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Lionhorse
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« on: 24 January 2009, 05:18:08 »

Soros the Stranger Alchemist
(1649 a.S. - present-day)

Overview:

Soros is a contemporary alchemist about whom little is known, because of his secretive and mysterious nature.  Some of the information received by the Compendium researchers was acquired from friends of Soros' parents and distant family relatives.  Soros is one of the rare humans who study alchemy; this is a study which the gnomes prefer to reserve for themselves, not welcoming would be students of other races.

He tries to keep his alchemical studies secret, so as to prevent them from falling into the hands of others, to ensure that they will only be accredited to him, if his discoveries will bring something special and important to the inhabitants of Santharia. His unusual name is due to his Erpheronian heritage, and because of his secretiveness everyone simply refers to him as "The Stranger Alchemist." Of course, those who see in a more positive light call him simply The Young Alchemist, and these people are mainly elderly people, because he helped some older farmers several times, during his travel from scholars' studying place to his real home, by using alchemy to make The Bilge Fertilizer Powder, which he made available to the farms, ensuring farmers a productive year.

Because of his young age of twenty years he has done a few noticeable things, for example, he made The Bilge Fertilizer Powder available for some local farms. Although some of the people say that in his house, living alone, he has lots of different things and that he tries to discover the secrets of alchemy in it's roots. Through long studies of alchemy, Soros discovered many interesting things about the properties of the elements - their interaction with each other, and other properties by accomplishing some certain manipulations with the elements. The only people with whom he communicates are his real friends, who are not many in number, and when they meet Soros, he tells them what he has discovered, although he doesn't tell them everything in details - only in general terms. That also makes him seem very mysterious. During his experiments he accidentally have a found a new element, which is not given in basic or advanced alchemical sources, therefore by founding a new element he called it Sodium or Loman. As he began to experiment with this element he have found that it is very dangerous, because, when Soros threw Sodium in water, it began to move on the surface of water and after some seconds exploded with very loud noise.

Appearance:

Soros is approximately a ped and eight palmspan high, and is a young man, who has a heavily muscular body, which he gained during his childhood while helping his father, who was a smith. He also likes to dress in certain colours, so called, semi-tints and thunder colours. These are the colours which are pretty much like those colours which in Santharia are known as Waterberry blue, Allia, Xazure blue and Sou'cald blue, but the semi-tints are all those colours, which grant to the eyes feeling of softness. Thunder-blue, or Uderza blue, and grey colour fits him the best, because these colours represent all his personality properties and therefore give him some confidence, as he told to his mother. Thus he always tries to wear outfits incorporating these colours. He usually wears a shirt, trousers, shoes and, when he makes his experiments, he wears gloves to make sure that he will not get poisoned or injured.

At the age of thirteen, while he was helping his father as an apprentice, his parents began to notice that Soros has bad eyesight, and had to buy him magnification lenses, which were similar in appearance with those of Farseer Device lenses, but smaller, and Soros never takes them off. Since that day these glasses also serves as an eye protection device against some splinters, which can be produced during his experiments with volatile substances.

Personality:

It seems that Soros is able to understand everything, and indeed, holds his own opinions that are often contrary to popular views on life. He likes to argue, though not being cantankerous, he has still made some secret and ferocious enemies. He considers it natural that there would be a huge variety of opinions about everything. Soros instinctively rises up against some certain standards and, if there is a chance, changes accepted orders - even in society and government. He is interested in social problems and reforms of all kinds.

It is not easy for him to make friends, because of his views and personality in general. Soros is hardly more materially wealthy than other people, and is more or less uninterested in gaining money; although if he receives some, he will make surprisingly masterful use of it, as some of his real friends may say. Soros's only weaknesses are his nervousness, loneliness, and his melancholic attitude. He doesn't actually have many real friends, although there are some and he is very faithful to them. He always stands on the side of those who are downtrodden and humiliated.

Biography:

22nd Sleeping Dreameress 1649 a.S. - 1654 a.S.: "Soros's Birth and Childhood":

It was a warm Sleeping Dreameress day when in the early morning, with the first rays of Sun, in Erpheronian city of Voldar, Soros the Stranger Alchemist was born in the house of "The Smith and Tailor". It was the house where Soros spent best part of his life. He was raised by his mother - Amara the Tailor, who was an excellent tailor and who also had some secrets of good manners. But Soros's father was a strong and handsome blacksmith - Noroc the Smith, who mastered the craft of blacksmith and repairing swords, cauldrons and many other things, even golden items. Soros's childhood was very short, only until the age four, because then his father began to teach him about being a blacksmith and how to master this difficult craft. His mother, on the other hand, taught him some rules about how to be polite and how to sew holes in the shirts and how to make something like a fancy dress or other kind of clothing. At first Soros didn't like the craft of his father, but everything changed at age five.

