16
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 455


Kyranian


View Profile
« Reply #61 on: 03 September 2008, 11:18:11 »

Removed the history as oblivious me just noticed that there was a historical figure that lived over a hundred and some odd years so I figured I need to do some editing and revising.

If the rest of the entry gets done before I finish revisin the entry could it go up and the history go at a later date. Want to try and expand on it a bit as well as fix all that stuff, though I don't know how long that will take me with school and other stuff.

Anyways, just a heads up to any that wonder where the history wandered off too.
Logged

Before you kill him, think of what you take from him.
Remember what it is to be alive.

Garret's Development Schedule
Artimidor Federkiel
Administrator
*****

Gained Aura: 538
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 23.091



View Profile Homepage
« Reply #62 on: 04 September 2008, 04:51:47 »

I checked further major parts of the entry today - a good deal has now considerably improved to elaborate the Kyranian character much better, Garret. But of course the larger you make an entry, the more difficult it gets to change things if there are problems throughout it.

So I still don't really know what we should do with your past tense approach which means trouble for practically every paragraph. Kyranians now have mingled with other tribes, which is something you hint at in the introduction to the Appearance section. Yet you continue in past tense, while it would make only sense to continue in present tense describing the pure blooded Kyranians. The whole thing gets even more irritating when you write about a manhood ritual, or the classes of Kyranians and what this means right now for the Kyranians living in the Santharian society isn't really touched on - though it is highly likely that what you describe is actually still pretty much prevalent today. So that's all pretty complicated, but it needs to be adjusted.

I make a proposal, Garret: I see most of the entry is already pretty much ready, yet there are these troubles throughout, which need a thorough check and some adjustments and minor tweakings. So I'd say I slowly but surely start with preparing the entry for the site, but take the time to carefully read it again section by section and try to make adjustments as I go along in order to iron out the past tense proiblems and bend the entry a bit more in the directlon of the current Santharian Kingdom with mentioning of the past where it is due, and using present tense where it is necessary. - Section by section I can thus do further detailed checks, work towards integration and complete it eventually. Otherwise I'd need to let you go over it again and again if something still doesn't fit, and I guess the ironing out of the problems can very well already be done in this final step to get it on site.

Should there be a section that needs some major adjustments I'd point those out, and you could work specifically on that of course, until we can say it is done. - What do you think concerning this approach, Garret?
Logged



"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Garret Arroway
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 16
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 455


Kyranian


View Profile
« Reply #63 on: 04 September 2008, 06:31:54 »

That sounds like a great idea to me. I got a little carried away on this entry and it has made it difficult on both me as writer and you as commentor as it goes section by section and can't really get all the idea, information, and other things that come to mind when going through a whole entry. I've been confused about the tense thing since the beginning and attempted to remedy that since the beginning, but still haven't been able to get it, so help with that will really be appreciated.

For now I'm going to remove that tiny paragraph in the Religion section. I've been working on some stuff in the attempt to get that working out better, but will take a bit. That and the fixed history will be ready later, along with the full military section.
Logged

Before you kill him, think of what you take from him.
Remember what it is to be alive.

Garret's Development Schedule
Artimidor Federkiel
Administrator
*****

Gained Aura: 538
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 23.091



View Profile Homepage
« Reply #64 on: 05 September 2008, 03:00:09 »

Okeydokey - I will start with going through the entry then over the weekend and then we'll see how far I get, what I can correct and where there are further adjustments needed. :)
Logged



"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Artimidor Federkiel
Administrator
*****

Gained Aura: 538
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 23.091



View Profile Homepage
« Reply #65 on: 06 September 2008, 00:39:37 »

I've started with the first section to get them into the final entry, so here are some examples of what I do while I integrate the entry.

Here's for example the Coat of Arms section, which you left pretty much untouched, yet in the new version you can see the shift of identity in the Kyranians, also reflecting in their coat of arms:

Coat of Arms/Sign.
The Kyranian coat of arms can only be scarcely seen in today's Santharia. Yet, in some villages close to the southern Steppe of Kruswik one might still chance upon this symbol at a local inn, now more seen as a symbol of faith than of tribal ancestry. Ask the residents in this region to tell you some of the legends which contribute in explaining the origins of this symbol!

The coat of arms consists of a black stag's head on a dark green background with a gem in star-form placed between the antlers. The stag represented a central symbol in Kyranian heraldry, as the tribe had always interpreted itself as being closely related to the God of the Hunt, Arvins, who was said to have favoured these people in the very beginning of their existence. The gem on the other hand shows the one found by Cyroan Thromgolin at today's Lower Fores, which helped him to decide on the location of his first independent settlement of the tribe. Together the stag's head and the gem were meant to demonstrate prosperity and wealth, nowadays mainly the reference to Arvins has remained.


In the territory section I added for example in the last paragraphs a few things, also to get it a bit across that Kyranians are still there these days, just living more in the south - and Naios still has many of them around. Also added is a bit more information on why the kingdom fell apart - always good to know :)

Territory. (last paragraph)
Another notable and today still heavily Kyranian dominated city is Naios, which was founded on a hill near Wind Bay by Aprag Naios Dereswungen. When the kingdom eventually fell apart after the heavy losses against the Quaelhoirhim elves of the Zeiphyr in 806 b.S. the other tribes began annexing the land and the Kyranians slowly became part of the Centoraurians. This resulted more and more in a loss of tribal identity. Now their old territory is part of the Xaramon Province.

