Ava's tear - an Erpheronian folk tale

Dreamer's Code
Bellring a Member
Report Mistakes/Typos
Report Easter Eggs

About Masterplans
Santhworld: Program
SW.: Game Designer
SW.: Treasure Shoals
SW.: Lorehold
SW.: Nepris
SW.: Trivia
Santharia: Manthria
Nybelmar: Zhunite Pl.
Sarvonia: Icelands

World Map Overview
Distances in Caelereth
Climate Map of Sarvonia
Continent: Aeruillin
Continent: Akdor
Continent: Cyhalloi
Continent: Nybelmar
Continent: +Details NE
Continent: +Details NW
Continent: +Details SE
Continent: +Details SW
Continent: +Politics
Continent: Sarvonia
Lands: Icelands
Lands: +Tribes
Lands: Caael'heroth
Lands: Iol Peninsula
Lands: Kanapans
Lands: Kuglim Lands
Kingdom: Santharia
Kingdom: +Ancient
Kingdom: +Provinces
Kingdom: +Rivers
Kingdom: +Routes
Details: Manthria
Details: Vardýnn
Details: Ráhaz-Dáth
Details: Silvermarshes

Create Beasts
Create Plants
Create Races/Tribes
Create People
People Nomenclature
Create Places
Create Gods, Myths...
Create Spells/Magic
Create Library Entries
Create Misc. Stuff

Reserving Resources
Arbaon Pictures
Bard Judith Pictures
Eratin Pictures
Faugar Pictures
Grunok's Pictures
Ingeborg Pictures
Isilhir Pictures
Koldar Pictures
Linda Tso Pictures
Quellion Pictures
Quellion Pictures II
Shayan's Pictures
Seeker Pictures
Sheil Pictures
Sheil Pictures II

Proverbs & Sayings
Styrásh (Elvish)
Thergerim (Dwarvish)
Kuglimz'Seitre
Kh'omchr'om (Orcish)
Trollish

[Irid alMenie]

The following Erpheronian folk tale explains the existence of that bright star, Ava's tear. Any wrongfully represented ideas of the Elven philosophy will have its cause in that it is humans who tell the tale. Enjoy, and I hope for some criticism. It's been quite quickly written, so there might be some mistakes left.

Terran note: It's been since february that the library last saw a post. I just had to do something about that This little folk tale was inspired by a Czech folk song called "Promeny", Transformations.

Once upon a time, when summers were still summers and animals could talk, there lived an elven maid. She was the prettiest elf you could imagine, with blonde hair flowing down her back and skin as white as an aelirel’s feathers. She lived deep in the forest, and every day she would sing fit to bring the birds down from the skies to listen to her. Even the wild tirpanis did not run from her, and the shingar would lie quietly next to the white deer for a touch of her hand. She was called Avaelon, and her name was known throughout Caelereth, even though few had seen her.

One day a human prince called Ephodin was hunting with his court in the forest where Avaelon lived. He had been pursuing a white hart, which had separated him from his friends, when he heard the elf maiden singing. Without knowing who this voice could belong to, he fell head over heels in love with her. He followed her voice, enthralled by the sound, until he found her seated on a log. When she saw the human standing there, she was suddenly quiet. Ephodin took the chance to declare his love and undying devotion to her. She regarded him silently as he talked, seeing a quite well-made and handsome young man in front of her. There was, however, one problem – Avaelon did not want a lover, and certainly not one that would grow old and die long before she would leave behind Ava’s Dream. She wished only to celebrate the Dream, happy in her solitude, in the best way she knew how.

But when she gently told him so, Ephodin refused to go away. He insisted that they were meant to be together, that it was their destiny. He tried to get closer to her, but when he approached her, the animals who had been lying quietly at her feet jumped up and threatened the prince if he advanced even one step towards the elf. Scared by his suddenly aggressive tone, she used his hesitation to cry out: “I will never have you for a husband – you or any other man!” And with that she changed herself into a quirrl and leaped away into the trees.

