* 
Welcome Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?


*
gfxgfx Home Forum Help Search Login Register   gfxgfx
gfx gfx
gfx
Pages: [1] 2
Print
Author Topic: Ah, a new song! Santharia inspires me quickly!  (Read 3796 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Mutares
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 41


View Profile
« on: 02 August 2002, 14:47:00 »

This is a lullaby for very small children. (I dunno...)

Sleep, my Dear, close your eyes
Lulla-lulla-lay
Bright stars whisper in the skies
Hear what they say?

Centaurs play hide-and-seek
By the moonlit pond.
In the desert jackals shriek -
Stars see far beyond.

In the Highlands Gryphons roam
Seeking their prey.
Sleep, Dear, you are safe at home
Lulla-lulla-lay.

Fearsome dragon in a cave
Lays in hills of gold
Many adventurers brave
He’s yet to behold.

Fair elf-maids on a glade
Play the magic lyre.
Hero with a shining blade
Only fears fear.

Army marches off to war,
Their eyes aglow,
To defend their native shore
From an evil foe.

And you will, too, grow someday,
Will be brave at heart;
On a steed will ride away
To fulfill your part.

And I shall wave you goodbye,
And to Gods shall pray.
Sleep my dear, sleep, don’t cry,
Lulla-lulla-lay.

Logged
SmurfStormcrow
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 915


View Profile
« Reply #1 on: 02 August 2002, 17:09:00 »

Well, I've read everything you have to offer in the Library so far, and I see things as quite good. You have a mind for what sounds good, so I can't really find any problems. In the past we've had problems with newbies coming along and trying to do things that completely do not fit into the world, or trying to cram something from another world into Santharia like a puzzle piece from the wrong puzzle into a spot in ours. I see no such problem with you, as it seems that you did a bit of reading before trying to post anything. I may be wrong, and it might jsut be coincidence that what you have done fits so well, but congratulations anyway. I, Stormcrow, officially welcome you to Santharia.

*hiding a newbie whacking stick behind his back, just in case there are problems.*

Anyway, I'd suggest that before you try to push the Iceland place any farther that you post new stuff into the bestiary and herbarium places, take a look at the Glacial Ecosystem thread in the Bestiary (it may have significance to your idea), and make good comments in the places section. If you're very good, and make people happy, then its quite possible that you will be able to make your little island, Mutares. I like the way that you already accept help from people, and ask for comments, which is always appreciated as this is a cooperative world design site.

I do have a few comments on the poem, however, if you would appreciate them.

Sleep, my Dear, AND close your eyes -- this flows better?
Lulla-lulla-lay
Bright stars whisper in the skies
Hear YOU what they say?     --   five syllables

Centaurs PLAYING hide-and-seek     -- incorrect tense, and
By the moonlit pond.    --     better flow
WHILE the desert jackals shriek
Stars see far beyond.

In the Highlands Gryphons roam
Seeking OUT their prey.
Sleep, Dear, you are safe at home
Lulla-lulla-lay.

Fearsome dragon in a cave
Lays ON hills of gold
Many adventurers brave  --  the way you must say adventurers
HAVE yet to behold.         to make this flow is odd. Perhaps
                                      diff. words with same length?
Fair elf-MAIDENS IN a glade
PLAYING magic LYRES.   -- the magic lyre? As in only one?
Hero with a shining blade
FEARING ONLY fear.  -- just a bit different

Army MARCHING off to war,
WITH BRIGHT eyes aglow,  -- not sure why: sounded right
To defend their native shore
From an evil foe.

And you will, too, grow someday,
AND be brave at heart;
On a steed will ride away
To fulfill your part.

AND YOU I SHALL WAVE GOODBYE,  --  flows
And to Gods WILL pray.
Sleep my dear, NOW sleep, don’t cry,
Lulla-lulla-lay.




That's what I think. Feel free to ignorre, pick and choose, or take it all at your will. It might seem a bit overboeard, but sometimes I feel like going into detail on things. Just ask Belgarion about his O'quadar Riding Snakes! I "slaughtered" them, in his words. He was only willing to repay the favor on my next post. But if I do say so myself, I had a little more experience, and fewer mistakes. I still do have many!

Oh, and please also tell me if my suggestions sound good,becuase I often worry that what I do is under standards. So tell me what you think, becuase many people I'm sure are too nice to do so. Or too afraid of reajection, as I often am.

Stormcrow

Psychotic Wizard-Type

Edited by: SmurfStormcrow at: 8/2/02 12:13:04 am
Logged
SmurfStormcrow
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 915


View Profile
« Reply #2 on: 02 August 2002, 17:11:00 »

Oh, I forgot to ask: What is the name of the song? Lulla-lay? Does that sound a bit too much like lulla-bye? I'm not sure what other people think. That little section of words reminds me of a song from Shakespeare's midsummer nights dream, where some fairies sing "Lulla, lulla, lulla-bye." Just a couple more thoughts.
_________________

... And a few more...
Do you already have a tune in mind? I was just wondering, but this sounds like a good song for Wren? Perhaps just a tune and voice, no instruments, if she's willing and other people like it. But wonderful rhyming. (The part that I made sure not to change.) It just made me think of that idea. Have you heard Wren's singing? Under "General Santharian Discussions", threads , "Wren's audio studio records!" and "Wren's audio studio records II." You should download and listen.

