Ska'kailn revision

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[Valan Nonesuch]

Original entry here has an abundance of problems. Mostly with the special abilities section.

The Ska'Kailn or 'Snakeworm' is a creature indigenous to the Isles of R'unor. It resembles a segmented teardrop a handspan in length, made of plates of interlocking bone, and is renowned for its speed as well as its disgusting method of eating. It is largely regarded as a pest by farmers who take efforts to exterminate the beast wherever it is found.

Appearance:
An adult Ska'kailn is roughly a third of a ped in length, and shaped like an elongated teardrop, beginning with a wide head and tapering to a pointed tail. The upper half of a Snakeworm's body is covered in interlocking, segmented plates of bone while the lower half is covered with bone ribbing, which is believed to give it traction on the ground. The Ska'kailn move in a distinctive winding pattern, deceptively quickly given their lack of legs. Ska'kailn have also been seen to curl into balls and roll down hills, or roll into a ball to hide.

The mouth of the Ska'kailn is roughly circular when open, and ringed with teeth in rows, much like that of a shark, but these teeth are actually blunt cones, used for grinding plant matter. The outermost ring of "teeth" is actually a series of pedipalps used by the Snakeworm to pull food into it's mouth.

Interestingly, the bone plates of the Ska'kailn are not white, but coloured to match the vegetation they ate as a juvenile. As these plates grow and are shed, the Ska'kalin may actually change colours, based on the colour of the vegetation they have been eating.

Special Abilities:
It is rumoured that Ska'kailn possess some manner of innate magic owing to their apparent speed. The rough underside of the Ska'kalin actually allows it to grip in particularly loose soil or on sand, granting it a good turn of speed despite its apparent sluggishness otherwise. Ska'kalin also have a notorious resistance to poisons and other noxious substances, which makes the worms quite difficult to remove or kill by conventional means.

Territory:
The Ska'kailn are found naturally within forests on the isles of R'unor, in the Forest of Souls and the Forest of Deepearth where the ground is easier for them to construct burrows. Small groups of of Ska'kalin occasionally find their way into farmers fields where they are considered a pest. Populations of Ska'kalin are also found on some of the smaller, less inhabited islands.

Diet:
Snakeworms are notoriously omnivorous, though their preferred food is vegetation. Leaves, grasses, bark and shrubs of all kinds make up the typical diet of the Ska'kailn. Oddly enough they seem to find wood and bark quite indigestible. Smaller insects and scraps of meat are also considered to be palatable.
The Ska'kailn oozes a particularly weak aceed over its meals before eating them, which is thought to help with digesting the food it consumes.

Behaviour
A snakeworm is, by its nature, a furtive creature. They shy away from sudden movement and noise, or curl up into a ball. Snakeworms avoid other animals and open spaces instinctively.
They lair in dens dug into the ground, which they camouflage with brush and plants, yet another reason that farmers find them to be pests as stepping in a Ska'kailn den has been known to break the feet of perfectly good livestock. Ska'kalin make their dens under the roots of trees, or wherever they find soft earth, living in groups of up to eight adult worms usually one or two males and several females, which can make removing an infestation quite difficult.
Their chief predators are birds, who have learned to smash a Ska'kailn's shell open by letting it strike rocks after dropping it from a significant height.

Mating
Ska'kalin mate once every two years, they lay grey eggs that are often mistaken for stones. Ska'kalin do not remain in pairs beyond mating and rival Ska'kalin will readily eat the eggs of another. Until the eggs hatch, the male Ska'kalin will guard its nest,kept separate from the den, often camouflaging the nest with stones and brush. Ska'kalin mature relatively quickly, from a new-hatched worm to an adult in the space of a month.

Usages
Ska'kalin are largely regarded as pests as a result of their wide diet. They have precious little meat, but their shells make good fertilizer when ground into dust.

[Valan Nonesuch]

Believe this one is done.

[Azhira Styralias]

What was changed? Can any more detail be added?

[Valan Nonesuch]

There's quite a bit changed. The entire special abilities section was excised, which also necessitated the removal of the usages section. Both have been replaced.
The diet is largely the same, the emphasis has moved from meat to a sort of detrivore.
The behaviour and mating sections received changes as well, partly to make it more legible, partly to reduce the overall intelligence to reflect their role as a more common pest.

There's a bit here and there that's been added in red

[Artimidor Federkiel]

Well, it's quite a rewrite actually from what I can see, the entry is definitely quite different in major parts. The Special Abilities now don't mention any telepathic powers, the feeling of emotions etc. I also think that was quite a bit to much, especially as we haven't heard from Darren Konneran anymore since we've added this entry several years ago. So it's better to have it tuned down a bit and fit better to the R'unorian environment now that we have a developer who focuses on elaborating everything R'unorian in order to make it fit together.

On the other hand this one looks quite dramatically changed, so I'm not sure if major parts of the original entry are still in there, all sections seem changed a good deal. The entry reads better now, but it surely isn't the longest one, but it doesn't really have to be as long as the key features are all in there and it fits to the rest of R'unor which is the basic purpose of the exercise, right? - So while it could go into a few more details, I think there's no major problem the way it is now Aura +1!

Two things in the Overview, though:

- What's a "teadrop" (Overview)? In the Appearance we get a "teardrop" instead...  

- Approximate size should always be mentioned in the Overview - it might be as large as an earthworm or several peds high and wide... We don't know when reading the Overview...

[Artimidor Federkiel]

I see you updated this one today, Valan... Still working on it or ready to go now? 

[Valan Nonesuch]

Should be good to go now. Unless we want more detail in the entry.

[Artimidor Federkiel]

I think it's fine the way it is, so yeah, let's put it up then! Aaaand blarrowed! 

[Rayne (Alýr)]

Is there a reason why the creatures were removed from the Island of Akdor?  Nice revision, BTW! 

[Valan Nonesuch]

I'll admit no special reason beyond the fact that I can't think how they'd get from one place to another, assuming they had to originate somewhere.

[Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels]

Maybe they are quite old animals which existed already back then ? I have no problems with that though, if you just don't want it on Runor because it feels not right.

However, sorry for making waves, but I personally think, that this revisions went too far, though some changes were needed. ( the telepathy thing e.g., which I would have put under lore) There are unnecessary changes (beginning with the length, to the diet, mating e.g.) which I don't see any reason for.

I would say, give that beast a new name, this is no revision, nearly nothing from the old entry is left - without  need. It might be a distinct relative (because of the appearance?)

 It is a nice new submission though  

Edit: I'm not opposing that this revision goes up as it is, though I don't think it is ok, but I fear for our 'standard procedure'

[Artimidor Federkiel]

Well, the problems with the original entry were quite apparent, so a revision was definitely necessary, though I admit it has gone a bit overboard and the entry stands more on its own now. Then again if we change its name I fear that the original entry will never be touched again, and all its deficiencies will remain.

But well, maybe you could make this a distant relative to the original entry with a different name, Valan, then it can go up without further ado.

[Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels]

If that is be the only problem, I'll squeeze the revision in between history stuff, when my mind refuses to give me more ideas. Okay? There is another entry Kel came about which needs some minor adjustment also.
No worry, I won't forget my focus!

(History--Moon--RM)

[Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels]

Valan, is it ok for you also, if I do a new revision and your submission will get a new name?

And if so, do you want to have it on Akdor or should I restrict it to R'unor?

[Valan Nonesuch]

Talia I am beginning to wonder if you just have a problem with any revision or with the person writing the revision in particular.

Also, Ath pointed out to me that I managed to transpose the I and L in the name, that's been fixed.

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