1654 a.S. - 1656 a.S. - "Soros find his real interest in...":

At age five, Soros understood the basics of both parents crafts, therefore he began to help them in every way he could. He, especially, turned his attention to the father's blacksmith craft, because he couldn't understand why hot iron can be shaped in almost any form and it cools it retains that new form. This raised many questions in his mind about the properties of different substances. He wanted to know why, after some time, silver became grey and not shiny. And many such other questions occupied his mind, but he still helped his and asked them about the nature of substances.

1656 a.S. - 1662 a.S. - "Soros begin his apprenticeship among scholars":

After two years, since his apprenticeship started, Soros learned how to write and began to have his own notes on the nature of substances, which are around the city of Voldar and inside city's shops, and his parents couldn't unnotice that. That was because they brought him to scholars, who, after some time, gladly took Soros as their apprentice and started to teach him about the nature of nature and many other things. Unfortunately, this studying place is unknown, but it seems to be in the same city, in which Soros live - in the city of Voldar.

1662 a.S. - 1667 a.S. - "Soros develops his eyesight problems and loses his parents":

At the age of thirteen, one day Soros arrived home from the studies and, as he did in the past, helped to his parents. But after some days, Soros's parents noticed that Soros didn't take notes so often as he did in the past and that he couldn't see some tiny things from afar as it was when he was a child. They couldn't understand why it was so, when finally they asked him about this, and Soros told them that in the past two years something began happening with his eyes and that with every month he sees things from afar only as a blurred figures. Then his parents bought him magnification lenses, which could help him to see better. But at the end of the year, during his stay near scholars, Soros received a message about his parents death - some group of thieves, under the cover of night, broke into their house and killed both Soros's parents and stole many valuable things. The reason why thieves broke into their house were some golden and silver decorations, which his father had to repair and give them back to the family of much higher social class, who had asked him to repair. When the thieves broke into the house, Soros's father heard someone inside their house and that they were seeking for something. To make sure that his possessions and his beloved wife could be safe, he stood from the bed and went against the thieves, but they were too many and too greedy. Because of those precious things, the thieves killed both Soros's parents to ensure their escape. This is what the old local farmers, who saw this event from the cover, says. The grief in Soros's heart was painful and lasted for several years, during which he was taught by the scholars, and only local farmer's family took care after him, to make sure, he will not do any mistakes, that could danger his life. This local farmer's family did that to show their good attitude towards him, because Soros helped them from time to time, while traveling from home to the study place, and Soros parents had good relationships with this farmer's family, whose name is still unknown.

1667 a.S. - "Soros recovery and the beginnings of his own life":

After five years Soros's grief stood back and his mental health slowly recovered, and as a sign of his gratitude, Soros made several bottles of Ormelin to the farmer's family, to ensure that it will bring them physical healing when it will be necessary. About farmer's family is known only that they continued their life as it was before they began taking care of Soros. At the age of eighteen, Soros finished his advanced studies and started his own life, which he is even now spending as an alchemist with advanced knowledges about alchemy, living in his parents old house. His father's smithy he turned into his own laboratory or alchemists workshop and study room, in which one day he discovered a new element - Sodium / Loman. It was a midday when Soros started his new experiment, during which he accidentally forgot about the Ash-aceed / Lye that was heating, and when he remembered that, he thought that all experiment have failed and he will have to start it again. Therefore he looked into the furnace and saw that Ash-aceed / Lye became reasonably smaller and when he put it out of furnace Ash-aceed / Lye looked differently - with metallic glint. Then he had a suspicion that it is not Ash-aceed / Lye and to make sure this fact, he put the new element into water and as he did it, the substance began to move very quickly on the surface of water and after some seconds exploded with very loud noise. After that experiment he went to the scholars and showed them a new discovered element, which he called Sodium or Loman. He also told what had happened during the experiment and scholars were amazed.

Importance:

Some people, especially scholars, believe that he have useful knowledge about alchemy and they also believe, that Soros will be able to bring to the inhabitants of Santharia more, new and important discoveries. Some of his teachers says that he is the one who will try to explore every substance, which is in "The Tabulata Peryodiq of Santharia", and that he has already begun to do this research.

He also is one of the few persons in Voldar who seems to care about farmers and their life, which is depended on their harvest productivity, and Soros do all he can, by using his knowledge about alchemy, to ensure that the local farmers have great and productive harvest every season.

