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Author Topic: WIP: The Empire of Astár‘Nuvíc, or Three Races Empire, Input needed  (Read 8437 times)
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Rayne (Alýr)
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« Reply #15 on: 10 October 2009, 00:34:55 »

With a "poof!" a strange little elf appears and glances at the entry, glances at Azhira's comments, and pulls out a grammar book.

  • Suggested:
    Nothing remained. Today, Only few claim to be related to the citizens of this empire: (period) the ruling inhabitants of the town of Thalambath state, that they are the descendants of the surviving humans living in that area before the cataclysm(period) and the Nirmenith clan, a small dwarven tribe which lives near Varcopas and Bardovas(period), These dwarves claim to be able to tracks its genealogical lines back to the great Kerrinkerronerons, the inhabitants of the ‚High Caves‘ under the Nirmenith Mountains. (A very long sentence here...maybe some periods.)
  • Consequence:
    Nothing remained. Today, only few claim to be related to the citizens of this empire. The ruling inhabitants of the town of Thalambath state, that they are the descendants of the surviving humans living in that area before the cataclysm. (Fragment: [subject clause], [subordinating conjunction + subordinate clause] - missing verb). And the Nirmenith clan, a small dwarven tribe which lives near Varcopas and Bardovas (Fragment: [subject clause], [subordinating conjunction + subordinate clause] - missing verb).
  • Suggesting:
    Today, only two claim to be related to the citizens of this empire: the ruling inhabitants of the town of Thalambath state and the Nirmenith clan. The citizens of Thalambath claim to descend from human residents who survived the cataclysm. The Nirmenith clan, a small dwarven tribe living near Varcopas and Bardovas, tracks its genealogical lines back to the great Kerrinkerronerons, the inhabitants of the 'High Caves‘ under the Nirmenith Mountains.


With grammar out of the way, the little elf closes the grammar book, then looks back to the entry. She pulls out a pair of glasses with one hand and a giant tome with the other (a tome that seems to appear out of the folds of her gray robe, though one can hardly imagine how a tome almost half the size of the little elf could possibly be tucked away in her pocket). Blowing a cloud of dust from the tome, she opens it and flips through it until at last she finds what she'd been looking for. Transcribing the text to parchment, she then closes the book, puts away her glasses, folds the parchment into a dolphok, and sends it swimming cheerfully to Talia. With little "poof!" the elf disappears, leaving stardust in her wake.

'Twas many, many moons ago
That I was but a rover
My mind's but fade of song and show
When I was bard and lover.

But I recall, when I did roam
And long'd for warmer lands
I journeyed far but from my home
Into the southern sands

And there I found a paradise
Where mountains topped with snow
stood blocking out the winter ice
which winter winds bestow.

Beneath her form, a gleam so bright
I lost my breath then there!
Reflecting fair injera's light
were waters cool and clear!

Beyond the lake so clear and blue
Beyond a shore of trees
was grass--sweet grass--of verd'rous hue
A-billow in the breeze.

A-shared o' craft and food and land
Three races but did live
And I despaired, for o' that strand
I was but torn to leave.

So many years now from that place
'Tis a memory I now keep
I comfort to recall its grace
And visit when I sleep.
Logged

"There is much misjudgment in the world. Now, I knew you for a unicorn when I first saw you, and I know that I am your friend. Yet you take me for a clown, or a clod, or a betrayer, and so I must be if you see me so. The magic on you is only magic and will vanish as soon as you are free, but the enchantment of error that you put on me I must wear forever in your eyes. We are not always what we seem..." -Schmendrick the Magician, The Last Unicorn
Azhira Styralias
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« Reply #16 on: 10 October 2009, 00:55:49 »

*Azzy nods to herself and agrees that Rayne is a much better grammar princess (and poet) than she is*

+1 Aura  thumbup
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No, I would not want to live in a world without dragons, as I would not want to live in a world without magic, for that is a world without mystery, and that is a world without faith. And that, I fear, for any reasoning, conscious being, would be the cruelest trick of all.
Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #17 on: 10 October 2009, 03:47:02 »

Oh Rayne! Thank you so much for your poem! A half done submission and already a poem for it :)

I try to keep as much as possible from your revision of the overview, though I fear, I have to rewrite it to quite an extent.

*hides a big butterfly catcher behind her back*

No "poofs" anymore, stay please!

@Fox: I added a little more about the tribes, I think, but as I'm not done anyway, there is no need to go through it. I just needed a confirmation, that I'm not entirely off. I'll talk to you later about it, I am a bit busy right now with my family.

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"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
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