* 
Welcome Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?


*
gfxgfx Home Forum Help Search Login Register   gfxgfx
gfx gfx
gfx
Pages: 1 [2] 3 4
Print
Author Topic: Ban-Yuk Ogres (Finished and Ready)  (Read 10613 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Erutan Argon
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 771



View Profile
« Reply #15 on: 03 February 2003, 21:02:00 »

Any comments from you Rayne? After all you are my teacher/mentor. :)  

  Erutan Argon
~~Join a Fantasy in the making~~
~~Runescape~~ the game that never sleeps
  Santharia's Official "Giant Race" Expert

Logged
Rayne (Alýr)
Dreamress
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 117
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 4.466



View Profile
« Reply #16 on: 04 February 2003, 01:23:00 »

Gah? I'm a teacher/mentor?! I'm still a student myself! ::wants to be an apprentice to Mommy-Judith::

As for your History. take a look at the history done by many other entries. Seperate things by date. You haven't included dates for anything in this entry. My advice is to 1) look at the history I did for the Tandala Highlands, as it'll hopefully give you a good briefing of the general history and may supply things for you to add to, and 2) look up the history on tribes that have affected this race so you know where to stick them in.

Rimmerins Ring is in Santharia. Ogres tend to be very uncivil if not downright cruel and nasty. Santharia is a united kingdom and wouldn't let uncivil tribes exist in its boarders. Perhaps the Baal Ogres existed in Southern Sarvonia before the Santharian Kingdom was ever founded. You really should read over the history in that entry, because, like Rome, Santharia wasn't founded in a day.

Anyway, maybe when the kingdom was formed the ogres who originally inhabited what is now known as Rimmerins Ring were pushed up toward the Tandala Highlands. I would say that you might have them split into two groups, having one group be pushed to the Tandala Highlands and the other remain in Rimmerins Ring and become civil, but honestly, I really don't think ogres have the actual mental capabilities to do so.

Also, you say that the High and Low Fores were safe, but I'm not sure. I know dwarves aren't typically war-like, but the Thrumgolz Dwarves do live within the fores and I don't know how crazy they'd be to have a pack of about 300 ogres hanging out between their Fores. You'd really have to ask Mommy-Judith about what they'd do given such a scenario. She our local dwarf-expert.

You also mention them coming to "a river." If this is the river just south of the Thaelon Forest, it's the Vandrina River. (Avá knows how many times I've asked Arti for the name of it!)

Also, I don't think the ogres would start dying of starvation. I know for sure that there is a high consentration of starbacks and teraps in that area, as well as probably a good number of other deer. You might loose ogres from being attacked by other tribes. That's Caltharian territory, and to my knowledge (though known for dying and woodwork now) they used to be a very war-like tribe. Aren't the Erpheronians pretty war-like, too?

Just incase you're thinking about doing more ogre tribes farther up north, I would really suggest that you say some of the ogres settled in the Tandalas (to become the Ban-Yuk Ogres) while others journeyed farther up north to inhabit parts of Northern Sarvonia.


BTW: Resources you totally made up off the top of you head. No, you can't do that. I have resources all worked out in my Tandala entry. I did a lot of research to come up with those resources!>_< Don't ignore them and make up your own! Dame da yo!


There. I helped. Be happy.

Logged

"There is much misjudgment in the world. Now, I knew you for a unicorn when I first saw you, and I know that I am your friend. Yet you take me for a clown, or a clod, or a betrayer, and so I must be if you see me so. The magic on you is only magic and will vanish as soon as you are free, but the enchantment of error that you put on me I must wear forever in your eyes. We are not always what we seem..." -Schmendrick the Magician, The Last Unicorn
Erutan Argon
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 771



View Profile
« Reply #17 on: 04 February 2003, 11:56:00 »

Aregato Rayne.
Boy  I really need to get to work, thanks for all the pointers. :)  

  Erutan Argon
~~Join a Fantasy in the making~~
~~Runescape~~ the game that never sleeps
  Santharia's Official "Giant Race" Expert

Logged
Erutan Argon
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 771



View Profile
« Reply #18 on: 04 February 2003, 18:23:00 »

Ok Rayne, it is done.
I changed the history and put it under Origin instead and did everything(i hope) that you asked me to change or at least look at. :)  
How is it?