Soros even managed to discover a new element, which he called Sodium / Loman and which he extracted from the element Ash-aceed / Lye by heating it. This was known as he went by himself to the scholars of alchemy and showed them his discovery, as it is also described in his Biography section above. At the present time Soros is researching all possible properties and usages of Sodium.

Picture (Optional):

(I haven't found any picture in The Artist Sources, but Soros should look approximately like that one bellow:)

« Last Edit: 27 April 2009, 01:41:49 by Artimidor Federkiel » Logged

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« Reply #1 on: 24 January 2009, 06:35:47 »

Hey, I'm glad to see someone else take an interest in developing gnomes! As you can see, we are a tad odd over here but can have just as much fun as everyone else! (Moreso, in my opinion - although I'm biased!  :P)

I guess many consider me to be an authority on gnomes, and although that is far from the truth, I will humbly offer my advice.

I'm feeling pink today!
And lime green will be for grammatical changes.



Soros the Stranger Alchemist This title is a little confusing. Is he a stranger, or is he strange and mysterious? Either way, you might want to explain it better so that we can come up with a title that is more aesthetically pleasing. Additionally, 's' is not used often according to our revised rules of Gnomic, so you may want to alter his name a little... 'Zorzo' has a nice ring to it.
(1649 a.S. - our days) This is a litle young for a gnome, especially one who is influential enough to warrant a Compendium entry. Perhaps you can bump this up a few decades or so?

Overview:

Soros is an alchemist about whom not much is known, because of his secretness and mysteriousness. Soros tries to keep his alchemical studies secret, so as to prevent them from falling into the hands of others and therefore know that only he will have reward This is a very awkward statement; how about something like "He tries to keep his alchemical studies secret, so as to prevent them from falling into the hands of others, to ensure that they will only be accredited to him." , if his discoveries will bring something special and important to the inhabitants of Santharia. As a Erpheronian he gained his weird name, and because of his secretness everyone simply refers to him as "The Stranger Alchemist." Of course, those who see in a more positive light call him simply, "The Young Alchemist", and these people are mainly the elderly. Why are these people usually old? Why do they like him?

This is a vague overview. All that I can learn from it is that he is an alchemist, and that he gained his title from being so secretive about his works... Tidy it up and add a few more details and it should be fine.  :)

Because of his young age he did nothing special, yet. Although some of the people say that in his house, living alone, he have lots of different things and that he tries to discover the secrets of alchemy in it's roots. Through long studies of alchemy Soros descovered many interesting things about the properties of the elements, but he still can't explain some things, with which he will go down in history, yet, not knowing about that.

Why is he important enough to write a Compendium entry for if he hasn't done anything special? Not only that, but how do they know that he has made "interesting" discoveries about the elements even though he is so secretive?

Appearance:

Soros is approximately 185 cm high We use different units to measure height in Santharia, which you can find here, and is a young man, who has a heavily muscled body, which he gained during his childhood while helping his father, who was a smith. He also likes some certain colours, so called, semi-tints and thunder colours. I assume you meant "He likes to dress in some certain colours." As for 'semi-tints and thunder colours...' please explain! Thunder-blue and grey fit him best, because he always try to wear outfit with these colours. These colours fit him best because he always tries to wear them? That doesn't explain it very well! Please elaborate on this. He usually wears a shirt, trousers, shoes and, when he make his experiments, gloves to make sure that will not get poisoned or injured.

"You can't be sure about matter that is in this vial!!!"

This sentence is confusing, but shouldn’t be there anyway – remember, we’re not telling a story, we’re writing an encyclopedia entry.

At the age of thirteen, while he was helping to his father as an apprentice, his parents began to notice that Soros have bad eyesight, and had to buy him glasses that he never takes off. These glasses also serve as eye protection during his experiments with volatile substances.

Personality:

It seems that Soros is able to understand everything, and indeed, holds his own opinions that are often contrary to popular views on life. He likes to argue and, not being cantankerous, he has made some secret and ferocious enemies. Is there something to these rivalries other than him being shy? Why don’t you explain this, and perhaps mention some of these enemies specifically? Also, just a note: I’ve noticed that you use the word “secret” and “secretive” a lot; please replace some of these with other adjectives, as it tends to get stale and distracts from the rest of the entry. He considers it natural that there would be a huge variety of opinions about everything. Soros instinctively rises up against some certain standards and, if there is a chance, changes accepted orders - even in society and government. He is interested in social problems and reforms of all kinds, and also has unusual views on life. You’ve said that already – perhaps you can use this spot to explain the above statements a little better

This is not related to the rest of the above, and should be put into its own paragraph. It is not simple for him to make friends, because of his views and personality in general. Soros is hardly more materially wealthy than other people, and is more or less uninterested in gaining money; although if he receives some, He will make surprisingly masterful use of it. If not much is known about Soros, how do we know this? Soros's only weaknesses are his nervousness, loneliness, and his melancholic attitude. He doesn’t actually have real friends, although if there are some, he is very faithful to them. He always stands on the side of those who are downtrodden and humiliated. This is slightly contradictive; he doesn’t have any real friends, but if he did, he would be very faithful to them. Please fix up this entire section so that it’s less confusing, and also suits the mysterious nature of our alchemist.

