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Author Topic: Grant O Divine Being - a prayer/song to Nakashi - READY  (Read 7375 times)
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Coren FrozenZephyr
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« Reply #15 on: 14 September 2003, 04:41:00 »

hurray!

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Artemis
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« Reply #16 on: 16 September 2003, 03:45:00 »

Woohoo!!!

I like this - it is more relevant to Nakashi now, much more so. Just one tiny, insy thing... is it possible that you could actually include her name (Nakashi) in the poem? Just to show that this is just for her, specifically for her. It's not evil to mention her name you know!!! You wont be struck by lightening or anything!!!

Technically, I can't comment, as my poetry skills are none existent. I'm sure someone such as Lucirina can comment in that area.

Anyway, nice changes, I am much happier with this now.

:D  :D  :D  

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Coren FrozenZephyr
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« Reply #17 on: 16 September 2003, 12:02:00 »

How about having O Nakashi (i surmise this would be 4 syl.) instead of O Queen of Light for the beginning of the chorus? that way not only do we also more of her names into the poem. variety is always good.

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"Everything should be as simple as possible and not simpler." Albert Einstein

"Is he allowed to do that?"
"I think that comes under the rule of Quia Ego Sic Dico."
"Yes, what does that mean?"
"'Because I say so', I think."
"That doesn't sound like much of a rule!"
"Actually, it's the only one he needs." (Making Money by Terry Pratchett)
Amuwen
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« Reply #18 on: 20 September 2003, 05:43:00 »

Looks great!:)  Glad to see another poem about Aeruillin added to the list! Especially one for a god. I'd say this one is good to go. I don't know how Arti does the whole integration thing, cause we haven't used it in here yet. I'm sure if we just direct his attention over here we can get it approved and added.

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Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #19 on: 21 September 2003, 11:31:00 »

Already marked for integration next week:)  


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Ailin Ioeil Seafra Cyeall
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« Reply #20 on: 30 September 2003, 11:33:00 »

Perhaps you could have at least told me before changing the poem...

I would really rather have the first stanza back, of "her" radiant vision if possible :)

PS: if you ever make the changes, could you also change "queen of light" to "lady of light"? rhymes better

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Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #21 on: 30 September 2003, 11:15:00 »

Ok, fixed. Somehow when doing the final check the "her" seemed to be displaced there, which was definitely a mistake on my side as I see now upon re-reading (and aside from that I also put up the wrong form of the old "you" in there for some unknown reason, so shame on me... :hammer  ). That was definitely not intended;)  

"Queen" is no no "lady" as well BTW.

Oh, and if possible please try to post with your dev name, Coren, it might get pretty confusing if you play more than one char at the RPG board... :lol  


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Edited by: Artimidor Federkiel at: 9/29/03 19:15
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"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
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