Ephodin, not used to having his wish denied, determined that he would prevail over the elf maiden. He swore that she would be his. He returned to his companions, and ordered them to catch every quirrl in the forest. They needed a long time, but eventually they had gathered each and every quirrl they could lay their hands on. Prince Ephodin went among them, and when he had found the most beautiful quirrl, with the longest and biggest tail, he knew that he had found Avaelon.

Before he could close his hand about her, she changed herself again, this time into a haloen bird, flying away with a defiant cry. At this second escape, the prince grew enraged, not realizing that his so recent love was slowly changing into hatred. Instead of wanting to love her, he now wanted to possess her, to make her his own. Consumed by this obsession, he returned home, where he ordered his subjects to catch every haloen bird that they could lay their hands on and bring them to the palace. This went on for a long time, many days passed before no more haloen could be found.

Then one evening, as the dusk settled over the land, prince Ephodin went among the captured birds, looking at them one by one, and when he found the bird with the reddest feathers and the brightest glow, he knew that he had found Avaelon. When she saw that she could not escape him by turning herself into an animal, she came back to herself, facing the prince with an unbroken gaze. She knew that if she gave in to this obsessed human, she would lose all happiness, and she might as well be dead. She could see the triumph in Ephodin’s face as he looked on her face once more, convinced that she would not escape him again.

As he approached her, this time unhindered by animals, she stopped him in his tracks when she said: “I have told you I will never be yours. I will never give myself to you. You have taken from me every chance of living tranquilly within Ava’s Dream, I see that you will hunt me down even were I to hide in the Void. But I will not submit to you.” And with that she started singing, and as she sang her white skin started glowing brighter and brighter, until Ephodin could no longer look at her. When the room grew dark again, Avaelon was gone, but as the prince went outside he saw in the night skies a star, brighter and more beautiful than any of the other stars, and he knew that there was Avaelon, and she was forever out of his reach. As the days and nights went by, it became obvious that unlike many of the stars, this one stayed fixed in the same spot. For the rest of his life, Ephodin spent his nights gazing up at the star, knowing that if he had been less obsessed, she would still have walked Caelereth. Since that time, she has shone brightly in the sky, unhindered by the world of humans but forever looking down on it.

[Artimidor Federkiel]

Great to see some action in the Library again, Irid! It's about time to get some more literature up!

Just finished reading it already and made a few comments below on what things should be fixed. A nice little story indeed, just the thing we needed to add a bit lore/fairy tale stuff to our ailing library! So many thanks for that  

And here we go with the list of little problems I found:

She lived deep in the forest, and every day she would sing fit to bring the birds down from the skies to listen to her.

...and die long before she would leave behind Ava’s Dream. She wished only to celebrate the Dream, happy in her solitude, in the best way she knew how. (Guess the "how" can be omitted, doesn't sound proper English either methinks.)

elfess (Hmm... Is this a word? It's definitely been never used on the site so far. A female elf is still called an "elf".)

Ephodin, not used to having his wish denied, was determined that he would prevail over the elf maiden.

...they had gathered each and every kuatu they could lay their hands on. (As you first mention "quirrl" and then here "kuatu" you assume the reader sees them as the same. I'd recommend to replace "kuatu" with, say, bushy-tailed rodent to avoid confusion but make clear that you mean the same. Especially if the reader doesn't know what a "quirrl" is, that way he/she'll definitely get the idea.)

...this time into a haloen bird... (and subsequently as well)

She could see the triumph in Ephodin’s face as he looked on her face once more (instead of "again" to avoid repetition), convinced that she would not escape him again.

... within Ava’s Dream ...

And that's it, thus I conclude with: Aura +1!

[Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels]

A nice tale nicely told, Irid!

I thought I know a similar fairy tale, but a quick search did nothing reveal and as you have adapted it so nicely to Caelereth, it does not matter, if somebody else is reminded also.

Another one!

[Athviaro Shyu-eck-Silfayr]

I think 'elfess' is a Rayneism...

Looks a little like the Greek myth of Artemis, but very nice indeed!

[Irid alMenie]

Thanks for the comments, everyone!