Biography:

22nd Sleeping Dreameress 1649 a.S. - 1654 a.S.: "Soros's Birth and Childhood":

It was a warm Sleeping Dreameress day when in the early morning, with the first rays of Sun, in Erpheronian city of Voldar, born Soros the Stranger Alchemist in the house of "The Smith and Tailor". It was the house where Soro spent the most time of his life. He was raised by his mother - Amara the Tailor, who was an excellent tailor and who also had some secrets of good manners. But Soros's father was a strong and handsome blacksmith - Noroc the Smith, who mastered the craft of blacksmith and repairing swords, cauldrons and many other things, even gold. Soros's childhood is very short only until the age four, because then his father, began to teach him what it is being a blacksmith and how to master this difficult craft. Although, mother on the other hand, thought him some rules about how to be polite and how to sew holes in the shirts and how to make something like a fancy dress or other kind of clothing. At first Soros didn't like the craft of his father, but everything changed at age five.

There are a number of problems with this paragraph. Firstly, I don’t think that Voldar is a place that many gnomes would take up residence – not to say it’s impossible. In addition, blacksmithing is a very unusual job for any kind of gnome and doesn’t suit their physique well at all; this should be changed to something more reasonable. I’m not going to fix the grammar in these sections until you iron out the rest of their problems.

1654 a.S. - 1656 a.S. - "Soros find his real interest in...":

At age five, Soros understood the craft of his father and his mother, therefore he began to help them in every way he could. He, especially, turned his attention to the fathers blacksmith craft, because he could understood why iron can be shaped in almost every form and when it gets cool it doesn't change it's shape back. In his mind started to appear many questions about the properties of any substance. He wanted to know why after some time silver become grey and not shinny. And such other questions occupied his mind, but he still helped to his parents and asked them about the nature of substances.

Again; gnomes are not be blacksmiths, so I think you will have to change this in some way to fit them better.

1656 a.S. - 1662 a.S. - "Soros begin his apprenticeship among scholars":

After two years, Soros learned how to write and began to have his own notes on the nature of substances, which are in his location and his parents couldn't notice that. That because they brought him to scholars, who, after some time, gladly took Soros as their apprentice and started to teach him about the nature of nature and many other things.

Remember that gnomes live much longer and take longer to mature than humans. As such, apprenticeships don’t start until much later.

1662 a.S. - 1667 a.S. - "Soros receive his eyesight problems and the death of his parents":

At the age of thirdteen, one day Soros arrived home from the studies and, as he did it in past, helped to his parents. But in the same day, something happened in his father's workshop, where were they both - Soros and his father. A piece of iron accidentally seceded from the father's anvil and flew into Soros's eye and since that day Soros's sight began to get worse with every day. That because his parents bought him glasses, which could help him to see better. But at the end of the year, during his stay near scholars, Soros received a message about his parents death - some kind group of thieves broke into their house and assassinated both Soros's parents and stold many things. The grief in Soros's heart was painful and last for many years.

1667 a.S. - "Soros recovery and the beginnings of his own life":

After five years Soros's grief stood back and his mental health slowly recovered and Soros at the age of eighteen finished his advanced studies and started his own life, which he is even now spending as an alchemist with advanced knowledges about alchemy, living in his parents house, but father's workshop he turned into his own laboratory or alchemists work and study room.

Importance:

Some believe that it was his idea to create a tablets of the elements, which are known in Santharia. Although some say that he is just another liar, because such young person couldn't think about the creation of "The Tabulata Peryodiq of Santharia". But some people, especially scholars, believe that he have not bad knowledge about alchemy and they also believe, that Soros will be able to bring to the inhabitants of Santharia more, new and important discoveries.

The Table of Elements is a very, very old text, and its origins are mysterious. Therefore, Soros could not have created it and indeed, does not come from a suitable background to be able to come up with such an idea. In addition to this, some aspects of the entry are flawed in accordance with the rest of the Santharian mythology; please do some more research and fix these up.