Hope you like these adjustments, Garret, I'm trying to bridge that missing gap that you hadn't covered properly as of yet, however, the entry itself looks mostly pretty good, so it's more a challenge on how to organize things than completely re-invent them for me here ;)
Logged



"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Artimidor Federkiel
Administrator
*****

Gained Aura: 538
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 23.091



View Profile Homepage
« Reply #66 on: 07 September 2008, 00:06:04 »

Short status report - currently I have already prepared (adjusted and updated) the following sections:

- Overview
- Appearance
- Coat of Arms
- Diet
- Production/Trade
- Natural Resources
- Holidays, Festivals and Observances
- Nomenclature

Quite a bit of work, but we're making progress here! More sections to be added soon :D
Logged



"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Artimidor Federkiel
Administrator
*****

Gained Aura: 538
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 23.091



View Profile Homepage
« Reply #67 on: 08 September 2008, 03:41:15 »

Further note:

Now also intergated are the larger sections:
- People
- Weapons

This is really also a lot of work for me to get this all in the correct tense and make the necessary adjustments, it's not that simple.

In general you should keep in mind at your entries, that you shouldn't try to ramble on, but to focus on the topic at question. While it is sometimes necessary to get in a bit of background, things like who sleeps where in a Santharian military camp hasn't really anything to do with Weapons, you know. Many, many thinks in this entry could be cut - or moved to a sub-entry. Because whenever someone looks for specific information on a topic in a tribe entry, this information should be right at hand and as straight to the point as possible.

Always keep these things in mind, also at other entries, where you sometimes have a tendency to write really a lot of stuff - the question should always be if this of direct relevance for the entry you're covering... ;)
Logged



"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Artimidor Federkiel
Administrator
*****

Gained Aura: 538
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 23.091



View Profile Homepage
« Reply #68 on: 12 September 2008, 05:38:18 »

As update weekend is approaching, here's the plan in this regard:

The entry itself is pretty huge and some sections might still be moved as a whole into sub-entries. However, I think if I add some more sections to the already mentioned ones above (like Clothing, Government etc.) then we'll have most of the entry done and it can go up that way already.

The remaining sections then will be added in later, I assume between updates, because the inauguration party will be held anyway within the next week. So you can already think about the details for your member page, Garret - it might come in handy soon!  grin
Logged



"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Azhira Styralias
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 132
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 2.774


Mód’dél’áey


View Profile
« Reply #69 on: 12 September 2008, 05:46:09 »

I agree...the entry could be broken down into sub entries like the way the Senterran and the Shendar are done.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to the party! Bring lots of dog food! lol
Logged

No, I would not want to live in a world without dragons, as I would not want to live in a world without magic, for that is a world without mystery, and that is a world without faith. And that, I fear, for any reasoning, conscious being, would be the cruelest trick of all.
Alysse the Likely
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 69
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 2.086



View Profile
« Reply #70 on: 12 September 2008, 07:19:22 »

Or Warg food?  Although if lots of people are coming, maybe that will amount to the same thing... :D


Alysse
Logged

Alysse the Likely
Artimidor Federkiel
Administrator
*****

Gained Aura: 538
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 23.091



View Profile Homepage
« Reply #71 on: 24 September 2008, 02:40:18 »

I'm making progress with integrating this one - Government section is now in for example. Yet it is pretty tedious work to get this up, and this still will last a while. But as I said: This doesn't pevent us from an inauguration party this Sunday - I hope I can get some further parts completed until then. :)
Logged



"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Pages: 1 ... 3 4 [5]
Print
Jump to:  

Recent
[27 March 2019, 00:01:57]

[21 June 2018, 14:28:00]

[31 May 2017, 06:35:55]

[06 May 2017, 05:27:04]

[03 April 2017, 01:15:03]

[26 March 2017, 12:48:25]

[15 March 2017, 02:23:07]

[15 March 2017, 02:20:28]

[15 March 2017, 02:17:52]

[14 March 2017, 20:23:43]

[06 February 2017, 04:53:35]

[31 January 2017, 08:45:52]

[15 December 2016, 15:50:49]

[26 November 2016, 23:16:38]

[27 October 2016, 07:42:01]

[27 September 2016, 18:51:05]

[11 September 2016, 23:17:33]

[11 September 2016, 23:15:27]

[11 September 2016, 22:58:56]

[03 September 2016, 22:22:23]
Members
Total Members: 1019
Latest: lolanixon
Stats
Total Posts: 144586
Total Topics: 11052
Online Today: 24
Online Ever: 700
(23 January 2020, 20:05:39)
Users Online
Users: 0
Guests: 20
Total: 20

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2005, Simple Machines
TinyPortal v0.9.8 © Bloc
Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Theme based on Cerberus with Risen adjustments by Bloc and Krelia
Modified By Artimidor for The Santharian Dream
gfx
gfxgfx gfxgfx