Stormcrow

Psychotic Wizard-Type

Edited by: SmurfStormcrow at: 8/2/02 12:16:45 am
Logged
Mutares
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 41


View Profile
« Reply #3 on: 02 August 2002, 18:26:00 »

Oh, you people here are so great at feedback, I really appreciate help on my writing, always, since I can never be sure in my English. I have no problems with people telling me of my mistakes, and I respect the ones who do so openly. *bow*
Yes, I see what you mean, Sturmcrow, about the flow, and I guess your way will be better, since that's the way one will usually reads the words I suppose, shortly.... See, like in Dear, I intended it to sound long, De-ar, taking up two syllables, and so in Centaurs (cen-ta-oors) and so in He-ar. But I think you're right. I will add those little words, so people don't get confused. And thanks for all other help generally, and for the welcome. :)  So anyway, I'll fix and post what I fixed and you'll see what I picked up. Probably Lulla-bye IS the right name for it... after all that's what it is, goddammit!  
And yes! I did have a tune in mind. A tune of a Russian Lullabye. But I think there can be many others made for it, it hasn't an odd rhyme.

*looks at Sturmcrow's stick suspiciously* Well... I'll trust you on that! ;)

Logged
Mutares
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 41


View Profile
« Reply #4 on: 02 August 2002, 18:43:00 »

Village Woman’s Lulla-bye

Sleep, my Dear, and close your eyes
Lulla-lulla-lay
Bright stars whisper in the skies
Hear you what they say?

Centaurs playing hide-and-seek
By the moonlit pond.
While desert jackals shriek -
Stars see far beyond.

In the Highlands Gryphons roam
Seeking out their prey.
Sleep, Dear, you are safe at home
Lulla-lulla-lay.

Fearsome dragon in a cave
Laying in the gold –
Many thieves and fighters brave
Are yet to behold.

Fair elf-maidens on a glade
Playing magic lyres.
Hero with a shining blade
Fearing only fear.

Army marching off to war,
Stubborn eyes aglow,
To defend their native shore
From the evil foe.

And you will grow up someday;
Will be brave at heart.
On a steed will ride away
To fulfill your part.

I shall wave you then goodbye,
And to Gods will pray.
Sleep my dear, now sleep, don’t cry
Lulla-lulla-lay.

Logged
Mutares
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 41


View Profile
« Reply #5 on: 02 August 2002, 18:44:00 »

Shooot!!!!! Always forgetting something!!!
THE desert jackals!!!! GOD!!

Logged
Artimidor Federkiel
Administrator
*****

Gained Aura: 538
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 23.091



View Profile Homepage
« Reply #6 on: 03 August 2002, 05:57:00 »

Oh, you can edit posts, Mutares, if you have forgotten something... See the edit link near your post;)  


The Santharian Dream Webmaster - Let Fantasy Dreams come true!
World Development Admin - The Forum where Worlds are born...

Logged



"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Mutares
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 41


View Profile
« Reply #7 on: 03 August 2002, 08:24:00 »

Where? I can't see it? There's a reply link... and.. where?
*unhappy stare* I can never see anything! Arh!
And so.. with you accept this poem into the library or..., i still don't quite understand hwo things work here in the forum!  

Logged
Artimidor Federkiel
Administrator
*****

Gained Aura: 538
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 23.091



View Profile Homepage
« Reply #8 on: 03 August 2002, 10:05:00 »

Ok, here a few things:

First I see that you have changed your Forum pic, but it doesn't show up.

Make sure that you are logged in. You should see "Logged in as Mutares" on the top right of the forum frontpage).

Ok, now make sure that your personal pic shows up: To change this go to your Control Center (link at the startpage on the top left of the Forum), then click on Edit Profile, and there you should tick the Use Personal Photo checkbox.

Next time you post the options below your textbox should automatically be changed.

However, judging from your difficulties with the Reply thingy I guess you may have the problem that you aren't permanently logged in. Try closing the Forum and enter the Forum again. You should still see "Logged in as Mutares". If not, the browser cookies aren't set right. Try changing your Internet Explorer settings to a lower security level (cookies must be accepted), then try again.

Only if you're logged in with your name, you will see the Edit link at your own post, near the Reply link. Hope this helps a bit:)

---

As for how putting up entries works: First you should post an entry, a poem or whatever into the appropriate Forum. Then we give it some time to be discussed. Depending on how complete the entry is and how many other waiting things I have to put up etc. an entry may be included in the next update earlier or later (update time BTW is every Sunday evening, Middle European Time).

BTW: Sorry that I cannot comment on everything immediately - unfortunately I'm always quite stressed. Usually Bard Judith is always very helpful at poem commenting, but she won't be back for another month or so. Well, I'll check your poems in more detail tomorrow, and we'll see if we can already put something up;)  


The Santharian Dream Webmaster - Let Fantasy Dreams come true!
World Development Admin - The Forum where Worlds are born...