All in all, this could turn out to be a worthy addition if you stick with it. Your primary worry at this time should be fixing all of the falsities and inconsistencies with the entry, and write a bit more in order to give us a better picture of him. You’ll also need to come up with some other reason for why he is being written about in the first place. After that is accomplished, we can help you iron out the grammar and sentence structure. This is a good start, and be sure to give me a heads up when you’ve made some edits! :)
« Last Edit: 24 January 2009, 06:38:52 by Gaffin » Logged

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« Reply #2 on: 24 January 2009, 06:56:41 »

Gaffin, I must disappoint you a little bit... Soros is not a gnome, but human. And by "tablets of the elements" I mean "The Tabulata Peryodiq of Santharia". But anyway, thank you for editing my entry. I think I'll fix it soon!!!  grin thumbup
« Last Edit: 24 January 2009, 06:58:51 by Lionhorse » Logged

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« Reply #3 on: 24 January 2009, 07:47:33 »

Gaffin, I must disappoint you a little bit... Soros is not a gnome, but human. And by "tablets of the elements" I mean "The Tabulata Peryodiq of Santharia". But anyway, thank you for editing my entry. I think I'll fix it soon!!!  grin thumbup

I could have sworn it said 'gnome' at the beginning.  shocked
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« Reply #4 on: 24 January 2009, 07:58:28 »

The Tabulata is a very ancient work but also constantly in flux.  Alchemy is an ongoing discipline with a number of branches, subsects, beliefs, etc. (please read the Alchemy entry to make your piece more 'set' within our Santharian concepts and atmosphere!).   So Soros can certainly be working 'on' adding to the knowledge contained in the Tabulata, or helping to develop new concepts, but he is NOT responsible for it (which WOULD be Compendium-worthy but far too much work for any one person, gnome or man).   
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« Reply #5 on: 24 January 2009, 08:00:49 »

Gaffin, at the beggining there was nothing said about Soros being gnome.  grin

Judith, I'll fix that problem with Tabulata and I already have added some more details about what he is going to do with it.  grin thumbup



ENTRY EDITED!!!
« Last Edit: 24 January 2009, 08:04:20 by Lionhorse » Logged

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« Reply #6 on: 25 January 2009, 07:34:17 »

Entry is edited and ready for another comments. grin thumbup
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« Reply #7 on: 25 January 2009, 09:16:11 »

This paragraph is problematic:

"At the age of thirdteen, one day Soros arrived home from the studies and, as he did it in past, helped to his parents. But in the same day, something happened in his father's workshop, where were they both - Soros and his father. A piece of iron accidentally seceded from the father's anvil and flew into Soros's eye and since that day Soros's sight began to get worse with every day. That because his parents bought him glasses, which could help him to see better. But at the end of the year, during his stay near scholars, Soros received a message about his parents death - some kind group of thieves broke into their house and assassinated both Soros's parents and stold many things. The grief in Soros's heart was painful and last for many years."

An eye injury of the sort you describe is not 'cumulative' - that is, the effects will not slowly become worse.  Either the injury is severe enough for him to lose the eye (possibly immediately, possibly through infection) or it's a surface scratch which will eventually heal.  If you want his sight to be poor, you'd be better to use the common myopia (shortsightedness caused by a mis-shaping of the eyeball) or some sort of spreading glaucoma or cataracts.  The latter would mean his sight would continually degenerate until he became completely blind at some point, though. 

Also, thieves are not assassins, as a general rule.  Thieves much prefer to work low-profile, when the house owners are absent or at best asleep.  His parents do not seem to be wealthy enough (unless the father is a really good smith) to warrant the attention of assassins for any particular reason.   Also, why would you describe them as 'kind'?   I suppose you could create a scenario in which they break in, awaken the father, who comes charging in with a crowbar or smithhammer to defend his possessions, and it all goes wrong and both parents wind up dead.... but there were other ways to die, particularly in medieval times.  You could have the mother die in childbirth, for example, and then have the father encounter foodpads or thieves.     However, it's such a stock cliche to have a mysterious character be an orphan that I'm really not fond of any of these suggestions.  It's perfectly possible that he's merely estranged from his parents, or that no one knows his origins since he's so tightlipped.


My two sans - hope they help!
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« Reply #8 on: 26 January 2009, 00:29:14 »

Ammm.... I'm stuck inside my mind after your comment reading, Judith.  grin thumbup Ammm... so, you are telling me that I should change the way Soros got a bad eyesight, BUT I really don't know how to correct it to make it possible in Santharia world.

And I think you are suggesting me to change also the way how his parents died, and again... what would be the most acceptible way for Santharia world, excluding mother being dead during childbirth (hate stories with such an end  grin)?

About the thieves. I'll figure something out there!!!