  Erutan Argon
~~Join a Fantasy in the making~~
~~Runescape~~ the game that never sleeps
  Santharia's Official "Giant Race" Expert

Edited by: Erutan Argon  at: 2/8/03 7:16:08 pm
Logged
Rayne (Alýr)
Dreamress
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 117
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 4.466



View Profile
« Reply #19 on: 04 February 2003, 23:53:00 »

Doing this in parts since grammar and spelling as well as sentence structure and content really need to be worked out one at a time. This is the appearance. You might want to consider splitting it up into paragraphs. I've varied some of your sentence structure, fixed the grammar and spelling, and have moved things around. I also split things up into paragraphs so they're easier to look at:

Appearance- Ban-Yuk Ogres are neither the biggest of all Ogres, nor the strongest, and yet they are the most atrocious looking. A face of the Ban-Yuk Ogres can often look like a bashed up version of an undead creature’s face. The shoulders are very stout and alined with one another. Ogres are also rather tall, coming to an immense average of 2.7 peds in height. The skin of these Ogres is typically a light brown color most of the time, though often males come to a darker brown than females.

The muscular build is not that of some of the other Ogre tribes, though it is still very impressive. The chest muscles are most impressive. The raw power of these Ogres can easily manhandle a Troll, though the height of a Troll gives it advantages over the shorter Ogre. Eyes glow red at night and the sockets are usually red as well. This helps in intimidation of enemies, plus enhancement of vision through the glooming nights. Legs are unnaturally short, and look stout and abnormal. The legs of these Ogres grow shorter than most expect, making them look clumsy. The upper body is quite tremendous as the chest is broad at 1 ped in length (or more).

Teeth are yellow, and fall out often, though they grow back within five to six days. The teeth grow straight down, which can often cause problems in closing the mouth all the way. Crooked teeth are also up to infectious diseases. The teeth are used specifically for eating, and are not used for fighting because they can easily fall out. An Ogre with no teeth cannot eat, and Ogres must eat to survive.

Nails or claws on the fingers are usually torn off by scraping against something, but usually grow back as quickly as teeth. The nails never become very long due to the fact that they are always being worn or torn away. The claws can help in moving or maneuvering objects as well, such as food. The claws are never used for battle as they tend to be too weak to be used for any type of offense.

The face of a Ban-Yuk Ogre cannot be described. There are so many variations, and possibilities to the outcome that it varies from ogre to ogre. Scars can create indentations and cause a dirty outlook. The Ban-Yuk Ogres, overall, have a very hideous and ugly appearance.

Logged

"There is much misjudgment in the world. Now, I knew you for a unicorn when I first saw you, and I know that I am your friend. Yet you take me for a clown, or a clod, or a betrayer, and so I must be if you see me so. The magic on you is only magic and will vanish as soon as you are free, but the enchantment of error that you put on me I must wear forever in your eyes. We are not always what we seem..." -Schmendrick the Magician, The Last Unicorn
Rayne (Alýr)
Dreamress
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 117
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 4.466



View Profile
« Reply #20 on: 05 February 2003, 00:08:00 »

Territory- The Ban-Yuk Ogres used to live in the eastern most part of the Tandala Highlands, but for some reason spread more westward to occupy more of the Tandalas. The immigration expanded the population, thus, from the very first mountains in the east to all across the Highlands, comprising one of the largest territories among ogre tribes. This can be attributed to both the inhabitability of the mountains to many race, as well as their long residence within the Tandalas. The first sightings of ogre inhabitance were recorded as being in the low foothills of some of the south-eastern mountains. From there, the Ogres spread across the range, encountering Trolls. Specific ogre territories tend to be in the foothills where most of the vegetation and wildlife reside, though there have been a few reported cases of ogres living high on the mountainside. Some ogres prefer this because there are no skirmishes over cave rights.

