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Author Topic: The Dulcimer String Instrument  (Read 12069 times)
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Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #45 on: 21 June 2009, 16:38:34 »

Ok, and to add to my last comment:

- The title should always contain the full type of thing you're describing, like "The Dulcimer String Instrument".

- The Introduction part is usually called "Overview", and it should contain the key things from the whole entry, right now it's way too short. If you read that section right now, you don't really know what kind of instrument this is, nor who plays it etc.

- Description: Here as well - start with the kind of instrument we're dealing with. And how does one play it? Does it stand on the ground? On a pedestal of sorts? Does one hold it in the arms, on the knee? Try to be more specific! Though you mention that further down in more detail, it is important for the Description as well. Always keep in mind that readers who read your entry need to picture it and don't have an idea initially what instrument you have in mind! The Description in general is also rather basic, there's always room to add something typically "Santharian" (or in this case: Kuglim) into the entry - like mentioning how certain musicians made theirs, who is the most famous player at the moment, stuff like that. Always try to make it something from the world you're writing in. Surely there must be a bit more that you could add to the Description!

- Always write "Dulcimer" instead of "dulcimer". You're not consistent throughout the entry.

- The Myth/Lore part is done very well mostly :) Here's just one problem:

Quote
They say that, "As Lier'tyan placed the essence of the dreamer into the world, and it brought forth life, so when we bring life to noise to make song, we invest our spirits as well."

If you mean with Dreamer "Avá" this doesn't work, as Avá is only an elven goddess. The Kuglimz don't believe in the Dreamer. So that needs to be adjusted a bit.

- I like this sentence: "Some very old dulcimers, passed from generation to generation, are said to play the players." :D - Check out that sentence, though, as there's a bracket missing in front of it in the text!

- All in all a very good entry, just with some problems especially in the first two sections! Good work, Sivartius - hope you can fix these mentioned things, and then we're ready to put it up I'd say!  thumbup
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Sivartius
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« Reply #46 on: 26 June 2009, 06:20:56 »

Hi, sorry it's taken so long, I've been gone for a while. I'll look through everything again, and make the changes. I'll have to check, but I think when I mentioned "the dreamer" I was referring to the one who dreamed up the stars, and then the idea of taking the battle to the darkness. For the song, I could either do an old song in the public domain, a song I previously wrote, leaving out the words, or I could record the song "A Centorarian went Yodelling", which was put up with the other counting songs.
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« Reply #47 on: 03 November 2009, 13:24:58 »

Since I'm able to get on the internet again, I'd like to get this completed. If there are more comments, or if you already commented, and I somehow missed integrating it, please let me know. I would be glad to do whatever is necessary.
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« Reply #48 on: 05 November 2009, 05:28:11 »

*bump*
Does anyone have any more comments? I'd really like to finish this.
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-Christopher Stasheef, "Her Majesty's Wizard"
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« Reply #49 on: 05 November 2009, 08:21:58 »

Is there going to be music with it?   ;)
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« Reply #50 on: 05 November 2009, 09:02:01 »

Yes there is. Unfortunatley, my dulcimer is currently unplayable. I am working on getting one, and will have it ordered within a week.
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-Christopher Stasheef, "Her Majesty's Wizard"
Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #51 on: 06 November 2009, 03:23:48 »

My comment above still applies, Siv:

- The Introduction part is usually called "Overview", and it should contain the key things from the whole entry, right now it's way too short. If you read that section right now, you don't really know what kind of instrument this is, nor who plays it etc.
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« Reply #52 on: 06 November 2009, 06:06:19 »

Expanded the Overview, and made sure it had the right title.
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Feel you proper form and case,
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Cross the Void of Time and Space!
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-Christopher Stasheef, "Her Majesty's Wizard"
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« Reply #53 on: 02 December 2009, 05:29:00 »

Ok, I take this one as well for completed and mark it for integration. Sivartius has done his homework, and while he has ordered his dulcimer which obviously hasn't arrived yet, some musical examples can still be added later on. Entry looks fine now having gone through various checks - Sivartius seems to be a bit on and off on the boards though, which also leads easier to the fact that entries drown in the Forum depths.

Anyway, marked now, hope to hear from Sivartius more sooner than later again so that we have some music to go with this one!  thumbup
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"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
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