Could you suggest something more? undecided
« Last Edit: 26 January 2009, 00:31:34 by Lionhorse » Logged

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« Reply #9 on: 26 January 2009, 03:33:42 »

About the eyesight - why not, like Judy said, have it be natural? I don't know how good your eyes are but I'll tell you my story - my eyes were good until I was about.... eight? Nine? Somewhere around that time. For about two years they very gradually got worse, until when I was eleven or twelve, I couldn't put it off anymore, and I had to get glasses, because the writing on the blackboard was just too thin for me to make out, I couldn't read it at all anymore. So, I got glasses, still pretty thin ones but I could see again!
However, my eyes didn't stop growing worse, and after some years the glasses had to become thicker for me to see anything. This was when I was sixteen-ish, I guess. When I was 18 I needed to change my glasses (long story short, the previous ones broke while on a holiday), but then my eyes were about as bad as two years before, so the same strength glasses went into them. However, my eyes were STILL not done growing bad, and as recently as this summer I had to get stronger glasses again. At the moment, if I take my glasses off, everything further away than about one meter just gets blurrier, and the further away it is the blurrier it gets.

Was this the kind of bad eyesight you were aiming for with the gradually getting worse? No need for horrible accidents like the one you described, nature is quite capable of taking care of that on her own :)
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« Reply #10 on: 26 January 2009, 05:42:46 »

Yes, Irid, that's exactly what I have meant to say about Soros's bad eyesight. grin So... I'll just fix it up then.... and Soros's bad eyesight will be something like a defect caused by nature?! Yes, I guess so.
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« Reply #11 on: 26 January 2009, 06:08:40 »

ENTRY EDITED!!!
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« Reply #12 on: 26 January 2009, 13:22:49 »

Right, comments in orange

Soros the Stranger Alchemist
(1649 a.S. - present-day)

Overview:

Soros is a contemporary alchemist about whom little is known, because of his secretive and mysterious nature. Some of the information received by the Compendium researchers was acquired from friends of Soros' parents and distant family relatives.  Soros is one of the rare humans who study alchemy; this is a study which the gnomes prefer to reserve for themselves, not welcoming would be students of other races.

He tries to keep his alchemical studies secret, so as to prevent them from falling into the hands of others, to ensure that they will only be accredited to him, if his discoveries will bring something special and important to the inhabitants of Santharia. His unusual name is due to his Erpheronian heritage, and because of his secretiveness everyone simply refers to him as "The Stranger Alchemist." Of course, those who see in a more positive light call him simply The Young Alchemist, and these people are mainly elderly people, because he helped some older farmers several times, during his travel from scholars' studying place to his real home, by using alchemy to make The Bilge Fertilizer Powder, which he made available to the farms, ensuring farmers a productive year.

Because of his young age (how old?) he has done nothing special, yet.  (In a medieval society, simply the provision of a productive fertilizer would be seen as a tremendous achievement--people were very concerned with feeding their families and dependents.) Although some of the people say that in his house, living alone, he has lots of different things and that he tries to discover the secrets of alchemy in its roots. Through long studies of alchemy, Soros discovered many interesting things about the properties of the elements, but he still can't explain some things, with which he will go down in history, yet, not knowing about that. (It is not clear what you mean here, Lionhorse) The only people with whom he communicates are his real friends, who are not many in number, and when they meet Soros, he tells them what he has discovered, but he doesn't tell everything in details - only in general terms. That also makes him seem very mysterious.

Appearance:

Soros is approximately a ped and eight palmspans high, and is a young man, who has a heavily muscular body, which he gained during his childhood while helping his father, who was a smith. He also likes to dress in certain colours, so called, semi-tints and thunder colours. These are the colours which are pretty much like those colours which in Santharia are known as Waterberry blue, Allia, Xazure blue and Sou'cald blue, but the semi-tints are all those colours, which grant to the eyes feeling of softness. Thunder-blue, or Uderza blue, and grey colour fits him the best, because these colours represent all his personality properties and therefore give him some confidence, as he told to his mother. Thus he always tries to wear outfits incorporating these colours. He usually wears a shirt, trousers, shoes and, when he makes his experiments, he wears gloves to make sure that he will not get poisoned or injured.

At the age of thirteen, while he was helping his father as an apprentice, his parents began to notice that Soros has bad eyesight, and had to buy him glasses (I don't know if we call them glasses, you'll need to check that) that he never takes off. Since that day these glasses also serves as an eye protection device against some splinters, which can be produced during his experiments with volatile substances.