Logged



"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Mutares
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 41


View Profile
« Reply #9 on: 03 August 2002, 11:44:00 »

Thank you. I really had no idea how to run this thing properly. I'll try to do everything you'd said. But I did check that box thing wit hthe picture though, it still doesn't show up... Anyway, I'l try to work eveything out!
Thank you fro all the advice.

Logged
SmurfStormcrow
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 915


View Profile
« Reply #10 on: 03 August 2002, 12:31:00 »

Hooray, I was of help in poetry!

I wonder if there's any way to post the tune? MIDI you can find somewhere? Write the notes down, perhaps?
Thanks for trusting me with the NW-stick. *returns the bow*

You'll get the hand of EZBoeard soon enough.

Stormcrow

Psychotic Wizard-Type

Logged
Artimidor Federkiel
Administrator
*****

Gained Aura: 538
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 23.091



View Profile Homepage
« Reply #11 on: 03 August 2002, 12:45:00 »

Just read the poem in detail, and it's really a lovely one! Guess Judith would be delighted;)

Only part I'm not sure is if "lyres" and "fear" rhyme, now that we have added a plural, which changes the rhyme... Maybe the singular was better, huh?

Well, just bring the poem to final shape, Mutares (edit what your forgot), then I can already put it up this weekend:)  


The Santharian Dream Webmaster - Let Fantasy Dreams come true!
World Development Admin - The Forum where Worlds are born...

Logged



"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Mutares
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 41


View Profile
« Reply #12 on: 04 August 2002, 07:10:00 »

Village Woman’s Lulla-bye (feel free to change the title)

Sleep, my Dear, and close your eyes
Lulla-lulla-lay
Bright stars whisper in the skies
Hear you what they say?

Centaurs playing hide-and-seek
By the moonlit pond.
In the desert jackals shriek -
Stars see far beyond.

In the Highlands Gryphons roam
Seeking out their prey.
Sleep, Dear, you are safe at home
Lulla-lulla-lay.

Fearsome dragon in a cave
Laying in the gold –
Many thieves and fighters brave
Are yet to behold.

Fair elf-maidens on a glade
Playing magic lyres.
Hero with a shining blade
Only fear fears.

Army marching off to war,
Stubborn eyes aglow,
To defend their native shore
From an evil foe.

And you will grow up someday,
Will be brave at heart;
On a steed will ride away
To fulfill your part.

I shall wave you then goodbye,
And to Gods will pray.
Sleep my dear, now sleep, don’t cry
Lulla-lulla-lay.

P.S. Do I need a last name? If I do, then it will be Scorpicore; Mutares Scorpicore

Logged
Artimidor Federkiel
Administrator
*****

Gained Aura: 538
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 23.091



View Profile Homepage
« Reply #13 on: 05 August 2002, 02:22:00 »

Ok, looks fine now, Mutares, will make it one of Erpheronian origin, as they are a more war-loving tribe than others, so the last part will make the most sense here:)  So it will be included already this update!

"Village Woman’s Lulla-bye" as the title is a bit unspecific as I guess this could apply to several lullabies, therefore I suggest to simply use  the repeating passage "Lulla-lulla-lay" as the title, okeydokey?

Second name not required, but also is fine, always good to have one:)  And looks much better at the team menu...

P.S. And I see your member pic is still not showing up - still having problems?


The Santharian Dream Webmaster - Let Fantasy Dreams come true!
World Development Admin - The Forum where Worlds are born...

Logged



"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Mutares
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 41


View Profile
« Reply #14 on: 05 August 2002, 11:59:00 »

I fixed all the Ezboard stuff! Thanks for your advice, again!

Logged
Pages: [1] 2
Print
Jump to:  

Recent
[27 March 2019, 00:01:57]

[21 June 2018, 14:28:00]

[31 May 2017, 06:35:55]

[06 May 2017, 05:27:04]

[03 April 2017, 01:15:03]

[26 March 2017, 12:48:25]

[15 March 2017, 02:23:07]

[15 March 2017, 02:20:28]

[15 March 2017, 02:17:52]

[14 March 2017, 20:23:43]

[06 February 2017, 04:53:35]

[31 January 2017, 08:45:52]

[15 December 2016, 15:50:49]

[26 November 2016, 23:16:38]

[27 October 2016, 07:42:01]

[27 September 2016, 18:51:05]

[11 September 2016, 23:17:33]

[11 September 2016, 23:15:27]

[11 September 2016, 22:58:56]

[03 September 2016, 22:22:23]
Members
Total Members: 1019
Latest: lolanixon
Stats
Total Posts: 144586
Total Topics: 11052
Online Today: 23
Online Ever: 700
(23 January 2020, 20:05:39)
Users Online
Users: 0
Guests: 27
Total: 27

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2005, Simple Machines
TinyPortal v0.9.8 © Bloc
Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Theme based on Cerberus with Risen adjustments by Bloc and Krelia
Modified By Artimidor for The Santharian Dream
gfx
gfxgfx gfxgfx