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Author Topic: For all our female readers!  (Read 3759 times)
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Tharoc Wargrider
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« on: 04 January 2009, 09:33:59 »

My sister just sent this to Mrs W. I thought it might raise a chuckle or two.

No offence ;)

Ode To January - by Alicia Moss
'Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste at the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I'd remember the marvellous meals I'd prepared; The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese And the way I'd never said, 'No thank you, please.'
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt And prepared once again to do battle with dirt -
I said to myself, as I only can 'You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!'
So - away with the last of the sour cream dip, Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished 'Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie - not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie, I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!

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Morden Peshirgolz
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« Reply #1 on: 04 January 2009, 09:36:57 »

Haha, a good oldie there, Tharoc! I heard this one a couple of times over the Christmas season. Me and Dad thought it was hilarious, but somehow Mom didn't quite see the humor. ;)
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Wren
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« Reply #2 on: 04 January 2009, 10:00:08 »

meh. no weight loss for me til I quit the glass of red wine after work when I get home.

I might have to quit the job before that happens :P
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Kareesh Valendar
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« Reply #3 on: 04 January 2009, 10:43:02 »

Starting a diet tomorrow. Yay....fortunately it's in a group, so that should be easier. :)
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seth ghibta
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« Reply #4 on: 05 January 2009, 02:51:33 »

after being pleasantly astonished to find that size twelve jeans are now too big by a comfortable margin, i'm absolutely dreading my next shopping trip. i think i'll just never buy clothes ever again. cry
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Lorek Sarnif
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« Reply #5 on: 07 January 2009, 01:28:19 »

LOL!!! That's one of the funniest things I've read in a good while, Tharoc. Did you make that up?
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Tharoc Wargrider
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« Reply #6 on: 07 January 2009, 03:10:28 »

'Fraid not, Lorek. The name of the author is at the top of the poem.
My verses tend to be a little more....erm.......'controversial'. ;)

Check out Septimus Smallpiece's Book of Bawdy Verse in the Poems And Songs section of the Library.

But don't say I didn't warn you!
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Use the force, Luke.

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Twen Araerwen
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« Reply #7 on: 07 January 2009, 18:15:42 »

~Blinks .... and blinks again! Runs towards the mirror and prays!~  cry
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Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #8 on: 07 January 2009, 19:11:25 »

I'm ignoring this thread and pretend it is not here.

You are a  cruel orc, Mr Tharoc, have your lost your disguise for a moment?  Shame on you! I need this special icon, I will get it, just for you!!!

« Last Edit: 07 January 2009, 23:38:58 by Talia Sturmwind » Logged

"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
***Astropicture of the Day***Talia's Long, Long List***
Alysse the Likely
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« Reply #9 on: 07 January 2009, 23:12:01 »

This IS funny--though for some strange reason my husband found it hysterically more funny than I did.  Though I've never been particularly self-conscious about my weight, I vividly recall four pregnancies that added about 30 pounds each, made me look like I was growing an elephant and feel like the unfortunate subject of this poem.

I can't wait to see what icon Talia finds for you, Tharoc.  Knowing her, it will be fitting. :D
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Alysse the Likely
Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #10 on: 07 January 2009, 23:39:35 »

I got it ;)



I can add some more though

or 

However, maybe I feel more like

« Last Edit: 07 January 2009, 23:51:06 by Talia Sturmwind » Logged

"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
***Astropicture of the Day***Talia's Long, Long List***
Tharoc Wargrider
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« Reply #11 on: 08 January 2009, 04:44:29 »

Please accept my most humble apologies, dear Talia........and Aly...........and Twen.......and anybody else!

I have some good emoticons for your collection, Talia. I'll go find them for you.back soon........

*Sounds of rummaging come from below Tharoc's bed*

AH! Here they are.*Blows a huge cloud of dust from the box, which he hands to Talia*



















« Last Edit: 08 January 2009, 04:49:04 by Tharoc Wargrider » Logged

Use the force, Luke.

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Alysse the Likely
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« Reply #12 on: 08 January 2009, 05:15:03 »

Those are hysterical!  I love the little duelers, the guy with the flowers, and the adorable little (is it a goat?) steed.

All I can say is  rolling


Alysse
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Alysse the Likely
Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #13 on: 08 January 2009, 15:04:46 »

Thank you Tharoc, I think I forgive you this time for putting me in a bad mood!  buck
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"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
***Astropicture of the Day***Talia's Long, Long List***
Twen Araerwen
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« Reply #14 on: 08 January 2009, 17:56:14 »

Haha! I have a very thick skin my Orcish friend. All is forgiven and forgotten. ~Double checks in mirror.~ heart
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