Logged

"There is much misjudgment in the world. Now, I knew you for a unicorn when I first saw you, and I know that I am your friend. Yet you take me for a clown, or a clod, or a betrayer, and so I must be if you see me so. The magic on you is only magic and will vanish as soon as you are free, but the enchantment of error that you put on me I must wear forever in your eyes. We are not always what we seem..." -Schmendrick the Magician, The Last Unicorn
Erutan Argon
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 771



View Profile
« Reply #21 on: 05 February 2003, 18:31:00 »

Phew. I think revisions before the actual work going up is a good idea. Thank you Rayne.
BTW I should have the new people version up by tonight,

  Erutan Argon
~~Join a Fantasy in the making~~
~~Runescape~~ the game that never sleeps
  Santharia's Official "Giant Race" Expert

Logged
Viresse
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 2.842



View Profile
« Reply #22 on: 05 February 2003, 19:13:00 »

Is that so?
Okay then. Tonight I'll drop by again to see if things have changed and give it the thorough look-over it deserves.


*pokey de Viresse at viresse@santharia.com* - character descriptions moderator
The Santharian Dream - Home sweet Home...

Logged
Erutan Argon
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 771



View Profile
« Reply #23 on: 05 February 2003, 20:24:00 »

Mkay. I finished the people section. :)  

  Erutan Argon
~~Join a Fantasy in the making~~
~~Runescape~~ the game that never sleeps
  Santharia's Official "Giant Race" Expert

Logged
Viresse
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 2.842



View Profile
« Reply #24 on: 05 February 2003, 23:35:00 »

Anything else other than that?


*pokey de Viresse at viresse@santharia.com* - character descriptions moderator
The Santharian Dream - Home sweet Home...

Logged
Erutan Argon
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 771



View Profile
« Reply #25 on: 05 February 2003, 23:48:00 »

That is all I have created for the Ban-Yuk Ogres. Rayne has revised the Appearance from spelling, gramer, and puntuation. She also revised the territory.

  Erutan Argon
~~Join a Fantasy in the making~~
~~Runescape~~ the game that never sleeps
  Santharia's Official "Giant Race" Expert

Logged
Viresse
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 2.842



View Profile
« Reply #26 on: 06 February 2003, 12:20:00 »

Okay.
I've got no time now, but later today I'll read it over in full.


*pokey de Viresse at viresse@santharia.com* - character descriptions moderator
The Santharian Dream - Home sweet Home...

Logged
Erutan Argon
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 771



View Profile
« Reply #27 on: 06 February 2003, 12:41:00 »

Mkay sounds good to me Viresse.

  Erutan Argon
~~Join a Fantasy in the making~~
~~Runescape~~ the game that never sleeps
  Santharia's Official "Giant Race" Expert

Logged
Viresse
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 2.842



View Profile
« Reply #28 on: 06 February 2003, 21:36:00 »

Okay...
Let's try this.

Overview:
So; these guys are the exception to the Ogre rule?
Hm. So you plan on these guys being playable? That would not be the greatest idea. As most of their kind are seen as meancing monsters their involvment will be quite limited.

Appearance: Good details. I have the vision of a swollen and discolored human corpse. Don't know if that's what you're going for. Add in how many sets of teeth they grow. In comparison Elephants shed four sets of teeth in their lifetime and Sharks constantly lose teeth but they are assembled in rows so that when a front one is lost a back one pushes forward. Perhaps add some things on their smell; I assume they stink like all-hell.

Territory: Are there people or otehr tribes that reside here? How do they react to the tribe? You may also want to include if they're territorial or lenient.

