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Author Topic: R'unorian Gaspan  (Read 7852 times)
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Deklitch Hardin
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« Reply #15 on: 10 February 2012, 21:16:20 »

One around Eight Winds Bay please Seth? Please?

* Deklitch Hardin looks at Seth with large innocent pleading puppy-dog eyes to which no-one can say no.

Edit: A couple of questions I had when re-reading this extremely enjoyable entry ...

* Is anatomy/anatomical a word that Compendiumists would use?

* You talk about it floating above land. Does it also float above the water?
« Last Edit: 10 February 2012, 21:31:23 by Deklitch Hardin » Logged

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seth ghibta
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« Reply #16 on: 10 February 2012, 21:45:42 »

*salutes*
yes sir! right away sir! Actually had a vague idea for an ocean-drifting sort of jellyfish, I could perhaps make a few regional variations for places like Eight winds bay.
Personally, I think anatomy is a fine word for the setting, it doesn't rely on any particularly new scientific ideas, and even has a sort of dated ring to it, reminds me of victorian "anatomy lessons" and things. :)
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Valan Nonesuch
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« Reply #17 on: 10 February 2012, 22:35:08 »

R'unorian Man'o'war?
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Tagaloa
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« Reply #18 on: 28 February 2012, 10:28:33 »

Ah, I am back. Lots of music. So. Much... Music...

Made a few changes, mostly spelling, got rid of the 'natural attunement thing' as the more I thought about it, the more I understood what Valan meant - even if the writer is Santharian, the entry is about R'unor, and should be consistent with R'unorian thought for the benefit of readers.

I play in my school's jazz band, orchestra, chamber orchestra and honor orchestra. Most of those concerts were for jazz, two for chamber. And one was for a 4-voice ukulele group I do with my friends, for a relative''s wedding (which was supposed to be in Honolulu, but actually ended up taking place in Hong Kong).

Anyway, I have a bunch of ideas now that could possibly work for Santharia. We shall see. I am tired and going to sleep!
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Valan Nonesuch
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« Reply #19 on: 15 March 2012, 11:17:44 »

Looks great from here.
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Tagaloa
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« Reply #20 on: 18 March 2012, 04:54:39 »

Alright. Anyone else care to look this over and give second approval/suggestions?
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Jonael Tomeskrift
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« Reply #21 on: 18 March 2012, 21:26:38 »

Aye, give us a day or two and I'll have a dig through it too
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Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #22 on: 30 March 2012, 04:15:50 »

Looks like the board is teeming these days with activity - and Jonael also seems to have fallen into a hole or something... lol - Anyway, Tagaloa, here I come to check this one...

- It helps if you specify the category in the menu where you want to put this creature...

- The overview can still be improved a bit, as all you get out of it on what it could actually be is that it's a "truly marvelous creature"... We don't learn why it is so marvelous, if it's large or small etc. Overviews are important for general orientation and this part will also be used at our overview pages (along with a pic if we have one) to give the reader a first impression. So while Overviews shouldn't be too long and detailed they also should always contain the most essential things about the beast, plant etc. you're describing.

- Appearance: You can make three sections for the belly cap, the body and the tentacles. Which means: add some captions at the top of the paragraphs. This way I can prepare it easier with bullets in the final entry :)

- "color" should be "colour" - we're using more ancient looking British (we call it "Tharian") spelling on the site! See also: colorful.

- Repetition here:

Quote
Originally found only in the R'unorian Isles and the most extreme northeastern extent of Santerran dominion, they can now be found...

- To fix:

Quote
...are led by alpha-females who gain their place through bully-boying...

- In general we should try to avoid to sound too "science-y", like in the section about the alpha-females and the omegas, which doesn't sound as medieval as it should. This might be a borderline case, but I just try to get the general point across: Whenever possible try to write the entry as integrated as possible in the world, maybe use quotes of researchers, images and metaphors to describe something rather than an explanation which sounds 21st century. :)

- In Myth/Lore you can mention Seth's wonderful "How the Gaspan Came to Be" tale, which I can then link in the final entry.

Okeydokey, so much from here, Tag! I give you another aura +1 as you did a good job here - Valan is pleased as he already said, you've managed to get some nice references in, and overall it's a very interesting and fascinating creature which the R'unorians can call there own! Would also make a nice picture which could also go into Seth's entry. Maybe I can get Faugar to do that one - he wants some work ;)
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"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Tagaloa
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« Reply #23 on: 31 March 2012, 23:10:22 »

Alright, I editted the overview, changed color to colour, mentioned Seth's lovely tale in the Myth section and made a few minor additions to help better explain things that I found vague on re-reading it.

The only thing I'm not sure of it where the Gaspan should go. I put one category for wild animals and another for domestic - it seems to me they fit in both.
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Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #24 on: 31 March 2012, 23:30:38 »

Very nice, Tag! I'll see to include this one then in the current update! grin As for the categorization: There's no harm done putting it in two sections at once if it fits - this way people find it wherever they look =)
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"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
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