Personality:

It seems that Soros is able to understand everything  (this is not possible, no one human can understand everything!), and indeed, holds his own opinions that are often contrary to popular views on life. He likes to argue and, not being cantankerous, he has made some secret and ferocious enemies. (This doesn't follow naturally.  You're implying that he has made these enemies BECAUSE he is not cantankerous, which doen't make sense) He considers it natural that there would be a huge variety of opinions about everything. Soros instinctively rises up against some certain standards and, if there is a chance, changes accepted orders - even in society and government. He is interested in social problems and reforms of all kinds.

It is not easy for him to make friends, because of his views and personality in general. Soros is hardly more materially wealthy than other people, and is more or less uninterested in gaining money; although if he receives some, he will make surprisingly masterful use of it, as some of his real friends may say. Soros's only weaknesses are his nervousness, loneliness, and his melancholic attitude. He doesn't actually have many real friends, although there are some and he is very faithful to them. He always stands on the side of those who are downtrodden and humiliated.

Biography:

22nd Sleeping Dreameress 1649 a.S. - 1654 a.S.: "Soros's Birth and Childhood":

It was a warm Sleeping Dreameress day when in the early morning, with the first rays of Sun, in Erpheronian city of Voldar, Soros the Stranger Alchemist was born in the house of "The Smith and Tailor". It was the house where Soros spent the better part of his life. He was raised by his mother - Amara the Tailor, who was an excellent tailor and who also had some secrets of good manners. But Soros's father was a strong and handsome blacksmith - Noroc the Smith, who mastered the craft of blacksmith and repairing swords, cauldrons and many other things, even golden items. Soros's childhood was very short , only until the age four, because then his father began to teach him about being a blacksmith and how to master this difficult craft. His mother, on the other hand, taught him some rules about how to be polite and how to sew holes in the shirts and how to make something like a fancy dress or other kind of clothing. At first Soros didn't like the craft of his father, but everything changed at age five.

1654 a.S. - 1656 a.S. - "Soros find his real interest in...":

At age five, Soros understood the crafts of his father and his mother, therefore he began to help them in every way he could. (Age five is far to early for a child to understand most of what there is to know about one craft, much less two.  The manual dexterity of a five year old would make it difficult to thread a needle properly, much less have mastered sewing.  And a five year old would have trouble lifting the blacksmith tools, never mind using them.  This is way, WAY too early.  Trust me, I've got four kids and have studied child development in university.  Try ten years old) He, especially, turned his attention to the father's blacksmith craft, because he couldn't understand why hot iron can be shaped in almost any form and when it cools it retains that new form. This raised many questions in his mind about the properties of different substances. He wanted to know why, after some time, silver became grey and not shiny. And many such other questions occupied his mind, but he still helped his parents and asked them about the nature of substances.

1656 a.S. - 1662 a.S. - "Soros begin his apprenticeship among scholars":

After two years (Do you mean, when he was two?  or two years after he started helping his parents?), Soros learned how to write and began to have his own notes on the nature of substances, which are in his location and his parents couldn't notice that. (Your meaning is unclear) That was because they brought him to scholars, who, after some time, gladly took Soros as their apprentice and started to teach him about the nature of nature and many other things.

1662 a.S. - 1667 a.S. - "Soros develops his eyesight problems and loses his parents":

At the age of thirteen, one day Soros arrived home from the studies and, as he did in the past, helped to his parents. But after some days, Soros's parents noticed that Soros didn't take notes so often as he did in the past and that he couldn't see some tiny things from afar as it was when he was a child. They couldn't understand why it was so, when finally they asked him about this, and Soros told them that in the past two years something began happening with his eyes and that with every month he sees things from afar only as a blurred figures. Then his parents bought him glasses, which could help him to see better. But at the end of the year, during his stay near scholars, Soros received a message about his parents death - some group of thieves, under the cover of night, broke into their house and killed both Soros's parents and stole many valuable things. The reason why thieves broke into their house were some golden and silver decorations, which his father had to repair and give them back to the family of much higher social class, who had asked him to repair. When the thieves broke into the house, Soros's father heard someone inside their house and that they were seeking for something. To make sure that his possessions and his beloved wife could be safe, he stood from the bed and went against the thieves, but they were too many and too greedy. Because of those precious things, the thieves killed both Soros's parents to ensure their escape.  This was what the old local farmers, who saw this event from the cover, said  (You mean they watched and didn't do anything?). The grief in Soros's heart was painful and lasted for several years.

1667 a.S. - "Soros recovery and the beginnings of his own life":

After five years, (How did he live during this time?  Who looked after him?  Relatives, or friends?)  Soros's grief began to heal and his mental health slowly recovered. At the age of eighteen, Soros finished his advanced studies and started his own life, which he is even now spending as an alchemist with advanced knowledge about alchemy, living in his parents old house.  His father's smithy he turned into his own laboratory or alchemists work and study room.

