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Author Topic: Baniops (Frogs O' Doom)  (Read 16771 times)
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Rookie Brownbark
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« Reply #15 on: 02 July 2009, 16:10:22 »

Wow, it looks...slimy and horribly poisonous! In a good way XD
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Valan Nonesuch
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« Reply #16 on: 02 July 2009, 23:37:27 »

That is *awesome!*  :D
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« Reply #17 on: 03 July 2009, 00:30:40 »

Wow Val!   Very nicely done
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« Reply #18 on: 03 July 2009, 01:07:13 »

Ver' nice. We must have different Gimp programs 'cause ever'ting i try to draw looks, well gimpish.
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« Reply #19 on: 03 July 2009, 03:19:44 »

^_^  Hiiii. Trying my hand at uring something other than CD, right? So, here'goes.
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Quote
Bestiary/Water Creatures/Molluscs & Others

Overview
The Baniop, also called the Bloodjumper Frog, is among the most feared and reviled members of its species,<unnecessary comma because of its ghoulish habit of consuming blood as much as its tendency to swarm when doing so. Baniops are only known to live in the Falsejungles of Chuu, where the local Meelaimed folk regard them as cursed. >.>  I feel like there's still more that you can write into this overview. Only having two sentences isn't very much.

Appearance
“Look. What I’m sayin, what I’m sayin is ye can’t call that thing a frog. It looks like a frog, smells like a frog and croaks like a damn frog, but it has teeth, why for the love of the gods does that thing have teeth!?”
–Delirious Frog Victim, while being carried away by Sanriers

To all outward appearances, the Baniop looks like an ordinary frog. Its colouring is something of a deviation from the norm, being bright blue,<unnecessary comma with large red stripes issuing from the tops of it’s<its eyes and running down the creature’s back. It is by no stretch of the imagination a large frog, two of them could rest comfortably on the palm of a man’s hand.
(space! :D )
Its feet have sticky pads which enable the Baniop to hang from branches and sturdy leaves, while its powerful legs enable it to jump distances up to three fores in length and up to a fore in height from a standing start. The Baniop has, instead of an elastic tongue, a set of rather sharp teeth,<unnecessary comma which it uses to feed. These to have a tendency to fall out, these teeth are replaced by new teeth after a short while.<Zah? Uuuhm, how about "These teeth have a tendency to fall out, and are replaced by new teeth after a short while."?
-And what about its eyes? Are they slimy and sticky looking? Me drawing you a picture doesn't mean you can skimp on the written details, mister. :P

        
Special Abilities
The Baniop is known for its stomach capacity. It can actually eat itself to death, since its stomach is more flexible than the rest of the frog’s body. A wet popping noise is usually associated with the phenomena of a tree frog bursting, and is usually cause to stay away from the source of the sound, lest one unwittingly leads more frogs to a messy death. The Baniop also has an uncanny ability to sense living animals. Whereas some creatures (like ducks) might be confused by a cleverly constructed fake, a Baniop is not. Some postulate that they can actually hear a creature’s blood pumping.

Territory
The Baniops are found exclusively in the Falsejungles of Chuu, where their amphibious nature is of great use during the occasional flood-rains that inundate the forest floor. The Falsejungles may be found on the eastern coast of Zhun in Nybelmar. Are they found throughout the entirety of the Falsejungles? Do they tend to populate one part of the Falsejungles more than another?
    
Habitat/Behavior
Baniop roam in a(?) loose group of individuals, numbering two dozen at the very least and three score at the most, clinging to trees like over-painted mushrooms. Once they discover a target, the Baniops will descend like a living rain to bite the unwitting victim, using their feet to stick to the hide of the unfortunate prey. Are they of like... wolf pack-like oriented minded? Or do they just hang out in a tree and when something edible happens to wander past, they haphazardly fall face first out of the tree at it?

Diet
The Baniop is not picky about what it eats, since it actually consumes the blood of it’s<its victims rather than their flesh, they do however tend to go after larger animals, including any Meelaimeed unlucky enough to run afoul of a hungry pod. Baniops do have an unusual taste for the cadensis cats that are their main predators, and the sight of many dead frogs usually indicates a fight between some cats and several groups of Baniops. To feed, a Baniop will land on a creature, cling to it with it’s<its feet and bite. The Baniop then sucks the blood from the wound until it runs dry. Oddly enough, Baniops have never been reported to feed on shed blood, nor have they been seen to feed on deceased creatures, leading some scholars to suspect that "they like it hot".

