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Author Topic: The Waterleaf - Finished! Well, nearly  (Read 8202 times)
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Shabakuk Zeborius Anfang
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« Reply #15 on: 07 December 2010, 03:38:26 »

Hi Talia,

The side-effect sentence could run more simply:

There are no known physical side-effects that would harm a human, dwarf, elf, hobbit, or whoever wants to use it.


And about the poem: I've decided to be impertinent and make a few bold suggestions. Feel free to ignore some or all of them. If you don't like "little dove", you might also go for "turtle dove", maybe?


Waterleaf, oh waterleaf
Help me keep my love
For I shall surely drown in grief
Without my little dove


Waterleaf, oh waterleaf
Help me keep my love
For I fear a ruthless thief
Will steal my little dove


Waterleaf, oh waterleaf
Help me keep my love
For never can I find relief
Without my little dove



Explanation: “I’m afraid a ruthless thief will take away my love” could be understood as: “Leider wird ein ruchloser Dieb mein Liebchen wegnehmen”. (‘I’m afraid’ also has the sense of ‘unfortunately’, which is an unfortunate connotation in the context of this poem, I think. )  My suggestion approaches the meaning: “Denn ich hab Angst, dass ein ruchloser Dieb mein Liebchen stehlen wird”.
« Last Edit: 07 December 2010, 03:45:06 by Shabakuk Zeborius Anfang » Logged

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Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #16 on: 07 December 2010, 06:00:28 »

Thanks Shaba, what would I do without you! I'll change it according to your proposals!  heart
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Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #17 on: 07 December 2010, 06:48:10 »

Art, I just realised, that the description in the last part is for this other pic where more of the mosaic is visible. I would like to keep it though, because eventually I'll finish this one also.
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"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
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Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #18 on: 07 December 2010, 09:04:12 »

The finished, updated picture.
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Alysse the Likely
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« Reply #19 on: 07 December 2010, 10:04:17 »

It's lovely, and the fish are very cute--but the water looks  too clean, somehow.  I'm not an artist, so I don't really know how you would fix that. Maybe a yellowish or greenish filter?  noidea
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Alysse the Likely
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« Reply #20 on: 07 December 2010, 16:32:26 »

That depends a bit on the sediments you have in the water, the kind of colour those have etc. If you have not many, or like here a grey base and not a yellow one, it can look as clear as it is. It is fairly shallow here as well, that you minimise that effect also.
« Last Edit: 07 December 2010, 16:34:47 by Ta'lia of the Seven Jewels » Logged

"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
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Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #21 on: 07 December 2010, 17:53:47 »

I played some more around  grin
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Shabakuk Zeborius Anfang
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« Reply #22 on: 08 December 2010, 06:50:17 »

I spy with my little eye ...

... two red-housed tent snails!  :D

I wonder whether the water looks a bit too shallow. There is an odd effect: when looking at the concentric circles around the raindrops, the water seems very shallow (just half a handbreadth deep) - but when looking at the fish and their shadows, it seems deeper (a whole handbreadth). So depending on which part of the image I focus on, it sometimes looks as if the fish are soaring above  the water.

Or have I got a kink in my vision?
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Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #23 on: 08 December 2010, 08:13:55 »

They are flying fish!

Well, I saw that problem also, but right now I don't have the time to do anything in this respect. I'm away from my lovely comp the rest of the week and though I do have a mac there, it is sooo slow and small.. Good to read and write comments, but nothing else.

And when I'm back I need to work on the shrine itself. So the fish have to fly for now.  grin
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Azhira Styralias
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« Reply #24 on: 08 December 2010, 09:07:04 »

I think it looks fabulous, Talia. I don't see a need to change anything.
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