Arti, I changed some of the things you said, but not all of them:

And here we go with the list of little problems I found:

Quote
She lived deep in the forest, and every day she would sing fit to bring the birds down from the skies to listen to her.

I didn't change this, I'm fairly certain this is a valid grammatical structure (do X fit to make Y happen), plus I feel this sort of structure gives more of a fairy tale feel. If I take out the "fit", the meaning of the sentence changes (from "she sing so beautifully that birds come down" to "she sings in order to bring birds down"). If a native English speaker tells me I'm wrong about this I'll be happy to change it

Quote
...and die long before she would leave behind Ava’s Dream. She wished only to celebrate the Dream, happy in her solitude, in the best way she knew how. (Guess the "how" can be omitted, doesn't sound proper English either methinks.)

Dream adjusted, how left in - again, I'm fairly certain this is a valid grammatical construction. Might have to take out the "in" though, when I look up this construction on Google the how is there but the in is not

Quote
elfess (Hmm... Is this a word? It's definitely been never used on the site so far. A female elf is still called an "elf".)

Changed. We use elfess on the roleplaying board

Quote
Ephodin, not used to having his wish denied, was determined that he would prevail over the elf maiden.

Left this in, as he actively made the determination.

Quote
...they had gathered each and every kuatu they could lay their hands on. (As you first mention "quirrl" and then here "kuatu" you assume the reader sees them as the same. I'd recommend to replace "kuatu" with, say, bushy-tailed rodent to avoid confusion but make clear that you mean the same. Especially if the reader doesn't know what a "quirrl" is, that way he/she'll definitely get the idea.)

Changed, though just to quirrl again. "each and every bushy-tailed rodent" sounds somewhat over the top, wouldn't you agree? If I say quirrl too often I could see if there's another place where I can use a synonym. To be honest, I just assumed that if someone didn't know what a quirrl was, they'd look it up in the compendium, and there they'd find that it's the same as a kuatu

Quote
...this time into a haloen bird... (and subsequently as well)

Changed.

Quote
She could see the triumph in Ephodin’s face as he looked on her face once more (instead of "again" to avoid repetition), convinced that she would not escape him again.

Will change.

Quote
... within Ava’s Dream ...

And changed! I didn't colour any changes but this way you know what was and was not changed

[Artimidor Federkiel]

Well, I can't guarantee that my suggestions are right, I'm just a non-native English speaker who suggests something to another non-native English speaker... So don't hold me accountable...

[Irid alMenie]

I don't

[Azhira Styralias]

As a native English speaker, I have never seen the word "fit" used in such a way. I have seen it used with the word "saw" as in:

"The father saw fit to discipline the unruly child for kicking the puppy"

I do understand what the story is trying to say so I suggest keeping it in.

[Athviaro Shyu-eck-Silfayr]

As a native English speaker, I think that the word "fit" is fine. Completely happy with that.

Also, leave the "in" in "in the best way she knew how". Taking it out sounds wrong to me, grammatically.

Ath.

[Irid alMenie]

Thankies for the input!

Also, Ath, out of curiosity, which Artemis myth did it remind you of?

[Athviaro Shyu-eck-Silfayr]

I might be completely wrong, 'cause I'm working from memory and can't quite remember the names, but the one with the hunter torn apart by his own dogs after seeing Artemis bathing.

[Shabakuk Zeborius Anfang]

That's a beautiful tale, Irid, told with skill and grace. Aura from me! You make good storytelling look simple, but we know it's not.

   About this Board
   Dev Introduction
   Developer's 1x1
   Technical Forum Stuff
   Advanced Forum Help
   Testing Thread
   Where's the game?

Advanced search

[Members]

Members Total Members: 1019 Latest: lolanixon Stats Total Posts: 144590 Total Topics: 11052 Online Today: 91 Online Ever: 700 (23 January 2020, 20:05:39) Users Online Users: 0 Guests: 22 Total: 22

[Artimidor]

	Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2005, Simple Machines TinyPortal v0.9.8 © Bloc
Theme based on Cerberus with Risen adjustments by Bloc and Krelia Modified By Artimidor for The Santharian Dream