Mating
Female Baniops lay a multitude of eggs numbering between 50 and 80<comma sometimes even up to(?) a 100 on a leaf. The males then fight over, to the point of using their teeth, the right to fertilize these eggs. Baniops can be very dangerous during this season, since anything that moves and has a heartbeat is considered a potential aggressor. Travellers are warned to be especially careful in the later parts of the [insert month]
  
Myth/Lore/Origin
The Meelaimed tell that the Baniops were not always as they were. They once were frogs that ate the juice of the fruit of a certain tree (need a name) that grew within the Falsejungles in abundance, and were known for the beautiful singing noise they made to attract mates. When the jungles began to rot and decay, so did the trees, which ceased to bear fruit. The frogs, now lacking food, began to die in great numbers, leaving corpses scattered across the floor of the jungles like flower petals after a storm. After a short while, they could no longer hear the frogs singing, and believed them all to have starved to death, when they discovered that they had not. The frogs now drank blood instead of juice, and are held as a sign by the Meelaimed of their curse and of the downfall of Chuu.

Usages
Meelaimed folk will often try to lure Baniops into pits, usually with a sick or wounded animal, and then harvest the frogs for their stomachs, which are used as waterproof pouches. Several stomachs can be used to make a larger pouch, if sewn by overlapping them at the seams. These stomachs must be treated, most often with a mixture of the blood found in the stomach and lake oil, in order to keep them elastic.
(space :D )
The saliva of the Baniop is also harvested, because it acts as a blood thinner and is sought after by healers. Applying Baniop saliva to a wound will prevent it from thickening and beginning to scab, and is useful if there is debris caught in the wound, or if one wishes the area to form a scar instead of healing properly. Care must be taken to use this sparingly however, if the wound is too large an inability to scab over may lead to disease or death from blood loss.

I apparently didn't have much to point out! Uhm, well, okay! Bye now!

Bobspeed
heart ~ Val ~ heart
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Valan Nonesuch
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« Reply #20 on: 03 July 2009, 09:35:55 »

S'all finished.
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« Reply #21 on: 03 July 2009, 15:30:30 »

I tried my hand at making a plant background for your frog. ^_~

o.o Relooocated :D
« Last Edit: 09 July 2009, 06:02:43 by Val O´Neil » Logged

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« Reply #22 on: 04 July 2009, 12:50:13 »

Val, this frog pic is turning out really good.  I am glad to see more and more people are trying their hand at drawing.  I use Gimp as well, it is great.

If you don't mind, would you post this in the artist forum.  There it can get the proper critique and it will be well on its way to getting posted along with the frog entry.  (it will also avoid this post from being clogged with critique on the narrative and critique on the pic)

Again Val, this is looking really good  thumbup
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« Reply #23 on: 06 July 2009, 22:01:29 »

Ok Valan, what do we have here... (how could I resist a title like Frog 'o Doom!)

*prepares for comments*

*gets to end*

Oh... erm...

Well that was a very enjoyable read. Nice and easy to check too, as I found nothing it seems.

*tries harder*

I do think the overview still needs some work though. It is still a tad short. The Meelaimada folk might consider them cursed, but perhaps a brief mention that they do still have their uses. Maybe you should add some part of the usage section where they perform some act over the corpse to 'clense the curse' before making their pouches and collecting saliva etc?

Back to the overview :

Quote
because of its ghoulish habit of consuming blood as much as its tendency to swarm when doing so.

This part comes across rather awkwardly. The part about swarming doesn't take well on the end.

"because of its ghoulish habit of sucking the blood of its victims. Not so bad in itself, but during a feeding frenzt these creatures can swarm in numbers up to sixty or more allowing them to drain surprisingly large prey, including humans."