People:
I'd love to see more detail here. Usually I use thsi space to overvoew the following topics. Add the most unique things about their hoes, diet, government, relations, history and so on and so forth. This area will make the reader acquainted with the topic so noting will surprise them. That's the last thing anyone needs when researching tribes or places. Surpirses in informative pieces freaks people out. I hope I'm making some sense.

Housing:
Seems pretty simple. But that's what these guys seem. As a question; do these guys have aesthetics... I mean do they have pretty things or certain belongings?  May want to include taht here.

Clothes:
Hm. Simple. Include jewelery and aestetic body modifications here if they have any. Also things they may do with hair. Maybe favored animal pelts? Go into detail, no matter how little there is.

Food:
How do they cook theri meat and do they divide it amongst each other? If the children are too young to hunt; how do they eat? If they eat their own, how do they prepare it?

Weapons:
So they don't manufacture their own weapons; as far as sharpening sticks anyway. Hm. Well, okay.

Occupations:
Hm. As expected. Perhaps detail how the women take care of the children.

Government:
You left this part out. You might think that since they aren't civilized tehy don't need a Gov't head but I think they do.
Here would be the place where you outline how they fight for caves and how they treat one another. Anything having to do with the Ogre's relating to one another for power, friendship or anything should be included.

Mating:
I personally think this Heading should be placed here. Being only semi civilized they must inherently retain some sense of animalistic instinct and usually Mating is where these instincts shine as it is the BASIS for every creature's life purpose.

History
Very detailed. I had some serious questions about this tribe as a whole but this section solved ALL my questions. In this area it seems you did a good amount of research and if you didn't you faked it well. All That I ask is that you set it up like a Time table...

Date, Title of Event
Explain the Event in present tense.

Like that.

You did a good job on this; a great first tribe. It seems like you had a basic conept you worked on and it works very well for you. I hope to see more from you...
So! Just diddle with what I've laid out and then it should be ready to go!


*pokey de Viresse at viresse@santharia.com* - character descriptions moderator
The Santharian Dream - Home sweet Home...

Logged
Erutan Argon
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 771



View Profile
« Reply #29 on: 06 February 2003, 21:59:00 »

:eek  Wow thank you for commenting on everything. This makes it clear on what I need to do so I can get to work right away. Thanks again! :)  

  Erutan Argon
~~Join a Fantasy in the making~~
~~Runescape~~ the game that never sleeps
  Santharia's Official "Giant Race" Expert

Logged
Pages: 1 [2] 3 4
Print
Jump to:  

Recent
[27 March 2019, 00:01:57]

[21 June 2018, 14:28:00]

[31 May 2017, 06:35:55]

[06 May 2017, 05:27:04]

[03 April 2017, 01:15:03]

[26 March 2017, 12:48:25]

[15 March 2017, 02:23:07]

[15 March 2017, 02:20:28]

[15 March 2017, 02:17:52]

[14 March 2017, 20:23:43]

[06 February 2017, 04:53:35]

[31 January 2017, 08:45:52]

[15 December 2016, 15:50:49]

[26 November 2016, 23:16:38]

[27 October 2016, 07:42:01]

[27 September 2016, 18:51:05]

[11 September 2016, 23:17:33]

[11 September 2016, 23:15:27]

[11 September 2016, 22:58:56]

[03 September 2016, 22:22:23]
Members
Total Members: 1019
Latest: lolanixon
Stats
Total Posts: 144586
Total Topics: 11052
Online Today: 22
Online Ever: 700
(23 January 2020, 20:05:39)
Users Online
Users: 0
Guests: 43
Total: 43

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2005, Simple Machines
TinyPortal v0.9.8 © Bloc
Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Theme based on Cerberus with Risen adjustments by Bloc and Krelia
Modified By Artimidor for The Santharian Dream
gfx
gfxgfx gfxgfx