Importance:

Some people, especially scholars, believe that he has useful knowledge about alchemy and they also believe, that Soros will be able to bring to the inhabitants of Santharia more, new and important discoveries. Some of his teachers says that he is the one who will try to explore every substance which is in "The Tabulata Peryodiq of Santharia", and that he has already begun to do this research.


This is a good beginning, Lionhorse, although it could be longer.  You don't mention much about his transitions from one period of life to another and it makes his biography a little disjointed. So maybe you could add some details to make that smoother.  Some of your grammatical structures are a little awkward but I've made suggestions for rewording most of those.  I'm assuming that English is a second language for you?  This isn't a problem, lots of us are in that situation, but it does mean you need to check your phrasing carefully, as there were a few times I was uncertain of your meaning.   For the most part, though, it's a good entry and interesting to read.  See if you can add specifically Santharian details, though--town names, geographic locations (where did he go to study?  With whom?) and maybe any other special discoveries or contributions he has made, scholars whose work he admires and studied, that sort of thing.

Good work!  I can take another look at it when you've made some changes, if you like. thumbup


Alysse
« Last Edit: 26 January 2009, 14:12:26 by Alysse the Likely » Logged

Alysse the Likely
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« Reply #13 on: 27 January 2009, 01:12:41 »

He likes to argue and, not being cantankerous, he has made some secret and ferocious enemies. (This doesn't follow naturally.  You're implying that he has made these enemies BECAUSE he is not cantankerous, which doesn't make sense)

In here I have meant to say that Soros is not cantankerous, but still manages to have enemies.

(I don't know if we call them glasses, you'll need to check that)

Where and how can I check that?

(Age five is far to early for a child to understand most of what there is to know about one craft, much less two.  The manual dexterity of a five year old would make it difficult to thread a needle properly, much less have mastered sewing.  And a five year old would have trouble lifting the blacksmith tools, never mind using them.  This is way, WAY too early.  Trust me, I've got four kids and have studied child development in university.  Try ten years old)

I do respect your knowledge about the child development, but it isn't actually as you said "impossible", because I didn't mentioned how he started to learn all that at the age of five...  grin Actually he did only those things which he could do, not to mention that his father started to train him and that because Soros have a muscular body. And I also said that he "HELPED to them as he could"... only what his physical development allowed him to do.

(How did he live during this time?  Who looked after him?  Relatives, or friends?)

Can I say that he lived on his own, helping to the farmers by fertilizing plants and through that he gained some money or food from them?

This is a good beginning, Lionhorse, although it could be longer.

I always thought that quality is important, not quantity.  grin grin grin OK... that was a joke. grin thumbup


OK, thanks for comments, Alysse, and I soon will update the entry. grin thumbup
« Last Edit: 27 January 2009, 01:14:49 by Lionhorse » Logged

Alysse the Likely
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« Reply #14 on: 27 January 2009, 01:56:49 »

Okay, let's see:

All you need to do to fix the first issue is to say "though not cantankerous, he has still made some secret and ferocious enemies."  That will convey the meaning adequately.

Regarding the glasses issue, let me get back to you on that; I know there was some discussion about it a while back, and we do have something called the "Farseer Device" (a Santharian telescope, with a binocular variant) but I'm not sure about actual glasses.  This might take some checking.  However, Soros would probably be able to avail himself of some sort of device such as a jeweler's loupe or magnification lens.

I think I misunderstood what you meant by the statement "At age five, Soros understood the craft of his father and his mother"  The implication here is that he had already learned them, not that he was beginning to learn.  So that's fine, it just needs to be clarified a bit.

Thirteen is a bit young for Soros to be completely on his own, especially if he is prostrated with grief.  He could have been sent to an institution for treatment  (we are currently working on organizing medical institutions, which would include places that provided treatment for mental disturbances, at a considerably more humane level than medieval)  He might have been temporarily taken in by a relative or one of his previous scholarly mentors.  By fifteen or sixteen he could be on his own if he had some means of support. Maybe he worked for a farmer for a couple of years, and sold fertilizer to get money for his alchemical pursuits?  If his parents were very well off, he could manage for a while, but not five years.

This submission has plenty of quality, it just needs to be fitted together a bit more smoothly.  It's interesting and makes the reader want more, which is ideal.  But it doesn't flow very evenly yet and it would be nice if you could reference more specifically Santharian places, people, things, etc.  Cross-referencing is dear to our hearts here and helps to tie your entry into others, which means that more people will be aware of him and use him as a reference in their entries.


Hope that helps,


Alysse.
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Alysse the Likely
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