~

Good stuff,

Happy Writing :)
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Decipher Ziron
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« Reply #24 on: 07 July 2009, 01:47:43 »

Tell me when you are in need of more commentary Valan...
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« Reply #25 on: 07 July 2009, 08:31:52 »

A little bit too soon I think Decipher. All of Smee's comments (may his hair never fall out) have been integrated in that lovely shade Gold.
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« Reply #26 on: 08 July 2009, 00:47:42 »

Quote
“Look. What I’m sayin, what I’m sayin is ye can’t call that thing a frog.

I don’t get the purpose of repeating the same phrase here.  I get that you are trying to be colloquial, but it doesn’t really make sense in this case.  People don’t repeat the same phrase twice in a row unless they are trying to make a dramatic pause or are stumbling over their words, neither of which are indicated here.

Quote
To all outward appearances, the Baniop looks like an ordinary frog.

This sentence doesn’t make any sense.

Quote
Its colouring is something of a deviation from the norm, being bright blue with large red stripes issuing from the tops of its eyes and running down the creature’s back.

In the sentence above you say that it looks like an ordinary frog and then immediately afterwards you say it doesn’t.  A bit contradictory.  Also, I don’t know if issuing is the right word to sue here.

Quote
It is by no stretch of the imagination a large frog, two of them could rest comfortably on the palm of a man’s hand

Something is grammatically off in this sentence.  You either need a semi-colon or a word to connect the two clauses.

Quote
being green as they are,

I think this is the passive voice, which is a big no no.  But even if it isn’t, this is just an awkward way of phrasing what you are trying to say, seeing as you use two forms of the same word in such a small clause. 

Quote
The Baniop has, instead of an elastic tongue, a set of rather sharp teeth, which it uses to feed. These to have a tendency to fall out and are replaced by new teeth after a short while.

Alright.  To start, the first sentence ahs too many commas.  Take out the one in front of the which.  Also, I don’t really understand why there teeth are falling out or how it happens and how they grow them back.  Teeth are pretty static things and generally when you lose them they are gone.  It takes a great deal of effort to re-construct bone and it would appear you have them falling out at an alarming rate.  Also, aren’t they eating flesh?  Therefore why would there teeth need to fall out?  It’ not like there is anything hard for them to be shattered on or snap against.  Also, the entire appearance section reads a bit choppy.  Would you mind editing it to make it flow more smoothly?

Quote
The Baniop is known for its stomach capacity. It can actually eat itself to death, since its stomach is more flexible than the rest of the frog’s body. A wet popping noise is usually associated with the phenomena of a tree frog bursting, and is usually cause to stay away from the source of the sound, lest one unwittingly leads more frogs to a messy death.

This makes absolutely no sense.  Why would an organism ever have the ability to eat until it makes itself explode.  Speaking from a scientific and evolutionary standpoint, such a feature is just foolish and would never survive long.  Also, why aren’t all the special abilities you listed in the appearance section listed in the special abilities section?  Things such as jumping, teeth, ect. all belong down here.

Quote
Baniops roam in loose groups of individuals, numbering two dozen at the very least and three score at the most, clinging to trees like over-painted mushrooms. Once they discover a target, the Baniops will descend like a living rain to bite the unwitting victim, using their feet to stick to the hide of the unfortunate prey.

Um…I am going to put this bluntly and say that this is not an acceptable behavior section.  You need to elaborate much more.  Talk about things such as how their little groups operate.  Do they migrate around certain areas?  How is the “Leader” decided?  Things like this should all be elaborated upon and included in this entry.

Quote
The Baniop is not picky about what it eats, since it actually consumes the blood of its victims rather than their flesh, they do however tend to go after larger animals, including Meelaimada unlucky enough to run afoul of a hungry pod.

*blink* Ok…This whole beast is designed as a flesh eater.  Teeth are meant for eating flesh, not sucking blood.  You need to resolve this issue by either changing the design of the beast or what you want it to eat.

Quote
To feed, a Baniop will land on a creature, cling to it with its feet and bite. The Baniop then sucks the blood from the wound until it runs dry.

Yeah…Doesn’t work like that.

Quote
Female Baniops lay a multitude of eggs numbering between 50 and 80, sometimes even up to 100 on a leaf. The males then fight over, to the point of using their teeth, the right to fertilize these eggs.

These beasts are starting to sound less and less like frogs and more and more like random beasts.  First off, frogs grow from tadpoles, which require water(and should also be elaborated upon in this section).  Secondly, this is not how frog mating works.  I’m sure you can find more details on Wikipedia, but it involves this hug and then spraying of eggs and then fertilizing them in the air and stuff.

Quote
juice of the fruit of a certain tree

Could you get anymore generic on this detail :P  Perhaps a name for the fruit and the tree would be in order.

Quote
Several stomachs can be used to make a larger pouch,

Didn’t you say they were super-expanding things?  Why would you need to use multiple stomachs?

Quote
Applying Baniop saliva to a wound will prevent it from thickening and beginning to scab, and is useful if there is debris caught in the wound, or if one wishes the area to form a scar instead of healing properly.

Uh…That’s not really the purpose of blood thinners.  If you don’t let the wound scab over the person is going to bleed to death.  Whatever healer was using this method would soon be out of customers ;)

Quote
a Meelaimad will purify the corpse, usually by suspending it from a tree, or by burning it.

Why?
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Smee
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« Reply #27 on: 08 July 2009, 01:02:17 »

I need to hop in here briefly to answer some of Drasil's comments - I think you're being a little picky with some of them :

Quote
This makes absolutely no sense.  Why would an organism ever have the ability to eat until it makes itself explode.  Speaking from a scientific and evolutionary standpoint, such a feature is just foolish and would never survive long

The common Goldfish are quite well known for being able to eat themselves to death, appearing always hungry. Possibly an urban myth, but well believed. I see no reason why it wouldn't be possible, and certainly not in the Dream where the ordinary can be a little more unusual.

~

Quote
blink* Ok…This whole beast is designed as a flesh eater.  Teeth are meant for eating flesh, not sucking blood.  You need to resolve this issue by either changing the design of the beast or what you want it to eat.

A quote from the internet on how a certain species of vampire bat feeds :

"Vampire bats usually feed on livestock, although humans may occasionally be unwitting blood donors. They make a small, painless incision in the skin and lap up the blood with their tongues while anti-coagulant chemicals in their saliva ensure that the blood meal continues flowing."

Sounds like that'd fit what has been said about this frog pretty well to me

~

Quote
a Meelaimad will purify the corpse, usually by suspending it from a tree, or by burning it.

Why?

That's in response to one of my comments - they consider the frogs cursed as already mentioned in the entry. Purifying it would be their means of cleansing the curse before using the bodies.

~

Quote
Didn’t you say they were super-expanding things?  Why would you need to use multiple stomachs?

He describes the frogs as being quite small (half the size of a human's hand) and their stomachs as only being super expanding in terms of the frog's own body (able to explode from eating too much). A pouch the size of your hand isn't that big, so several sewn together would make a decent size bag.


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« Reply #28 on: 08 July 2009, 01:11:45 »

Quote
A quote from the internet on how a certain species of vampire bat feeds :

"Vampire bats usually feed on livestock, although humans may occasionally be unwitting blood donors. They make a small, painless incision in the skin and lap up the blood with their tongues while anti-coagulant chemicals in their saliva ensure that the blood meal continues flowing."

Sounds like that'd fit what has been said about this frog pretty well to me


He tells us that this beast has no tongue so therefore lapping isn't really possible, hence my confusion.

Quote
That's in response to one of my comments - they consider the frogs cursed as already mentioned in the entry. Purifying it would be their means of cleansing the curse before using the bodies.

Its great that he answered one of your comments but it needs to be done so in a way that people outside of those who read the comments you provided know what he was talking about.  When I read this, I could tell that it was an add on based on the something someone else had told him to add, however I was unable to decipher exactly what the purpose was which I should be able to do from reading the paragraph.  A little bit of elaboration shouldn't be harmful ;)
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« Reply #29 on: 08 July 2009, 01:16:28 »

Yup agreed on the curse/cleasing thing. One line doesn't quite cover it.  :P

The tongue thing - I read it as not having the elastic tongue of a typical frog, that shoots outs and grabs flies, but instead has a small tongue rather than none at all. Again a little clarification might help, but I don't think there's a fundamental problem with the way it eats.
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